Struggling to reach a decision...

[sazm2k12]

I posted on here a few months ago about moving home to the UK and we felt it was the right decision but then changed our mind. The problem is we are really struggling to reach a decision and I'm really scared of doing something I'll regret. It would really be good to hear from somebody who has been through the same thing and how they reached a decision and if they moved back and regretted it.

 

We live in Darwin and even though I love Darwin people are constantly leaving and its been hard to make a steady group of friends. I've had a really difficult 2 years at work and this has really impacted on my personal life and caused me to be depressed. I now have a great new job to go to but I feel like all of the work problems have taken it out of me and I don't have the energy anymore. I also enrolled at university about a year ago and have been studying part-time and getting really good marks. I eventually want to qualify as a solicitor and I believe this is achievable in Australia. I have doubts if I would be able to qualify in the UK - I've been travelling and living overseas now for almost 5 years and would be up against new graduates and those who have been working in UK law firms for a few years. My self-esteem is also very low and I'm not even sure how I would come across in an interview anymore. My fiancé and I are nearly 30 now as well and the thought of going back home and starting at the bottom again when all of our friends have houses and good jobs scares me.

 

Our reasons for wanting to move back are that we have both been quite homesick over the last year and missed a lot about the UK and our family. We also know that we don't want to live in Australia for ever and when we decide to start a family we will move back to be closer to family. We both love to travel and ironically living in Australia has meant we can do hardly any (we thought it would be the opposite) as all of our trips are spent going back to the UK for weddings or new family members being born etc. On the other hand though we both have reasonably good jobs here now and have managed to save good money. We are supposed to be getting married in August 2016 and moving home would definitely mean we would have to postpone our wedding. I also feel like it would be a waste having endured a job I have hated for 2 years to get our permanent residence only to leave and don't want us leaving to be me running away from the bad situation I was in with work. Would people suggest me giving my new job a chance and/or even trying out a new city in Australia? I am worried the grass is always greener and we are just viewing the UK from our trips home where everyone makes an effort and we don't have to go to work.

 

I look back to when I was in the UK and I seemed to have so much energy and in Darwin I've got into a complete rut. In the UK I was constantly doing things, running, charity work, weekends away with friends. Here I barely get out of bed at the weekends and I know this is partly to do with the job and the depression and anxiety it has caused but I want to feel like my old self again. We applied for our citizenship early this month so will at least wait for that to go through but if we are moving back the process will take some time anyway (selling cars, furniture, cancelling all of our contracts etc) and I'd rather just get on with it. The same with if we are going to move interstate.

[Guest241083]

.......you have to decide which are....needs....

.......and which are wants.....

.......where fulfils the needs.....and the most wants.....

.......and time and circumstance can change that.....!

.......I guess your health is your first priority.....

........get that sorted and you'll ...see.....clearer.....

........I wish you well in whatever you eventually decide......X

[canadianaussie]

My opinion - get your citizenship then book a flight home. You're planning to move home at some point anyway and it doesn't sound like your heart is in Aus anymore. Nothing wrong with that, just time to move on

[srh82]

Have you thought about living in a different city, ie Sydney or Melbourne?

 

Could you transfer your legal course credits to an institution somewhere else in Australia?

 

I have never been to Darwin but I can imagine a lot of people do their 2 year state sponsorship or the requirement for the 489 visa and then clear off to somewhere else in Australia.

 

Good or luck with whatever you decide. Be aware of looking at the UK with rose-tinted glasses.

[VERYSTORMY]

Have you considered continuing your studies in the UK?

 

i did a law degree and my experience is that you certainly would not be regarded as old on a UK law course and many firms prefer slightly older grads. In fact, when I did mine, all of the better jobs went to older grads.

 

You our would get some credits for time studied in Oz though, the earlier in the study process you made the move the better it is likely to be.

[Chortlepuss]

It's a tough one but at under 30 you are still very young. If you are serious about completing legal studies I would have thought that would be easier in Oz, and heading back to UK as a qualified person (if you won't need further training in UK). I am in my 50's and find Brisbane a bit provincial, I'm sure Darwin would drive me bonkers. Why not give Melbourne a try if you don't mind the climate? Like you I am lazier here and really miss travelling. Whatever you decide, get citizenship first!

[thinker78]

I think deep down you have already made a decision. all of us who struggle with a dilemma about which country; if we are still, and really listen, the answer is always there. Once you have gotten citizenship you really have nothing else to lose. Just go back. If it works out, great. If not, no biggie. I know that 30 feels like a right old milestone, but it's still pretty young, and there's a lot more out there to see, and if you are that depressed then having a bit of the familiar and your family will go a long way.

Of course, you may miss darwin life once back onto the treadmill of existence in the UK but it sounds like you're not having the best life there either.....

A lot of us have had to make hard choices and experience homesickness and weighing things up. It's a pretty tough call to learn that you can't have everything and it sounds like you never saw this as your forever home anyway.

hope you feel better soon. your health and mental health are crucial x

[starlight7]

Firstly a big congratulations to you for lasting 2 years up in Darwin. I think it is fair to say Darwin is like no other city in Australia and if you can live there I reckon you could live more or less anywhere in this fair land! Nothing against Darwin, I love it but not to live. Only you can make the decision , you know that I am sure. You could give another gentler part of Australia a go for a year or two and see how it pans out or you could just cut your losses and return to the UK. You do sound as though you have one foot here in Australia unlike many other people who decide to go back though. I guess a lot also depends on what and where you would go back to and how many real ties you have . Certainly get your citizenship whatever else.

[sazm2k12]

Thanks everyone. I actually completed an undergraduate degree in English in the UK and then did the Graduate Diploma in Law (Law Conversion Course) which means in England I wouldn't need to do a law degree if I went back - I would need to do an LPC though and somehow find a training contract (which is very competitive). Out here though it isn't recognised so I've had to do a full Australian law degree although I've been given some exemptions for the study I already did in the UK. I have just over a year left of full-time study in Australia and then a PLT course I would have to do which takes a minimum of 5 months. Not sure if I should just finish it anyway to keep my options open.

 

At the moment I'm feeling very deflated about life in Oz but I'm not sure if its because of everything I've been through with my job and the way I was treated or if I would genuinely be happier back home. I also don't feel like I'm done with Australia and I feel like in a few years I would want to come back.

 

For those who wouldn't be able to live in Darwin and have suggested trying a different city would you mind telling me why you think Darwin is so hard? I have also been told by a friend that before we leave we should definitely try another Australian city and we have been thinking of Perth for some time.

[Quoll]

Get citizenship to keep all your options open then start applying for the "positions you'd kill to get" in Both places and see what pops up - when you have concrete options on the table, decision making is a whole lot easier! You can't make a mistake really, you can only make a decision based on the best information you have on the day - it may work out, it may not and if it doesn't then you make another decision. You know what they say - life is what happens when you are busy making other plans!

 

You will have to come to terms with the notion that whatever you do there will always be days in your future when you will compare the bad of the now with the good of the then and the "now" will seem like the second best choice. We all do it once we've lived in other places - heck, some days even I can see some things in Aus I miss and TBH I had come to loathe the place.

 

I second what Chortlepuss said - you're still young enough to chop and change half a dozen times more without too much ill effect!

 

Good luck - deciding can be a bitch! If the worst comes to the worst, toss a coin and if the answer makes you go "best of 3!" Then I think you know what your decision should be!

[VERYSTORMY]

Hven met a number of law grads here, I don't think it is any more competitive than the UK.

 

I will agree with others that you are very young yet. Heck, I was older than 30 when I went back to uni to become a geologist. I am now in the upper ends of the 40's and thinking of retraining again.

[Katie22]

You're still very young and am pretty sure you'll find plenty of opportunities in the UK. Sounds like you've had a pretty difficult few years so maybe moving back might be what you need to recover your spark and you can always come back in years to come if you have your permanent residency. A move to another Australian city might do the trick too. Take some pressure off of yourself and start to be completely honest about which direction you want your life to take - do what makes you happy.

 

Personally I couldn't cope with living in Darwin just because of the heat and humidity - it would drive me barmy so you must be made of strong stuff! My sister lived there for 2 years and ended up going a little "troppo" by the end of it but thankfully returned back to normal a few months after she moved!

[Jacaranda]

Thanks everyone. I actually completed an undergraduate degree in English in the UK and then did the Graduate Diploma in Law (Law Conversion Course) which means in England I wouldn't need to do a law degree if I went back - I would need to do an LPC though and somehow find a training contract (which is very competitive). Out here though it isn't recognised so I've had to do a full Australian law degree although I've been given some exemptions for the study I already did in the UK. I have just over a year left of full-time study in Australia and then a PLT course I would have to do which takes a minimum of 5 months. Not sure if I should just finish it anyway to keep my options open.

 

At the moment I'm feeling very deflated about life in Oz but I'm not sure if its because of everything I've been through with my job and the way I was treated or if I would genuinely be happier back home. I also don't feel like I'm done with Australia and I feel like in a few years I would want to come back.

 

For those who wouldn't be able to live in Darwin and have suggested trying a different city would you mind telling me why you think Darwin is so hard? I have also been told by a friend that before we leave we should definitely try another Australian city and we have been thinking of Perth for some time.

My daughter (an aussie who has lived in the UK since she was 9)graduated with a law degree.Initially she changed her mind about a law related job.She got herself a great job in something else.Did this for a year,and now is about to start a law related job.She is 25,so it is possible.

[thinker78]

I just went back to uni at 36 for a grad course in law- life isn't cut and dry and plenty of people retrain throughout life....don't let age put you off anything or applying for stuff.

[Aunt Agatha]

I agree with everyone who has said that age is no barrier. A friend of mine in London retrained as a solicitor aged 45 and has had no trouble finding a place to do her articles.

[pinknurse83]

Hi, i have not yet moved to australia but am about to in 11 weeks. However reading you post sazm2k12 my initially thought is that you need to deal with your anxiety and depression first and i really feel for you as i havw suffered with it myself in the past. Maybe you need treatment and counselling to deal with the issues that are causing your self esteem and other issues before you make any big decisions as anxiety and depression will cloud your judgment. i hope you see your doctor soon if you are staying in bed all the time or go back again if you already have as you need help with this. Lifes too short to suffer like you are. And also consider that you could have had bad work experiences in the UK and felt the same? but the main thing is you have been strong enough to move on and get a new job AND study which is amazing in itself so you should be proud of yourself (and you have been through emigration in the last 5 years which is also very brave and most people never have the guts to do it!). In my opinion take baby steps in whatever you do, look after yourself and get your health and mental health in a better position, maybe take a little holiday and look after yourself and try to get yourself out going for walks and enjoy the place your living in, as any place will seem rubbish if your always in bed with your own thoughts, and then make your decisions as you may see things clearer when your feeling better. In my experience if your depressed in australia it wont necassarily go away just because your in a different place, you need to deal with those demonds first or they will just follow you. Good luck with it all x

[Perthbum]

Stay where you are, if you are undecided stay put, only do it when you are 100% certain

[darkstone1975]

Well unless you got a real need to move I'd take it step by step..

see what happens with your new job its far easier to try your new job first than move back to the Uk to find another.

If it doesn't work out when you can always take that next step and make a move back to the uk,

 

I'm currently moving back to the uk, with my family the timing has kind of forced my hand to make the move now

and even me wanting to move back to the uk and family supporting me,

its also proving an adventure for them as they are Aussie born and never been out of the country.

there is nothing harder than stepping back into the unknown, will I get a job, will i not what happens if I don't, finding its a highly scarey thought at the moment.

the last week or two has had me thinking really hard wondering if I really am making the right decision, but then I have been wishing to move back to uk for yrs.

 

what ever happens remember nothing is ever permanent, difficult maybe, and things can always change, and yes the grass is always greener, but depends on the grass, it might be family or could be work, might be the place you live, if we could have them all it be a perfect world, and I'm still waiting for one of them

and I rather make a mistake, learning and moving on, than regret not taking a decision to do something.

[blobby1000]

Hi!

 

i think you should go back as I don't think your heart really seems to be in it, if you are spending all your money travelling back to the UK then you never really gave yourself a chance. It's not a criticism. Living On the other side of the world is bloody hard .

 

We lived in Oz for 2 years . We complained a lot when we were there and looking back we never stood a chance as we were permanently concentrating on negatives. With hindsight, on many levels , having been back 2 years we regret it. But you know what they say: the problem with hindsight is that's it's never there when you need it.

[Jacaranda]

Yes Blobby but is that why you emigrated in the first place?Because you were focussing on the negatives of the UK?

[sazm2k12]

Hi Blobby, I just don't know what else we can do though re travel back home. I get 4 weeks annual leave a year and a trip back to the UK takes up 3 of those weeks. For the first 2 years we didn't travel back home at all but then over the last 2 years my sister has got married and had a baby and now my best friend is getting married and my sister is having another baby. Why do you regret the decision to move back? Did you prefer life in Oz?

[flissbob]

I really feel for you, sending you a hug!

 

Move to brisbane where i am! I like running too and we could have camping weekend trips etc ?

 

I think you have come through the worst of it now. I would stick it out until after your wedding (assuming you have the arrangements for your wedding in place?) Then i would reevaluate the situation after that. You will always know you have given australia a proper shot then. But that is me personally, it is a big decision. Weigh up the pros and cons and try to remember why you left the uk in the first place. You are probably viewing the place with rose tinted glasses and only remembering the positives, as is human nature. For me the uk just isn't what it used to be. It really does sound like you have come out of a bad situation and things will start to get easier. You just need to meet a nice group of friends.

 

Don't be worried about starting over in the uk, things always have a way of working out for the best and you could always apply for jobs first, so you would hopefully have a job secured to go home to.

 

Keep in touch and let us all know what you decide!!

 

Feel free to message me if you want a rant.

 

Fliss xxx

[Marisawright]

Hi Blobby, I just don't know what else we can do though re travel back home. I get 4 weeks annual leave a year and a trip back to the UK takes up 3 of those weeks. For the first 2 years we didn't travel back home at all but then over the last 2 years my sister has got married and had a baby and now my best friend is getting married and my sister is having another baby. Why do you regret the decision to move back? Did you prefer life in Oz?

 

If you're flying back to the UK every year or two, then it's not working. If you talk to people who are really settled in Australia, they're not so tied up with their family and friends in the UK that they go running back every time an event happens. I haven't seen my nephew yet, for instance, and he's two already. I used to visit every two years while my parents were alive, but now it's every three or four years. As you've found, if you don't start rationing your UK visits then you find you never get a "proper" holiday, and it's a huge drain on your savings too.

 

I'd say that you will move back to the UK eventually, and sooner if you start a family (when your connection to family will suddenly feel even stronger). If that's the case, what's the point of getting Australian qualifications which won't be as valuable in the UK? If your primary focus is career, then it would make more sense to go back sooner rather than later.

Edited December 31, 2014 by Marisawright

[speakeasy]

Sounds like now is not the right time to make a decision... Wait. No-one can answer all these questions for you. Hold on to what is working for you and perhaps try not to add to the burden of what you're already trying to achieve. One thing at a time. Put the idea of a big move aside for awhile?