Jump to content

You're currently viewing the forum as a Guest
register-now-button_orig.png
and join in with discussions   
ask migration questions
message other members

..and much much more!

Daffodil

UPDATE: Wanting to move back to Wales but husband won't

Recommended Posts

Hi Everyone :)

 

Just thought I'd give an update on my situation - i wrote in a few months ago about wanting to move back to Wales but my husband refused to make the move.

 

I was in a really bad headspace with home sickness and became so fixated on the desire to move back that I couldn't appreciate the positives in any aspects of my life here on the Gold Coast. I knew I couldn't keep living like this so I need to take control of my life and do something about it. So I went on a solo trip to Wales at the end of Dec for 3 weeks and it was the best thing I could have done. I've only recently returned and I already feel a lot better about my life.

 

In a nutshell, I have decided that I am going to stay here in Australia. I still would absolutely love to live in Wales and would move in a heartbeat if my husband was willing. But the reality of my situation is that he doesn't want to move and with 2 very young children to consider I simply cannot take them away from their dad and move them to the other side of the world. I don't want to split up with my husband either. So while I still have that strong pull to Wales, my kids are more important and their needs/happiness have to come before mine and destroying my family and uprooting them is not the best option for anyone. It stings and hurts to fully accept that the shipped has sailed on my opportunity to move.

 

I loved everything about home - my parents, family, best friends, the weather (believe it or not!), the culture, the pubs, the coastal paths, the friendly locals, the close proximity to everywhere, the cuteness of the community etc. But I do recognise that as I have been living in Australia for 14 years I probably don't fit in as much I had romanticised in my head. I've changed and so has my family and friends to some extent so I think me moving back and trying to make a new life for myself would be incredibly hard, especially as my parents are so much older now.

 

So back here in Australia with a clearer head and a bit of help from a psychologist, I can see things in a better light now. There are so many fabulous things about my lifestyle here that are in a different league to what I'd have in Wales. I certainly don't 'love' it here. I really like it though. I know that with a better mind set and some changes that I need to make, I can definitely make a real go of things here once and for all. It's not going to happen over night so will be a work in progress! I don't really have a choice. I have to accept that moving back isn't going to happen and it's not the end of the world. My husband is so supportive of my Wales woes and always reminds me that I have the best of both worlds - I am a Aussie girl and also a Welsh girl and have the pleasure of being able to live in one country, and visit the other as many times as I like to get my Welsh fix whenever the crippling homesickness monster rears its ugly head. I will still continue to have a visit home each year, or two visits if need be.

 

I sometimes feel a bit envious when reading of some other members who have been lucky enough to move back to the UK with their partners/family. But then I remind myself that each situation is completely different and mine is what it is. I think there are pros and cons living in either country but I know that the most cons for me at this stage in my life are in Australia.

 

xx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest

What a great update. So glad to hear you are working things out and have sought help.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I did enjoy reading your post Daffodil and so glad you are feeling more settled.


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away :smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's hard that you can't get home permanently but maybe regular trips back can help you 'top up' on all things Welsh. We're going back for a year shortly - hubby doesn't want to, but there are practical things to attend to so needs must. I am trying to set myself up financially so I can spend a great deal more time in the UK and that will have to do for now.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Good on you Daffodil. A part of your heart will always remain in Wales, that Land of Song- but another part and the here and now is with your family and now your mind is made up I am sure you will all find much more happiness.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Good on you Daffodil. Sometimes you just have to reframe and accept that the least worst option is the best option! It's good that you've got a psych who s working on ways to help you look on the bright side. You never know your luck, sometimes life throws you a curve ball and your DH could do a 180 turn but in the meantime you will find it easier because this is YOUR decision and you have the freedom to come and go. CBT can be a life saver used well!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Great post, I particularly liked this sentence which I'm sure describes a lot of PomsinOz who dream of returning:

 

" I do recognise that as I have been living in Australia for 14 years I probably don't fit in as much I had romanticised in my head."

 

I must say that until I moved back here, I hadn't realised just how much Australia had changed me!

 

It's good to hear you're managing to find the positives, best of luck for the future.


Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Great post, I particularly liked this sentence which I'm sure describes a lot of PomsinOz who dream of returning:

 

" I do recognise that as I have been living in Australia for 14 years I probably don't fit in as much I had romanticised in my head."

 

I must say that until I moved back here, I hadn't realised just how much Australia had changed me!

 

It's good to hear you're managing to find the positives, best of luck for the future.

 

I do think that once you have even considered moving, your life will never be quite the same as it was, it will always be different, and you can never move back, you can only move on. Be careful before opening that Pandora's box.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hi Everyone :)

 

Just thought I'd give an update on my situation - i wrote in a few months ago about wanting to move back to Wales but my husband refused to make the move.

 

I was in a really bad headspace with home sickness and became so fixated on the desire to move back that I couldn't appreciate the positives in any aspects of my life here on the Gold Coast. I knew I couldn't keep living like this so I need to take control of my life and do something about it. So I went on a solo trip to Wales at the end of Dec for 3 weeks and it was the best thing I could have done. I've only recently returned and I already feel a lot better about my life.

 

In a nutshell, I have decided that I am going to stay here in Australia. I still would absolutely love to live in Wales and would move in a heartbeat if my husband was willing. But the reality of my situation is that he doesn't want to move and with 2 very young children to consider I simply cannot take them away from their dad and move them to the other side of the world. I don't want to split up with my husband either. So while I still have that strong pull to Wales, my kids are more important and their needs/happiness have to come before mine and destroying my family and uprooting them is not the best option for anyone. It stings and hurts to fully accept that the shipped has sailed on my opportunity to move.

 

I loved everything about home - my parents, family, best friends, the weather (believe it or not!), the culture, the pubs, the coastal paths, the friendly locals, the close proximity to everywhere, the cuteness of the community etc. But I do recognise that as I have been living in Australia for 14 years I probably don't fit in as much I had romanticised in my head. I've changed and so has my family and friends to some extent so I think me moving back and trying to make a new life for myself would be incredibly hard, especially as my parents are so much older now.

 

So back here in Australia with a clearer head and a bit of help from a psychologist, I can see things in a better light now. There are so many fabulous things about my lifestyle here that are in a different league to what I'd have in Wales. I certainly don't 'love' it here. I really like it though. I know that with a better mind set and some changes that I need to make, I can definitely make a real go of things here once and for all. It's not going to happen over night so will be a work in progress! I don't really have a choice. I have to accept that moving back isn't going to happen and it's not the end of the world. My husband is so supportive of my Wales woes and always reminds me that I have the best of both worlds - I am a Aussie girl and also a Welsh girl and have the pleasure of being able to live in one country, and visit the other as many times as I like to get my Welsh fix whenever the crippling homesickness monster rears its ugly head. I will still continue to have a visit home each year, or two visits if need be.

 

I sometimes feel a bit envious when reading of some other members who have been lucky enough to move back to the UK with their partners/family. But then I remind myself that each situation is completely different and mine is what it is. I think there are pros and cons living in either country but I know that the most cons for me at this stage in my life are in Australia.

 

xx

Good on you :)

You really do have the best of both worlds - especially if you can visit uk once a year or even a bit more often while the kids are young.

The thing to do now is find a past time that you wouldn't be able to do in UK eg dragon boating or something like that where you can meet one or two more people to add to your friends in Aus - quality is needed not quantity.

All the best to you

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think you did the right thing, in going back for a holiday to see how you feel and give yourself some head space.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Despite being Welsh, I don't want to move back to Wales either. My Aussie wife wants to, but I do not.

 

We'll settle in Cornwall.


all my eye and Betty Martin.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

loved reading your post Daffodil,. Like you I still miss beautiful Wales and all those fundamentals you mentioned in your post, but have only been in Australia for 4 years. It's good to know you can change your mindset if you really want to, it is going to be vastly different to life back home but like you said it is about appreciating the good things. Good luck to you and your family.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I remember your original post and so am very glad that you have managed to straighten things out. My wife and I have agreed that she goes back to Swansea once per year in order to see her friends and family and it has made a massive difference to her mindset here in Australia.

 

My son and I have to head back tomorrow night for 8 days and while the circumstances of our trip aren't the best we are both looking forward to being able to catch up with family & friends for the first time since we moved here four years ago. It will be interesting to see where we see home as a result.

 

Good luck for the future

 

Si


Opinions are like ar**eholes, everybody has one and generally full of s**t. Including me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Same here, we are going back home for a holiday in June. Be interesting to see what I feel after. Id happily move back now and never look back.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey Daffodil, my name is Amy. I moved to Australia (Perth) when I was 15, and lived there for 6 years. It was mentally a difficult experience for me, I always felt like I didn't belong and that I was missing out living in Australia. I moved back to Scotland in 2014, have been back here for a 1 and half. I never went back for a holiday, which was really bad, because i could of possibly seen the reality of the UK. I don't regret moving back because I experienced the working environment, weather, etc. I also met my boyfriend, who I am really happy with. I love Scotland, but it has downfalls. I only saw good times. Me and my partner are going forward with a partner visa. I really want him to experience life in Australia. I was against life in Australia, and wouldn't allow myself to see the great things about it. I had opportunities to make my life happier/better in Aus and I ignored them mainly. I hope some of the things I say, make you feel a little better xx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I love Scotland, but it has downfalls

 

Do you mean it has downfalls for you personally ?

 

I can honestly say Scotland/UK has been very good to us since we moved home.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There's nothing wrong with Scotland, and I'd always be the first to defend the life over here. I didn't mean to offend. Yeah for myself. I'm 22, I'm not a university graduate. The weather, more of a upbeat attitude, finances and opportunity were a lot better in Aus. Keep in mind I'm from highlands. It's a shame, because most Scottish people I talk to about my move back to Scotland, think I'm crazy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Your incredibly brave sweetness.

I know it sucks ducks nuts to be somewhere where you heart doesn't belong but you making the most of it, well done. :)

Especially doing it for your children.

I know in life you wanna be that little bit selfish and as a parent, its hard because you have to wrestle between kids and yourself. Just because your a mum doesn't mean to say you have to lose your identity and not be happy.

You have a wonderful sounding husband, beaut kids, a life that most people would give their right testicle/boob for AND AND AND you get to visit home!

I know what I mean to say in this post but I'm a mong. Basically, have a hug and good on you. xx

 

On a side note, at least in OZ you don't have to put up with the sheep sh**ging jokes ;)


I wasn't blessed with good looks, long hair or perky boobs so I had to settle with a sense of humour thats kinda like marmite, slightly offensive to the tastebuds.

 

Arrived in Darwin 14-10-2015 - 100% Scottish. Blood Type: Irn Bru

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
There's nothing wrong with Scotland, and I'd always be the first to defend the life over here. I didn't mean to offend. Yeah for myself. I'm 22, I'm not a university graduate. The weather, more of a upbeat attitude, finances and opportunity were a lot better in Aus. Keep in mind I'm from highlands. It's a shame, because most Scottish people I talk to about my move back to Scotland, think I'm crazy.

 

 

Why don't you stay and do your degree in UK first and give it a proper go.

 

A degree will open more doors for you than you can imagine.

 

You are still so young and the world is your oyster, really.

 

Don't throw away this chance you have.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Guest114430
Why don't you stay and do your degree in UK first and give it a proper go.

 

A degree will open more doors for you than you can imagine.

 

You are still so young and the world is your oyster, really.

 

Don't throw away this chance you have.

 

 

i don't see her throwing away any chance from what i read, she is very young and has the freedom to go where she pleases. she can go, come back, go and come back again, yet still be "young"!! . Age is just a number. it doesn't and shouldn't restrict you in your decisions.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
i don't see her throwing away any chance from what i read, she is very young and has the freedom to go where she pleases. she can go, come back, go and come back again, yet still be "young"!! . Age is just a number. it doesn't and shouldn't restrict you in your decisions.

 

Great advice there and a sure one way ticket to mediocrity.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Guest114430
Great advice there and a sure one way ticket to mediocrity.

 

wow. your wife is so lucky.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I do feel for you .I have been here 50 years and my husband is the same , so now its my time and looking into returning home Life is too short to be unhappy

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What a lovely read from all the threads, especially from Daffodil.

To be honest, I feel the exact same way after the nine years we have been here on the Gold Coast. Here is me thinking that it was just me who feels this way.

 

Yes it is tough, but the most difficult time I had was when my dad passed away suddenly last year. And I have had to deal with the guilt of it all that I wasn't there.

I suppose it's true to say that time is a healer, and we all have to move on in the best possible way.

 

Regards Dean

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sure its not the bloody Gold Coast rather than Australia itself? Just a thought...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×