problem neighbour

[Itraf]

can someone advise us with the problems we are experiencing with an elderly neighbour.

he is showing invasion of our privacy, noise, persistent visits to us which are unwanted.

especially when my wife is alone there. 

we have contacted the agency and they have contacted the owner. but the man continues on the same path 

[Itraf]

this is our story

we moved in a month ago

there is a single old man living in the adjoining unit.

he does maintenance on the property which consists of five units. all are rented out through the same agency. he has a workshop underneath all the units in the basement.

he was initially very helpful wanting to help us with any DIY things around the place.

my wife is not working and I am. since I am away during the day he has taken to coming round to our flat on a regular basis.my wife tries to keep the contact brief, saying she is going somewhere or on the phone etc. however she cannot leave the door open when she is at home as he simply knocks and walks in, not waiting for her to go to the door. she has found this an intrusion as it is nice not to have to lock doors all the time. one time she found him in the kitchen. she had been preparing a curry and had popped into our living room and came back into the kitchen and there he was! she got a fright.

 initially his popping round was not a problem but recently he wont leave her alone and anytime he sees her at home he visits

Imust add that when i am there he does not do this as much, it is very often when my wife is at home.

I have to say that when he visits, he stands and stares at her each time. he carries a heavy walking stick. which looks more like a truncheon than a stick.

he is quite strong physically and recently his manner has become agressive.

one time he was waving his stick around and it nearly hit my wife. he said "oh I nearly hit you"  and laughed.

every weekend when we go out he demands to know where we are going or where we have been.

anytime my wife goes out alone he demands to know where she is going.

he has come round at night 8pm twice for no reason at all. it appears he is nosy and wants to see what we are doing. it has interrupted my office

work which i take home with me and our evening meal.

he has tried to find excuses to do DIY inside our flat but we have declined as we do not want him in there.

this past week has been a problem as he disturbed my wife on four occasions. in two days.

the first she was in the unit, the back door was open,and he came round. she said she was busy and after standing there and staring at her,he eventually left. a few hours later she was at the front of the house on our patio and he walked up onto the patio and near to her. he stood staring and holding his stick.

anyway when he walked onto patio she told him to please leave as she was busy and did not want to be disturbed. he would not leave and continued to stand there staring at her. after countless requests he would not leave. so she had to tell him to 'go away leave me alone'.  she was a bit distressed by this. after about five "go aways" he left.

that evening we then blocked off the entrance to our patio so he could not get onto it.

the following day my wife was on the patio doing some studies. he came round. he could not get onto our patio as it was blocked it off. he started to shout at her, calling out her name and shouting "let me on". he was waving his stick.

it was strange behaviour and so she went into the unit and locked herself in the house to get away from him. after about five  minutes he went underneath our unit where he has a workshop and started to hit our floor boards with something hard. possibly his walking stick.

my wife was doing some washing up in the sink and she heard loud banging sounds, he was hitting the pipes from the sink. underneath.

where ever she walked he hit underneath, she went to the water closet and he hit under there, he then started up a tool or machine which was very noisy and so my wife went out as it was very noisy. she had to do this carefully so he did not see her leaving. she felt stessed from this. 

we have contacted the agency three or four times. they say he is a sweet old man etc and despite my wife finding him strange and she does find his visits stressing, the agency say he is a lovely old man. they have said we can move out if we dont like it, but we like the property and moving is going to be time consuming and expensive.

the only problem is this man invading our privacies. why must we move, why cant they simply make the request for him to cease visiting up and stressing my wife and interfering in our privacies.

Edited August 27, 2017 by Itraf

[Guest263228]

Direct approach, polite but firm other way.

[Itraf]

we have tried the agency first as a precaution in case the old man says we are causing him problems.

my wife was very direct in saying 'go away' 'leave me alone'

he responded by hitting our floor board from below and starting up loud machinery. 

the agency are yet to address the problem of this 

[OZnewbie]

Screw politeness.. obviously you have been polite and it has not worked... Unfortunately some people just dont take the hint in which case, be direct and make him get the sense that he is not welcome.. If your wife feels unsafe and it affects how you go about your daily life, then rudeness may be necessary as you are the ones that suffer. Agencies are useless...in every shape or form. I dont know where you live, but I get the sense because there is such a massive demand for rentals in some of the main cities, if you move out, the agency doesnt care, theyll be able to find someone immediately so my personal advice is to take matters into your own hands. It may be awkward seeing him around afterwards but surely a better scenario than your current situation.

Sent from my SM-G928F using PomsinOz mobile app

[Itraf]

thank you for your advice, it is difficult as he is an old man and already the agency are saying that my wife is the problem and that there is nothing wrong with the man.

we are very careful in how we do this and maybe if we video each encounter with the man that will cover us as he is able to create the impression that we are the problem and not him.

a video is evidence we are not the problem. 

 

 

[Toots]

4 minutes ago, Itraf said:

thank you for your advice, it is difficult as he is an old man and already the agency are saying that my wife is the problem and that there is nothing wrong with the man.

we are very careful in how we do this and maybe if we video each encounter with the man that will cover us as he is able to create the impression that we are the problem and not him.

a video is evidence we are not the problem. 

 

 

In these circumstances I think using a video and recording what he is doing might be the way to go.  Personally if I felt threatened, I would explain all to the police and show them the video.  You  should not have to put up with his nasty behaviour.  

[Itraf]

we would prefer to do this without involving emergency services!

 

 

 

Edited August 27, 2017 by Itraf

[Itraf]

should we type a letter to him outlining that he must leave us alone?

has anyone an idea on what we could write that would not cause us legal issues etc

the agency and owner would like to keep him there as he is useful for DIY on the cheap

we are seen as the problem for complaining and we dont want to add to this image

the agency has said that no one else has complained (probably they realised that it would not get them anywhere!)

they can get any tenant in after us 

we dont want to move and we would like to make our boundaries clear to ensure that we can go about our everyday life without interference from someone who is lonely, bored and wants to create problems. 

 

Edited August 27, 2017 by Itraf

[Guest]

I would start by locking the door when home so he cannot just walk in. And for your wife to not answer the door to him if she sees it is him at the door (check out the window first if need be). 

I'd also log each and every time he does knock or call round and have a running record of it. If need be video if he remains knocking outside the door for a long time after it not being answered. Cut all contact unless its to do with maintenance. 

And I'd be starting to look for somewhere else to live. If the agent isn't being of any help or doesn't want to know, I'd not be sticking around. 

 

[Itraf]

thank you

[Lambethlad]

It sounds like he is in the early stages of dementia. We had the same problem when the MIL was living with us. She was always going to the next door neighbours and just walking in anytime day or night. They ended up putting up a gate she couldn't open. With dementia they loose their inhibitions and manners and normal social standards no longer apply. This guy will never leave you alone. Find a new place to live before something bad happens.

[Itraf]

what bad things can happen? this is a worry

 

[Guest]

Personally if i was your wife i'd be insisting on moving the whole saga would freak me out just a little. To not feel safe or comfortable in your home would be a nightmare. To have to lock yourself in to not be bothered is dreadful. 

Edited August 27, 2017 by Guest

[Guest]

9 minutes ago, Chicken66 said:

Personally if i was your wife i'd be insisting on moving the whole saga would freak me out just a little. To not feel safe or comfortable in your home would be a nightmare. To have to lock yourself in to not be bothered is dreadful. 

I'd expect, actually, I would make sure that if I was in a unit in a built up or residential area I'd not leave my front door unlocked all day, even when home. At least the screen door would have the catch on so it cannot be opened from the outside. 

If someone is coming in via the back yard uninvited, I'd lock the gate from the inside to prevent them from being able to walk in. 

 

 

 

 

[vickyplum]

I agree with @snifter, and would start locking the door and making a note of the date and time of each 'visit'.  I would then present this to your agent and/or to the police if required.

I personally always lock the front door behind me, living in an apartment block, it makes no sense to me to leave the door unlocked. I am not paranoid, it just seems like common sense. 

I would also be looking for somewhere else to live, as if you cannot live in your own home without fear of interruption, then it is not a pleasant way to lead your life. I know you shouldn't have to move, but for your own sanity / peace of mind, it may be needed.

Edited August 27, 2017 by vickyplum

[Evandale]

To record/video someone when you are stressed could be slightly difficult and rather confronting. For a couple of hundred bucks perhaps install your own CCTV camera (they are removable for your next place) and at least you can have a record of what is happening when you are away. 

[ScottieGirl]

I don't see a badly behaved neighbour as the agency's  issue. If you owned the property the problem would still exist as he lives there too. I  would go to the local police station and ask for advice, you can do this without making a formal complaint. 

I presume you have talked to him and told him to back off.  He sounds like a traditional old fashioned Aussie, have a man to man talk with him and tell him clearly  in very blunt language to bu99er off.

[Evandale]

"He sounds like a traditional old fashioned Aussie" In my experience, the traditional old fashioned Australian, respects your privacy. but is there to help if required!  We have never come across this scenario before and we have lived both in rural and major cities!

[ScottieGirl]

1 minute ago, Evandale said:

"He sounds like a traditional old fashioned Aussie" In my experience, the traditional old fashioned Australian, respects your privacy. but is there to help if required!  We have never come across this scenario before and we have lived both in rural and major cities!

True what I meant by that comment is he will respond better to a telling off from the man of the house. He clearly has no respect for the wife. Having lived in Aus for 17 years I found that to be common in elderly men I'm  afraid. Most were civil but clearly sexist.

It's  not clear to me whether his behaviour is due to mental health  or ageing issues as suggested or just plain bad behaviour. 

[Guest263228]

Unusual as a recent survey pointed to some 33% of neighbours in Australia not wanting any neighbourly contact. I can't see how he sounds the ' old fashioned ' type of Aussie in the slightest, if attempting to impose himself when the man of the house is absent.  More a pain. Perhaps lonely? But I wonder if the OP is from an ethnic minority that doesn't like to impose himself in any confrontational situations? Just a thought. My first response would remain the direct one pointing out the problem and taking it from there.

[Evandale]

11 minutes ago, ScottieGirl said:

True what I meant by that comment is he will respond better to a telling off from the man of the house. He clearly has no respect for the wife. Having lived in Aus for 17 years I found that to be common in elderly men I'm  afraid. Most were civil but clearly sexist.

It's  not clear to me whether his behaviour is due to mental health  or ageing issues as suggested or just plain bad behaviour. 

You are right, but I am sure the Australian scenario is so similar to the Scottish scene as I lived too lived in Scotland for a number of years and found the sexist /racist situation quite unbearable which imho was far worse than in Australia, ripping one off to boot!

Edited August 27, 2017 by Evandale

[calNgary]

Have you spoken to your neighbours to see if any of them are having the same problem?

Cal x

[Guest]

5 hours ago, vickyplum said:

I agree with @snifter, and would start locking the door and making a note of the date and time of each 'visit'.  I would then present this to your agent and/or to the police if required.

I personally always lock the front door behind me, living in an apartment block, it makes no sense to me to leave the door unlocked. I am not paranoid, it just seems like common sense. 

I would also be looking for somewhere else to live, as if you cannot live in your own home without fear of interruption, then it is not a pleasant way to lead your life. I know you shouldn't have to move, but for your own sanity / peace of mind, it may be needed.

Yes you have a point re locking the door. I guess i'm a little easy going about this as we live rural on a property so locking the door is usually something we only do at night.

[vickyplum]

23 hours ago, Chicken66 said:

Yes you have a point re locking the door. I guess i'm a little easy going about this as we live rural on a property so locking the door is usually something we only do at night.

We also have a funny locking system, a bit like hotel room. Turn the latch one way to lock and the other to open; so we don't actually have to use a key to lock ourselves in the apartment, or when leaving either, as long as the latch is turned the correct way before leaving. So it's not as if we are locking everything with key, although that might be easier, the number of times I wander down to the bins or across the road for a coffee, and have locked myself out!