Marisawright Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 (edited) Here in Vienna on a city break for a few days and loving it, but having a strange realization... Both oh and I feel very out of our comfort zone because neither of us speaks German. People do speak English here but not with the same level of ease and confidence as the Germans or the Dutch,and we've had a few misunderstandings - nothing serious but just enough to make things slightly stressful at times. BUT in spite of that, we both feel more "at home" than we have ever since moving to the UK. It's that indefinable feeling that so many Brits leave Australia for - that feeling that they don't belong. It's not a case of life being better or worse, its a gut feel. Well, I think I've just had it confirmed that I don't feel I belong in the UK. Very hard to put it into words, but the Vienna lifestyle feels much closer to the Sydney lifestyle than anything we've found so far along the South Coast of England (and I don't just mean Southampton, since getting the car we've been traveling around a lot). I know people say that the arrival of the Italians, Greeks etc after WWII transformed the Australian way of life and I was never convinced - but now I see what they mean. And it seems as though I've become too much a part of that way of life and don't fit the English way any more. The cafe society, the types of food in the bars and restaurants, the attitude of staff, the behaviour and appearance of people on the street - sure, the streetscape couldn't be more different but otherwise I feel so much more at home in Vienna. MaryRose, living in Surry Hills you'd fit right in here immediately! Edited September 5, 2015 by Marisawright Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 A move back to Oz perhaps Marisa? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted September 5, 2015 Author Share Posted September 5, 2015 A move back to Oz perhaps Marisa? This does make it seem more likely but there's still the issues of family and housing affordability Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 I've never been anywhere I don't fit in. Maybe you just don't want to be in the UK? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caramac Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 I feel like that living here in the north of England. It's absolutely beautiful here, but I dont 'fit'. The best way I can describe it is feeling like a piece of a jigsaw that's in the wrong box. Nothing wrong with the place, or me, just not the right fit. I felt the same last time we lived here too. I thought it may just be a case of settling after the usual two years, but we've been here four now and I don't feel any different. I've given up trying to understand why and am looking forward to being able to leave in 21 months time while making the most of what I do like about being here. Maybe you could learn German? :wink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Ahhh lovely on holiday and I feel the same way in Berlin or Barcalona then suddenly I realise I am on holiday and it is nothing like living and working in a place....love it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VERYSTORMY Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 No offence, but it was obvious that you would feel a massive hit / culture shock. Moving from Sydney to Southampton is a bit like moving from London to Dubbo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Visiting a city from Europe from an australian city must be a culture shock...so much more relaxed in Europe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Visiting a city from Europe from an australian city must be a culture shock...so much more relaxed in Europe. Marrisa lives in the UK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
srh82 Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 No offence, but it was obvious that you would feel a massive hit / culture shock. Moving from Sydney to Southampton is a bit like moving from London to Dubbo. +1 Try living in Leeds or Manchester where a spade is a spade and you might feel more at home there.... Also cheaper and the people are more friendly! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 (edited) I love the different cultures of European cities - and always make an effort to try some of the language (even though I'm not very good!) - Have felt welcome in so many places and don't care that I don't fit in when I'm on holiday as I embrace the change. Usually the most I'm anywhere is 3 weeks. I also love places where the culture is very different - India was fascinating to me. My sister has traveled to Berlin on a number of occasions - and felt she fitted right in due to the music scene and easy living. Not fitting in here in Australia is very different - although there are so many aspects of Australia and Australians that I love, I am always reminded that I don't fit in - from my accent ('Are you on your holidays?) to the sport (gentle teasing at work) to subtle differences in humour (VERY different), to a different emphasis on relationships, work culture. When I go down the beach and see families or groups of friends gathered and enjoying each others' company, I'm reminded it's really just me and my family here - and I do feel that it's a little strange. So not fitting in here in Australia is much more of a big deal for me than when I'm exploring new and exciting places on my holidays and the cultural differences between Brits and Ozzies seem pretty wide at times. A lot of people don't or can't predict that when they make the move and I suspect that feeling part of my community and having supportive family and friends was much more important to me than I ever thought it would be. I've lived in a number of places in the UK and fitted in right away - even as a southerner in Yorkshire! Perhaps I'm too British!!! Edited September 5, 2015 by Chortlepuss Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellybingobingo Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 I think marrisa , you have been away from the UK far too long to feel like you belong now . I went back in May and June and the minute I stepped off that plane I was home ! And it felt so normal like I did belong ! I am getting a bit better here in settling living in this2 bed with me hubby is quite cosy actually lol . But I could of quite easily slipped back in as normal when I was back there felt so right to me . Maybe you are too Australian now because u have been out of England along time . I'm just very home sick still but only 3 yrs but am getting a bit better ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 You are right I do not fit in in the UK either, my daughter is over there presently and she cannot wait to leave, she is off to San Francisco and I am sure she will feel more at home there. We must change when we live away so long and I find Europe and UK fine for a short visit but too drab to stick around for long. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Interesting post Marisa. I think what you're going through is what I fear might happen to me if we moved to the UK. After 7 years here, we're pretty settled with an established friendship network, school, work etc, but as the expat of the family I often feel the pull of home. Whenever we go back to the UK I'm reminded how much I love the place (family, friends, pubs, banter, countryside) but also I have to adjust back into the British mindset. The prospect of moving back is scary, not only because I might feel I don't fit in anymore, but also because it would be MY decision to move back (my Aussie wife is very settled here) so there would be that added pressure of trying make everyone else happy. Sometimes its easier to just stay put! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 IF (and that's a big if) I ever moved back to the UK to live, it would have to be where I was brought up. I still have very good friends there and I love the area. After 34 years in Australia though, I would miss too much here. My sons, good friends and of course I would miss Australia. Great to hear you are enjoying your holiday Marisa :smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellybingobingo Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 (edited) IF (and that's a big if) I ever moved back to the UK to live, it would have to be where I was brought up. I still have very good friends there and I love the area. After 34 years in Australia though, I would miss too much here. My sons, good friends and of course I would miss Australia. Great to hear you are enjoying your holiday Marisa :smile: yes jock in tas , I would move back to where I was bought up actually back in my house lol although I would have to probably have to do some home renovation after someone else has lived in it ! They've painted one of the bedrooms orange and blue skirting boards and doors too lol ! The real estate told us ! And we said to keep it neutral ! But I love my UK house I wouldn't ever part with it and I tried living in Leicester we bought a house there in Broughton astley and I couldn't settle there so we sold that and moved back where I belonged lol and It felt like home as soon as I walked in it so I would definitely move back to my old house ! If it comes to that ! Home is where the heart is as they say Edited September 6, 2015 by Shellybingobingo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VERYSTORMY Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 It is odd how we think of somewhere as home. I was born in Middlesbrough and lived there until my 20's when I moved to Leicester. But, I now never think of Middlesbrough as home, but Leicester. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest241083 Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 ........good luck Marisa ,finding ....home..... ........though home can mean such different things to many..... ........the most time we spent somewhere..... ........where family are...... ........sometimes just where we are happiest.....! ........I sometimes envy those with a tie with an area,a country.....the familiarity with a place.... ........but to have no one place,means that wherever I unpack my case.......that's my home,... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 yes jock in tas , I would move back to where I was bought up actually back in my house lol although I would have to probably have to do some home renovation after someone else has lived in it ! They've painted one of the bedrooms orange and blue skirting boards and doors too lol ! The real estate told us ! And we said to keep it neutral ! But I love my UK house I wouldn't ever part with it and I tried living in Leicester we bought a house there in Broughton astley and I couldn't settle there so we sold that and moved back where I belonged lol and It felt like home as soon as I walked in it so I would definitely move back to my old house ! If it comes to that ! Home is where the heart is as they say Ha Ha! We gave our tenants permission to repaint a room from blue to 'neutral colours'. They painted it hot pink and our numpty managing agents never said a thing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellybingobingo Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 Ha Ha! We gave our tenants permission to repaint a room from blue to 'neutral colours'. They painted it hot pink and our numpty managing agents never said a thing! I don't really mind them painting it to be honest it's got to be a home for them , I can sort anything out even if they were dirty buggas I could bring it back like a shiny new pin ! As long as they don't trash it and knock walls down I'm not too fussed , yea the estate agents we pay full management fees to and I don't know what for tbh , they were ten days late with the rent this has happened 3 times but the estate agents email us lol , my hubby rang them and sorted it the rent went in the next day ! They said do you want us send them a warning , well not really as long as they pay it within that month I don't mind a bit late , but if they missed all together that's different lol I'm a neutral colour person don't mind a feature wall but when the whole skirts door frames doors and walls get painted blue and orange I carny help thinking omg lol but as long as the don't wreck it I'm happy enough with that can sort anything else out myself Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 This does make it seem more likely but there's still the issues of family and housing affordability Australia remains as ever. Why not consider a European change? Malta is a consideration if nor prepared/unable to learn another language. A small B&B there? Easy access to Italy. Loads of Brits either on holiday or retired plus lots of Aussies of Maltese decent returned to live. I know your not so keen on the sun so France? Brittany or Normandy perhaps? Property is dirt cheap compared to Australia. Even Scotland for its beauty and difference from England. I certainly don't see your post as aching to return to Australia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 You are right I do not fit in in the UK either, my daughter is over there presently and she cannot wait to leave, she is off to San Francisco and I am sure she will feel more at home there. We must change when we live away so long and I find Europe and UK fine for a short visit but too drab to stick around for long. UK and europe to drab :eek: and you live where exactly :biglaugh: that's a classic, your best yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 I love the different cultures of European cities - and always make an effort to try some of the language (even though I'm not very good!) - Have felt welcome in so many places and don't care that I don't fit in when I'm on holiday as I embrace the change. Usually the most I'm anywhere is 3 weeks. I also love places where the culture is very different - India was fascinating to me. My sister has traveled to Berlin on a number of occasions - and felt she fitted right in due to the music scene and easy living. Not fitting in here in Australia is very different - although there are so many aspects of Australia and Australians that I love, I am always reminded that I don't fit in - from my accent ('Are you on your holidays?) to the sport (gentle teasing at work) to subtle differences in humour (VERY different), to a different emphasis on relationships, work culture. When I go down the beach and see families or groups of friends gathered and enjoying each others' company, I'm reminded it's really just me and my family here - and I do feel that it's a little strange. So not fitting in here in Australia is much more of a big deal for me than when I'm exploring new and exciting places on my holidays and the cultural differences between Brits and Ozzies seem pretty wide at times. A lot of people don't or can't predict that when they make the move and I suspect that feeling part of my community and having supportive family and friends was much more important to me than I ever thought it would be. I've lived in a number of places in the UK and fitted in right away - even as a southerner in Yorkshire! Perhaps I'm too British!!! Much easier as a single, in my experience, going out alone to a bar in Europe and engaging with strangers than Australia. More rewarding and did I say easier? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 Well, I think I've just had it confirmed that I don't feel I belong in the UK. ! I could have told you that months ago Marisa! :laugh: Our return after five years has been much more straight forward. When I was in Australia it was home, I would never have called UK home, when we visited I would say "I am going to the UK" maybe "back to the UK" but would never have called it home. But now we are here it is home again. Funny but I am actually a bit sad at how easy it was because I feel like I have never been away, but I loved living in Australia and certainly isn't something I wanted to put behind me or forget. Before we moved back we picked out Vienna as our first European break but we haven't made it there yet. We haven't been anywhere in Europe so far but I am going to Seville for a few days later this month. When we were in Australia we were always going on trips, took every opportunity, one day of public holiday and we were off somewhere. Here I just don't feel the same need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bristolman Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 Even though I grew up in Australia once I got into my 20s I never felt it was home and always felt I should be in England. After 12 years in Brisbane the transition back was very easy indeed. The most surprising thing was how our Aussie born and bred kids have adapted better than we could ever have hoped. I think the fact that we moved to a lovely little village had a huge influence on it. It's the complete opposite to drab where we are I should add, that's too funny lol I could see this post coming from the very first time Marissa posted upon her arrival in this country. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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