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Marisawright

Legal separation in the UK - any info?

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Your post is over the top. There is no violence in this case.

 

Calling someone an abuser doesn't seem appropriate in this case.

Breakups are emotional and obviously involve fights and disagreements.

 

They are still living together also.

 

There doesn't need tobe violence

 

This is the description of domestic violence - it includes controlling and coercive behaviour, it also includes verbal abuse.

 

~The new definition of domestic violence and abuse now states:

Any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality. This can encompass but is not limited to the following types of abuse:

 

 

  • psychological

  • physical

  • sexual

  • financial

  • emotional

 

Controlling behaviour is: a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour.

Coercive behaviour is: an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim.” *

This definition, which is not a legal definition, includes so called ‘honour’ based violence, female genital mutilation (FGM) and forced marriage, and is clear that victims are not confined to one gender or ethnic group

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Well we have been told he isn't speaking to her and the only bad behaviour is some nasty texts he allegedly sent.

 

This is not domestic violence at all just a couple going through a breakdown in their relationship like millions of couples do.

 

Lets not label it as something it isn't is all I am saying.


I want it all, and I want it now.

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Your post is over the top. There is no violence in this case.

 

Calling someone an abuser doesn't seem appropriate in this case.

Breakups are emotional and obviously involve fights and disagreements.

 

They are still living together also.

 

 

Abuse is not only physical violence. Verbal/emotional abuse is just, if not more, damaging and can be harder for the abused to recognise. Often the onset is little things, such as denying something has happened to make the abused doubt herself (usually it's against women, but can be the other way around too) and over the months and years, escalates to the point where the abused simply doesn't recognise she's abused. It's called gaslighting http://www.thehotline.org/2014/05/what-is-gaslighting/

These abusers are often absolutely charming in public and with friends which leaves the abused even more confused and feeling alone. When/if the lightbulb moment happens, her self confidence and esteem have been so eroded she can't find a way out, as she has often been isolated from friends and family and everyone around her has only seen the public facade of the relationship.

Marisa's niece may well be trying to protect her rights and her children's security by staying in the house, not there because she wants to share a home with him, or because there's no verbal or emotional violence.

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She gets "talk to the hand" and he walks away. She has tried saying things like "OK you won't talk to me, but please pick .... up from school tonight because I have a meeting". He won't respond and he won't do it. The only requests he will consider doing are text or email.

 

 

Thats probably because he knows there's proof of her asking and he know that to ignore those requests will put him in a bad light in court.

Thank goodness she has a supportive family (you).

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Sorry but ignoring someone you are splitting up with is not abuse. Not even close.

 

I just think this card is pulled out of the kit bag much too quickly when it is not true.

 

I think if she really feels threatened she should move out of the house.


I want it all, and I want it now.

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It is probably difficult to assert legally you are separated when still living together too.

Although it is not impossible.


I want it all, and I want it now.

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Sorry but ignoring someone you are splitting up with is not abuse. Not even close.

 

I just think this card is pulled out of the kit bag much too quickly when it is not true.

 

I think if she really feels threatened she should move out of the house.

 

She then makes herself and her children 'intentionally homeless' and loses rights over the home. She's not married and doesn't have the same rights as someone who is. It's really not that simple.

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That is why she should see a solicitor. If she is on the house title it shouldn't be a problem.

In truth they are not separated at all yet it sounds like to me untill one of them moves out.


I want it all, and I want it now.

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She then makes herself and her children 'intentionally homeless' and loses rights over the home. She's not married and doesn't have the same rights as someone who is. It's really not that simple.
It may not be but for some one to come on spouting about abuse and restraining orders is a bit of an overreaction in this situation!

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You'd be surprised how many 'separated' couples share houses, either because they have nowhere else to go, or because they can't afford to move out.

You're right that she needs to seek legal advice though, and where there's abuse, the abused can still seek legal aid (although I think there has to be proof - police records etc), or there are charities, such as women's aid who can help.

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It may not be but for some one to come on spouting about abuse and restraining orders is a bit of an overreaction in this situation!

 

 

Maybe, maybe not. Only she knows exactly what she's going through. Giving information, or sources for information, will give her resources to move on and hopefully avoid costly (financial and personal) mistakes.

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That is why she should see a solicitor. If she is on the house title it shouldn't be a problem.

In truth they are not separated at all yet it sounds like to me untill one of them moves out.

 

Are you going to give her the money for the rent?

 

I'm hearing a bitter and twisted divorce somewhere in your past, parleycross. It doesn't mean you should assume every breakup is the same.

Edited by Marisawright

Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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Maybe, maybe not. Only she knows exactly what she's going through. Giving information, or sources for information, will give her resources to move on and hopefully avoid costly (financial and personal) mistakes.
All thats been said that he is ignoring her and sending her nasty texts. Sounds like he more needs to grown up and stop acting like a stroppy teenager with attitude rather than an abuser.

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Are you going to give her the money for the rent?

 

I'm hearing a bitter and twisted divorce somewhere in your past, parleycross. It doesn't mean you should assume every breakup is the same.

 

 

Poor woman. It sounds intolerable for her.

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OK, thanks everyone for the advice and I have taken careful note of it all. I think I'm going to request admin to delete the thread as I worry I'm maybe revealing a bit too much of my niece's situation on a public forum and I'm not sure that's a good idea in the circumstances.

 

Thanks again all!


Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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Usually it is the woman who withdraws the privileges.

What I said though if you keep living together it is hard to prove legally you are separated unless both parties agree.

.


I want it all, and I want it now.

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Poor woman. It sounds intolerable for her.

 

 

No sex ?


I want it all, and I want it now.

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Usually it is the woman who withdraws the privileges.

 

.

You say that as if you're implying my niece is lying?


Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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No. Why?

But if you think they have been separated for 3 years that is probably not really true legally.

 

Is having sex the sole determinant of a continuing relationship? Probably not.

 

Does he want the separation btw. You haven't said.


I want it all, and I want it now.

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Well we have been told he isn't speaking to her and the only bad behaviour is some nasty texts he allegedly sent.

 

This is not domestic violence at all just a couple going through a breakdown in their relationship like millions of couples do.

 

Lets not label it as something it isn't is all I am saying.

 

Believe me I would rather a thump in the face than the emotional crap I have endured from my ex. I would suggest that unless you have experienced anything like this or have very close experience you keep your closed minded opinion to yourself.

 

To the OP, I know nothing of the UK legal system but all I was advised was that I should not be the one who leaves the 'marital home'.

 

I hope your friend sorts it out, I feel your friends pain.

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OK, thanks everyone for the advice and I have taken careful note of it all. I think I'm going to request admin to delete the thread as I worry I'm maybe revealing a bit too much of my niece's situation on a public forum and I'm not sure that's a good idea in the circumstances.

 

Thanks again all!

 

 

Maybe be a good idea. However, it's an all too common situation, sadly, so not really identifiable.

I wish her luck and strength.

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Your post is over the top. There is no violence in this case.

 

Calling someone an abuser doesn't seem appropriate in this case.

Breakups are emotional and obviously involve fights and disagreements.

 

They are still living together also.

 

How is this over the top when it's true?! It's an example of how a Restraining Order doesn't solve things but can cause further problems, so therefore, highlighting that even if one was able to get one it is not necessarily the answer to a problem.

 

Restraining Orders criminalise ordinary behaviour, so are ideal for people who have no need to have any contact with someone at all. The wording is usually along the lines of 'not to contact directly or indirectly a person, not to harass, intimidate or pester them'. So sending someone a birthday card or a text message to ask them how they are, for example, will be classed as a breach. However, if your ex partner who you have a RO against then sends you a text message to tell you to get to the hospital quickly because your child has had an accident would be construed as reasonable grounds for a breach, thus making the RO a bit of a waste of time.

 

There is some excellent advice on this thread from people who clearly know what they are talking about, especially in relation to Non Molestation Orders, Occupation Orders and Restraining Orders. The terminology changed from Domestic Violence to Domestic Abuse some years ago specifically because you don't have to be beaten up by someone for them to make your life hell! And living with someone who totally ignores you and fails to co-operate with you or speak to you face to face is not nice at all. There's a lot more to that than sulking, immature behaviour or needing to grow up.


Don't Let It Happen To You : What Every Mother Should Know Before Emigrating. Available on Amazon by Rachel Tilley.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Dont-Let-Happen-You-Emigrating-ebook/dp/B00FV80PTM/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1451572986&sr=1-1&keywords=rachel+tilley

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Does he want the separation btw. You haven't said.

 

What's that got to do with anything? If the lady in question no longer wants to be with the man he doesn't have to give consent for her to leave him!

 

However, when a woman leaves or tries to leave an abuser who doesn't want the relationship to end she is at her most vulnerable and risk of harm at this time as that is when the abuser loses his power and control. The majority of serious harm and death occurs at the point of someone leaving/having left - but here I am going over the top again!


Don't Let It Happen To You : What Every Mother Should Know Before Emigrating. Available on Amazon by Rachel Tilley.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Dont-Let-Happen-You-Emigrating-ebook/dp/B00FV80PTM/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1451572986&sr=1-1&keywords=rachel+tilley

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Yes absolute rubbish. There has been no suggestion of violence or abuse by this man.

Marisa used the term inappropriately and all the women go into a feeding frenzy.


I want it all, and I want it now.

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Yes absolute rubbish. There has been no suggestion of violence or abuse by this man.

Marisa used the term inappropriately and all the women go into a feeding frenzy.

 

I did NOT use the term inappropriately. I have not told the full story and you have jumped to the COMPLETELY incorrect assumption that I'm exaggerating. If I explained you would see that it's not over the top at all, but I'm not going to start giving more details as I've revealed enough to get the advice I sought. Why should I have to give you chapter and verse? I did not ask for your opinion, I asked for advice on what steps she should take. You obviously have none, so butt out.

Edited by Marisawright

Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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