Just 4 weeks and we are ready (ish) to head home

[Jenki75]

deborahj,

I think trying another place in Australia is a good idea. Where you are living can make a huge difference with your experience. For example, I am a nurse and should be able to find a job in regional Australia or a major city; however, my husband is in IT and most of the jobs are in the city for him. So, choosing a location to base ourselves will have a huge impact on us.

Location plays a major role in your happiness and experience. A big city should be a very different experience for you all.  Fingers crossed Melbourne works out for you!

[Quoll]

38 minutes ago, deborahj said:

Hello all 

Ive been reading this post with interest. We moved to cairns from Manchester 19 months ago. We sold everything and came on a  457 visa.  I’m employed with a good employer and feel fairly settled career wise now I’ve jumped through every hoop imaginable and progressing well. My husband however cannot abide it. It was never his dream to come here he did it because I wanted to. He cannot find work (has applied for 139 jobs with no luck or interview!) and it has limited culture. It is however extreamly beautiful but that wans after time.  The children are settled one in year 11 and one in year 5, however out 15 year old misses a city and the cultural vibe. 

Although we are not happy here in Cairns we cannot dismiss Australia yet, we will move to Melbourne and see if the seasonal changes and culture help us to feel more at home! We’re not sure we are doing the right thing but we feel we cannot cut our losses just yet. We’ve spent everything we had on settling up, have limited savings to move and would be in a sorry state on returning to the U.K. any advice would be massively appreciated. 

You are probably going to find you are more financially stretched in Melbourne - I make the assumption that you are able to be transferred on your 457?  So I hope you are on a whacking great salary or you will find yourself consigned to one of the nether suburbs which will probably be as culturally devoid as you are finding Cairns (and much less attractive)

Your husband is probably going to experience much the same with respect to employment as a dependent on a temporary visa - they are generally not very attractive to employers and Melbourne has a much larger pool of possible applicants than does Cairns.  More potential jobs though, probably, I suppose.

Moving a child during the final 2 years of school can be tricky although if the child is only 15 at the moment it might be better for them to  do yr 10 this year where their age cohort will be then to start VCE in yr 11 in 2019.  You've probably screwed up their chances of returning to UK education anyway (GCSE and A levels) so they might as well see out yr 12 in Australia but if you do decide to return they will struggle to get back into the UK system without penalty (the yr 12 scores dont travel as well back to UK and Uni entry can be difficult, not to mention international student fees for Uni)

Good luck!

[deborahj]

8 minutes ago, Quoll said:

You are probably going to find you are more financially stretched in Melbourne - I make the assumption that you are able to be transferred on your 457?  So I hope you are on a whacking great salary or you will find yourself consigned to one of the nether suburbs which will probably be as culturally devoid as you are finding Cairns (and much less attractive)

Your husband is probably going to experience much the same with respect to employment as a dependent on a temporary visa - they are generally not very attractive to employers and Melbourne has a much larger pool of possible applicants than does Cairns.  More potential jobs though, probably, I suppose.

Moving a child during the final 2 years of school can be tricky although if the child is only 15 at the moment it might be better for them to  do yr 10 this year where their age cohort will be then to start VCE in yr 11 in 2019.  You've probably screwed up their chances of returning to UK education anyway (GCSE and A levels) so they might as well see out yr 12 in Australia but if you do decide to return they will struggle to get back into the UK system without penalty (the yr 12 scores dont travel as well back to UK and Uni entry can be difficult, not to mention international student fees for Uni)

Good luck!

Hi Quoll 

You are probably right about the visa issue and jobs. He’s had no luck at all, having said that neither have many locals who line the captain Cook highway every morning with signs that say ‘ looking fir work’.  It’s soul destroying seeing young people having to do this. I earn about 100k here but I doubt that would go far in metropolitan Victoria. The OH has a few contacts down there so maybe easier. 

The daughter is in year 11, so completely screwed about GCSEs however a VCE completed may help towards her alevels which she does not mind doing again as we will probably head back after our four years here. It has been tricky being here and we’ve made huge mistakes but that’s our life! 

 We’ve completely screwed up. 

We’ve had two cars written off - one was stolen and driven through cane fields, the other was driven into at a roundabout and damaged beyond repair.  We’ve been burgled by 8 indigenous youths who stole iPads, phones, bags, purses and went into our kids bedrooms. We had a party and we’re all very drunk on home brew and did not hear a bloody thing. It’s not been an easy 19 months. 

We thought we had researched enough but you cannot beat the lived experience 

Edited March 7, 2018 by deborahj

[Marisawright]

2 hours ago, deborahj said:

  I’m employed with a good employer and feel fairly settled career wise now I’ve jumped through every hoop imaginable and progressing well. My husband however cannot abide it. It was never his dream to come here he did it because I wanted to.

If your husband hates it and never wanted to be here in the first place, then I'm worried.  Is he the one who's saying "We cannot dismiss Australia", or are you clinging on to the dream in spite of his unhappiness?

Since the whole purpose of a move to Melbourne is to see whether your husband would be happier there, I suggest he goes down to Melbourne on his own for a while, and look for work. If he can get a job down there and starts to enjoy himself, then you know the move will be worthwhile.   If it makes no difference to his state of mind, you haven't wasted all those moving costs.

But personally, I'd be prepared for it not working out. Some people are just not cut out for migrating, and will never be happy living in a foreign country, no matter how hard they try. Take a browse around the forums and you'll find plenty of examples of those people, because they often come here for help.  They feel as though they're living a half-life, they become depressed, they end up on medication and even sometimes suicidal, and sometimes they make the difficult decision to end their relationship and go back to the UK for their own sanity.  

Your husband may not that kind of person - but do you know?  Please don't underestimate how desperately awful it can feel to be trapped in the wrong country.  I know it's hard to imagine for someone who doesn't have that problem, but it is very, very real.  I'd urge you to have a heart-to-heart with your husband and get him to be really honest with you about how he feels.  He may not feel that bad - BUT on the other hand, he may be downplaying it because he doesn't want to burst your bubble, and meanwhile he's dying inside.

 

[Quoll]

7 hours ago, deborahj said:

Hi Quoll 

You are probably right about the visa issue and jobs. He’s had no luck at all, having said that neither have many locals who line the captain Cook highway every morning with signs that say ‘ looking fir work’.  It’s soul destroying seeing young people having to do this. I earn about 100k here but I doubt that would go far in metropolitan Victoria. The OH has a few contacts down there so maybe easier. 

The daughter is in year 11, so completely screwed about GCSEs however a VCE completed may help towards her alevels which she does not mind doing again as we will probably head back after our four years here. It has been tricky being here and we’ve made huge mistakes but that’s our life! 

 We’ve completely screwed up. 

We’ve had two cars written off - one was stolen and driven through cane fields, the other was driven into at a roundabout and damaged beyond repair.  We’ve been burgled by 8 indigenous youths who stole iPads, phones, bags, purses and went into our kids bedrooms. We had a party and we’re all very drunk on home brew and did not hear a bloody thing. It’s not been an easy 19 months. 

We thought we had researched enough but you cannot beat the lived experience 

Blimey, that’s enough disaster to make anyone chuck their hands in the air and lurch off with the fairies! I’d say you’re doing pretty well and obviously a resilient family despite it all! That’s the sort of crap that’s impossible to research (just don’t move anywhere near Melton/Tarneit I’d hate for that bad luck to follow you to Victoria!)

I understand that your daughter is in yr 11 in Qld but the cut off for Vic is earlier and though kids do move from state to state during those last 2 years, there isn’t total compatibility between the states and as she is only 15 still, she might get a better VCE score if she went into yr 10 this year with her age cohort then did the full 2 years of VCE. But I guess if your plan is to return to UK at the end of your visa her VCE score is going to be largely irrelevant anyway.

I do agree with Marisawright about your DH and his preparedness to hang in with Australia despite hating it - exogenous depression is a real beast and hell to live with and apparently totally irrational even to those of us utterly adaptable and pragmatic people who experience it. The idea of him flying down solo to check out the work/life situation is very sensible.

[Melbpom]

What about heading back this year and have your daughter start 6th form college in the UK? If there is an likelihood of her doing uni in the UK then I would have thought the sooner you return the less likely it will be that you have to pay international fees.

[bristolman]

46 minutes ago, Quoll said:

Blimey, that’s enough disaster to make anyone chuck their hands in the air and lurch off with the fairies! I’d say you’re doing pretty well and obviously a resilient family despite it all! That’s the sort of crap that’s impossible to research (just don’t move anywhere near Melton/Tarneit I’d hate for that bad luck to follow you to Victoria!)

I would totally agree with that, we had friends in Melton and it is a horrible area, anywhere within 20 miles should be avoided in fairness. The other side of Melbourne is far nicer.

[Beckfield]

On 3/6/2018 at 18:03, bristolman said:

I agree, if I had listened to the usual susects there is no way we would have come to the UK as it was made out to be some sort of 3rd world hellhole. I wouldn't move in either direction based on the opinions of random people on a forum. It has to be something you want to do. 

Yes, you have a good point bristolman.  We're all different.  Personally I would never have left our own country in the first place - but didn't have a lot of say in the matter, being just a little 'un at the time...   I have always missed it...  Left school, went to work, saved like mad to get a ticket home.  Had been missing my grandfather so much it was almost unbearable....  Finally saved enough, and went home.  My grandfather died just before I got there.  No words to describe it really...  Anyway, to me no matter what, England will always be home and I will always love it.  I have dreamt of going now we have no commitments to keep us here anymore, for so long.  Still trying to sell the blasted house!  If anyone on this forum is a praying person, this might be a good time.  I can see no means of selling this house other than with divine intervention.  Best wishes to all.  

[Marisawright]

13 hours ago, Beckfield said:

Still trying to sell the blasted house!  If anyone on this forum is a praying person, this might be a good time.  I can see no means of selling this house other than with divine intervention.  Best wishes to all.  

Have you given any more thought to renting the place out and then renting a place in the UK?   Country places often get good rentals compared to their value.

[Beckfield]

2 hours ago, Marisawright said:

Have you given any more thought to renting the place out and then renting a place in the UK?   Country places often get good rentals compared to their value.

Hi Marisawright, Yes, we did discuss look at renting the house out but when we looked at others' properties that are currently rented out around here most of them are not looked after at all and the yards all let go - hate to think what the insides are like...  It kind of scared us to be honest, that we would find our house in a poor condition afterwards.  We are kind of resigned to being stuck here... over the tears and disappointment stage, and just hoping a miracle might happen.  Have to keep smiling !

[Marisawright]

2 minutes ago, Beckfield said:

Hi Marisawright, Yes, we did discuss look at renting the house out but when we looked at others' properties that are currently rented out around here most of them are not looked after at all and the yards all let go - hate to think what the insides are like...  It kind of scared us to be honest, that we would find our house in a poor condition afterwards.  We are kind of resigned to being stuck here... over the tears and disappointment stage, and just hoping a miracle might happen.  Have to keep smiling !

After what?  When you come back?  But you're not proposing to come back, are you?   

I guess you're worried it will become even harder to sell if it looks run down.   I wasn't thinking of renting it out for a few months, I was thinking of renting as a longer-term solution.   It's not ideal as it means you've got to be content with renting in the UK, too, but that might a compromise you'd make, if it lets you live where you want to be.  

Have you talked to the real estate agents?  In the country, it's not unusual for landlords to rent without using an agent, even if they live a long way away, and the property gets neglected.   Ask the agents to show you some of the properties they look after, maybe they will be in better shape.  It's worth asking at least.  

I repeat my offer earlier - if you want to send me a message (click on my name and look for the Message button), I'd be happy to take a look at the listing for the house. You could even just paste the link to the online listing in a post here, if you don't mind people knowing where you live.   The important thing is to make sure it's going to appeal to city investors as well as locals.

[ali]

22 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

After what?  When you come back?  But you're not proposing to come back, are you?   

I guess you're worried it will become even harder to sell if it looks run down.   I wasn't thinking of renting it out for a few months, I was thinking of renting as a longer-term solution.   It's not ideal as it means you've got to be content with renting in the UK, too, but that might a compromise you'd make, if it lets you live where you want to be.  

Have you talked to the real estate agents?  In the country, it's not unusual for landlords to rent without using an agent, even if they live a long way away, and the property gets neglected.   Ask the agents to show you some of the properties they look after, maybe they will be in better shape.  It's worth asking at least.  

I repeat my offer earlier - if you want to send me a message (click on my name and look for the Message button), I'd be happy to take a look at the listing for the house. You could even just paste the link to the online listing in a post here, if you don't mind people knowing where you live.   The important thing is to make sure it's going to appeal to city investors as well as locals.

It's best to send you a private message - we only allow free advertising for breaking a lease and not for house sales/rentals.

[Beckfield]

1 hour ago, Marisawright said:

Hi again Marisawright, Yes, that's right, we're going one way.  No returning.  So if I click your name and then click message, is it a private message between you and me?  Thanks.

I repeat my offer earlier - if you want to send me a message (click on my name and look for the Message button), I'd be happy to take a look at the listing for the house. You could even just paste the link to the online listing in a post here, if you don't mind people knowing where you live.   The important thing is to make sure it's going to appeal to city investors as well as locals.

 

[Marisawright]

19 minutes ago, Beckfield said:

 

Yes, if you message me, it's private.

[Marisawright]

1 hour ago, ali said:

It's best to send you a private message - we only allow free advertising for breaking a lease and not for house sales/rentals.

Well, I wasn't suggesting it for advertising purposes.  She's saying they've had very little response and I'm questioning whether the agent has presented it as well as it could be - so I'm suggesting posting it for feedback.

[simmo]

56 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

Well, I wasn't suggesting it for advertising purposes.  She's saying they've had very little response and I'm questioning whether the agent has presented it as well as it could be - so I'm suggesting posting it for feedback.

as well as the PIO rules on advertising , I don't its a good idea on security reasons (lots of nutters about)

[ClaireyD]

Oh good luck with the move! We have one more year in Townsville and we'll be coming home too! We wish it was sooner. 

Can I ask how much to ship your belongings home and how much stuff did you have?

Exciting times ahead!

xx

[y not]

On ‎28‎/‎02‎/‎2018 at 09:32, tea4too said:

There is nothing radically wrong with the town where I grew up, my family and friends living there are happy and busy. I on the other hand have moved on, emotionally as well as physically, and while happy to visit would not want to go back to live. It would be a backward step in every sense of the word. Sometimes I think it is less about the place we leave, and more about how much we change with new experiences. T x

 

well said

[Home and Happy]

On ‎07‎/‎03‎/‎2018 at 22:25, deborahj said:

 but you cannot beat the lived experience 

Correct.  Nothing can prepare you for Australia and the isolation you face from the rest of the world.  You have to live it yourself and get it out your system until you appreciate just how good life really was back home.  Its too much of a rat race down there and life is quite bland.   You have more money in your pocket in UK too.  Much better place to be.

[simmo]

10 hours ago, Home and Happy said:

Correct.  Nothing can prepare you for Australia and the isolation you face from the rest of the world.  You have to live it yourself and get it out your system until you appreciate just how good life really was back home.  Its too much of a rat race down there and life is quite bland.   You have more money in your pocket in UK too.  Much better place to be.

[simmo]

On 3/28/2018 at 06:05, Home and Happy said:

Correct.  Nothing can prepare you for Australia and the isolation you face from the rest of the world.  You have to live it yourself and get it out your system until you appreciate just how good life really was back home.  Its too much of a rat race down there and life is quite bland.   You have more money in your pocket in UK too.  Much better place to be.

I found it extremely bland and a cultural vacuum but some people love all that.   I'ts weird, for such a huge expanse australia just feels very small.

IMO 

[Home and Happy]

12 hours ago, simmo said:

I found it extremely bland and a cultural vacuum but some people love all that.   I'ts weird, for such a huge expanse australia just feels very small.

IMO 

Indeed.  All you need is a boat to tow around and a McMansion.

[Toots]

17 hours ago, simmo said:

I found it extremely bland and a cultural vacuum but some people love all that.   I'ts weird, for such a huge expanse australia just feels very small.

IMO 

Simmo I would never have taken you for an intellectual snob.  

An intellectual snob can be defined as a person who takes pride in his/her own knowledge and achievements. They tend to become judgmental about others to boost their own egos.

Please stop being judgemental about us who are happy here.  You weren't happy here - but now you are in London.  Do we try to put you down for being happy where you live?

[ramot]

1 hour ago, Toots said:

Simmo I would never have taken you for an intellectual snob.  

An intellectual snob can be defined as a person who takes pride in his/her own knowledge and achievements. They tend to become judgmental about others to boost their own egos.

Please stop being judgemental about us who are happy here.  You weren't happy here - but now you are in London.  Do we try to put you down for being happy where you live?

The saddest or strangest thing about some posters who have returned to UK is the constant need to justify their move. I am British (not Australian) and choose to live In Australia, but it would never cross my mind to post repeatably my reasons for my choice, or to knock UK. 

its my personal choice for my own reasons, certainly don't expect anyone else to be interested and certainly couldn't be bothered to continually post on a forum. Feels like Groundhog Day repeat repeat repeat!

[Toots]

9 minutes ago, ramot said:

The saddest or strangest thing about some posters who have returned to UK is the constant need to justify their move. I am British (not Australian) and choose to live In Australia, but it would never cross my mind to post repeatably my reasons for my choice, or to knock UK. 

its my personal choice for my own reasons, certainly don't expect anyone else to be interested and certainly couldn't be bothered to continually post on a forum. Feels like Groundhog Day repeat repeat repeat!

Yes it is odd behaviour.  My brother worked in Saudi Arabia for 10 years.  Very well paid indeed but not a nice place to work for umpteen reasons - he met his English wife there who was a nurse.  Not once did I hear either of them whinging about their years in Saudi.  After that he was offered a very good job in Thailand and his wife (with an English doctor) started a women's only clinic in Bangkok.   Again - though life wasn't easy at times for a variety of reasons - I never heard them being negative about the country.  Australia has loads of faults as has the UK but no need for me to make snide, sarky comments about either country.