flag of convenience Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 It has often been suggested some couples have kids in an endeavour to repair a drifting relationship, bring a greater degree of closeness, boredom in day to day living, age clock ticking, feeling of missing out on something, everybody else doing it, in the case of a woman possible recognition given as a mother, and so on and so forth. Not saying of course others don't have them out of desire, but hardly the sole reason I have only known one woman an American, that told me a few decades back if she would have known how it was having kids she, in all honesty would not have had them. I imagine rather hard for a woman to admit but don't think it so unique. Just unusual to admit as much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 As I said in my earlier post, I was never that keen on children and put off having them until I'd been married for 8 years. Only then, did I feel I really wanted to have them. I was terribly sick throughout each pregnancy - only stopped throwing up after they were born but once I held them there was such a great surge of love I knew I could cope no matter what. I know of two women who didn't want children but the husband did so went ahead and had the babies. When they were past the baby stage they walked out on the husband and kids, more or less stating "You're the one who wanted them. You can look after them" :embarrassed: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 I love my girls beyond measure and would happily lay down my life for them. However, I think I could have had an equally or more fulfilling life without children. It's considered taboo almost for a woman to say that. So true! I'm over sixty and never had children, and often feel I have to make excuses for it. But the truth is I just never felt broody, and have never seen what's so especially cute about babies (they're just little people). I couldn't see the point of giving up my comfortable life just because I "should" have kids, especially since there are too many people in the world already. Many mothers have told me I must have kids because "once that baby arrives, you'll fall in love" - but I always thought, what if I don't? I can hardly hand it back and say, "no thanks". It always seemed like a very big step to take on someone else's say-so!! They also told me I'd regret it when I got old - not so far. In fact, I think I'm lucky, because so many of my friends are totally lost and feel like their lives have ended because their kids have grown up and moved on. I don't miss what I never had, and my life is continuing as it always has. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naomi from Manchester Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 I was almost put off having kids when I read We Need To Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver. What if your child becomes a high school mass murderer!? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 (edited) So true! I'm over sixty and never had children, and often feel I have to make excuses for it. But the truth is I just never felt broody, and have never seen what's so especially cute about babies (they're just little people). I couldn't see the point of giving up my comfortable life just because I "should" have kids, especially since there are too many people in the world already. Many mothers have told me I must have kids because "once that baby arrives, you'll fall in love" - but I always thought, what if I don't? I can hardly hand it back and say, "no thanks". It always seemed like a very big step to take on someone else's say-so!! They also told me I'd regret it when I got old - not so far. In fact, I think I'm lucky, because so many of my friends are totally lost and feel like their lives have ended because their kids have grown up and moved on. I don't miss what I never had, and my life is continuing as it always has. My sister never wanted children and has never regretted not having any. She freely admits she was far too selfish to have them and was very career oriented for years. She has a busy social life now that she's retired and a very comfortable lifestyle. Edited February 7, 2015 by JockinTas Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 I really didn't want kids until my early 30's then came over all hormonal and started lusting over the romper suits in baby gap. Shallow I know. I know very many people who have a fulfilled life without kids. It is very tough and so expensive. I think one of the biggest tragedies of rampant house price inflation is the pressure on young couples to have to work full time just to keep a roof over their heads when they have young kids. I worked full time outside the home until my kids were at school as I was the major earner and hubby didn't want to give up his job or cut down. It was absolutely exhausting . I worked out of financial necessity, not ambition or career interest but you learn all about guilt as a mum working full time...... We talk about women's 'right' to work outside the home, and fine if that floats your boat - but I do wish mums (and dads) could have a choice to spend more time with their kids if they want to and not to be forced into this endless grind just to meet mortgage payments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 My husband and I were talking about this the other day. Neither of our sets of parents were wealthy but the dads both worked,mum stayed at home as a housewife. There was certainly a lot of belt tightening but still on 1 wage they managed to pay off a mortgage on 4 bedrm detatched houses. ( not large houses but still a bedroom each). We had a family holiday each year - usually camping in Cornwall, Devon Dorset. No way we could afford a 4 bed mortgage on my husbands wage. So were they relatively more wealthy? However I made the point to OH that Paul said above. We have and expect so many things these days. Both have cars, internet, cable tv, more adventurous food than my parents used to eat etc etc. I have to go back to work when my daughter is 6 months old when my paid leave ends. I tried stretching it out with last baby ( took 9 months off) but that really damaged us financially. So you do need to consider finances when having kids and accept things can get tight ....unless you are lucky to be loaded! My mother didn't work until my younger brother went to school so I was 8. However my grandmother lived with us and she worked (mother and grandmother effectively swapped roles as she retired) so there were 2 incomes effectively. I think there were a lot of multi generations in houses in those days which brought additional tensions if my experience was anything to go by. Despite the above and my father having a white collar job i would classify our upbringing as poor - and typical. Our diet was very limited and any meat we had, had to really stretch over several days. We had a car, unlike many, but few luxuries (took a while to get a TV and i didnt see 'colour TV' until my teens for instance). if you wanted to phone someone it was the phone box and they had to own a phone too which was unlikely. Holidays were 1 week a year in a holiday camp watching the rain mainly. And I would say we were average then. The bar has gone up so much higher now for Mr & Mrs Average that they just would not put up with the levels of real financial hardship that previous generations just expected. Hence mothers go back to work. Some people have the rose tints on when they look back to the 1950s to 1970s. Believe me, it is a much better life now for the average earner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Why is it though these days,that a lot of couples have to have everything before having kids.You could go on for years saying "Well we'll try for a baby after we buy the boat,or new car,or marble bathroom!"lol It used to be the other way around a few years back.Couples would have kids first and get the material stuff later. I know of a couple in Adelaide,both have good jobs but concentrated on getting the house set up,their second home up the river,speed boat and so on. The lady is now 43,paid $30,000 for 3 IVF attempts (all failed).I guess for some people,you just cannot have it all. When I had my kids,(now grown up and left the nest)it was pretty the norm for the Mum to stay home and Dad went to work.We were as poor as church mice back then,but happy!And to me that says more about material crap lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blossom Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 I do wish I had started a family much earlier. But then my mum was 25 when she had me (the eldest) and always told us she was too young and should have waited. But on the positive, I see staying at home with my little girl longer as a real option now. I didn't when I was younger. But that's more to do with my changed work and financial situation rather than my age. And I really do believe we live in an amazingly blessed time. You are counted as being in poverty if you can't afford a tv! If that's the worst it gets we should be very thankful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 I went back to work when our youngest started school. I was not one of those women who was bored being a stay at home Mum :wink: Not having any family here, and the cost of child care made the decision to be at home a lot easier. When I went back into the workforce, I always used up an annual leave day to make sure I went to swimming carnivals etc etc. We were never materialistic (still aren't) so forget about wanting a boat, McMansion and all that kinda thing. We bought a house in North Ryde close to good schools and just lived within our means. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 And I really do believe we live in an amazingly blessed time. You are counted as being in poverty if you can't afford a tv! If that's the worst it gets we should be very thankful. Actually i think many people today think that the definition of poverty is not being able to afford Sky Sports or the latest smartphones lol. The 50 inch LCD TV is a given. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Really a woman should have kids in her 20s, and the longer she leaves it after that the more problematic it can be. It is physiology. Just do it as soon as you can because you never know you may not be able to later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bound4Tassie Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Really a woman should have kids in her 20s, and the longer she leaves it after that the more problematic it can be.It is physiology. Just do it as soon as you can because you never know you may not be able to later. Simplistic tripe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Simplistic tripe I was 42 and my wife was 39 when we met. She conceived on the first occasion without precautions (even though it was supposed to be the wrong time of the month - what do those Catholics know!) and she had a model pregnancy and birth at the age of 40. Obviously there is a time clock ticking but saying 20s is a bit out of date now I would suggest. The big issue with being older parents is our limited energy levels compared with if we were 10 or 20 years younger. Kids really do sap those energy reserves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Educate yourself. A woman's fertility peaks in her early 20s. Biologically your 20s are by far your best age to conceive. Not to say you can't fall pregnant later, but you are taking a risk that you wont. I would have thought you would know this stuff as a woman B4T. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Roberto Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Ultimately, having kids is a personal choice - so what's right for one person may not be for another. And once you do it, you're on your own with a lifelong responsibility (you can't return them). For most people it's great, but I know plenty who have decided on a life without them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blossom Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Educate yourself.A woman's fertility peaks in her early 20s. Biologically your 20s are by far your best age to conceive. Not to say you can't fall pregnant later, but you are taking a risk that you wont. I would have thought you would know this stuff as a woman B4T. I did a lot of educating myself due to my ever increasing age. You are NOT more likely to get pregnant in your 20s. However, you are more likely to not miscarry. Getting pregnant is pretty much the same at 25 and 35. Lots of the fertility charts they use are actually from France and are about 100 years old. They only looked at actual birth rates and ages, not IF people were trying for a baby. So rates were much lower for older people as people had children earlier back then. Pretty crazy that they don't use more up to date statistics. Other than my kidneys being squished by my baby, I had a model pregnancy at 35. No morning sickness, no mood swings, no lack of energy. I was watching much younger women complaining about how hard going to work was, and my job is physical. My little girl is three months old and I can honestly say I've had about two days in that time where I've felt tired. Again, I see younger people complaining about lack of energy, but it hasn't hit me (yet). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 I did a lot of educating myself due to my ever increasing age. You are NOT more likely to get pregnant in your 20s. However, you are more likely to not miscarry. Getting pregnant is pretty much the same at 25 and 35. Lots of the fertility charts they use are actually from France and are about 100 years old. They only looked at actual birth rates and ages, not IF people were trying for a baby. So rates were much lower for older people as people had children earlier back then. Pretty crazy that they don't use more up to date statistics. Other than my kidneys being squished by my baby, I had a model pregnancy at 35. No morning sickness, no mood swings, no lack of energy. I was watching much younger women complaining about how hard going to work was, and my job is physical. My little girl is three months old and I can honestly say I've had about two days in that time where I've felt tired. Again, I see younger people complaining about lack of energy, but it hasn't hit me (yet). I had crap pregnancies (dreadful morning sickness) but very easy births and always had loads of energy probably helped by the fact my babies started to sleep 12 hour nights from the age of 3 months. However, they never needed much sleep during the day but I could easily cope with that and I was in my 30's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 I did a lot of educating myself due to my ever increasing age. You are NOT more likely to get pregnant in your 20s. However, you are more likely to not miscarry. Getting pregnant is pretty much the same at 25 and 35. Lots of the fertility charts they use are actually from France and are about 100 years old. They only looked at actual birth rates and ages, not IF people were trying for a baby. So rates were much lower for older people as people had children earlier back then. Pretty crazy that they don't use more up to date statistics. Other than my kidneys being squished by my baby, I had a model pregnancy at 35. No morning sickness, no mood swings, no lack of energy. I was watching much younger women complaining about how hard going to work was, and my job is physical. My little girl is three months old and I can honestly say I've had about two days in that time where I've felt tired. Again, I see younger people complaining about lack of energy, but it hasn't hit me (yet). If our experience was anything to go by (and our baby was pretty good with sleeping etc) then the first 12 months were the easiest by miles. You put them down and they stay put; it is once they start moving around the house on their own you have more to do. Not helped though by my wife going back to work immediately after the first birthday. And before anyone says it was easier just for me in the first 12 months this is very much what my wife says. Having said that our experience was similar. My wife had some nausea early on in the pregnancy though was never sick and worked up to nearly 8 months pregnant commuting on crowded commuter trains to London (not once did anyone give up their seat to her btw but thats London for you - most selfish people in the world imo) without a single day off sick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Blossom I've googled a bit since you wrote that and everything I've read backs up what I wrote. eg. The NHS agrees that 35 is a key age when it comes to female fertility. Women are most fertile in their early 20s and their fertility declines with age. From the age of 35, this fall becomes steeper. ‘Women in the 19-26 age group have double the chance of conceiving each menstrual cycle compared with 35-39-year olds,’ explains Fertility UK fertility nurse specialist Jane Knight. Women over 35 are also less likely to become pregnant from fertility treatments like IVF, and are more likely to suffer from miscarriages. Read more at http://www.marieclaire.co.uk/blogs/543796/fertility-when-does-your-biological-clock-really-start-ticking.html#3pWiTrXoLEdcZfkX.99 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Another one for you Blossom and B4T http://www.babycenter.com/0_age-and-fertility-getting-pregnant-in-your-20s_1494692.bc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 If our experience was anything to go by (and our baby was pretty good with sleeping etc) then the first 12 months were the easiest by miles. You put them down and they stay put; it is once they start moving around the house on their own you have more to do. Not helped though by my wife going back to work immediately after the first birthday. And before anyone says it was easier just for me in the first 12 months this is very much what my wife says. Having said that our experience was similar. My wife had some nausea early on in the pregnancy though was never sick and worked up to nearly 8 months pregnant commuting on crowded commuter trains to London (not once did anyone give up their seat to her btw but thats London for you - most selfish people in the world imo) without a single day off sick. I found when I was pregnant, it was mainly women who gave up their seat for me. The men (not all of them) hid behind the Sydney Morning Herald :cool: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritChickx Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Oh give it a rest Parley. You're so rude and obnoxious in your posts. Every time I read a post from you 90% of the time you're being argumentative and insensitive to someone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Fair enough BritChickx, but you girls should read up on this stuff or it may end up too late. Hopefully not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritChickx Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Fair enough BritChickx, but you girls should read up on this stuff or it may end up too late.Hopefully not. Really what age PIO'ers have children is none of your concern. I'll continue to do what I want, thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.