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Mothers leaving 1st to set home in Oz?

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Just wondering your take on mothers leaving the British Isles first to 'set up home'. I hear and read about the father's heading off for the first while : month 2 or3 etc, finding work, a home and general set up and mother and kids follow. How the kids feels react etc.

 

 

In comparison to how the mother and kids feel about that plan are there any fathers (and the departing mother) on here experienced this and would like to share this experience?

 

I guess many of you will guesstimate it is the same both ways ...but just like to hear some examples as this seems to be the most logical plan for my family but realistically I would like more data on it i.e. 3months away..


IELTS 12.4.12 8.5 AASW Assessment SOCIAL WORK 4.6.12. 175:15.6.12 CO:14-8-12 MEDS 30.8.12

GRANT 13.9.12 Reccie Sydney Apr'13

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The main reason the husband goes first is that he's usually the main breadwinner. The whole point of him going first is not to "set up home", but to find a job. If he's sensible, he'll stay in cheap digs until he's got a job secured.

 

Just because an occupation is on the list does not mean there are jobs for the taking. Most migrants will take several weeks to find a job and some will take months - or may find they have to move to another city or region to get one. Financially it makes far more sense for the family to stay put at home (especially if the wife is still working) than to have the whole family sitting in Australia with no income.

 

In the big cities, it's hard to set up home anyway until you know where the job is - it would be foolish to find a house in, say, Engadine, then when you get a job, it's in Hornsby.

 

If the main breadwinner has a job lined up, then it's a different story.

Edited by Marisawright

Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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Absolutely Marisawright hence the question I poised. When the father leaves to set up home in the end destination, with a job lined up or not (I believe this is the point why one parents does this ahead of another to set up some path for the family to follow) how has this affected the remaining crew. I was looking to hear from the other side of the story when the mother heads out first to set up home ...dirty digs or not..how has this affected the family?

Is there a difference for family's I suppose as I have a lot of information on the affects of this on father going first but limited on the mother examples.

With regards to the point Marisawright made about the breadwinner going first also fits my question too (as this person's wage may be necessary one to set up home with)...nowadays this is either mother or father I accept.


IELTS 12.4.12 8.5 AASW Assessment SOCIAL WORK 4.6.12. 175:15.6.12 CO:14-8-12 MEDS 30.8.12

GRANT 13.9.12 Reccie Sydney Apr'13

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If there is any option of going together, then go together. It might not always be possible, but if it is at all possible then make it so. Migration is a journey best shared.

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If there is any option of going together, then go together. It might not always be possible, but if it is at all possible then make it so. Migration is a journey best shared.

Absolutely agree Bungo and personally I believe this correct ...but then I wonder if things were a little more settled for the children arriving why not give it a shot I thought too. Hate the thought of leaving them behind but if it means me settling into the job and having a place they can move into then it could be worth it. Will see.


IELTS 12.4.12 8.5 AASW Assessment SOCIAL WORK 4.6.12. 175:15.6.12 CO:14-8-12 MEDS 30.8.12

GRANT 13.9.12 Reccie Sydney Apr'13

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Absolutely agree Bungo and personally I believe this correct ...but then I wonder if things were a little more settled for the children arriving why not give it a shot I thought too. Hate the thought of leaving them behind but if it means me settling into the job and having a place they can move into then it could be worth it. Will see.

 

I didn't quite understand your earlier post, but this one suggests you're the main breadwinner? If you've got a job ready to go to, then I'm not sure leaving them behind is the right thing to do - trying to get settled into the job AND setting up home would be a big ask all on your own, you'd be better off with your spouse's help. If you don't have a job to go to, then yes I'd say come out and get the job first, but you'll still need help getting set up. Kids are resilient, they will probably view it all as a big adventure.

Edited by Marisawright

Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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Just wondering your take on mothers leaving the British Isles first to 'set up home'. I hear and read about the father's heading off for the first while : month 2 or3 etc, finding work, a home and general set up and mother and kids follow. How the kids feels react etc.

 

 

In comparison to how the mother and kids feel about that plan are there any fathers (and the departing mother) on here experienced this and would like to share this experience?

 

I guess many of you will guesstimate it is the same both ways ...but just like to hear some examples as this seems to be the most logical plan for my family but realistically I would like more data on it i.e. 3months away..

 

I did this a few years ago, albeit from NZ not the UK. We decided to move back to OZ and I was offered a job, but they wanted me to start in a month. Luckily I had family in Christchurch who were able to help OH with the kids while he stayed behind, still working, and trying to pack up all our stuff and finalise matters. I was luckily able to stay with a cousin in Melbourne until I found a rental.

 

From my end, it was really hard being away from the family, but it also meant that I had time to buy a car, find a house to rent and organise some furniture, and household stuff before they arrived. My kids were 4 and 8 at the time.

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My Mrs was actually going to go ahead with the kids and I was going to follow 3 months later. As the Gluten Free organic free range bread winner, I wanted to stay behind an finish a landmark job that had started for my old company (It would have stood me in good stead in Oz). Then I was going to come out about 10-12 weeks later.

 

However I had no job lined up and while the Mrs wanted me to do whatever would be best for the family we both agreed that I had to come out at the same time as its not fair for her to make that journey herself, let alone start up anew life for us! I had no job lined up when we touched down only interviews (two the next day). It took me two months to snag a job and while it was nice having two months off with the family, it was also rather stressful as it is ultimately and unknown timeframe.

 

Good luck either way and my opinion would be go together if possible.

 

Cheers

 

JTC


Voted worst new member 2011..... :err:

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A lot would depend on the family dynamic - who is normally the primary caregiver and the age of the children. If you are the primary caregiver and the children are under 3 I wouldn't do it.

 

If the children are older and/or dad is a stay at home parent then that is different. My son is 11 and I work away sometimes but my OH is a stay at home dad. I still don't like being away but they don't 'need' me.

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A lot would depend on the family dynamic - who is normally the primary caregiver and the age of the children. If you are the primary caregiver and the children are under 3 I wouldn't do it.

 

If the children are older and/or dad is a stay at home parent then that is different. My son is 11 and I work away sometimes but my OH is a stay at home dad. I still don't like being away but they don't 'need' me.

 

Thanks Lady Raincorn..YEs this is my situation really. Mine are 5 and 9 yr and their dad although works is there in the mornings and all day monday with them and it mainly me doing the late night unexpectedly so they have us both really. Ach neither of us want to parent alone and my OH is willing to go first but just teetering with the idea of me as I am the main job we will rely on and my OH will get something when there. I suppose it means we can keep income coming in this end and me starting to earn that end so not to have a too wide a gap and not to depend so heavily on savings


IELTS 12.4.12 8.5 AASW Assessment SOCIAL WORK 4.6.12. 175:15.6.12 CO:14-8-12 MEDS 30.8.12

GRANT 13.9.12 Reccie Sydney Apr'13

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