Scousers1 Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 Hi, well been in OZ 30 years next year, have one 18 year old daughter, both of my parents ageing ( frail) and my brother i hardly ever see. my daughter is working, hubby working full time and i work two days a week. Have always worked full time until this year. i find we are in front of the TV every night which is something we have never done, ever. We are all bored to death including my parents. Just nothing interests us here anymore. my query is, does everyone else just sit in front of the TV night after night? Most people we have known over the years have moved away from Melbourne. i would love to return home but daughter is dead against it( born here) . I am hardly ever leaving the house now other than cooking dinner for parents each night and i help my friends son with school which will end soon. what do we do? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 I don't suppose you have any hobbies or interests you want to follow or give a go? Tbh even after so long somewhere, it's what you make it. If you don't socialise or have interests outside of the home and family anywhere can start to bring you down if you just sit inside of an evening, night after night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest241083 Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 .......tbh I don't go out in an evening much anymore .......unless it's to babysit grandchildren ........but I have hobbies ........is there something you could do together? ........the movies now and again ........join a group your interested in ........it's a good way to make friends .......hope you find something ........good luck X 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scousers1 Posted August 2, 2017 Author Share Posted August 2, 2017 I know, but i literally feel like eveeything there is i have done before and really dont feel like doing it again. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest241083 Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 ........perhaps saving for a trip home ........spend your evenings planning ........looking up where you want to go .........it will fill time and give you something to look forward to 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wa7 Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 (edited) Well it's 1 of 2 choices you get back to uk or you have to get yourselves out there and get into something you genuinely feel interests you and "hopefully" meet some people you click with ( not saying you haven't tried this, I know it's harder than it should be ) Edited August 2, 2017 by Wa7 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 1 minute ago, Scousers1 said: I know, but i literally feel like eveeything there is i have done before and really dont feel like doing it again. I don't watch much TV at all. I have a voluntary job which I do a couple of nights a week. I read a LOT have also thought of evening classes and one or two other hobbies on the go. We don't go out that much in the evenings either - sometimes walk up to see a movie at the local cinema and sometimes for a drink at a local pub. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scousers1 Posted August 2, 2017 Author Share Posted August 2, 2017 Unfortunately im not a planner, i did go home Aug last year and loved every minuite. I will go again Oct this year but i just book and go. I think life was more interesting when we did have to plan ahead. OMG i sound spoilt! Would love to go back to all my mates in the UK. , even though some have harder lives than us they have a ball. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest241083 Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 ......what are they doing you miss? ......or do you miss them? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scousers1 Posted August 2, 2017 Author Share Posted August 2, 2017 I think i miss them and always have. I have realised this week i spend more time on the phone overseas than i do talking to anyone here. My cousin in Florida is exactly the same. I went to see here two years ago and saw the exact life. Its scarey, what do you do when your heart is over there but daughter will not consider it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest241083 Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 .......you say your parents are here? .......would they move back with you? .......at 18 your daughter is an adult ......and will choose her own path ......life's too short to not at least try to be where you feel you belong 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScottieGirl Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 (edited) Why did you stop working full time? Wherever you are semi retired or retired it is a big change. Your daughter is about to fly the nest, again another change. If you did move back you would have the same issues, geography won't solve them. I speak as someone who moved back and took redundancy at the same time. Edited August 2, 2017 by ScottieGirl 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scousers1 Posted August 2, 2017 Author Share Posted August 2, 2017 Hi, i have worked full time all my life because financially i had too. As the school fees are now over i know longer have to work that much. Thank god, hated working the last few years just burnt out probably. I would imagine my daughter will be home for many years, certainly never mentioned moving out. But we just dont see eye to eye anymore. She is working too much and does not socialize much, which i think is a mistake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 Seems like you've got a few "domestics" going on there mate. You've been here 30 yrs and you're missing your mates? What mates after 30 yrs? Mid life crisis? Don't have to work but haven't yet found something to fill that work gap? Your mates have a harder life than you and yet (your words) "they have a ball"...............what? down the "all pervasive" (or so it seems) culture that Brits can't let go of? Splashing your cash on drinks and company that could be had much cheaper at home without the clanging of the pokies, juke box, and other distractions................but hey?...................something about Brits think pub life is wonderful................but for myself, as an ex pub landlord.............I'm happy to entertain at home..............I'm assuming that "pub life" is what you mean when you say, "they have a ball"? or do they go ballroom dancing, play footie every weekend, surf, hang glide or whatever? Isn't it just that your lacking something in your life ATM so you see other's life more attractive? You've been here 30 yrs..............do you really think that you can just bale out from a life that seems to have suited you and your kids for so long and not expect (serious) repercussions/disappointments? Have you no mates here after 30 yrs? Are you going to bale on them? Where are you located? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scousers1 Posted August 2, 2017 Author Share Posted August 2, 2017 As i said over the years we have had tonnes of mates here whether Aussies or poms , out of one group that used to get together on a frequent basis ( there were about 50 in the group) we are the only ones left. Most have either moved inter state or back to UK or even other countries. One girl i have known about 8 years from Liverpool could not understand me saying i hate the way you have to constantly make new friends only for them to up and leave. Well, she told me only last week she and her family have lost just about everyone they became friends with and now understands. She has decided to go home before it gets more difficult. my mates back home are all still in the same friendship groups as they where in school and truely love each others company. I talk to them on a weekly basis and they are always planning get aways to Europe or cuba , usa etc. in fact last year i decided to go in Aug and got a phonecall back the following week to say its all booked 3 of us are going to Dublin for 4 days as soon as you get here. They are still my very best mates! no, i have never liked entertaining at home and BBQ culture, most of my friends here dont like it whether Aussies or Poms. I did do it every week for probably 20 years done ovr it! miss our large extended family so much as well, same humour and values! They always say to me "it hasnt changed you" which i did not understand until the last few years. Our best friends here who we saw daily and did everything with Aussies. Started to make alot of money well talk about change. Will not go anywhere that is not 5 star stay in the city and pay $750 a night for accomodation. They are pissed as i just will not pay that for some thing i don't want to do. Therefore we dont see much of them anymore! i came for a new life style, curiosity etc and i love OZ as a country i think it is beautiful but dont like the way of life! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 If your daughter doesn't want to go then that's her decision, she's pretty much an adult, you do with your life what you want to and she can do what she wants with hers. I quite understand that after 30 years you may still not "belong" - there's no rationale for it but it's not unusual. Would your parents want to move back too? However, I would caution against the intention to "go back" - you will most likely never recapture exactly what you had and really the only thing you can do is to move forward. You may be one of the lucky ones who can slot back into a ready made social circle or you may have to build a new friendship network. I've found it much easier to build friendships- I had lunch yesterday with a friend of 50 years, I have other long term friends but also a load of new ones - one was there last week when I needed a shoulder. I didn't have that in Australia after 30 odd years. If you don't expect to get back exactly what you had you won't be disappointed but you might well find the joy of belonging with people of like mind. Life is too short to spend it in the wrong place. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scousers1 Posted August 2, 2017 Author Share Posted August 2, 2017 13 hours ago, Tink said: .......tbh I don't go out in an evening much anymore .......unless it's to babysit grandchildren ........but I have hobbies ........is there something you could do together? ........the movies now and again ........join a group your interested in ........it's a good way to make friends .......hope you find something ........good luck X 13 hours ago, snifter said: I don't suppose you have any hobbies or interests you want to follow or give a go? Tbh even after so long somewhere, it's what you make it. If you don't socialise or have interests outside of the home and family anywhere can start to bring you down if you just sit inside of an evening, night after night. No, no hobbies as such. My hubby is in a car club but thats not for me. It must be our personalities. My cousin in USA is in exactly the same boat after retiring from her business. Like us, she did everything all the travel had a yatch etc. but now would give anything to go home but cant cause her kids and grankids are there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scousers1 Posted August 2, 2017 Author Share Posted August 2, 2017 14 minutes ago, Quoll said: If your daughter doesn't want to go then that's her decision, she's pretty much an adult, you do with your life what you want to and she can do what she wants with hers. I quite understand that after 30 years you may still not "belong" - there's no rationale for it but it's not unusual. Would your parents want to move back too? However, I would caution against the intention to "go back" - you will most likely never recapture exactly what you had and really the only thing you can do is to move forward. You may be one of the lucky ones who can slot back into a ready made social circle or you may have to build a new friendship network. I've found it much easier to build friendships- I had lunch yesterday with a friend of 50 years, I have other long term friends but also a load of new ones - one was there last week when I needed a shoulder. I didn't have that in Australia after 30 odd years. If you don't expect to get back exactly what you had you won't be disappointed but you might well find the joy of belonging with people of like mind. Life is too short to spend it in the wrong place. I have noticed a few people saying my daughter is18 andcan live her own life. But if we were to go back where would she live? She does work but is a real home body i justdont thi k there is anyway i could leave her here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 2 hours ago, Scousers1 said: I have noticed a few people saying my daughter is18 andcan live her own life. But if we were to go back where would she live? She does work but is a real home body i justdont thi k there is anyway i could leave her here You should have a good heart to heart with your daughter. Tell her how you feel. Maybe she doesn't realise how fed up you are or how much you want to go back "home". If she really does want to stay here and she has a job, she could flat share. What about your elderly parents? Would they also go back? Sounds like you need a good old family conference and make decisions whether it's best to stay or go. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scousers1 Posted August 3, 2017 Author Share Posted August 3, 2017 My daughter does know but has always been against the UK, parents unfortunately are not well enough to travel back Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 5 minutes ago, Scousers1 said: My daughter does know but has always been against the UK, parents unfortunately are not well enough to travel back You did ask 'what do we do?' Well if your daughter is against the UK and your parents aren't well enough to travel that is a bit of a problem. As far as the boredom is concerned surely you have some sort of interest apart from sitting watching the TV every night? That would also drive me nuts. Maybe in the short term you will just have to look forward to as many holidays as you can manage. You could also do voluntary work a couple of days a week. Even here in Devonport there are loads of different types of voluntary jobs around. Just try to find one that would really interest you. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scousers1 Posted August 3, 2017 Author Share Posted August 3, 2017 22 minutes ago, Toots said: You did ask 'what do we do?' Well if your daughter is against the UK and your parents aren't well enough to travel that is a bit of a problem. As far as the boredom is concerned surely you have some sort of interest apart from sitting watching the TV every night? That would also drive me nuts. Maybe in the short term you will just have to look forward to as many holidays as you can manage. You could also do voluntary work a couple of days a week. Even here in Devonport there are loads of different types of voluntary jobs around. Just try to find one that would really interest you. Good luck! Thanks, i will have a look around! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 Remember that when you return to England now you are on holiday and your mates will treat you as such. I am finding it hard to fathom from your posts how you would envisage your routine if you were unencumbered and could simply return. Would it be several nights a week down the pub or social club? Would that work for you? Clearly you are in a rut and struggling to find something worthwhile to fill your time now you are no longer working. I sympathise but suspect that this is not an issue which would simply vanish wherever you may be without some impetus from you. It does sound as though you are stuck where you are for the time being at least so suggestions about hobbies, part-time work or voluntary work are your best bet. Good luck with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 2 hours ago, Scousers1 said: My daughter does know but has always been against the UK, parents unfortunately are not well enough to travel back Well, your daughter needs to work on a life plan that will get her out there being independent. She can't stay home forever (I started by giving my boys things like recipe books and frying pans at an early age LOL). It sounds like she is being manipulative tbh. If your parents really wanted to go then for 24 hours and maybe a bit of pampering in Business Class they might actually make the trip much better than you think. If your daughter said OK I'm coming would you all then make the move???? However, it sounds like your jail doors are creaking if not clanging shut! I used to survive by heading off whenever I felt like it (having a date planned in the future is good but I'm more of a decide today, fly tomorrow kinda gal by nature). Having the freedom to do so, took the edge off. You do need to talk yourself into reframing your situation - give yourself back the power that you are choosing this way of life for the now. When your parents have popped their clogs then the choice you make may be different - work towards that! If all else fails, take up knitting then you will feel like you're actually achieving something while watching the telly 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scousers1 Posted August 5, 2017 Author Share Posted August 5, 2017 On 3 August 2017 at 15:09, Quoll said: Well, your daughter needs to work on a life plan that will get her out there being independent. She can't stay home forever (I started by giving my boys things like recipe books and frying pans at an early age LOL). It sounds like she is being manipulative tbh. If your parents really wanted to go then for 24 hours and maybe a bit of pampering in Business Class they might actually make the trip much better than you think. If your daughter said OK I'm coming would you all then make the move???? However, it sounds like your jail doors are creaking if not clanging shut! I used to survive by heading off whenever I felt like it (having a date planned in the future is good but I'm more of a decide today, fly tomorrow kinda gal by nature). Having the freedom to do so, took the edge off. You do need to talk yourself into reframing your situation - give yourself back the power that you are choosing this way of life for the now. When your parents have popped their clogs then the choice you make may be different - work towards that! If all else fails, take up knitting then you will feel like you're actually achieving something while watching the telly Lol... I really wish my parents could go, but to be honest they go the shops and have to head home after 20 mins as its too much for them. Mum has had 4 open heart surgeries since the 70's and dad had a stroke a couple of years ago, both very frail. But interestingly they both say if they were 20 years younger they would go home. To be honest we are a really close family as are all of our family in the UK. I dread my daughterleaving home which is how it was with me when i left. I know my mum hated it and i know i will too. we are not the sort of people to have life plans we just do what feels right at the time, which interestingly is probably why i have ended up feeling the way i do here! My options are very limited. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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