Wanting to move home after 12 years in Australia

[Sophie Mathers]

Hi everyone, 

I am really at a crossroads about what to do. Me and my husband moved to Australia 12 years ago and we have had a great time since being here.  We lived on the Sunny Gold Coast in QLD for 9 years and then moved to Sydney for my husbands work. Sydney is great and we love pretty much everything about it aside from the house prices and the traffic.  I felt very content here until my father passed away in the UK about 6 years ago, this made me miss home as I was unable to be there for my Mum, and I didnt like that I didnt get to spend precious time with my Dad before he passed.  

We now have a 2 year old and I am expecting our second baby in October.  Since having my daughter I have become very homesick and wanted to move back home to be near all of our family and old friends.  I realise that the lifestyle and opportunities may not be as good in the UK, but to me at the moment, that shouldnt even come in to consideration when family and happiness is involved. My husband has a very good job here in Australia and our biggest concern is him not getting as good of a job in the UK, and the cost of us packing up and starting from scratch in the UK.

I guess I am just wanting some friendly advice from others that may have been in the same position as me and what they did and whether they have regretted or love their decision.

Thank you

[Evandale]

Have you considered your Mother coming to stay for an extended period, particularly when the 2nd baby is due ?  This would give you all time to sit and discuss the future without any pressure being applied .  Your hormones will also be playing a huge part in you feeling unsettled so why not just wait a while. Have you also thought about hanging around for citizenship which might come in handy for you all as we really cant see into the future? It could be useful to your children!   There are thousands that have gone back successfully just make sure that this is right for you and your little family. Very best wishes.

[Sophie Mathers]

I would love for my mother to come but she is a full time carer to her own mother and she cant afford to come over for an extended period.  We already have our Australian citizenship and have done for a few years now.  It definetly isnt just hormones as we keep coming back to the same conversation about moving home.  I honestly believe that if we was fully happy and content in Australia then we wouldnt even consider moving back.  Thank you for your reply.

[Evandale]

Good luck Sophie, I am sure you will receive some excellent advice from people that have gone back to Europe with no regrets. Its the people that you want in your life which is more important than the country.

[OZnewbie]

I would take an extended trip to the UK, before making any major decisions. From experience, the ideology of being close to friends and family may sound great, but then reality hits and you realize you are suddenly surrounded by good energy people and baaaad energy people who are harder to avoid as they are family and live within 1km radius of you which you could of really gone without...I love my family, but in short visitation bursts... I've lived away from them for 15+ years so I'm no longer used to level of emotional involvement.

I completely agree with Evandale and waiting around for a citizenship.. with the mess that is happening in the UK, you want your children to have options when they grow up and (potentially) need a visa to every single country they go and visit. Can you imagine your grown up kids finding out that they had the possibility to live and work in one of the most beautiful places in the world? It's happened to my husband and he still resents his parents to this day for not getting him a dual nationality (he's a UK citizen)..

 

[MelT]

We are in a similar situation. Except my parents are here in Australia.

We have been in Australia for 12 years, Qld for the last 6 where we do not feel settled plus we have found getting into the local employment market almost impossible. No issues when we lived in regional Victoria.

We have always said if Qld doesn't work out we would have no option but go move back to the UK.

I have been homsick for years but have only put the move back off for financial reasons. Now we may not have a choice anyway as my husband was made redundant at the end of 2016 (traveled interstate) applied for over 120 jobs (highly skilled professional) with no success here in Qld.

The only dilema we have now is my mother wants to stay here in Australia.

All i can say is home is where the heart is.... i truly hope you can work things out.


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[Melbournelass]

Hi Sophie, congratulations on your pregnancy! I am also due in October and have a 3 year old

My partner is Australian and although his family live in another state, I still feel like we have family around.  My parents also visit from the UK every year for 3 months which is amazing. If I didn't have this I would really struggle with being here, but I love our life here in Melbourne for now. I would also have to move to my childhood area for the level of support many have, and I don't think our quality of life would be great.  Another area of the UK - absolutely! But we would be back to that position of having to build up a new network, which has taken so long to establish here.

I say go - you have citizenship and there is absolutely nothing wrong with the UK! Many of my friends have made the move back after having kids and settled well, one has bought her dream home where she really wouldn't have had the opportunity here.

I would be prepared for feeling unsettled on returning for a period, I hear it's quite common, like a reverse culture shock! But I truly believe that's just what happens when you've been an expat - you'll always leave a part of you in both Countries especially if you have experienced so much happiness there.

[Slean Wolfhead]

I would go on an extended break to see if you still fit in to the UK, at least 4 weeks to let the initial excitement wear off and then start looking beneath the surface.  

The thought of picking up where you left off has been covered on here before, but in 12 years everybody's lives will have moved on as well as your own.

[bane01]

I you really want to move then the first step would be to secure a better or equivalent job in UK, so that you can move easily and Good Luck with the baby

[Sophie Mathers]

Our first step is to find out what sort of job my husband could get over there. Secondly, what sort of position we would be in financially in terms of being able to rent or buy a property in the UK.  We didnt exactly move to Australia intentionally, we came on a one year working holiday visa when we were 18 and ended up staying.  Our time here has been very good, but not all good. We just feel that after 12  years of being here and still considering moving back to the UK shows that we arent happy here.  Especially now we are having children of our own.  I want them to grow up with their cousins and their grandparents.  And yes if worse case scenario we hate it back home, we can always move back to Australia.  

[newjez]

On 24/04/2017 at 2:05 AM, Sophie Mathers said:

Hi everyone, 

I am really at a crossroads about what to do. Me and my husband moved to Australia 12 years ago and we have had a great time since being here.  We lived on the Sunny Gold Coast in QLD for 9 years and then moved to Sydney for my husbands work. Sydney is great and we love pretty much everything about it aside from the house prices and the traffic.  I felt very content here until my father passed away in the UK about 6 years ago, this made me miss home as I was unable to be there for my Mum, and I didnt like that I didnt get to spend precious time with my Dad before he passed.  

We now have a 2 year old and I am expecting our second baby in October.  Since having my daughter I have become very homesick and wanted to move back home to be near all of our family and old friends.  I realise that the lifestyle and opportunities may not be as good in the UK, but to me at the moment, that shouldnt even come in to consideration when family and happiness is involved. My husband has a very good job here in Australia and our biggest concern is him not getting as good of a job in the UK, and the cost of us packing up and starting from scratch in the UK.

I guess I am just wanting some friendly advice from others that may have been in the same position as me and what they did and whether they have regretted or love their decision.

Thank you

Our problem was that we migrated with very young children and it was hard on my wife not being with her mum and friends. I wanted to go before they got established in school. Damned if you do, ...

[VERYSTORMY]

From, my experience, jobs were fine. In fact I secured one before the move.

What does your husband do?

Happy to answer any questions, though cant help with schools as we don't have children.

[movingforthedream]

Hey Sophie, I'm in a similar position, also moved here on a working holiday visa when I was 18 and that was 11 years ago now. I met my husband here, so he's Australian and we had our first baby last year. Feeling many of the same things you've described, so many pull factors to stay, but like you said, you don't feel they should take first place over the relationships you've left behind. My husband absolutely loves Scotland and is all for moving, although, I feel being that he's never actually lived there before, hes only been there 4 times now, for between 5-9week visits at a time, he Kay be seeing the whole picture with Rose tinted glasses. I just wondered if you were any closer to making a decision or how your feeling now? Congratulations on your soon to be new arrival [emoji4]

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[s713]

I would do it before your Australian ties are too great, and your kids too settled. We've been here 10+ years and I couldn't move back now, much as I'd like to; it wouldn't be fair on others. For every walk on the beach you have, for every backyard BBQ, I have missed family and friend birthdays, weddings, unfortunately passings. After a while, you start to question what your motive was in the first place. It's nice to experience other things but it's gone a bit hollow and samey for me and I have some regret now. You live and learn, just sometimes you can't do anything about it.

[Slean Wolfhead]

2 minutes ago, s713 said:

I would do it before your Australian ties are too great, and your kids too settled. We've been here 10+ years and I couldn't move back now, much as I'd like to; it wouldn't be fair on others. For every walk on the beach you have, for every backyard BBQ, I have missed family and friend birthdays, weddings, unfortunately passings. After a while, you start to question what your motive was in the first place. It's nice to experience other things but it's gone a bit hollow and samey for me and I have some regret now. You live and learn, just sometimes you can't do anything about it.

The human problem is that our brains are trained to seek out continual improvement.  You earn £100 a week, you want £200. You earn £200, you want £400.

The idea of leaving your British life for a better Australian life hasn't changed...it's just that you've become used to it and want something better, and you miss those things you value. If you went back to the UK and experienced those valuable things, would the bad parts that made you want to leave in the first place be any different and would you change anything about your final decision to emigrate?  

I've been thinking recently that one day, if we work hard...we can go back to the UK for 3 months at a time and experience that life, over the summer, catching up with people and taking a rental property, living the life but without having to be entrenched in it.  

I haven't reached the point of wanting to live there again though,...the negatives far outweigh the positives for our lifestyles and prosperity, but that is the benefit of Australia...it gives you opportunities to be in control of your life far more so you have choice.

[Toots]

5 hours ago, s713 said:

I would do it before your Australian ties are too great, and your kids too settled. We've been here 10+ years and I couldn't move back now, much as I'd like to; it wouldn't be fair on others. For every walk on the beach you have, for every backyard BBQ, I have missed family and friend birthdays, weddings, unfortunately passings. After a while, you start to question what your motive was in the first place. It's nice to experience other things but it's gone a bit hollow and samey for me and I have some regret now. You live and learn, just sometimes you can't do anything about it.

That is quite sad s713.  I think from reading posts on this forum many people have felt/feel the same.  Do you manage to get back now and again to see family and friends?

[Quoll]

Personally I think there are more opportunities in UK than Aus - Aus is one of those places that traps you with illusions of freedom but once you are past the point of no return you can't  leave it - financially, educationally, pragmatically and poof! You are trapped. 

It seems that lots of people manage to get jobs before they return so a plan would be to start applying for the jobs you "would kill to get" and when you get one then you have concrete options on the table.

i would also stress the mindset of not expecting it to be a move "back" - you can never go back to what you had, you can only move forwards. Sure there will be some things still there for a framework like family and friends but your relationship with them will have changed too (and that has been a disappointment for many returnees) so you will need to develop new social networks. I've found that much much easier in UK than I ever did in Aus.

Bottom line though, if you don't belong you don't belong and no rationalisation can change that fact. Unless you have a mindset that you like living in constant limbo, feeling alien (and some people do) then finding somewhere that feels like an old pair of slippers is much more comfortable and do it while you can otherwise you end up like me 32 years and past the point of no return (although I did escape!)

[Quoll]

On 21/07/2017 at 07:03, movingforthedream said:

Hey Sophie, I'm in a similar position, also moved here on a working holiday visa when I was 18 and that was 11 years ago now. I met my husband here, so he's Australian and we had our first baby last year. Feeling many of the same things you've described, so many pull factors to stay, but like you said, you don't feel they should take first place over the relationships you've left behind. My husband absolutely loves Scotland and is all for moving, although, I feel being that he's never actually lived there before, hes only been there 4 times now, for between 5-9week visits at a time, he Kay be seeing the whole picture with Rose tinted glasses. I just wondered if you were any closer to making a decision or how your feeling now? Congratulations on your soon to be new arrival

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With an Aussie husband you could be a bit stymied - does he have dual citizenship? If not, can he get a visa? Getting an Aussie husband back into UK no matter how long you've been married can be a real hurdle

[s713]

On 7/25/2017 at 12:59, Toots said:

That is quite sad s713.  I think from reading posts on this forum many people have felt/feel the same.  Do you manage to get back now and again to see family and friends?

Thanks, I'm going in August for a couple of weeks.

 

[ScottieGirl]

On 7/25/2017 at 00:29, Slean Wolfhead said:

I've been thinking recently that one day, if we work hard...we can go back to the UK for 3 months at a time and experience that life, over the summer, catching up with people and taking a rental property, living the life but without having to be entrenched in it.  

I haven't reached the point of wanting to live there again though,...the negatives far outweigh the positives for our lifestyles and prosperity, but that is the benefit of Australia...it gives you opportunities to be in control of your life far more so you have choice.

I am the opposite, thanks to a bonkers Sydney housing market and the post Brexit pound I have moved back with enough funds to do a trip back to Aus on a regular basis. Catch up with mates, get my fix of the stunning landscape and  enjoy some warm weather during the UK winter ?

[Toots]

9 minutes ago, ScottieGirl said:

I am the opposite, thanks to a bonkers Sydney housing market and the post Brexit pound I have moved back with enough funds to do a trip back to Aus on a regular basis. Catch up with mates, get my fix of the stunning landscape and  enjoy some warm weather during the UK winter ?

Perfect!