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Rachel Tilley

A quick video for new families thinking of moving to Australia

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It's been a while since I posted on here, but I have been working voluntarily on a daily basis with many parents (usually mums) who feel they are stuck in a foreign country and unable to move home again because they cannot take their children home with them. I know there are many mums in Australia in this situation, but our work involves parents who are 'stuck' in 31 different countries, including Aussie mums 'stuck' in the UK. However, the majority of the parents we support are in Australia and New Zealand.

 

I know there is a very detailed thread about the Hague Convention and the law regarding this, and myself and my colleague have paid to have a video made to help raise further awareness of this issue to help reduce parental child abductions. We have also been working with a specialised Hague Convention solicitor and barrister who have helped us to create a Pre Migration Contract for families leaving the UK to live abroad. This will legally help to formalise the verbal promises of "let's give it a go, we can always come home if you/me/we are not happy there". As in my case, these verbal promises count for nothing, and from reading other threads on here I know I'm not the only woman who moved to Australia with children to support a partner's wish, only to find that verbal promise means nothing!

 

Please view the video below (it's only two and a half minutes) to get an understanding of the legal issues in family law about moving a family abroad. It all boils down to the 'habitual residence' of the children and what this means in real terms.

 

 


Don't Let It Happen To You : What Every Mother Should Know Before Emigrating. Available on Amazon by Rachel Tilley.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Dont-Let-Happen-You-Emigrating-ebook/dp/B00FV80PTM/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1451572986&sr=1-1&keywords=rachel+tilley

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Great thread!! Must be a complete nightmare for those parents.


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away :smile:

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Thank you. The parents in the video are the ones we are working with and had kindly volunteered to take part to help raise awareness of the issue so that people don't end up in the same situation they are in.


Don't Let It Happen To You : What Every Mother Should Know Before Emigrating. Available on Amazon by Rachel Tilley.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Dont-Let-Happen-You-Emigrating-ebook/dp/B00FV80PTM/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1451572986&sr=1-1&keywords=rachel+tilley

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Sad video and I feel for the families, but before you go to another country do your research and go for a holiday to make sure you like it, and if possible financially have the funds there to come home even if just airfares.


:wink: Live Love be Happy

VISA 309/100 lodged 24/06/2015

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Wow I would never have known

 

Really sad to watch


 

....I Actually Live In Australia....And I'm Enjoying Life On The Gold Coast....It Is Possible You Know....

 

 

 

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:( awful situation to be in -whichever country you are stuck in...as we all know going on holiday isn't the same as living there and the problem isn't not having the money to return but whether your ex partner and/or courts (if it develops that way) will let you go home with your children. :(

 

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There are 2 sides to it, though. What about the partners? If the one who wants to go back leaves with the children they are then left on their own which is just as bad and I feel for them, too.

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Yes, there are two sides to this, but when a same nationality family move abroad and one wants to move home then the other has the option to move home too. If they want to remain in the new country, that is their choice, but what is more important to that parent - the new country or their children?

 

Some may say that both parents are being selfish as in order for both of them to have the children in their lives then one of them will be living in a country they don't want to live in, but that is when it boils down to honoring 'the pact' that the parents made to each other before they left their home country.

 

I often read on here of PIO members advising new members who are uncertain of making the move to have a good discussion and make 'a pact' of what they will do and what will happen if one of them doesn't like it. I should imagine a lot less families would make the move if the conversation went along the lines of "well let's give it a go, what have we got to lose, if you don't like it there and I do then there's nothing you can do about it once we get there. You can either live there with us or return home alone because I will refuse to consent to you taking the children back." The majority of the 'pacts' are "let's give it a go, if you don't like it we can come home again."

 

I should imagine that no family will factor the possibility of splitting up in their conversations because they move on the belief that if they become unhappy in the new country then they will return to the happy state they were all in back in the old country. How many parents are moving on the understanding that they will be happy to remain as a single parent in a foreign country to suit the needs of a now ex-partner? How many couples understand that if they DO split up after arriving in a new country then there is a high possibility that they WILL have to live there as a single parent until their youngest child becomes 16?

 

The stats we have collected show that 89% of families had no knowledge of The Hague Convention of International Parental Child Abduction prior to getting caught up in it. That is why education is necessary, and that is why we have made this video.


Don't Let It Happen To You : What Every Mother Should Know Before Emigrating. Available on Amazon by Rachel Tilley.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Dont-Let-Happen-You-Emigrating-ebook/dp/B00FV80PTM/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1451572986&sr=1-1&keywords=rachel+tilley

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I get an error when I hit the link on my iPad. Is it just me?


Timeline: 309/100 Sent 7/8/13, Money Taken 9/8/13, CO appointed 3/9/13. Med 3/12/13. Police check 4/12/13. VISA GRANTED 8/4/14, Subclass100. Recce August 2014. Arrived 30 July 2015.

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Excellent little video - should be compulsory viewing for any family planning to relocate!

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I really hope people watch this video, if I had known this information before I emigrated I could of made a much more informed decision and I dare say things would be very different for me! When I moved to Australia with my husband I had no idea about the Hague convention, I was never happy to move away but I promised to 'give it a go' because he said it was a better life and a better place to bring up children and as is often the case in this situation I was promised that if I was unhappy and couldn't settle we would move back home. For me the problem came long before separation from my husband, I struggled to cope here with a young baby from quite early on and tried my hardest to settle, it soon became clear that my husband had no intention of ever returning back to the uk or letting my children leave, at which point I realised that I was trapped here and I started looking into the law and how unlikely it was that I would be allowed to return to my home country :-( I suffered with severed depression and anxiety problems and my husband offered no support and ignored the problem as there was no way he was going to budge no matter how bad things got for me! After 3 years here we separated and I am now a single mum of two on the other side of the world unable to return home to my family and friends, I cope better now and am trying to build myself a life here but if I could go back in time to the point where I was trying to make the decision of whether to try it, this is the information I would want to be given, I believe everyone should know this before they move and for those who will say I should of done my research properly you are right but the information wasn't readily available and that is why it is so good to get this out there so that those people doing their research can see the possible dangers of what they are considering doing

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A horrible situation to find yourself in. I think some people just do not research and understand the ramifications of many aspects of migration. If one of you isn't keen that's the biggest red flag! No one can predict a marriage failure of course not but if you both want to be there to stay this isn't so much an issue. Of course also many will emigrate to be with a partner without a great deal of shared life experience, sometimes as little as 6 months, all a big worry.

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I get an error when I hit the link on my iPad. Is it just me?

It works fine for me. I have made it a sticky


If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.

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Thank you so much for making this a sticky, I really appreciate it. :hug:

 

I think that with this thread and the one started by 2Tigers many years ago (that is also listed as a sticky "Children - what to do if you or your partner want to return home") all the valuable information is available so that families can really make an informed decision and are fully aware of the legal implications of moving their children to another country.


Don't Let It Happen To You : What Every Mother Should Know Before Emigrating. Available on Amazon by Rachel Tilley.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Dont-Let-Happen-You-Emigrating-ebook/dp/B00FV80PTM/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1451572986&sr=1-1&keywords=rachel+tilley

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Good video Rachel Tilley, it does make people stop and think. You have put so much hard work into this, that I hope it makes people stop and think. Ask those 'what if' questions, make an informed decision, don't let yourself be another person stuck. Hoping one day the HC will be updated


"If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you'll never enjoy the sunshine"

 

 

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I know this is quite an old thread but I only just found it. It struck an immediate cord with me. I met and fell in love with an Australian while he was working in the Uk. We married in Australia but returned to the Uk where he was under a contract with work and on a very good income. I knew his wish to return to live in Australia one day and I was willing to give it a go. However I immediatel fell pregnant and had an horrendous pregnancy followed by a traumatic birth which caused internal damage. I then had postnatal depression and was a few months later diagnosed with M.E. Things started to go wrong with his job and during the next 3 years we moved house three times to the other side of the country and to Germany for a short while all in order to further his career. I became increasing I'll, depressed and suffering from anxiety. At one period I was practically bedridden for about 4 months and struggled through everyday with the help of yes my husband hut also my own family who in rota came to live with us. I did gradually improve but was still suffering from M.E and depression.

 

My husband decided it was time for us to return to Australia and foolishly I agreed as I craved stability in my life and thought that a better climate would help with M.E. Once in Australia we lived with in laws in a very small overcrowded house which basically need total renovation. My husband was out all day doing casual work and looking at work .I was home with my small child and I tried very hard to settle going out each day to play, groups libraries beach etc. Again I became very ill, felt so isolated and found that family support just did not exist even though we lived in the same house as my in laws. My husband found it very hard to get a permanent job and despite living rent free we were using our saving just to exist. During this time we had many discussions about returning home where I knew family support was readily available and where I knew I would be able to work once my health improved. I couldn't work in Oz because my professional qualifications weren't sufficient there and I didn't have a visa at that stage. It was decided that I would return to the uk for 3 months with my child look for work and my husband would put everything into both looking for work in the uk and Oz.

 

Back in the UK I immediately started to feel better. My family gave an enormous amount of support and I quickly found part time work in my profession. I asked my husband to cut our losses and return to the uk but he refused said it was too soon and I hadn't tried for long enough. He then eventually promised to return in 6 months when he had updated his skills and tied up loose ends. However he put me under daily pressure to return accused me of not thinking of our child and if being as ill as I wanted to be. After 8 months during which it became totally obvious he had no intention of returning he accused me of child abduction through The Hague. I was very lucky as 2 days before my court appearance he agreed to mediation. The whole process has cost me over 12000 in fees and he hasn't had to pay a penny. I am legally bound to certain conditions regarding visits to Australia. Cost wise they are unsustainable and take a huge toll on health. I took my little child in the summer to see her dad left her there crying with dad for a month and returned home. I returned with shingles and had to take a month off work . Thankfully my daughter was returned to me but there have been so many repercussions .

Edited by snifter
line breaks to help reading

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