Huntersmummy Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Hello my british lovelies living DU! *****Ok so I just want to point out before I start that this thread is based on my OWN experiences. Ok?? I know a lot of Brits/Aussies are extremely proud of OZ and can get the arse up if someone says something bad BUT lets not forget, it doesn't work for everyone! This isn't a PomsinOz.com/Positive Reviews Only or You'll Burn In Hell site.....everyone is entitled to their opinion, bad or good. And I'm not out to cause offence.***** Right, I've posted threads before about moving here, not liking it and wanting to go back to the UK. "If you hate it here, then why don't you F-O back to the UK" So I've been told... I would but my husband won't budge. He loves it here and we have kids that he won't let me take back to the UK. SO THATS WHY!! Plus, due to visa restrictions, we can't move out of the NT for 2 years and we're staying in Darwin due to our housing contract so we just can't up and move. Ive posted before on here about the difficulty finding a job. Ive only ever had "jobs that pay the bills" I did get a job offer a few weeks ago. It was working as a massage therapist. Ok, I thought, I haven't got training but they might train me. So I called her and she said you would have to wear a tight uniform and be prepared to do extras. Now me being stupid, asked what extras they would want? Foot rub? Clothes washed? Nooooooo, extras as it rub my boobs over them and "handy extras"....So i put the phone down. Im not reducing myself to being a hand whore for $20. Im not completely stupid. I don't do sick days. I work hard and want nothing more than to provide for my family as I've worked since i was 16....im nearly 30 now. So after many talks with the husband, crying, pleading to go back and pointing out I just CANNOT get a job, he says give it more time before I throw in the towel and go back to the UK, on my own, without my kids as Im not able to take them with me. (Thats a personal matter) Ive tried to like Australia. I really have but the fact after 4 months and STILL no job, battling with the horrible heat, expensive food shopping, rude, racist darwin locals, expensive child care ($1000 per WEEK) getting eaten to death by flies everyday, I really fail to see why people would give up their life in the UK for the "aussie dream" I can't go on not having a job as things cost money and money I don't have. Savings won't last forever. I understand people have to work to make your house a home, fit in and make friends. Now before I get a new butt-hole ripped for expressing my own personal opinions, OZ isn't all bad. Children here are very polite, especially with my kids at the park. We've had some lovely days out with the kids too. We lived with my in laws for 2 years, saved, worked all hours, never seen each other, sold everything, moved here for what? Not to be able to find work to provide a lifestyle for our kids and be sitting on the breadline???!!! So, yes, maybe its a rant post that not everything is as wonderful as it seems over here. Ive very jealous for people who do come here and love it! Id love to make it work, but deep down, my heart belongs to the UK...where I can get a job! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 I'm really sorry to read your dilemma and forgive me but I did have a chuckle about the massage job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 A quick one, would your husband consider moving elsewhere? At the minute it's troppo season in Darwin, the time of year everyone has had enough of the heat and wants to escape. Please don't give up on Australia because of one place. There are so many different landscapes, climates and cities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 I do think Darwin is very different from other areas of Australia, so I wouldn't judge the whole country on the basis of how you are finding Darwin. Melbourne for example would be nothing like Darwin. I wonder why though a couple can come and one party absolutely loves it and the other hates it. It seems to happen a bit here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huntersmummy Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 lol, its fine my love. I did laugh too. Id feel sorry for the clients having my post pregnancy sagging nips on their chests. They wouldn't pay $20 thats for sure! I'm really sorry to read your dilemma and forgive me but I did have a chuckle about the massage job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 An actual massage therapist is quite a skilled job, if you're interested in that (not the type with the extras) have you thought about doing training, remedial massage for sportspeople etc, Re your job offer, I'd always be dubious of being offered a job that I had no qualifications/experience in and i'm sure that if you reported them for telling you you'd have to be up for extra's that they'd be out of business. Hopefully, at some point you'll be able to look back on that story when you're having a glass of wine with your mates and have a laugh about it. It does sound as if you're having a really tough time and I think it's a natural mindset to blame Aus for the difficulties and it sounds like whatever decision you come to will have a knock on effect for you, especially if you decide to return to the uk. Have you considered having some counselling in order to talk through the way you're feeling and assisting your decision making, having someone who has no attachment to the situation can help enormously. It's an incredibly difficult time and I do feel for you as none of your decisions will be without cost. Good Luck - I hope you find a happier place, environmentally and emotionally x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huntersmummy Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 Yes I've noticed it seems to be a tread.....but it always seems to be the one living in Oz that wins. Especially when kids are involved. Its a trillion times harder. Id like to give the rest of Oz a try before throwing in the towel but 2 years in Darwin before we can move, ill be a nervous wreck and you'll see me on a made man dingy in the middle of the ocean, trying to get back to the UK. I do think Darwin is very different from other areas of Australia, so I wouldn't judge the whole country on the basis of how you are finding Darwin. Melbourne for example would be nothing like Darwin. I wonder why though a couple can come and one party absolutely loves it and the other hates it. It seems to happen a bit here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 At least you still have your great sense of humour :smile: I wouldn't like to live in Darwin at all. All that heat and humidity so you have my sympathy. Winter up there might not be so horrible. Do you think you can stick it out until the 2 years are up? You know we are all here for you when you need to have a good vent :hug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
movingback Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Agreed, you have my sympathies. I could not live in Darwin during the summer, it would do my nut in. Even Sydney is too humid at times for me. You sound like a right laugh and very British - in a good way! What part of the UK are you from? Best of luck working through your decisions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJ Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 (edited) What does your husband do that you need to live in Darwin? Couldnt you and the kids move somewhere else and rent a little place until he can get out of his contract and find work somewhere else? He could join you on weekends or every couple of weeks, would just be like working away from home, and would be a lot better than leaving your kids and going home on your own? It is very hard finding work to fit around the kids anywhere though, not just Darwin, I have found the same, was determined for a long time that I had to find a job, now I just do a few hours childcare a week until something eventually comes up, gives me time to do some study as well, would you try something like that? Edited February 15, 2016 by AJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bibbs Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 I wonder why though a couple can come and one party absolutely loves it and the other hates it.It seems to happen a bit here. Usually because one goes to work, speaks to locals, makes friendships and starts to integrate and make a new life and a new home. The other is at home, meets no-one new, feels alone with constant Skype calls "back home" and resents the new life the first is creating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Usually because one goes to work, speaks to locals, makes friendships and starts to integrate and make a new life and a new home. The other is at home, meets no-one new, feels alone with constant Skype calls "back home" and resents the new life the first is creating. There is truth in what you are saying Bibbs. I started work within days of arriving in Australia and the folk I was working with were lovely. So friendly - some Poms but mostly Aussies - so I had a job and friends almost from the word go. We also knew two other couples from the UK who came here not long after us so that was really good. It must be horrid to spend long days on your own and not knowing anyone so far from home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freckleface Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 You could consider getting involved in volunteering as a way to become involved in the community, get out of the house and meet people. More importantly though you could use volunteering as a way to build your limited skill set and get a good reference in order to gain paid employment. There are numerous organisations in Darwin currently looking for volunteer workers across a range of different roles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Freckleface beat me to it - could you volunteer perhaps? It's sometimes good for networking and could lead to something better - don't know if Lifeline has a centre up there these days but you could get a bit of (non massage therapy) training which might add to your cv in the process. Alternatively are there any courses you could do at TAFE that wouldn't cost an arm and a leg? Marriage counselling for the pair of you I would say is a must! There's got to be a compromise situation before you decend into wrist slitting country. You might give CBT or ACT a go as well (through your GP) but unfortunately neither are going to give you a job which, I suspect would make your life infinitely more liveable. Your kids are going to be fine in either place but they are going to be best where they have a happy mummy so if you are happiest in UK and he would let you go with them then that's where they would be happiest - kids really couldn't give a toss about all those things adults value just their house, their stuff and their happy mummy and daddy. You still have one very important survival skill - humour! So please vent away but you might like to get yourself invited to the closed MBTTUK group. Meanwhile you could reframe and be happy to be a "kept woman" (very Stepford) and he can work two jobs to keep you shopping, lunching, and being out with the girls! Good Luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 As others have said Darwin is a one off. I liked it when I've been up there on business but would struggle to live there. Why are yoy paying childcare at that price if you can't get a job? Just stay at home and look after the kids. It wouldn't be worth your while to get a job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Well I think living in Darwin for 6 months you deserve the OAM. Lovely though it is for a holiday, it would probably be up there with the worst cities to live on a permanent basis, especially without a job and a crowd of workmates. Had a laugh about the original massage therapy- they have to be kidding- is that what they do up there in the heat?? Good luck to you and hope you either find a job soon or get the hell out! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 *****Ok so I just want to point out before I start that this thread is based on my OWN experiences. Ok?? I know a lot of Brits/Aussies are extremely proud of OZ and can get the arse up if someone says something bad BUT lets not forget, it doesn't work for everyone! So, yes, maybe its a rant post that not everything is as wonderful as it seems over here. Ive very jealous for people who do come here and love it! Id love to make it work, but deep down, my heart belongs to the UK...where I can get a job! If you met someone who'd moved to England, and they were saying the whole country was sh!t because they didn't like living in Slough, would you think that was fair? That's the reason Australians get upset, because what you hate (and you're entitled to) is DARWIN, not Australia. The Northern Territory is a unique place, completely different from the other states. People seem to either love it or loath it. Many Australians wouldn't live there - you'll see newbies asking here about going to Darwin and they'll often get a barrage of people telling them "don't do it!". Anyhoo, none of that helps you - just sayin' that if you are having a rant, referring to hating Darwin rather than hating Australia would avoid some of the abuse. The ideal answer would be to move somewhere else in Australia - if your oh loves it, then he'd be happy in Queensland too, and you'd find Brisbane a lot more civilised. I know two years seems like a long time but if you could agree a plan, it might make it more bearable. The other option could be for you to move to Brisbane yourself, get a job and see how you like it - if you're happy there, then once your visa restrictions are up, he could move to join you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 I don't think leaving your husband for 2 years is much of a suggestion. No one would do that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huntersmummy Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 Ah thank you kindly for all your sweet words. Right now, I'm in the "Bollocks to it mood, I wanna go home" Maybe its the heat scrambling with the ol noggin?? Husband has suggested moving after the 2 years but having such a crap experience here, I don't really wanna. My mind is UK UK UK UK....Primark....UK UK UK. Oh and Paul, we don't pay $1000 for childcare. We WOULD have to if i wanted to do full time work. Unless i start shitting goldbars.... Sigh.....this thread is mainly for others who feel in the same boat and feel **** to admit they made the move and don't like it. I have nothing against aussie folk, just, I don't like it here. And for the volunteering side of things....quick story....bought a car off a woman off gumtree, i had to sell it 3 months after due to needing the money etc etc, it caught fire with me in it! And burnt......so no car, stuck in the arse end of no where with two small kids. Oz is like that fit guy at school who you have a massive crush on then you get to go out with him and realise he's a massive dick. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 I don't think leaving your husband for 2 years is much of a suggestion.No one would do that. Dunno, that might be an option - he would then have satisfied the 2 years and they could move to Melbourne or wherever and the family 's visa would still be current for a return to somewhere easier to live in. Long distance relationship but like FIFO. Mind you he might not like Melbourne with all the immigrants (ditto Sydney) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Croft Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Oh and Paul, we don't pay $1000 for childcare. We WOULD have to if i wanted to do full time work. Unless i start shitting goldbars.... Sorry, does that include the childcare rebate? You can claim that even if you're looking for work. Are you able to claim it on your visa? Some good suggestions about volunteering. You could also look at volunteering in schools, especially ones you're looking at your children going to. This not only gives a good set of contacts, it also gives you an idea if you think your children would settle there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJ Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 You have already made your mind up that you are not going to like it whatever. so really no point in anyone suggesting things to you. hope you get to go home soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Raillys Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 (edited) I suppose your mind is made up, but I would echo what others have said: In my opinion the further north you go, the more redneck people become. Darwin is pretty small and very hot. Maybe you should be looking to Melbourne or Brisbane for a better quality of life?. What career where you in the UK? Edited February 15, 2016 by The Raillys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nemesis Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 I don't think leaving your husband for 2 years is much of a suggestion.No one would do that. Many couples live apart for months at a time for work reasons - I know, I'm one of them, Doesn't make the mariage any less valid, in fact sometimes it helps as it gives both partners a focus in life with jobs etc while apart and teaches you to value the time together even more. No reason why the OP couldn't move somewhere else in Aus with the kids where she can find work and maybe sette down more, and the family can meet up whenever possible until the end of the two years when hopefully her husband can move and join her. Certainly not a suggestion to be dismissed without some thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Priscilla101 Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Ok I feel the need to be practical. You can't get a job- what are your skills/qualifications? Childcare is a bitch- set up a yummy mummy money making venture. ? everywhere sucks when you feel alone and crappy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.