Red Rose

To those people in Oz who are not that close to their family in the UK....

43 posts in this topic

I wasn't particularly close to my family as in we could exist very happily for weeks on end without seeing each other but we were by no means dysfunctional, just pretty happy with our independent lives and happy to see each other when our paths crossed. I actually found that when we emigrated we felt 'obliged' to Skype every week, simply because we were so far away rather than keeping up the same contact we had in the uk, but distance and especially the time difference, for me, takes it's toll, sometimes at the end of my long day I'm feeling tired and just not in the mood to chat to someone whose just waking up!, my daughter has to be coerced and bribed at times to Skype her grand parents after a day of school and then a 2 hour swim club session, this is my reality but being so far away I feel more guilty than I would if I lived in the uk and hadn't seen them for a few weeks...

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I had no family in the Uk.....me my Aussie husband and 3 children moved to Australia to be with his family, yet we still returned to the uk. We miss our Australian family very much and speak a lot but we prefer the U.K. By a mile. My husband had lived in the uk over 20 years when we went back to Australia so I guess he had just become too British. We went back to Australia for a visit last year after being back in the U.K. For 6 years.....if we didn't have family there we probably wouldn't visit again.

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I don't have any family at all and I think it's made it harder for me. I feel like I don't have a home any more as home was always where my parents were. I can't call them if I'm having a rough time and if something bad were to happen I don't know who I could rely on. Having to put a friend down as next of kin on forms always feels a bit sad

 

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Completely agree. Most of my UK friends were not close to their family....lots fell out with close friends and family so missing them was one thing they didn't have to worry about! I wouldn't say dysfunctional though?

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I fell out with my father about 4 years ago and I have no intention of having a relationship with him in the future. I do not consider my family is dysfunctional. Just because someone is related doesn't preclude you from having a disagreement.
would you call a family where a child has no relationship with their father fully functioning then? If it's not fully functioning, then it is dysfunctional.

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I didn't mean to imply that the people were dysfunctional, but that the families were, in fact, I actually said that; and I do have mild dyslexia, but you have a pop anyway if it makes you feel better.

 

It was a throwaway comment; nothing more, nothing less so it doesn't make me feel better or worse. I actually used to be a teacher at a dyslexic school so when I saw 'disfunctional', it stood out to me as I was so used to seeing the word 'dyslexic'. For the record, when I type in 'dislexic' and 'disfunctional' both words are underlined, once again highlighting the mistake to me.

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It was a throwaway comment; nothing more, nothing less so it doesn't make me feel better or worse. I actually used to be a teacher at a dyslexic school so when I saw 'disfunctional', it stood out to me as I was so used to seeing the word 'dyslexic'. For the record, when I type in 'dislexic' and 'disfunctional' both words are underlined, once again highlighting the mistake to me.
you should know better then.

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Wow. What I should do is not waste my time with people like yourself. I'll let you get offended with someone else on another matter (why not try the Brexit discussion again?). You should HTFU in my view.

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would you call a family where a child has no relationship with their father fully functioning then? If it's not fully functioning, then it is dysfunctional.

 

I just don't like the word and the stigma attached to it. I fell out with another person, the fact he is my Dad is irrelevant. Will agree to disagree with you on this one.

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Only just read this post and I am wondering why only Dads have problems. My son and his fiancée have fallen out with me they only live a n hour away but last year was my second Christmas on my own. I am an only one but sadly both my parents have passed away we certainly had our family problems mainly me liking being at the local Palais dancing and having fun so much I would miss the last bus at 10-30. But still couldn't for one second when living in the UK not being in there lives. It doesn't seem to take much for them to abandon you I am still trying to figure out what I did wrong (I think the problem is I just exist) :cute:

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Wow. What I should do is not waste my time with people like yourself. I'll let you get offended with someone else on another matter (why not try the Brexit discussion again?). You should HTFU in my view.

 

 

What's HTFU please?

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It must make it so much easier for you to settle in Australia?

 

I don't think this has any bearing at all on how you settle in Australia, or anywhere else in fact. Personally I think what does matter is whether your impressions of Australia and living here live up to your anticipation of living here; whether you like what you find and adapt to it's differences to UK or where ever you came from; whether as a person you are up for a major change in your life and have the personal skills to take on the challenges that offers. Just because you don't have family in Australia doesn't mean that you will settle easier at all.

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What's HTFU please?
Apparently it's a brand of clothing.

 

http://www.htfu.com/

 

harden the fcuk up

Edited by newjez

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Wow. What I should do is not waste my time with people like yourself. I'll let you get offended with someone else on another matter (why not try the Brexit discussion again?). You should HTFU in my view.
You're comment basically said that you work with special needs people so you're allowed to make fun of them. What exactly am I meant to do with that?

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I just don't like the word and the stigma attached to it. I fell out with another person, the fact he is my Dad is irrelevant. Will agree to disagree with you on this one.
I get that. I would probably describe my family as a bit dysfunctional, and I would blame a lot of that on the ping ponging and resultant loss of stability. I went for a period where my father upset me, I let him know, and then I was dead to him. He called me up after four months and suggested that we bury the hatchet and start speaking to each other again. I hadn't actually stopped but hey. We're on good terms now. They go for periods where they have big to dos with my eldest brother. It's a bit worrying as he is potentially unwell and I can get any sense out of any of them. Seems they only see each other when I visit. But you can't choose your family. I can't comment on your father as I don't know the history. But I do know you can't really make peace with someone when they're dead. Mine is a cantankerous old git, but I love him, and I'm glad we're on good terms atm.

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Only just read this post and I am wondering why only Dads have problems. My son and his fiancée have fallen out with me they only live a n hour away but last year was my second Christmas on my own. I am an only one but sadly both my parents have passed away we certainly had our family problems mainly me liking being at the local Palais dancing and having fun so much I would miss the last bus at 10-30. But still couldn't for one second when living in the UK not being in there lives. It doesn't seem to take much for them to abandon you I am still trying to figure out what I did wrong (I think the problem is I just exist) :cute:
My wife expected my boys and I to fight like cat and dog when they hit puberty. Just didn't happen. Whereas she seems to be constantly at loggerheads with them.

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Apparently it's a brand of clothing.

 

http://www.htfu.com/

 

harden the fcuk up

 

ah. Nice. I knew there had to be an fc UK in there somewhere but I couldn't work the rest of it out.

 

For the record, when I started teaching, one of the first things I learned was not to highlight people's errors in front of others. Soft I know, but there it is.

 

i think some people do come from families where relationships don't work too well. It's a shame because often the individual members are perfectly nice people, they just don't get on together - and I think it must make it easier to move away than if you are in a 'my sister my best friend' sort of set up.

 

Its also true that more families tend to be fragmented these days - people don't tend to live in tight little communities any more. I've been doing my family tree recently (no groaning please) and have been amazed at the number of people in my family who lived all their lived in the same little corner of Liverpool. Work these days can take you just about anywhere ....

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I don't think this has any bearing at all on how you settle in Australia, or anywhere else in fact. Personally I think what does matter is whether your impressions of Australia and living here live up to your anticipation of living here; whether you like what you find and adapt to it's differences to UK or where ever you came from; whether as a person you are up for a major change in your life and have the personal skills to take on the challenges that offers. Just because you don't have family in Australia doesn't mean that you will settle easier at all.

 

I don't think the OP meant that you would settle more or less well if you had family in Australia, but that if you weren't close to your family in the first place then you wouldn't miss them as much when you got to Australia. I think they have a point. You do too - obviously if you can't adapt to your new environment in Oz you aren't going to be happy and you won't last long. But if you are really missing family members then everything is going to seem less appealing and more difficult ... Isn't it?

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