Reactions from UK family?

[Nunu10]

I've been reading all the posts on here for the last week or so, and thought it was time to say hello

I just wondered what kind of reaction everyone was getting from relatives back in the UK about their choice to return. I know it doesn't matter what people think, and it's our life, but my in-laws are being so negative about the whole thing and trying to talk my husband out of it! Which is making the whole stressful sitution about 10 times worse!!

The background.. we have been in Perth almost 10 years. I have wanted to return for the last 5 (basically since our oldest child was born, we now have 2) but hubby has always wanted to give Oz a fair go.    Well. the last months he has finally admitted that he has never really settled here and wants to return too. We are just weighing up whether to go as soon as possible or give ourselves 12 months to get properly organised before we move home.

Anyway,... my parents are fully supportive of the move (as they have never liked us being here anyway to be fair)... but my inlaws are totally against it. All they have to say is "it's ludicrious, you're mad, the UK has gone to sh*t, you'll hate it, you're too OLD to go back into the UK workforce (we are very early forties - is that too old?!?!?!)."

Of course all that talk is making us second guess our decision.... just because we haven't lived in the UK 10 years and we know it has changed. But I honestly don't believe we would hate it, or that we are idiots for wanting to move back.

Perth is lovely, and we've had a good time here and have lots of friends. But...reasons for moving home... family, family, family (maybe not the in-laws now ha ha)... friends, feeling alive, the green, CULTURE, proximity to Europe (I speak two other European languages which always got me good jobs in the UK, but is pretty useless here). 

And also for the kids, they have dual nationality now so we've given them a good start. But they barely know their grandparents, and don't know any extended family. And I worry that here they will grow up in an insular little bubble, too far away from other cultures and experiences. I'm sure anyone who has lived in Perth knows what I mean!!!

[VERYSTORMY]

It isn't an unusual reaction. Many in the UK think that Australia is some magical place where all everyone does is alternate between the beach the pool and everyone is incredibly rich. 

First, no, early 40's isn't too old by any stretch. We returned last year aged 46 and very successfully. 

On timings, it really is up to you. I was offered a job back in the UK which resulted in a very mad time as I was offered the job on the condition I started the following week. So, we packed and sold everything we had in a week except for the house sale which completed after we were back - it can be done by email except for the final bit which needs a trip to Australia house to get papers stamped. 

We didn't return to the same area and that is probably a good thing. We previously lived in Leicester, a city I still really like, but we now live in Scotland (we had never dreamed of living in Scotland) and we love it and the lifestyle it gives us. So, my advice is to look at where the most jobs are for yourselves. One of the great things about the UK is it not been too big and these days transport is cheap - I can get a flight to London to visit family for under £30 return. 

[Flano]

It isn't an unusual reaction. Many in the UK think that Australia is some magical place where all everyone does is alternate between the beach the pool and everyone is incredibly rich. 
First, no, early 40's isn't too old by any stretch. We returned last year aged 46 and very successfully. 
On timings, it really is up to you. I was offered a job back in the UK which resulted in a very mad time as I was offered the job on the condition I started the following week. So, we packed and sold everything we had in a week except for the house sale which completed after we were back - it can be done by email except for the final bit which needs a trip to Australia house to get papers stamped. 
We didn't return to the same area and that is probably a good thing. We previously lived in Leicester, a city I still really like, but we now live in Scotland (we had never dreamed of living in Scotland) and we love it and the lifestyle it gives us. So, my advice is to look at where the most jobs are for yourselves. One of the great things about the UK is it not been too big and these days transport is cheap - I can get a flight to London to visit family for under £30 return. 

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[Flano]

Well done to you very stormy I hope it all goes well .we are from the midlands like yourselves. We might be your new nelghbours soon


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[LKC]

We had a few of that sort of comment, but I was sort of expecting it so it didn't bother me over much.  Unless you've lived here, you really have no grounds on which to comment about living here (or indeed to compare it to the UK).  We're moving back soon (flights booked for six weeks tomorrow - eek!) and have decided to try another part of the UK.  OH and I are from Kent/the Midlands respectively, but we lived in Cambridgeshire/Suffolk before we moved to Sydney.  We will be moving to a small village just north of Edinburgh when we move back, so a completely fresh start.  People keep telling us how cold it will be, how we'll miss the beach, how they can't believe we'd give up the 'Australian lifestyle', but I live here and I know it isn't for us.  

I'm in my early 40's, OH will turn 40 just after we arrive in the UK, and we don't consider ourselves too old to relocate, although I would say it has been harder this way round, mostly because our children are older and less easily portable, if that makes sense.

Just do what you think is best for your family (meaning you, your partner and your children).  Things usually work out for the best in the end.

[Nunu10]

Thanks everyone, really appreciate the feedback.

VERYSTORMY - I've been reading a lot of your posts and it was actually one of them where you talked about getting a job in the UK within a week and moving back so quickly that actually made our decision easier. Because you showed us it's not impossible!!  Even better now hearing you are also in your 40s

Like you did we are not looking on returning to where we left. We spent most of our working UK lives in London but are both originally from the South West. All our family are there and neither of us have lived there since we were teens, so we are looking around the Somerset area which we haven't ever lived. Plus we feel that when we lived in the UK we didn't have kids, now we do our set up is entirely different so it will be all new anyway.

Thanks for the heads up on house sales. We've decided that if we can, we are going to rent out our house in Perth and sell it at a later stage. Firstly hubby wants it as a 'just in case'....I don't think we'd be ping-pong poms but you never know, and secondly because the market is so dire in Perth at the moment.

LKC - I agree. It's all well and good for them to tell us how 'perfect' it is here, but they only come on holiday. They don't actually have to live here which is entirely different. Good luck with your move in 6 weeks, so jealous, you must be so excited!

FLANO - Good luck with your move!

OK time to ramp this project up a bit I think! I am so sick of looking at planes overhead leaving Perth and wishing we were on one!!!

 

[VERYSTORMY]

You are very welcome. I actually landed my job a week before returning. 

All I can say is for us, we have not regretted a second of it. We see the UK with totally new eyes and appreciate just how amazing it is. 

[Taff]

Most of my mates think I'm mad to return. My answer is always; "You live out here for 16 years first, then you can tell me what to do."

[starlight7]

Australia certainly isn't for everyone anymore than the UK is and the main thing is- you tried and experienced another sort of life. Never wasted on either you or your children because you now have a broader perspective on life.

[Quoll]

7 hours ago, Taff said:

Most of my mates think I'm mad to return. My answer is always; "You live out here for 16 years first, then you can tell me what to do."

Yes, I think the Poms, in general, have it confused with Oz (have yet to see an Aussie refer to it thus!) - some sort of magical nirvana. 

[Toots]

7 minutes ago, Quoll said:

Yes, I think the Poms, in general, have it confused with Oz (have yet to see an Aussie refer to it thus!) - some sort of magical nirvana. 

Not so much my family but most of my friends thought I was nuts to return to the UK after living in the USA many years ago.  In those days, the US was thought of as some sort of nirvana - especially California but I never felt I 'belonged'.  Better to move on when you feel like that.  Doesn't matter what other folk think.
 

[LKC]

59 minutes ago, Toots said:

 I never felt I 'belonged'.  Better to move on when you feel like that.  Doesn't matter what other folk think.
 

This ^

Someone recently said to me 'you are not a tree, and you don't have to stay where you're planted'.  There is no point in spending life in a place you don't want to be.  If you don't like it move.  If that doesn't work, move again.  We have precious little time on this little blue planet as it is.  There's no point in wasting it because other people expect you to do what they think you should do. This is something I've learned over the past few months.  My dad died at 52, working hard so he could start life on his retirement.  I won't do that.  I'm 42.  I could have a day, a year or fifty years of life left, and I won't waste another second of it wondering if I live up to other people's expectations.

[Toots]

22 minutes ago, LKC said:

This ^

Someone recently said to me 'you are not a tree, and you don't have to stay where you're planted'.  There is no point in spending life in a place you don't want to be.  If you don't like it move.  If that doesn't work, move again.  We have precious little time on this little blue planet as it is.  There's no point in wasting it because other people expect you to do what they think you should do. This is something I've learned over the past few months.  My dad died at 52, working hard so he could start life on his retirement.  I won't do that.  I'm 42.  I could have a day, a year or fifty years of life left, and I won't waste another second of it wondering if I live up to other people's expectations.

Quite right LKC!  My Dad also didn't reach retirement age, nor did my younger brother.  I gave up wondering if I live up to other people's expectation years ago.  

[LKC]

51 minutes ago, Toots said:

Quite right LKC!  My Dad also didn't reach retirement age, nor did my younger brother.  I gave up wondering if I live up to other people's expectation years ago.  

It has taken me until now to realise it, and I feel sad for the years I spent worrying about other peoples expectations of me but hopeful that now I have worked it out I can get on with life.

[Phil & Vikki]

This is something that has always made us laugh. For us, it generally seems to be a statement originating from people who take all they can from the UK and still think it is a bad place to be. People who take it for granted that they can go to the dentist, doctor or hospital and get treatment on the NHS. Yes they have to pay a bit towards it, but nothing like the costs here in Australia. The kind of people, who watch the popular Australia relocation programs and think that it is all a bed of roses, the grass is far greener in Australia. People who still think that they can sell their UK terraced house (taking what little equity they have) and come over to Australia, buy a 5 bed house, with a pool on a big block of land and only work four days a week for more three times the amount of money they are getting in the UK. Think you are getting the picture lol. People who when it comes to living in Australia, do not know their @ss from the elbow.

 

We travel back every Christmas (as feel that Christmas in the blistering heat is not right) and when we tell people our plans to move back, we always have the “why” question. Most of the times you can see on their fact that, what you are saying “does not compute”. As their vision of Australia and the reality is clearly so far apart. Yes, it may work out for a few people moving here, but generally it is work, mortgage, bills and such like. All the things that you have in the UK, just here you pay more for aircon and in the UK it is more for heating. With house prices here in Sydney, you still have to work like a dog to pay the bills, survive and keep a roof over your head. Here though, you sweat going to work and from work and sometimes while at work. You tell people this in the UK and their reaction is “oh I love the heat”. Yes we do now and then, but you get sick of it all the time. Trying to get to sleep at night when it is still 30 oC is no joke.

 

At the end of the day moving your whole family back is not a decision taken lightly, things must be serious for anyone to wish to move back. To go through all the hustle and up evil of moving again so if anyone had any feelings for you to start with, you would hope that they realise it is something that you need to do for your overall happiness. To anyone who is moving back or has, good on you. You have realised that Australia is not right for your family (at this time) and you have taken steps to improve the short life that we have on this earth. The way we look at it is that we tried it, we know what it is like and we have given our kids dual passports, what we see as the best start. We now realise that it is not right and we can make that decision based on knowing both sides of the story.

 

We have lived in Sydney coming on 7 years by the time we plan to move back to the UK. We feel that we have given it a fair go and now the time is right for us to move back. Our move is due to a number of factors; not feeling like this is home, realising that we have not got the golden better life here (that we were looking for), the UK is not actually that bad after all, aging family members and all our thoughts are about the UK. We sent our eldest over to the UK to start school and live with grandparent. He is loving his time there and doing far more and better than what he would have done here. That is also a driving factor as being away from him is hard on everyone and now we just want the family back together. With one child being there and settled in school and life, we just have one more to sort out in school when we get there, for now anyway.

 

Hopefully, 40 is not too old to enter the job market, as that is how old we will be when we move back. Well add a few years lol. We are sure that it is not a problem and all will be OK. From the replies on this post being 40 does not seem to be creating any issues at all.  We have a place in Sydney so like you we have decided to keep it and rent it out (like you). Worst case we have to sell it and take the money later, best case we have a pension from it when we get older. With keeping it for us, we can let the kids use it as and if they want to. We also do not think that we will be ping-pong-poms but want to keep it as if we get off the Sydney property ladder there is no wat (at our age) we would get back on again.

 

Hopefully all will go OK with your move and now that everyone is on board (hubby and yourself).  

[Phil & Vikki]

23 hours ago, Taff said:

Most of my mates think I'm mad to return. My answer is always; "You live out here for 16 years first, then you can tell me what to do."

Very true and it is not like anyone can say that you have given it a good go. You just realise where you want to be and may be where your heart is. Well we do after this time.

[Phil & Vikki]

16 hours ago, Toots said:

but I never felt I 'belonged'.  Better to move on when you feel like that.  Doesn't matter what other folk think.
 

This is what we feel and what we are thinking.

[LKC]

My mum once said to me 'It's alright for you.  You live in a holiday place!' when moaning about some aspect of her own life.  She's never been to Australia to see us, and had forgotten that life is still the same with work to do and bills to pay.  She seemed to think we were on some sort of permanent holiday or something.

That all said, to be fair to Australia it is a wonderful place and we have LOVED living here and having the experience that we've had.  Our reasons for moving back are many small things rather than one big one, but above all it's just time to go.  We never said we'd be here for ever, and as anyone who has read any of my previous posts about our life here will see, until the last year or so we've been incredibly happy in Sydney.  We've just reached a tipping point where the pros no longer outweigh the cons, and it is just time to go.  No more explanation is needed than that.

[Toots]

2 minutes ago, LKC said:

My mum once said to me 'It's alright for you.  You live in a holiday place!' when moaning about some aspect of her own life.  She's never been to Australia to see us, and had forgotten that life is still the same with work to do and bills to pay.  She seemed to think we were on some sort of permanent holiday or something.

That all said, to be fair to Australia it is a wonderful place and we have LOVED living here and having the experience that we've had.  Our reasons for moving back are many small things rather than one big one, but above all it's just time to go.  We never said we'd be here for ever, and as anyone who has read any of my previous posts about our life here will see, until the last year or so we've been incredibly happy in Sydney.  We've just reached a tipping point where the pros no longer outweigh the cons, and it is just time to go.  No more explanation is needed than that.

It's daft the number of people who think that way.

Never mind moving back to to the UK   .................  a lot of people I know in Sydney thought I was strange for wanting to live in Tasmania!   Even if we did move back to the UK, it would be to a very quiet place in Scotland.

[Martinbjulieb]

This is something that has always made us laugh. For us, it generally seems to be a statement originating from people who take all they can from the UK and still think it is a bad place to be. People who take it for granted that they can go to the dentist, doctor or hospital and get treatment on the NHS. Yes they have to pay a bit towards it, but nothing like the costs here in Australia. The kind of people, who watch the popular Australia relocation programs and think that it is all a bed of roses, the grass is far greener in Australia. People who still think that they can sell their UK terraced house (taking what little equity they have) and come over to Australia, buy a 5 bed house, with a pool on a big block of land and only work four days a week for more three times the amount of money they are getting in the UK. Think you are getting the picture lol. People who when it comes to living in Australia, do not know their @ss from the elbow.
 
We travel back every Christmas (as feel that Christmas in the blistering heat is not right) and when we tell people our plans to move back, we always have the “why” question. Most of the times you can see on their fact that, what you are saying “does not compute”. As their vision of Australia and the reality is clearly so far apart. Yes, it may work out for a few people moving here, but generally it is work, mortgage, bills and such like. All the things that you have in the UK, just here you pay more for aircon and in the UK it is more for heating. With house prices here in Sydney, you still have to work like a dog to pay the bills, survive and keep a roof over your head. Here though, you sweat going to work and from work and sometimes while at work. You tell people this in the UK and their reaction is “oh I love the heat”. Yes we do now and then, but you get sick of it all the time. Trying to get to sleep at night when it is still 30 oC is no joke.
 
At the end of the day moving your whole family back is not a decision taken lightly, things must be serious for anyone to wish to move back. To go through all the hustle and up evil of moving again so if anyone had any feelings for you to start with, you would hope that they realise it is something that you need to do for your overall happiness. To anyone who is moving back or has, good on you. You have realised that Australia is not right for your family (at this time) and you have taken steps to improve the short life that we have on this earth. The way we look at it is that we tried it, we know what it is like and we have given our kids dual passports, what we see as the best start. We now realise that it is not right and we can make that decision based on knowing both sides of the story.
 
We have lived in Sydney coming on 7 years by the time we plan to move back to the UK. We feel that we have given it a fair go and now the time is right for us to move back. Our move is due to a number of factors; not feeling like this is home, realising that we have not got the golden better life here (that we were looking for), the UK is not actually that bad after all, aging family members and all our thoughts are about the UK. We sent our eldest over to the UK to start school and live with grandparent. He is loving his time there and doing far more and better than what he would have done here. That is also a driving factor as being away from him is hard on everyone and now we just want the family back together. With one child being there and settled in school and life, we just have one more to sort out in school when we get there, for now anyway.
 
Hopefully, 40 is not too old to enter the job market, as that is how old we will be when we move back. Well add a few years lol. We are sure that it is not a problem and all will be OK. From the replies on this post being 40 does not seem to be creating any issues at all.  We have a place in Sydney so like you we have decided to keep it and rent it out (like you). Worst case we have to sell it and take the money later, best case we have a pension from it when we get older. With keeping it for us, we can let the kids use it as and if they want to. We also do not think that we will be ping-pong-poms but want to keep it as if we get off the Sydney property ladder there is no wat (at our age) we would get back on again.
 
Hopefully all will go OK with your move and now that everyone is on board (hubby and yourself).  

Fantastic post Phil&Vikki, very well thought out and spot on for our reasons on moving back after 10 years too.[emoji4]


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[Martinbjulieb]

On 23/07/2017 at 13:06, Nunu10 said:

Thanks everyone, really appreciate the feedback.

VERYSTORMY - I've been reading a lot of your posts and it was actually one of them where you talked about getting a job in the UK within a week and moving back so quickly that actually made our decision easier. Because you showed us it's not impossible!!  Even better now hearing you are also in your 40s

Like you did we are not looking on returning to where we left. We spent most of our working UK lives in London but are both originally from the South West. All our family are there and neither of us have lived there since we were teens, so we are looking around the Somerset area which we haven't ever lived. Plus we feel that when we lived in the UK we didn't have kids, now we do our set up is entirely different so it will be all new anyway.

Thanks for the heads up on house sales. We've decided that if we can, we are going to rent out our house in Perth and sell it at a later stage. Firstly hubby wants it as a 'just in case'....I don't think we'd be ping-pong poms but you never know, and secondly because the market is so dire in Perth at the moment.

LKC - I agree. It's all well and good for them to tell us how 'perfect' it is here, but they only come on holiday. They don't actually have to live here which is entirely different. Good luck with your move in 6 weeks, so jealous, you must be so excited!

FLANO - Good luck with your move!

OK time to ramp this project up a bit I think! I am so sick of looking at planes overhead leaving Perth and wishing we were on one!!!

 

We have just moved back after 10 years in Perth, with kids aged 11 and 13. They have settled extremely well as have we. We are 52 and 49 so you are definitely not too old. We were in Perth too. Any questions or help on the move feel free to ask or PM me. Good luck, the deciding is the hardest part! ?

[Nunu10]

Thank you everyone so much for your comments. I can't tell you how lovely it is to be able to discuss this with people who know EXACTLY what I'm talking about, and aren't just offering a random opinion (all be it well intentioned).

 A lot of you have mentioned the not 'belonging' part, and I think that's huge for us. Something just doesn't fit and it's a niggling which never goes away and sometimes is unbearable. 

LKC - Sorry to hear about your dad, that's really tough. I agree with you entirely and that has been one of the major driving forces for me wanting to go home, life is too short and you never know what's round the corner. We have lost several close relatives while we have been here and I can't live with that anymore, I want to be able to see them at the drop of a hat if needs be and not once every two years (if lucky!).

Phil&Vicki - thank you for your detailed post, some great perspective there. I never thought about the kids using the house in Perth later if they want to (probably as they are only 4 & 5 so I can't imagine them as adults! But that's a great point.     I had to laugh at your comments about the heat, all my rellies tell me how lucky we are living somewhere so hot and sunny, and since the UK has had a heatwave lately they have done nothing but moan about not being able to settle in the blistering heat!  

Martinbjulieb - Congrats on your move and that's great to hear, thank you! And exactly as you said, it's the deciding that is the hardest part and constantly weighing up the pros and cons and what ifs! But we know in our hearts now we are going, it's just making it happen. I might come back to you with some questions later! 

Hubby has a call with a recruiter in the UK tonight so let's see how we go!!

Thanks again everyone, you guys are AWESOME  

[LKC]

On 25/07/2017 at 11:11, Toots said:

It's daft the number of people who think that way.

Never mind moving back to to the UK   .................  a lot of people I know in Sydney thought I was strange for wanting to live in Tasmania!   Even if we did move back to the UK, it would be to a very quiet place in Scotland.

Funnily enough we did first look at relocating within Australia, and Tasmania was the only place we would have moved to.  As it is, we are relocating to a small rural village in Scotland!

[blondie]

On landing in London and arriving at my mothers house she told me "you must be mad coming back here"  in fact she loved to tell me several times a week !!  I think she was just pissed that her free holidays had come to an end.  It certainly made our relationship pretty sour and continues to do so.  I'm questioned a lot of the time as to why we would come back, but always by local people who have never lived overseas.   They have no experience whatsoever and, therefore, their opinion is irrelevant.  Good luck with your move   I turned 50 the year we came back and had no trouble finding work (NHS) and my husband was 55 and had a job offer before moving back (engineering consultant)  We have a great house and not a colour bond fence in sight (they are my pet hate)  

[Pixie77]

We arrived back with our 2 children a week ago. Very rapidly approaching 40. We had lots of comments about how mad we were- even my dad! But we knew what we were doing..... a week in & I'm confident it's right for our family- kids are so happy to have family around... that's enough for us.