Jump to content
ftmummy

Not sure we made the right choice!

Recommended Posts

Hi everyone so my husband and I moved over to OZ in Jan 2013 on a sponsored visa with the intent to stay long term, first 6 months were extremely hard for various reasons from me being a new mum (moved with a 6 week old baby) leaving loved ones behind and then issues with my husbands employers but anyway we ended up In Cairns which was a beautiful place we really loved it there had a lovely lifestyle my husband was home every other 8 days FIFO of mines we had lots of time as a family, did lots of exciting things and for the first time in our life together we had no money worries things were the stereotypical 'dream life' but.............my god despite the amazing lifestyle we had the pull of missing loved ones was overtaking all of the above more on by behalf than my husbands, and after 16 months there I still felt the same as day 1 I couldn't think of anything other than those special people that wasn't in my life! we had our first batch of visitors this year between feb-april and seeing them all was the most amazing feeling in the world, and sharing all our wonderful experiences with them made us realise that although we had a lovely life we didn't have anyone to share it with, we were struggling to met new people and after 16 months only I made couple friends and my husband none with all this in mind we decided that we would give it another year and see how we felt but that we would prob head home to the uk, but..................an ideal job and relocation package arrised for my husband from the company he used to work for in the uk so we were almost put in that position of move now and take that opportunity or leave it and see what happens next year which in turn would risk my husband not getting a job back at his old company n which he was reluctant to leave in the first place. so we made the decision to return and within 6 weeks of receiving the job offer we were back home.. we stayed with family for a few months whilst waiting for our house and being back with everyone was amazing we did all the social things we really missed with family and friends and eventually moved back into our house (we rented it out when we moved away) so anyway we are now on month 5 of being home and surprisingly I am feeling really unsettled I really miss our life in OZ, after 5 months we are already back to how we were before we left, my hubby working all the time, back to struggling financially cant have the social life we came back for as we can just about afford to live, people really don't respect the world we live in, crime is shocking compared to when we left and with all this in mind am starting to wonder if we made the right choice???????? don't think we have, problem is I have to accept this decision and try and make the most of being back with our loved ones (like I always wanted) its a typical example of you cant have everything we loved oz and our lifestyle but missed people had to choose one or the other and we decided that as long as we were happy the children would be and we would be fine, but am not as happy as I thought I would be guess my missing them when away was clouding what we really had over there. anyway a long and winded write up sorry but if anyone else is feeling the same be nice to hear from you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

and when you get back to oz you will miss the UK....PING POM...syndrome


Drinking rum before 11am does not make you an alcoholic, it makes you pirate..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Really sorry to hear of your troubles but you know, perhaps you are seeing Aus in rose-coloured glasses now that you are back and there is a part of you that is maybe getting a bit down now that the nights are drawing in, the weather is changing etc.

 

I notice you live in Essex and I know that things are considerably more expensive in the South compared to say, where I live in the North.

 

Have you considered coming back? Perhaps your husband could put out feelers for his old job or a job in his old company in Cairns. Perhaps you could arrange some meet ups with other mums in the area? You say you moved with a newborn baby, so it's not surprising you found it hard to settle.

 

If you had the opportunity to return, what do you think would be different for you or rather, what would you do to make things different for yourself and your family?

 

Are you naturally an outgoing person? I mean, for instance, I can start a conversation with a lamp-post and my daughters are both like me. I always say that they have never met a stranger as they will chinwag with anyone too. Trains and travelling are worse as I seriously think they have this idea that people are only put on earth to entertain them and even really grumpy looking people end up talking to them as they are just like that. Saying that, they stick close to me and wouldn't ever go off but I digress.

 

Could you start a conversation with a stranger? Say in a shop at the till? You never know where these little hellos and how are yous will lead too. When you moved in did you go and introduce yourself to the neighbours? Was that something that you felt able to do?

 

I should imagine too that you would have been quite lonely when your hubby was away at work and having to be the sole parent for 24 hours per day.


Husband's Spouse Visa Offshore Application 309/100 Sent 24/09/13

Application Received at Australia House, London 25/09/13 @ 07:49

Payment taken 26/09/13

CO assigned 05/11/13 (WP)

Visa Subclass 100 Partner Migrant Visa granted 30/05/14

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you are with all the people you love and are familiar to you then that is likely to be the best for you. If husband was away a lot working FIFO you must have been lonely a lot and I suspect your memory of life in Cairns is playing tricks on you.


Timeline: 309/100 Sent 7/8/13, Money Taken 9/8/13, CO appointed 3/9/13. Med 3/12/13. Police check 4/12/13. VISA GRANTED 8/4/14, Subclass100. Recce August 2014. Arrived 30 July 2015.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What's the rush? Your kids are still young and it'll take take to settle in anywhere, even to where you might call home if you've been away a long time. Unless some amazing work offer comes up I would give it a year or two before considering going back.


IELTS 04/10/11...Skills Assessment rejected 11/04/12...Skills assessment approved 05/05/12...175 visa submitted 26/06/12... CO 31/08/12...Medicals submitted 21/09/12...Visa Granted 30/09/12...Arrived Melbourne 09/02/13

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
and when you get back to oz you will miss the UK....PING POM...syndrome

 

Not always the case PB, you know this.

 

I know a few people who went back to the UK and are now back in Aus and happy as anything with no regrets. The ping pom helped them realise where they were happiest.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What so many of us (including me) want is to have the good job and lovely lifestyle and be surrounded by friends and family. I have a good job, rent a lovely place in Oz but miss friends and family - In the UK I have people around me, own a nice enough house (but no pool and sunshine!) in a great part of UK, and will probably get an equivalent but not so lucrative job. The trouble is for many, building up a close network of friends in a new country is not possible - for timing, opportunity, context reasons..... So it comes down to making choices - We will be heading back to the UK because I miss the sense of belonging and having people around me. But I will miss the weather, the birds, the markets, scenery - so many aspects of Oz that I take for granted a little now. Australia and the UK are both brilliant places to live - and it is hard to choose, but inevitably you'll miss what you can't have as both places don't have it all unless you are very, very lucky... if time back in the UK makes us miss Oz and we want to return then I'm not going to rule it out - But I have no idea how to remove rose tints - I was watching British telly the other day and even thought how nice the dark rainy evenings looked!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When things aren't quite right you tend to compare the good of the then with the bad of the now and the here and now always comes out second best. You don't have to move to the other side of the world to make it better - sometimes all it takes is a change of jobs or a move a few miles down the road.

 

The older I get the more I see that my kids were deprived - they were happy enough growing up in Australia but we deprived them of growing up within a close family and friend network and TBH I think that is priceless. But if you fancy another adventure, still have your visa, your kids are young enough that you don't really have to "settle" anywhere for a while, you could suck it and see but my guess is that you'll miss your network and your kids will more surely miss their extended family.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've never been to Cairns or Essex,but place wise is there any comparison?Are people more important than places?You say where you live has alot of crime ect,can you relocate to someone nicer perhaps?I'm not saying this is the case,but did your families pull heart strings because they were jealous?


When the power of love overcomes the love of power,the world will know peace ~ Jimi Hendrix

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes family and friends are more important and we didn't really want to live elsewhere because it defeated the object of coming back and having them people in the doorstep and eg support I think moving back to same house hasn't helped we will move in coupleyears again but still close by

 

I've never been to Cairns or Essex,but place wise is there any comparison?Are people more important than places?You say where you live has alot of crime ect,can you relocate to someone nicer perhaps?I'm not saying this is the case,but did your families pull heart strings because they were jealous?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Ptp113

You'll come back and be all the better for it, and reading between the lines I think you know that already

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's funny, I fell in love with Cairns immediately absolutely love it. Rob has struggled because I've been ill and he has needed family support, well any support. He wanted to go back to the UK, however it's funny because when we went to America for a few weeks he said how wonderful Cairns was and how he has missed it.

As you know work up here is hard to get so if you do decide to return make sure you have a job to come back to.

  • Like 1

If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My wife has been offered a good position in Cairns but while we are fully committed to. coming to Oz next year our original plan was to go to Perth for the following reasons.

 

Not such a humid climate, she comes from cape town and Me from the UK, I always wanted to live in Spain when I was younger before realising the dire state of the economy there, with the drier heat (find it much more pleasent than say a hot day in the UK for example even if it's mid to high 30s (like in Madrid or Seville) for example. She also thinks the climate in Perth will be more similar to what she had back home. In the fact it's dry hot in the summer but also has seasons.

 

Perth seems to have a bigger ex-pat community, both from UK and South Africa, while we hope to make ausssie friends, the expat community are all in the same boat as not having been there for long so we guess it will be easier to make friends there as we guess most aussies our age (late 30s) would already have their circle of friends..

 

Less time difference between uk/sa and Perth aswell as more direct flight options

 

More to see and do...

 

The problem is we've never been to Australia, so either place will be different (it just seems that Perth a little closer/more like home) but Cairns seems such an amazing place (like Paradise) and every post I read from people that are there or have been there seem to absolutely love it there

 

so really torn as once the skills assessment comes back to take the offer in Cairns or wait for something to come up in Perth, only experience I've had with humidity was Orlando Fl many many years ago in June, I remember not minding it so much but was so long ago and also guessing Cairns is more humid than Florida..

 

Really torn as also real estate seems a lot more expensive in Perth and guessing we would need an extra 20k per year in Perth to have the same quality of life with regards to income that would in in Cairns or am I over/underestimating the difference..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I used to live in Cairns and moved to the Atherton Tablelands for work, but also because I find the climate is so much more pleasant up here. Cairns can be extremely humid and very hot, and it usually gets a lot of rain during the wet season. I enjoyed the climate in the beginning, having a pool and balmy nights, until novelty wore off...

Personally I don't like Cairns much as a city, it is small if you're used to big city life and full of tourists. I find it lacks character and is somehow a bit “fake”. I also find it too isolated, it's not uncommon among people I know to fly to Brisbane for a show or concert.

But this is something we only realised once we'd moved here, on pictures and from memory 10 years earlier it was as you probably imagine it to be :)

 

 

The landscape around the city is beautiful though. I would try to visit before you make a decision to move to Cairns.

 

 

I have never been to Perth so can't comment on it.

 

 

Good luck !

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Being a ping ping myself I fully understand where you are coming from. We knew instantly when returning home we had made a mistake and withing 6 months returned to oz and are happier than ever - no regrets. Second time around much easier.


Social Worker - 272511 IELTS: 8/6/13 R.9 W.8.5 L 9 S 9 Visa lodged 189 31/8 Direct Grant 25th October

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

@Lakaal I remember you posting about your feelings about returning back and iirc, it was parental pressure. I am so glad that you have sorted out the situation and returned and are happier now :hug:


Husband's Spouse Visa Offshore Application 309/100 Sent 24/09/13

Application Received at Australia House, London 25/09/13 @ 07:49

Payment taken 26/09/13

CO assigned 05/11/13 (WP)

Visa Subclass 100 Partner Migrant Visa granted 30/05/14

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
It's funny, I fell in love with Cairns immediately absolutely love it. Rob has struggled because I've been ill and he has needed family support, well any support. He wanted to go back to the UK, however it's funny because when we went to America for a few weeks he said how wonderful Cairns was and how he has missed it.

As you know work up here is hard to get so if you do decide to return make sure you have a job to come back to.

 

I love Cairns too, haven't spent much time there, spent christmas there about 4 years ago, but loved it (especially the bats).... We've found over the years, that we just like being home, where ever home is.. Usually where our stuff is and current home, kids, dogs etc.. (stuff is in a shipping container somewhere between Somalia and Singapore at the mo)... Similarly, we go away on hols, as nice as it is, but can't wait to get home lol (again, wherever that is at the time).. :chatterbox:


In sunny Townsville... :wink:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know how you feel. I love Cairns and would be there in a flash except for family reasons I'm stuck in Melbourne. For me Oz is the best place to live and the UK is a great place to visit.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×