Red Rose

To those people in Oz who are not that close to their family in the UK....

43 posts in this topic

It must make it so much easier for you to settle in Australia?

Edited by Red Rose

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It must make it so much easier for you to settle in Australia?
I do tend to meet a lot of people from disfunctional families in Australia. Not saying it's a requirement, but it helps.

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I do tend to meet a lot of people from disfunctional families in Australia. Not saying it's a requirement, but it helps.
Just because some families dont live in each others pockets doesnt make them disfunctional!

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I do tend to meet a lot of people from disfunctional families in Australia. Not saying it's a requirement, but it helps.

 

 

Bit it of a disfunctional comment, to be honest, define disfunctional?

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It must make it so much easier for you to settle in Australia?

 

 

Yes it does. And having most of my immediate family deceased probably made it a walk in the park compared with those who live in each others pockets. Who'd have thought it would one day be a positive hey?

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When we came out we were certainly not a dysfunctional family- just young, adventurous and in love with Australia. We created our own dynasty over here I guess, 4 kids and their loved ones and their kids and now their kids' kids. None of them went to live in the UK for more than a couple of years and if they had- well I don't believe in living in each other's pockets and would wish them well.

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Are people who didn't spell dysfunctional dysfunctional? Google provides two definitions (hardly the world authority on word definitions but it's a starting point). The two definitions are: 'not operating normally or properly' and 'unable to deal adequately with normal social relations'. I think to define what is normal when it comes to a family relations is very hard to say and very subjective.

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Generations of my family - especially on Dad's side were emigrants - mainly to the USA and Canada. I found it hard to say goodbye to Mum even though I left home when I was 16. My brother and sister worked overseas often too so we were always a 'spread out family'. I dare say that yes, it is harder to migrate if you live in the same neighbourhood as lots of family members and see each other a lot.

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It must make it so much easier for you to settle in Australia?

 

Are you looking for some assurances or validation?

Edited by snifter
edited

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It must make it so much easier for you to settle in Australia?

 

No, not really.

 

I suppose it will depend on the individual really and if in the long term Australia can give you want you need.

 

Although not being close to family / friends could help I suppose, only one way to find out.............

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Are you looking for some assurances or validation?

 

I would reckon by the question that the OP is having a tough time away from family.

 

My wife and I come from very small families who are not particularly close. We have found it pretty easy to settle. In my case I had lived my whole life (54 years) in SE England. Was happy enough there most of the time but so far have not missed anything or anyone. Skyped a fair bit at first - in fact I communicated more with family in the 6 months either side of moving than I had in years but it has returned to normal now. Rare!

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I do t know why you think it is easier. I have no family here so if anything goes wrong, I'm in my own. Imagine trying to deal with cancer with no family or friends for support

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Not in my case. I am an only child of only children so somewhat short on relatives but that hasn't made it easier for me to settle. As boganbear says being on your own is hard - wherever you are. Plus having no ties introduces the misery of choice.

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It must make it so much easier for you to settle in Australia?

 

What do you define as close? I was extremely close emotionally to my dad but not geographically. As a couple/family we didn't rely on any family members to provide child care etc., and were pretty much a self sufficient unit - which I believe helped in the settling process as we'd never relied on anyone else other than ourselves ... however, we had a close relationship with family members.

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What do you define as close? I was extremely close emotionally to my dad but not geographically. As a couple/family we didn't rely on any family members to provide child care etc., and were pretty much a self sufficient unit - which I believe helped in the settling process as we'd never relied on anyone else other than ourselves ... however, we had a close relationship with family members.

I'd agree - what does "close" mean? We are a small family and I would say "close" emotionally but independent and self sufficient to the max. When I moved, to some extent it was a case of out of sight, out of mind but that didn't stop the "closeness". We have never been a family living in each others pockets - for me that would be overwhelmingly stifling - but I imagine if that is the life you are coming from them migration would be impossible.

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I'd agree - what does "close" mean? We are a small family and I would say "close" emotionally but independent and self sufficient to the max. When I moved, to some extent it was a case of out of sight, out of mind but that didn't stop the "closeness". We have never been a family living in each others pockets - for me that would be overwhelmingly stifling - but I imagine if that is the life you are coming from them migration would be impossible.

 

i agree too. We have been a small family and have moved around Europe a bit, so it seemed unsurprising when our daughter went off to live in Oz. Doesn't mean we weren't close. The problem with Australia is that of course you can't do any of the little flights to see people for a weekend or to join a special celebration. We we're able to get back to Wales for my parents diamond wedding, for example, all in a weekend. Although I don't miss my daughter on a day to day level any more, the distance makes me sad. So I'd say we are close emotionally but not physically. If that makes sense.

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I would turn it on it head and say that people who are very close to family can find it harder. But, not being close is no guarantee of settling. I am as far from close to family as a person is likely to be, but struggled.

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Just because some families dont live in each others pockets doesnt make them disfunctional!
I never said it did.

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Bit it of a disfunctional comment, to be honest, define disfunctional?
I have met many people who have migrated who have no relationship with their parents. Haven't spoken with them for years. There has been a complete breakdown in their relationship for reasons they are usually unwilling to discuss. I would define that family as dysfunctional. Edited by newjez

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Are people who didn't spell dysfunctional dysfunctional? Google provides two definitions (hardly the world authority on word definitions but it's a starting point). The two definitions are: 'not operating normally or properly' and 'unable to deal adequately with normal social relations'. I think to define what is normal when it comes to a family relations is very hard to say and very subjective.
I didn't mean to imply that the people were dysfunctional, but that the families were, in fact, I actually said that; and I do have mild dyslexia, but you have a pop anyway if it makes you feel better. Edited by newjez

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As far as I can tell functional families only exist on the telly or in movies. Every family seems to have someone who they don't get on with or a relative who is a bit of a black sheep. Some degree of dysfunctionality seems to be the norm.

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As far as I can tell functional families only exist on the telly or in movies. Every family seems to have someone who they don't get on with or a relative who is a bit of a black sheep. Some degree of dysfunctionality seems to be the norm.
over the last three years I've seen my brother and sister more times than they have seen each other, and I'm 12000 miles away and they are ten miles apart.

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I didn't mean to imply that the people were dysfunctional, but that the families were, in fact, I actually said that; and I do have mild dyslexia, but you have a pop anyway if it makes you feel better.

 

haha newjez I think I must be mildly dyslexic too - I didn't spot the mistake and had to go back and look to find it. Besides, any mistakes on here aren't mistakes they are a result of predictive texting and therefore totally beyond our control...

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haha newjez I think I must be mildly dyslexic too - I didn't spot the mistake and had to go back and look to find it. Besides, any mistakes on here aren't mistakes they are a result of predictive texting and therefore totally beyond our control...
Can't claim predictive text I'm afraid - I was relying on my spell checker - and it didn't correct it. It even came up on my tablets suggested words, so I assumed it was an American spelling, as I knew it didn't look right. My problem is though, that even correctly spelt words don't look right if I examine them too closely.

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I have met many people who have migrated who have no relationship with their parents. Haven't spoken with them for years. There has been a complete breakdown in their relationship for reasons they are usually unwilling to discuss. I would define that family as dysfunctional.

 

 

 

I fell out with my father about 4 years ago and I have no intention of having a relationship with him in the future. I do not consider my family is dysfunctional. Just because someone is related doesn't preclude you from having a disagreement.

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