Confusion around the behaviour of people who have moved back...

[Melbournelass]

Hi all - I've lived in Melbourne for 7 years and like many, thoughts have crossed my mind about moving back to the UK temporarily or permanently.

I love Australia, my partner and daughter are Australian and I have another little Aussie on the way.  Partner is willing to move back (no visa issues).

One thing I do wonder though - are people really happy when they move back? I know many who have - a couple of Ping Pongers too who state they made the right move but seem so hellbent in criticising Australia at every opportunity.  I don't understand why? If they have moved on? These people also seem quite sour since they left - just going by email conversations.  There is a negative slant on everything 'But we are so happy we moved back, Aus is so expensive etc'.

I've noticed too that people who have moved back a while ago continue to post here? Criticise and 'warn' others about Australia, and I don't really get it if you are truly settled into your new life.

I guess I'm struggling to trust people who have made the move back when they say it's great, because I wonder if they would admit if it wasn't....

[Gbye grey sky]

Another post guaranteed to ignite Oz v UK.

Just because someone you don't know is happy or unhappy about moving back can make no difference to you so there is no point in this post.  If you have lived in the UK you know what it is like - it hasn't changed that much in 7 years.

[VERYSTORMY]

I am one of the people that has moved back. Oz and the UK are two of the 13 countries in which I have lived,

Both are very similar in some respects and very different in others. For example, both are first world countries with similar first world pluses and minuses. But both are culturally very different in my view. That isn't a bad thing and I am not saying one is superior to the other. Just different.

I am very happy back and part of that is haven been away for so long it reopens ones eyes to what the UK has to offer in terms of different things and lifestyles. For example, before we moved to Oz, we lived in a inner city location which, looking back didn't suit us. So, we moved to Oz, thinking that what the UK had to offer was not what we wanted from life and Oz might give us what we wanted. Now, we are living in a rural area (tiny village) we are much happier. That may very well simply be that we needed to be in a different lifestyle in the UK rather than anything else. But we couldn't see that at the time.

Both countries have pluses and negatives and one will suit some and not others. Moving to any country has major impacts on lifestyle. It is how each positive and negative applies to the individual. For example, with Oz, some love the heat, I found it oppressive. It doesn't mean Oz is too hot and the UK has the perfect climate. It just means that for me, the UK climate is better. Also, how ones individual life pans out in either will differ. For example, many move to Oz in the hope of a better work / life balance. But we found it far worse with me working longer hours than I have ever worked, but that may be different for others. Likewise housing, some move to a 4x2 in suburbia and think that is perfection. But it isn't for me - it is as close to hell as I could imagine. It doesn't mean their view is any lesser or better than mine. Just different. At the same time, it is important for those considering moving in either direction to have a cross sample of different opinions and experiences as that can help make an informed choice. For example, going back to climate, if someone posts that they want to move to Oz for a better climate, then it is very justified in myself pointing out that in my view it isn't better. 

[simmo]

I wonder why people get so worked up about these things.

[bane01]

 Instead of asking others the best way is to ask yourself which one is and will be better for you.

[MelbourneTractor]

Never sure why people feel the need to criticise Australia after moving back to the UK, perhaps it's linked to feeling disappointed about the dream not working as hoped.

I tried living in Aus, it's a great place but living there wasn't for me, end off.

I will definitely be back to visit friends and my favourite Melbourne eateries on holidays though.

[Guest The Pom Queen]

14 minutes ago, MelbourneTractor said:

Never sure why people feel the need to criticise Australia after moving back to the UK, perhaps it's linked to feeling disappointed about the dream not working as hoped.

I tried living in Aus, it's a great place but living there wasn't for me, end off.

I will definitely be back to visit friends and my favourite Melbourne eateries on holidays though.

A brilliant post

[Slean Wolfhead]

13 hours ago, Melbournelass said:

One thing I do wonder though - are people really happy when they move back? I know many who have - a couple of Ping Pongers too who state they made the right move but seem so hellbent in criticising Australia at every opportunity.  I don't understand why? If they have moved on? These people also seem quite sour since they left - just going by email conversations.  There is a negative slant on everything 'But we are so happy we moved back, Aus is so expensive etc'.

I've noticed too that people who have moved back a while ago continue to post here? Criticise and 'warn' others about Australia, and I don't really get it if you are truly settled into your new life.

 

I think life in summary is just a long search for contentment and happiness.   It's quite easy to read between the lines and see who is unhappy with their lot, who protests too much, and who is trying to convince themselves by criticising or tributing random objects to try and shape their own sense of worth.

I don't post here much anymore and only come on for quick spurts and to catch up with any changes, but I've had some people on ignore for years because they added nothing to my experience and still cannot seem to move on with their lives.  You just have to filter them out.

[rammygirl]

People can be quite blinkered and also defensive.  Migrating is not easy and I would always say to people think long and hard before moving countries. Often just moving within the UK can make a real difference, even in the weather.  Some bits of the UK get less rain than Adelaide!

 

I love the UK and I love Australia. They are different and we are finding it hard to choose!  We will get our Oz citizenship this year and that will give us options.  We are in our mid 50 s and financially it makes sense to base ourselves in the UK but we will always want to come back here for extended periods.  

 

Hate is a very destructive emotion and often obscures something else.......

[Melbournelass]

Thanks for the responses, and my aim definitely isn't to start and Aus Vs. UK debate.  And of course I'll be doing what is right for my family & circumstances.  I was genuinely just wondering why so many who have returned are so critical of the country they have left. I know personally that before I left the UK having visited Melbourne, I felt very unsettled there and very anti-UK, but since living happily here I haven't felt a need to play one Country off against the other.  It makes me wonder if feelings of resentment are harboured as that is not something I want to experience.  If we return it will be for the simple reason my parents are ageing and I want my children to spend some time with them and my family in the UK.  But feeling displaced and unsettled is something I really struggle with and it does make me hesitant.

[Melbournelass]

My other enquiry was about those who have moved back continuing to compare Aus and the UK sometimes years down the line, as if it's still something that constantly plays on their mind.  Just my observations of friends who have moved and migration forums.

[Booma]

1 hour ago, Melbournelass said:

My other enquiry was about those who have moved back continuing to compare Aus and the UK sometimes years down the line, as if it's still something that constantly plays on their mind.  Just my observations of friends who have moved and migration forums.

it must play on there mind otherwise they would move on instead of spending time on a forum about oz. rubbishing oz is probably a coping mechanism if they are stuck in the uk now but just getting on with life would probably help them get over it more. 

its a terrible feeling to go back to the uk & realise you made a mistake though. i was lucky & got to come back to oz again. i dont like to think how it would of felt to not have the option to come back to oz.

[ScottieGirl]

3 hours ago, Melbournelass said:

My other enquiry was about those who have moved back continuing to compare Aus and the UK sometimes years down the line, as if it's still something that constantly plays on their mind.  Just my observations of friends who have moved and migration forums.

I call it neither here nor there syndrome after the Bill Bryson book. I love Aus and the UK but neither are perfect and when I am here there are things I miss about the UK and vice versa. If you have lived in more than one country I think its quite normal to compare and contrast, Just don't be a bore about it.

[VERYSTORMY]

8 hours ago, Melbournelass said:

Thanks for the responses, and my aim definitely isn't to start and Aus Vs. UK debate.  And of course I'll be doing what is right for my family & circumstances.  I was genuinely just wondering why so many who have returned are so critical of the country they have left. I know personally that before I left the UK having visited Melbourne, I felt very unsettled there and very anti-UK, but since living happily here I haven't felt a need to play one Country off against the other.  It makes me wonder if feelings of resentment are harboured as that is not something I want to experience.  If we return it will be for the simple reason my parents are ageing and I want my children to spend some time with them and my family in the UK.  But feeling displaced and unsettled is something I really struggle with and it does make me hesitant.

It depends on what experience someone had in Australia and the reasons for moving back. I was one of about a dozen friends who all moved over at about the same time - all now back in the UK and the majority would only say very positive things about their experience. But 2/3 would say very different. A post from them would be along the lines of the very worst you could imagine anyone saying about Australia and Australians. But, those individuals had a pretty bad time and were treated shockingly by their employers and so called new friends. It wouldn't make what they would say invalid or incorrect, as that is the experience they had.

[benj1980]

I opened this can of worms previously and again it wasn't to start a UK vs Oz debate. You are right that you need to filter through people's responses and take what you want from it. No place is perfect, I have an Australian friend who is pining to move back to the UK but moved back to Oz 2 years ago and we have no plans to go back! Horses for courses!

[starlight7]

Guess it really doesn't matter about the oz v uk debate thingo- who really cares, basically?  Sometimes it makes for interesting reading though.  I had a close friend who lived nearby for many years , the children went to school together and we saw each other a lot.  They returned to the uk and my friend re settled well (Danish by birth) but I would get long letters from her husband pouring out his hatred for Australia and the lack of just about everything nice here.  So I stopped writing to them and stopped even sending Christmas cards because it became really boring.  Shame really because I really liked my friend (but not her husband!)

[doubter]

Feelings and opinions also change. When I left OZ I had a good old moan about why I left and all the bad things just to justify to me and others why I made that decision. Now it's the complete opposite I find my self putting down the UK and praising Australia  It's just a case of wanting the good of both countries. If I was in a position to live in and enjoy both countries I would but I am not. Both have negatives and positives like anywhere and like someone said to me recently you can do everything in the UK you can do in Australia but with more clothes on 

[Toots]

On 05/04/2017 at 4:53 PM, ScottieGirl said:

I call it neither here nor there syndrome after the Bill Bryson book. I love Aus and the UK but neither are perfect and when I am here there are things I miss about the UK and vice versa. If you have lived in more than one country I think its quite normal to compare and contrast, Just don't be a bore about it.

I agree about not being a bore about it.  Just let it go for your sake and everyone else too.  

[Johndoe]

On 05/04/2017 at 1:32 PM, Melbournelass said:

My other enquiry was about those who have moved back continuing to compare Aus and the UK sometimes years down the line, as if it's still something that constantly plays on their mind.  Just my observations of friends who have moved and migration forums.

Don't know about your friends but in the case of the forum, I think it happens (via certain posters) that they are aiming more at others as opposed to Australia. IOW, they are simply trying to fire up those who are happy here and/or with whom they've had a disagreement in the past.

I'm one of those who will defend Australians, particularly when the same old line is trotted out, from the same old posters, that Australians are unfriendly, racist, bogans etc. People are people with their good and bad the whole world over and I for one, despite my love of Oz, have never once had a downer on the UK. Their are times when I lose sleep wishing that I was back in the UK and other times when I thank my lucky stars that I am here in Oz. Do what you think is right by you and yours and listen to your heart not other people

[simmo]

On 4/5/2017 at 4:32 AM, Melbournelass said:

My other enquiry was about those who have moved back continuing to compare Aus and the UK sometimes years down the line, as if it's still something that constantly plays on their mind.  Just my observations of friends who have moved and migration forums.

What would you like to know?

[Perthbum]

On 04/04/2017 at 4:14 PM, MelbourneTractor said:

Never sure why people feel the need to criticise Australia after moving back to the UK, perhaps it's linked to feeling disappointed about the dream not working as hoped.

I tried living in Aus, it's a great place but living there wasn't for me, end off.

I will definitely be back to visit friends and my favourite Melbourne eateries on holidays though.

in most cases its not criticising its giving an opinion that many people who love oz and who hate to see any criticism of their chosen place to live...so many live in Oz and have opinions on the UK that many see as criticism...whats the difference?

[Toots]

That's true PB.  Personally though I'd never criticise the UK because I am very fond of the place and was happy there.  At the moment my sister is visiting.  She spent a week in Sydney which she really enjoyed and is also having a great time here.  However she would not live here.  She has recently moved from London (after living there for almost 40 years) to Edinburgh.  I am looking forward to staying there with her for a few weeks   ............................  maybe next year.  

I do feel sorry for migrants who move back due to lack of work here or homesickness.  Life is miserable without employment and a decent standard of living.

[Guest The Pom Queen]

I have come in to contact with a number of posters who are having to return back to the UK for various reasons. Some hate Australia, some love it but I wouldn't ever tell them they can't post on here if they went back to the UK. In fact one of our regular members who use to worship Australia as told me how they now hate the place and will be going back. This person as been on the forum longer than me and I pray they stay around once home. 

'People need to know the good and bad of the big move so that they have a heads up. If it stops them from emigrating then to be honest it probably wasn't meant to be anyway. When you make the move you need to be head strong and not put off by a couple of people who say they hate the place. 

[LKC]

We are moving back to the UK within the next few months after a mostly happy eight and a half years in Sydney.  There are lots of reasons for our return, I've posted about some of them before, but really it isn't that we suddenly hate Australia and love the UK, just as when we moved out here it wasn't because we hated the UK or had a crap life there.  I think it is more about balances of things.  There are things I love about Australia and things that I don't, just as there are things I love about the UK and things that I don't.  It's just that in the past six or twelve months the balance has tipped in favour of the UK, and we've reached a kind of cross-roads point, where we either move back and commit to the UK or we commit to another eight or ten years here.  

There are a couple of things that I have been a bit more vocal about, such as how I have made few friends and how the friendships I have here are shallow, but I think I was only vocal about it because I'd bottled my feelings up for so long.  I believed it was somehow my fault and that maybe I hadn't tried as hard as I should have, or that I had made myself unfriendly in some way.  So when others said that they'd also had trouble making/keeping friends here it all tumbled out in relief.  I actually think that people should talk more about the bad stuff.  Not to dissuade people from coming or anything like that, but so that people can be prepared and can navigate the good and the bad stuff.  Perhaps if I'd felt able to share my feelings of loneliness and difficulty in making friends more openly without being accused of Australia-bashing, and had read about others in similar situations, things wouldn't have turned out how they did. 

I will most likely poke my nose in and continue to post when we move back.  Just because we are back in the UK doesn't take away the experiences that we have had in Australia, and I would hope that I could continue to offer advice if I can.

[Melbournelass]

23 minutes ago, LKC said:

We are moving back to the UK within the next few months after a mostly happy eight and a half years in Sydney.  There are lots of reasons for our return, I've posted about some of them before, but really it isn't that we suddenly hate Australia and love the UK, just as when we moved out here it wasn't because we hated the UK or had a crap life there.  I think it is more about balances of things.  There are things I love about Australia and things that I don't, just as there are things I love about the UK and things that I don't.  It's just that in the past six or twelve months the balance has tipped in favour of the UK, and we've reached a kind of cross-roads point, where we either move back and commit to the UK or we commit to another eight or ten years here.  

There are a couple of things that I have been a bit more vocal about, such as how I have made few friends and how the friendships I have here are shallow, but I think I was only vocal about it because I'd bottled my feelings up for so long.  I believed it was somehow my fault and that maybe I hadn't tried as hard as I should have, or that I had made myself unfriendly in some way.  So when others said that they'd also had trouble making/keeping friends here it all tumbled out in relief.  I actually think that people should talk more about the bad stuff.  Not to dissuade people from coming or anything like that, but so that people can be prepared and can navigate the good and the bad stuff.  Perhaps if I'd felt able to share my feelings of loneliness and difficulty in making friends more openly without being accused of Australia-bashing, and had read about others in similar situations, things wouldn't have turned out how they did. 

I will most likely poke my nose in and continue to post when we move back.  Just because we are back in the UK doesn't take away the experiences that we have had in Australia, and I would hope that I could continue to offer advice if I can.

Sorry to hear you've found it difficult to make friends - I felt that way when I lived in London, I was very lonely with many aquaintances but few friends. My friendship group here is one of the reasons I would find it so hard to go back as my UK friends are now spread all over the Country - most have returned to the place they grew up.  That wouldn't be an option for me unfortunately, I couldn't live in NE England.