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Anna833

Have we made a mistake of returning to the uk?!

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    Hi All,

    We returned to the uk in July this year after living in Melbourne for nearly 4 years. We returned due to a mixture of missing family, friends (although most have drifted and moved on now), the countryside and of little things but the main reason was that I felt like my 19 month was missing out on building a relationship with his grandparents and cousins. It was also the isolation and a little bit of homesickness which was a major player as well. See, we have been back over 3 months now but I'm wondering whether we have been too hasty and instead should of come for an extended holiday rather than shipping our belongings and 2 cats back to the uk to live in a completely new area (only place my husband could find a job with his skills). As we don't know anyone nearby at the moment and I'm a stay at home mum I feel a little isolated even though we are back in the uk with family/friends an hour or so away. It's horrible having the thoughts of did we actually do the right thing!! Luckily we waited until we got citizenship in June to make the move back so we can always go back but how long do you wait before thinking that life is actually better in Australia? I think my husband is missing it slightly more than me. I'm just thinking now we are back, maybe we are looking through rose-tinted glasses at oz again and forget all the bad experiences we had over there. (mostly good though apart from missing family)

    We came to a decision that we will see how things go over the next 2 or so years and make a firm decision of what we want to do prior to my son beginning school in 2021.

    Has anyone else who has returned had these regrets and do they pass and or is anyone planning over relocating back to oz in the near future?

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    We lived in Perth for just over four years but returned to the uk in October 2015. We came back because we thought we had lots of reasons to - ageing parents, nieces and nephews being born, cost of living, quaint little villages etc but when we came back we realised that we have moved on and so have the friends and family we left. Our two youngest slipped into secondary school with all their friends from primary school and have been very happy but our eldest who spent most of her teenage years in Australia misses it terribly two years on. My husband has the opportunity to return to Australia with the same company as he works for in the uk so with much deliberation we r returning next year once the GCSEs are finished. Heading over to the east coast though!. We find that we miss the beaches, the bush, the Aussie friendliness and of course the weather!. we are all looking forward to the next adventure!. Hope you find your peace too wherever that is but I agree you have to spend about two years here in the uk to realise it.

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    3 Months is nowhere near long enough to settle back into life here, if you still fell the same in 18 months that would be the time to start worrying, and yes I did feel that way for the first year or so.

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    I think you will be happier back in Australia to be honest.  

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    As someone who's applying to move the other way I think you've made a mistake. One of the best cities in the world for the U.K. (which I've really grown to hate)!

    However, that's my opinion and I can list 10+ countries I'd choose over the U.K.! Everyone on here will have their opinion based on their circumstances and their view of the world.

    The truth is we're all different and all want different things. Some live in Australia and love it, some tried it and came back. Only you can determine which you think is better for your family!

    We all tend to look back at things more fondly than they actually were but you've tried both so you're in a great position to decide once the emotions of coming back have settled down. You've decided to come back so give it time, you can always go back to Australia if you feel the same in a years time.



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    Major changes in life are often nerve wracking and full of ‘have I done the right thing?’ moments, but feeling stuck at home on your own with a toddler can be wearing wherever you live. If you haven’t already done so check your local library for details of mother and toddler groups, and contact the local leisure centre to see what they provide (things like soft play and swimming sessions for mums and toddlers are often subsidised and reasonably priced), the internet is also great for discovering a range of activities in your area geared to pre-schoolers. Getting out and about and meeting other mums is a great way to put down roots when you are new to an area, and it also provides your little one with opportunities to develop in preparation for the big day when s/he starts nursery or school.

     Whether the move back to the UK was ultimately the right decision or not, it makes sense to capitalise on every opportunity you have to enjoy the here and now. And as a mum you are almost guaranteed to find like minded people if you look for them. Good luck :) T x

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    No, after 3 months I certainly don't think you have made a mistake. What you are experiencing is just normal and will totally change once you have settled and made some friends. 

    We had similar feelings for 3 or 4 months but now wild horses wouldn't drag us back quite frankly. My wife says even if she has moments when she thinks about it she only has to think about the oppressive heat and how expensive it has become and the feelings soon disappear lol. Our Aussie born and bred kids have no interest in returning.

    It really is normal, just give it time and remember why you made the move back. 

    Oh and Melbourne certainly isn't somewhere I would choose to live again but we are all different. 

    Edited by bristolman
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    Part time insomniac.

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    Comparing the bad of the now with the good of the then is always going to lead you to question whether or not you have made the right move.  There are days when even I would be glad to go back to Australia but it's only because the going is tough on some days and I sit here in tears because it is so hard.  In those moments where things go right however, there is no place I would rather be than here in UK.  We all do it and probably around the 3-4 month mark when you are just established and getting down to the humdrum is about the time when you could expect it.  You can't go through life looking backwards because that's what will make you fall over and graze your knees. 

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    4 hours ago, m90 said:

    As someone who's applying to move the other way I think you've made a mistake. One of the best cities in the world for the U.K. (which I've really grown to hate)!

    However, that's my opinion and I can list 10+ countries I'd choose over the U.K.! Everyone on here will have their opinion based on their circumstances and their view of the world.

    The truth is we're all different and all want different things. Some live in Australia and love it, some tried it and came back. Only you can determine which you think is better for your family!

    We all tend to look back at things more fondly than they actually were but you've tried both so you're in a great position to decide once the emotions of coming back have settled down. You've decided to come back so give it time, you can always go back to Australia if you feel the same in a years time.



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    we are all different m90, and I could list 10+ countries I would rather live than australia, and that is why what suits one does not suit the next person.


    Drinking rum before 11am does not make you an alcoholic, it makes you pirate..

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    we are all different m90, and I could list 10+ countries I would rather live than australia, and that is why what suits one does not suit the next person.

    Thanks for summing up the exact overall point of my post....


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    It seems you returned to the UK only because you felt a bit isolated and missing family and friends, only to move back to a new location in the UK to have the exact same feelings.

    I would put those feelings aside as they are temporary and thikn which is the actual better place to live for you as a family and the kids growing up.

    If the answer is Australia, then get your butts back over here asap.

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    I feel like you are in a good position either way. You have Citizenship so you know you can always come back. It’s great to have that option, the world is your oyster. Give yourself some more time at home, 3 months isn’t long at all and I’d imagine the move home was a huge ordeal. I've been here 5 years (Melbourne, which I love). It’s taken a long time to settle in and I often think of going home but I’m still waiting for PR and I want to have that option of being able to return if I ever decide to try out home again. I may never live at home again but having the options are so valuable. You already have that option so take in all the wonderful parts of the U.K. Venture and explore, lap up that amazing English humour and enjoy your family and friends. Melbourne will still be here if and when you decide to come back. I wish you the best.

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    Thanks for all your comments and personal experiences. Everyone has their opinions on which is the better country to live and for their own family.
    I think it's understanding what will ultimately be the best thing for my family and that will take a bit of time!
    We are definitely lucky in that we have the option of living in both countries. I think whichever country you live in you'll miss the other in some way or have fond memories.

    I do regret not immersing myself in our Australian life a little bit more as I was still clinging onto what we were missing back in the uk at the time. This is maybe why people don't settle and do choose to move back!

    We shall give it a few years in the uk and try to quash the regrets we have of moving back. It's no good looking back now!!


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    13 hours ago, Anna833 said:

    Thanks for all your comments and personal experiences. Everyone has their opinions on which is the better country to live and for their own family.
    I think it's understanding what will ultimately be the best thing for my family and that will take a bit of time!
    We are definitely lucky in that we have the option of living in both countries. I think whichever country you live in you'll miss the other in some way or have fond memories.

    I do regret not immersing myself in our Australian life a little bit more as I was still clinging onto what we were missing back in the uk at the time. This is maybe why people don't settle and do choose to move back!

    We shall give it a few years in the uk and try to quash the regrets we have of moving back. It's no good looking back now!!


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    interesting to hear what you you mean by that ??? 


    Drinking rum before 11am does not make you an alcoholic, it makes you pirate..

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    On 17 October 2017 at 22:24, Quoll said:

    Comparing the bad of the now with the good of the then is always going to lead you to question whether or not you have made the right move.  There are days when even I would be glad to go back to Australia but it's only because the going is tough on some days and I sit here in tears because it is so hard.  In those moments where things go right however, there is no place I would rather be than here in UK.  We all do it and probably around the 3-4 month mark when you are just established and getting down to the humdrum is about the time when you could expect it.  You can't go through life looking backwards because that's what will make you fall over and graze your knees. 

    As always Quoll you've hit the nail on the head :)

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    Perthbum - I mean by not immersing myself by I think I was always holding back from forming close friendships and regularly having the uk still on my mind didn't help as maybe I didn't feel I wanted to let go of my old life. That's why I probably didn't enjoy it as much! I think if you were to put your whole heart into making it work and maybe staying a little longer then you could get through the wobbles you may have and actually settle down a bit more.


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    14 minutes ago, Anna833 said:

    Perthbum - I mean by not immersing myself by I think I was always holding back from forming close friendships and regularly having the uk still on my mind didn't help as maybe I didn't feel I wanted to let go of my old life. That's why I probably didn't enjoy it as much! I think if you were to put your whole heart into making it work and maybe staying a little longer then you could get through the wobbles you may have and actually settle down a bit more.


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    Yeah I think you are trying to talk yourself into it to be honest, the things you didn't like then you won't like now. You are still in the getting settled period back in the UK, as the weeks go by it will start to fall into place for you. What you don't want to do is rush back and then realise that nothing has changed and like I said the things you didn't like are still the same. 


    Part time insomniac.

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    🤔 3 months is not long at all, if you still feel this way in 3yrs then maybe?

    The fact you aren't quite as close to family and friends could be the issue so in the near future look to be a bit closer and this may help?

    You have done the right thing otherwise you would still be in Aus thinking about the uk, if it doesn't work out after a few years then return to Australia with a bit more clarity about where you want to be.

     

    Edited by Wa7
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    Funilly enough, we can't wait to make the move from UK to Melbourne...

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    It's never been any different, people have always gone in both directions.

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    Part time insomniac.

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    On 10/18/2017 at 00:03, Anna833 said:

    Hi All,

    We returned to the uk in July this year after living in Melbourne for nearly 4 years. We returned due to a mixture of missing family, friends (although most have drifted and moved on now), the countryside and of little things but the main reason was that I felt like my 19 month was missing out on building a relationship with his grandparents and cousins. It was also the isolation and a little bit of homesickness which was a major player as well. See, we have been back over 3 months now but I'm wondering whether we have been too hasty and instead should of come for an extended holiday rather than shipping our belongings and 2 cats back to the uk to live in a completely new area (only place my husband could find a job with his skills). As we don't know anyone nearby at the moment and I'm a stay at home mum I feel a little isolated even though we are back in the uk with family/friends an hour or so away. It's horrible having the thoughts of did we actually do the right thing!! Luckily we waited until we got citizenship in June to make the move back so we can always go back but how long do you wait before thinking that life is actually better in Australia? I think my husband is missing it slightly more than me. I'm just thinking now we are back, maybe we are looking through rose-tinted glasses at oz again and forget all the bad experiences we had over there. (mostly good though apart from missing family)

    We came to a decision that we will see how things go over the next 2 or so years and make a firm decision of what we want to do prior to my son beginning school in 2021.

    Has anyone else who has returned had these regrets and do they pass and or is anyone planning over relocating back to oz in the near future?

    Hi. Sounds like you very much enjoyed your time in Melbourne (as you say) and the reasons for moving back are, well, in a word... just not there. I understand. We miss family and friends (who are like close family members) very very much. It's hard to be so far away when people (rightly so) move on with their lives, too.

    It would be doubly hard now that you're feeling isolated and far away from friends and family. Also that many have moved on, the main drawcard for your return. You've moved back to be back in each other's lives and it's just not happened. I too would be feeling exactly the same. You're not alone and there will be many more people feeling like you.

    It's great that you obtained citizenship, that does give you options that many others just don't have. Good plan!

    I would say it does take longer to feel settled anywhere. Give it time, you've got a wonderful fun (twinkly cold!) Christmas to look forward to and the new year brings all sorts of good things.

    I think it's a great idea to give it one to two years. See how you feel. Temperature check so to speak. If you're both still feeling like this - then go for it! Life it too short to be unhappy and if you able to do something about it, you should. Yes it's a bit upheaval - you've after all moved internationally twice so know the run down. 

    Hopefully you won't see it as 'regret'. You may have felt regret at not ever trying.

    All the very best !!

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    I believe that one of the modern forms of bravery is to say, OK I will start again from scratch.

    Doing something new, learning new things requires great strength, great humility and great courage.

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    Ozzie - thanks for your comments We shall see what the next few years hold. We don't regret coming back as we would always be thinking 'what if' if we stayed.


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    1 minute ago, Anna833 said:

    Ozzie - thanks for your comments emoji4.png We shall see what the next few years hold. We don't regret coming back as we would always be thinking 'what if' if we stayed.


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    As I said for the first few months we were here we were thinking what the .... have we done, that feeling soon went away and now we can't imagine being anywhere else. It's just a case of your brain having to catch up with all the changes lol

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    Part time insomniac.

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    13 hours ago, Anna833 said:

    Ozzie - thanks for your comments emoji4.png We shall see what the next few years hold. We don't regret coming back as we would always be thinking 'what if' if we stayed.


    Sent from my iPhone using PomsinOz

    You're welcome. I totally understand how you feel. You say you really enjoyed it in Melbourne but only moved back to be nearer to friends and family which unfortunately hasn't materialised. I'm sure many would feel the same in your shoes. You might find you settle and enjoy where you are. If you don't you have a wonderful option back in a place you really enjoyed (I understand why :-)) or if not, perhaps somewhere else! I find it easier to find one little thing to enjoy everyday and try to do a new thing each week. That might work for you? 

    We're all here for support if you need it again x 

    Good luck! 

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    I believe that one of the modern forms of bravery is to say, OK I will start again from scratch.

    Doing something new, learning new things requires great strength, great humility and great courage.

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    i knew 3 months after returning to the uk it was a big mistake. my husband had never wanted to move back in the first place but he insisted we stay there for at least a couple of years to be sure i didnt change my mind again. we ended up moving back to oz after 2 years & this time i am much more settled. sometimes you just have to try things to know for sure.

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