Ping Pom feelings

[Happyshopper]

So I have been a reader of this site for a number of years but I have never posted until now. I’m in a real dilemma and don’t know what to do.

 

We’ve just moved back to Aus after having a year in the UK. Before that we we're here for 6 years. I was the driver to us moving back as I used to get so homesick but when we did we really missed Aus. Now we are here I find myself thinking non-stop about home and I feel so stupid. I got cold feet before we moved back to Aus but felt it was too late to stop everything as we’d resigned from jobs our house sale was going through etc.

 

The trouble is I don’t know what to do. Do we pull the pin now and go home live with my parents until we get set back up or do we do a year or 2 here and enjoy it for what it is and try and push those feelings of being far from friends and family away.

 

Any advice from people who’ve ping pommed would be welcome.

[Lukepom]

Keep going back and forth... It's great! Why do you have to be stuck in one place?

[Happyshopper]

Well to feel settled really - don't enjoy starting out again every time we move. We are lucky that we have dual nationality but feel lonely living here even though we have lots of lovely friends and some family. I realise this sounds crazy as were so lucky. Just wondering how long we stay now that we've come back again. Maybe we just need to give it a bit of time but am concerned the longer we are out of the UK, the harder it will be to go back.

[Alaska]

So you have done UK, Aus, UK, Aus?

 

I hate to say it, but I fear that you will never feel settled and will always be thinking the grass is greener.

 

Maybe you could look at it objectively and try and to see which one suits you best and just do trips to the other one for holidays.

 

Only you can really answer which one that is.

[Quoll]

If it isn't floating your boat then move on. The loneliness probably won't go away so if that's an issue for you, move to where you don't feel so lonely. The older you get the harder it is to move of course as all sorts of other things tend to trap you in one place or another. If you can view life as a series of adventures rather than a need to be settled "forever" it might be easier for you.

[Happyshopper]

Thanks Quoll and Alaska. We've done UK - Aus - UK - Aus yes. We have a trip booked home in the UK summer which I booked as a return when we moved in case of any home sickness. Quoll I think your motto life as a series of adventures is a good idea. I just need to stop obsessing about it. Alaska I don't think the grass is greener anywhere and love both places for such different reasons. I know noone can make the decision for us but would like to feel settled.

[srh82]

I guess the novelty will eventually wear off wherever you choose to live.

 

I would try and stick it out where you are now and find activities to take your mind off the homesickness...

[Gbye grey sky]

I tend to think with these posts that the telling word is 'home'. I feel settled here in Australia already and it feels like 'home' to me; it is also where the two most important people in my life are living (wife and daughter). If you always think that the UK is home then you have probably answered your own question really. When you have a choice best to live where you feel you belong I always think.

[mouse]

I don't have experience yet but I would say if you've only just moved back you need to give it some time, especially as you say you find it quite difficult each time you do it. I'd say give yourself at least six months. I've got friends who constantly move and are never settled and I dread being one of those to be honest. It sounds like a horrible place to be and I feel for you.

[Chortlepuss]

Both countries have a lot going for them - it's hard to choose and IMO it would be brilliant to have a base in both.... but also very expensive. We are heading back in March but probably only temporarily due to constraints of work and family. If you are free to move and have the funds, why not go with the flow?

[ali]

It sounds from your post that you've already decided that the move to Aus will be short term - if you're going to be going back to the UK and 'home' as you see it why not go back now. I'm always reluctant to put a time scale on something e.g. 2 years ... it's a ticking clock that is constantly being looked at and e.g. happiness/homesickness being measure against.

 

What does your OH think?

[Diane]

Your family must be getting a little frustrated at you! Do you have kids or is it just you and your OH? If you have kids then it must be incredibly unsettling for them, moving back and forth like this.

 

I think it is probably time for you to stop chasing rainbows and just accept that nowhere is perfect, pick one place and live with the decision. No-one who emigrates doesn't leave something behind they'd have rather taken with them - whether it be family, best friends or whatever. You just have to get on with life.

 

The saying "be careful what you wish for" was probably written by a migrant! You think you want something really badly and then when you get it, it's not the be-all-and-end-all you thought it would be. Life's like that - accept it. Concentrate on the positives of the place you are in.

[Imapla]

So I have been a reader of this site for a number of years but I have never posted until now. I’m in a real dilemma and don’t know what to do.

 

We’ve just moved back to Aus after having a year in the UK. Before that we we're here for 6 years. I was the driver to us moving back as I used to get so homesick but when we did we really missed Aus. Now we are here I find myself thinking non-stop about home and I feel so stupid. I got cold feet before we moved back to Aus but felt it was too late to stop everything as we’d resigned from jobs our house sale was going through etc.

 

The trouble is I don’t know what to do. Do we pull the pin now and go home live with my parents until we get set back up or do we do a year or 2 here and enjoy it for what it is and try and push those feelings of being far from friends and family away.

 

Any advice from people who’ve ping pommed would be welcome.

 

 

Hi

I am one step behind you having moved back to the Uk where it is now dark dark dark - dark by 4pm. I can't wait to return to Aus and also had cold feet about our decision to return to the UK and also felt it was too late to stop everything. It sounds easy to say go backwards and forwards but it is very mentally draining to close off a life in one country and start it up again in another - unless you or your OH has a job that can be done anywhere such as best selling author ! Not to mention the cost - it is scary to add up exactly how much a move actually costs.

 

When I was in Aus I didn't realise the climate was that important to my life but moving back here I now know it is - I will never get used to this winter. We arrived back in July and the weather in UK at that time was pretty similar to the Queensland winter. The temperature is not such a problem it is the darkness - the lack of light and high skies that you kind of take for granted when you are living in Aus. There will always be that choice Aussie weather/lifestyle and long distance family relationships or UK weather/lifestyle and closer relationships with your family - if only we could have both.

 

Maybe give yourself until July and take that flight back for a holiday before you go to all the expense and emotional upheaval of moving again - in the meantime spend time doing things that you couldn't do in the UK and getting outdoors and enjoying all that lovely sunshine and light because over here we have another 3 months til the clocks change and then another 3 months til summer officially arrives.

 

I think it always helps to have the next trip back planned so you have that date in the back of your mind when you are missing home.

 

Good luck with your decision - what does your OH say btw ?

[Happyshopper]

Thanks Imapla. Yep the dark in winter is pretty miserable and I don't miss that! I don't mind the costs of moving, its only money but you're right about the emotional upheaval and changing bank accounts, health insurance etc. is a bind.

 

I think waiting till the flight home in July could be a good idea. I need to have a good chat with my OH to see what he thinks. I think either of us it too scared to address it! We've got time off over Christmas so we should be able to make a decision then.

[Happyshopper]

Thanks Ali, My OH had said in his first week here that he feels like we made a big mistake. He won't really talk about it now, which means we can't really make a decision. Ive only been back 2 months and him 2 weeks. Its driving me crazy not knowing what to do for the best. I hear what your saying about a timescale, if we know its not right, I'm not sure its worth prolonging it. Will keep you posted on our decision.

[Guest Dave53]

Keep going back and forth... It's great! Why do you have to be stuck in one place?

 

Absolutely .... If you can afford do it, it's the only way ...What ever makes you happy is the way to go . Life's too short to be unhappy . I'm 62 yrs old , been in Australia 28 yrs and still don't know where I want to finish my days ... Remember , everyone's different and only you know the true answer .

 

Dave C

[Happyshopper]

I don't have experience yet but I would say if you've only just moved back you need to give it some time, especially as you say you find it quite difficult each time you do it. I'd say give yourself at least six months. I've got friends who constantly move and are never settled and I dread being one of those to be honest. It sounds like a horrible place to be and I feel for you.

Thanks mouse think we need to give it time.

[Keith and Linda]

Treat it more like an adventure and relax a little, nothing in this world is forever so may as well try to enjoy the journey, couple of wrong turns may be made on the way but hey we might as well try to enjoy the new view until we decide on our destination.

Good luck.

[Happyshopper]

Treat it more like an adventure and relax a little, nothing in this world is forever so may as well try to enjoy the journey, couple of wrong turns may be made on the way but hey we might as well try to enjoy the new view until we decide on our destination.

Good luck.

Thanks Keith and Linda- good advice.

[bristolman]

Thanks Imapla. Yep the dark in winter is pretty miserable and I don't miss that! I don't mind the costs of moving, its only money but you're right about the emotional upheaval and changing bank accounts, health insurance etc. is a bind.

 

I think waiting till the flight home in July could be a good idea. I need to have a good chat with my OH to see what he thinks. I think either of us it too scared to address it! We've got time off over Christmas so we should be able to make a decision then.

 

The dark winter days don't last very long, I'm amazed we are already at the stage where the days are getting longer again and to me the really long summer days more than make up for it. We have moved backwards and forwards a few times over the years, never ping ponged though, we always moved for a reason. This last move back 'home' to England may or may not be the last one but as you say it's only money.

[MelanieJS]

I am feeling the same. We have moved here just over two weeks ago (which I know isn't long!!). My partner is an Aussie and I'm from the UK. We both had cold feet leading up to the move but we both quit our jobs/sold our house and sent the dogs over so felt we couldn't back out.

As soon as we arrived, we both felt like it wasn't "us". We love Australia but I think only for a holiday. My partner has loads of friends here from school and it is great to catch up with them but it doesn't make us want to stay.

We are both now considering moving back to the UK next summer if we still feel the same way. We don't want to be ping-ponging so if we go back then that is it, and we will just come to Oz for a holiday every couple of years instead.

Hope you decide what is best for you and your family.

[Happyshopper]

I am feeling the same. We have moved here just over two weeks ago (which I know isn't long!!). My partner is an Aussie and I'm from the UK. We both had cold feet leading up to the move but we both quit our jobs/sold our house and sent the dogs over so felt we couldn't back out.

As soon as we arrived, we both felt like it wasn't "us". We love Australia but I think only for a holiday. My partner has loads of friends here from school and it is great to catch up with them but it doesn't make us want to stay.

We are both now considering moving back to the UK next summer if we still feel the same way. We don't want to be ping-ponging so if we go back then that is it, and we will just come to Oz for a holiday every couple of years instead.

Hope you decide what is best for you and your family.

 

wow our situations are very similar! We also shipped pets over. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

[flag of convenience]

I am feeling the same. We have moved here just over two weeks ago (which I know isn't long!!). My partner is an Aussie and I'm from the UK. We both had cold feet leading up to the move but we both quit our jobs/sold our house and sent the dogs over so felt we couldn't back out.

As soon as we arrived, we both felt like it wasn't "us". We love Australia but I think only for a holiday. My partner has loads of friends here from school and it is great to catch up with them but it doesn't make us want to stay.

We are both now considering moving back to the UK next summer if we still feel the same way. We don't want to be ping-ponging so if we go back then that is it, and we will just come to Oz for a holiday every couple of years instead.

Hope you decide what is best for you and your family.

 

I fully agree. A great holiday country though somewhat expensive to get around, but a land of diminishing returns in living in.

[Jacaranda]

Do you think that feeling homesick is anything to do with Xmas?You might just be experiencing some feelings re missing your family and friends because its that time of year.I would definitely give it more time,and see how you feel once Xmas is out the way.Atm though just try to refocus your attention to the present moment.Because in reality,its all we ever have,thats "real"!Most of our thoughts are either about the past or future.Cant change the past,and the future isn't here yet so just enjoy the moment.

[Happyshopper]

Thanks Jacaranda, I think a bit of it is to do with Christmas yes for sure. We will give it some time but I already know that I don't want to be here forever. Just need the familiarity of home and to be around old friends and family. Maybe we could do a year or two to enjoy the adventure again. We've got the Christmas break to have a good think. Thanks all for your comments.