maisiedaisy Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 My mother is more concerned about our dog moving to Australia than us, I'm almost jealous! x Can't stop chuckling at this :laugh: so funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murta Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 Yeah Australia bound it is a tough situation and no doubt something that you don't need leading up to the move! My oh if he was on here would share a similar opinion (more or less) about my mother . She too becomes wicked, twisted and bitter in her comments....it's like tretes ...spelling... She is so hurt and panicking And desperate for us not to go she looses all control of herself. I did wonder what you mean ...she does nothing for you or the grandchildren, as my oh sayes, in his bitterness , he can spurt this same comment out as a defence mechanism to shield him from realising he is hurting my mother by his desire to move and wants to blame her for being awkward instead of just sitting her down and naming the elephant in the room so to speak. If you mil has been a feature in your lives...albeit a controlling one...it still is a role..... and unfortunately she has no clue how to function without this dependency on her daughter and her Family. Bear with her....it is a big change. You're going and she isn't and that hurts! Maybe your wife has to have the chat with her on her own. I did this and totally gave myself to my mother Nd reversed the roles a bit....mothered my mother...but not patronised... It didnt change my mother but I for sure gained control...it is a sad situation so good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
docboat Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 I remember, many years ago, my mother was making life for my new wife into absolute hell. My (ex) wife was doing her very best to please her MIL, but nothing was good enough for her. My wife felt awful, exhausted and near tears. I took a walk with my mother and had a chat with her. The gist of it was that I had two women in my life - my mother and my wife. They were not getting on with each other, and I would have to make a choice as to which woman I stood beside. "And mum," I said, "if it comes to a choice, you are going to lose." There was peace after that, my mother never really forgave me, but it was a choice absolutely worth making. Let no-one blackmail you. Ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tina0101 Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Please show your OH the comments. You guys aren't the first and you won't be the last to go through this, so seeing that others have done it may help your wife. My mum was pretty bad when we announced the move (ruining our lives, ruining sons life etc) and then didn't talk to us about it until about a month before we left (and even then it was very fractured with her crying!). The day we left was bad. I've never seen her like that, even when my grandad died she was calmer. now we're here, we Skype a couple of times a week, I message her most days and we keep up with the news, what we're doing and what she's doing. She doesn't cry (thank god) and seems really interested in what we are doing. It's completely different to how she was before we left. stay strong. It's about you guys and your lives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorney Days Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 Hi it is a quite a while since i was on this site and yours was the first thing I read. My husband and myself are Grandparents to two girls age 2 1/2 and 1 1/2 . The" little family" moved to Oz just over a year ago. NOW I want you to know I love my "little family" and save every penny can to come over to oz to see them. I spoke to my daughter in law before they moved and explained , now she became our new family member when she married my son ,she has her own very precious "family" and now that has been added to by having our grand children the" little family" is her own , and we as grandparents are so privileged to be part of the" little family" and are so grateful to them for letting us share in all their lives. I believe it would be unforgivable and very arrogant for my husband and I to Expect or demand anything from the "little family" because they are their own new unit and we have to put in as gently as we can our love and support for them all to have a wonderful life. That is not to say I break my heart as it is so far away and I am not in the best of health to travel..but you know what I CHOOSE to get on with it , be happy , positive and look at each day as a plus and Skype as a bonus. So I know I am blethering on but I feel so much for you you Choose what you think to be best for your wee family and good for you. stick together as a unit , you in-laws Chose what they wanted to do in their life so let them get on with it . I have told my daughter-in-law to adopt a Granny in oz and the children will have even more joy in their lives. well better stop now so be supportive of each other don't allow negativity to rock your together decisions and good luck in oz xoxoxo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Australia Bound Posted October 4, 2014 Author Share Posted October 4, 2014 Hi it is a quite a while since i was on this site and yours was the first thing I read. My husband and myself are Grandparents to two girls age 2 1/2 and 1 1/2 . The" little family" moved to Oz just over a year ago. NOW I want you to know I love my "little family" and save every penny can to come over to oz to see them. I spoke to my daughter in law before they moved and explained , now she became our new family member when she married my son ,she has her own very precious "family" and now that has been added to by having our grand children the" little family" is her own , and we as grandparents are so privileged to be part of the" little family" and are so grateful to them for letting us share in all their lives. I believe it would be unforgivable and very arrogant for my husband and I to Expect or demand anything from the "little family" because they are their own new unit and we have to put in as gently as we can our love and support for them all to have a wonderful life. That is not to say I break my heart as it is so far away and I am not in the best of health to travel..but you know what I CHOOSE to get on with it , be happy , positive and look at each day as a plus and Skype as a bonus. So I know I am blethering on but I feel so much for you you Choose what you think to be best for your wee family and good for you. stick together as a unit , you in-laws Chose what they wanted to do in their life so let them get on with it . I have told my daughter-in-law to adopt a Granny in oz and the children will have even more joy in their lives. well better stop now so be supportive of each other don't allow negativity to rock your together decisions and good luck in oz xoxoxo Such kind words, very encouraging. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted October 5, 2014 Share Posted October 5, 2014 Hi it is a quite a while since i was on this site and yours was the first thing I read. My husband and myself are Grandparents to two girls age 2 1/2 and 1 1/2 . The" little family" moved to Oz just over a year ago. NOW I want you to know I love my "little family" and save every penny can to come over to oz to see them. I spoke to my daughter in law before they moved and explained , now she became our new family member when she married my son ,she has her own very precious "family" and now that has been added to by having our grand children the" little family" is her own , and we as grandparents are so privileged to be part of the" little family" and are so grateful to them for letting us share in all their lives. I believe it would be unforgivable and very arrogant for my husband and I to Expect or demand anything from the "little family" because they are their own new unit and we have to put in as gently as we can our love and support for them all to have a wonderful life. That is not to say I break my heart as it is so far away and I am not in the best of health to travel..but you know what I CHOOSE to get on with it , be happy , positive and look at each day as a plus and Skype as a bonus. So I know I am blethering on but I feel so much for you you Choose what you think to be best for your wee family and good for you. stick together as a unit , you in-laws Chose what they wanted to do in their life so let them get on with it . I have told my daughter-in-law to adopt a Granny in oz and the children will have even more joy in their lives. well better stop now so be supportive of each other don't allow negativity to rock your together decisions and good luck in oz xoxoxo If you were my MIL I really don't think I would have been able to make the move. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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