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tracybayliss

Feeling lonely in need of buddies

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Hi guys

 

feeling really disappointed at moment have wanted to come to OZ for last ten years with caution. Had nice home, good job car and whole family but still wanted to live the dream having already been here three times already. Having now been here six weeks I'm a midwife don't like the job and I knew that would be different I accepted the first one I got offered as too worried to come here without one. We've received so much negative attitude towards us living near ipswich. We researched the area and are currently renting in springfield which is lovely and is up and coming . My husband hasn't found a job yet either and is bored to tears. We had a fantastic relationship with our neighbours back in the UK and we haven't even seen ours for more than five seconds and they don't appear to want to hold a conversation. We came with the attitude we wouldn't particularly look for areas where mainly English migrants lived as this didn't bother us and we were quite willing to be part of the australian way of life but are now becoming to think is this what we have to do now just to stop ourselves from going mad or booking a return flight. We haven't the opportunity to meet parents at the school gates as our daughter is 19 and son is in Sydney. Is there anyone else in and around springfield/springfield lakes wishing to meet up. We feel we've given up everything to be here and living here is not quite the same as a holiday x

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I think after only 6 weeks you are maybe getting a bit ahead of yourself with the doom and gloom and have created unrealistic expectations about 'living the dream'. In my experience it can take time to establish yourselves, sometimes several years before all aspects come together such as meaningful friendships and a job you truly enjoy. Perhaps homesickness is clouding your judgements at this early stage.

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Yes I get that but the dream job isn't here I don't think working more hours than I ever did back in uk. I get the whole midwifery is so so different in uk and my eyes are wide open but would still like to find ways of meeting people without going to local tavern

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Is your husband a cyclist at all? there is a good cycling group in that area, range from social paced to A grade racers.

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What about facebook groups? There are some for the Gold Coast and ive met heaps of people, theres bound to be one for near where you are?


2012 IELTS 26/5 ANMAC 27/10 2013 LOD 14/03 AHPRA 08/05 LOE 30/05 EOI for QLD SS submitted and invited (same day) 30/05 190 Visa lodged 11/06 Medicals 29/06 CO allocated 12/7 PCC 23/7 extra docs 18/8 VISA GRANTED 23/8! Flights booked 10 Sept Brisbane bound! :jiggy:

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I'm always on Facebook as my husband would say so what would I search for. Our plan is to live on gold coast I'm just waiting for the right job to come up which I've been informed is coming. How do we find out bout the cycling groups we don't do anything like that but both want to get fit.;;

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Oh dear - your last sentence that living in a place is very different from a holiday should be a framed picture every would be migrant's living room! I'm so sorry that it doesn't seem to be going too well at the moment! I'd be aiming for groups of folk with similar interests if you can, not just Poms! Most of my acquaintances were picked up at work but you can usually find like minds at interest groups - craft groups are probably best because you have more time to natter than at physically active pursuits. Your DH might think about volunteering - check out the SES, RFS etc. if he can connect with people in the community that network can be worth thousands for job finding - it's not what you know in Aus!

 

Its early days but you might want to put a decision date in your diary at which point you judge whether what you've got is as good as or better than what you could have elsewhere and then decide if you want to keep doing what you're doing or move on. Good luck!

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I'm always on Facebook as my husband would say so what would I search for. Our plan is to live on gold coast I'm just waiting for the right job to come up which I've been informed is coming. How do we find out bout the cycling groups we don't do anything like that but both want to get fit.;;

 

 

Ive sent you a pm with the group names


2012 IELTS 26/5 ANMAC 27/10 2013 LOD 14/03 AHPRA 08/05 LOE 30/05 EOI for QLD SS submitted and invited (same day) 30/05 190 Visa lodged 11/06 Medicals 29/06 CO allocated 12/7 PCC 23/7 extra docs 18/8 VISA GRANTED 23/8! Flights booked 10 Sept Brisbane bound! :jiggy:

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Sorry to hear you're feeling like this, but like the others have said 6 weeks really is early days. When you decided to emigrate what did you think in your mind it would be like? Did you have any preconceived ideas of your ideal? I ask as you say you've been here 3 times prior to moving so i'm just wondering what prompted you to make the move.

 

For us our life back home at reached rock bottom, marriage on the rocks, no money, small house, not many friends so we thought we'd give it a go, after all what did we have to lose? We came here with hardly any money, 2 young kids and i can honestly say it's the best thing we ever did and we've only been here 5 months!!

 

The first day was awful and i remember being sat in our apartment with just our suitcases wondering what the hell i'd done!! The first few weeks were really hard and i remember after 6 weeks my husband was so fed up he said if his dad hadn't paid for out shipping to come over he would be wanting to go home! But fast forward to today and we're happier than we've been in years, we're very slowly making friends, which in itself takes time and getting to know the area etc. We always said when we came over we would have to give it at least 18 months before we could decide if it was for us or not.

 

Another example for you a friend of mine moved to perth a year ago and hated it, was lonely and really homesick, she came as she knew it offered a better lifestyle for her children. She has now made a couple of good friends and is feeling better about being here and she doesn't work and kids too old to meet other parents so found it hard to meet people, but it happened for her in the end. It will take time and things will slowly start to happen and you will start to feel a little more settled, but it just takes a little time xx

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Why not invite your neighbours over for a drink one evening and ask for an RSVP so you know if they're coming. If you're in a rental and they're established, remember they'll have seen a lot of people coming and going and some may not have stayed very long - it might be up to you to give the invitation to pop in.


I just want PIO to be a happy place where people are nice to each other and unicorns poop rainbows

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Hi Tracey

 

I'd echo what a few people have said already. You can't make a balanced judgement on life here in 6 weeks. It's huge uprooting your whole life and plonking it at the other side of the world. I like to think of it like growing a tree. After 6 weeks you're barely sprouting - decent roots might take years to grow. It feels unfamiliar and you don't have strong bonds with people. You were patient enough going through the visa process and saving money to come here - equal patience is required to see your life develop here too.

 

I have found that taking the time to do the things that you just can't do at home - so you are reminded of some of the reasons why you came here. Go to the beach, have barbecue's (even in winter), go surfing/bodyboarding (may not be your cup of tea but hope you get the idea).

 

Hope you start to feel better about things soon.

 

Dave

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Hi Tracey,

When I migrated I thought it best to try integrate with Ozzies and not search out poms. Now I am sure that was the wrong decision for me. Poms understand you, know your difficulties and can be very good friends in your new country. Seek them out. meetup.com is a good start. We are orphans in this country - find other people like yourself :)

Andy

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On a negative note, I've been in Oz now for 7 years, and not made a single friend. Aussies keep themselves to themselves, and I am finding it the hardest thing ever ! :ssign3:

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Hey Tracy, we are in a very similar boat! We too are living in Ipswich and have only moved here a few weeks ago.

I'm working at Ipswich Hospital how about you?

i'll PM you in a mo ?


IELTS 8.5. ANMAC LOD received 16/06/13, EOL submitted 18/06/13. 189 Visa invite recieved 01/07/2013. Visa Lodged 05/07/13. Medicals completed and submitted 17/07/13, PCC cleared 08/07/13. 189 PR Visa granted 9th September 2013! AHPRA LOE recieved 15/11/13.

Flights booked for 30/06/14...The woodhouse clan are on their way! :biggrin:

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Hi guys

 

feeling really disappointed at moment have wanted to come to OZ for last ten years with caution. Had nice home, good job car and whole family but still wanted to live the dream having already been here three times already. Having now been here six weeks I'm a midwife don't like the job and I knew that would be different I accepted the first one I got offered as too worried to come here without one. We've received so much negative attitude towards us living near ipswich. We researched the area and are currently renting in springfield which is lovely and is up and coming . My husband hasn't found a job yet either and is bored to tears. We had a fantastic relationship with our neighbours back in the UK and we haven't even seen ours for more than five seconds and they don't appear to want to hold a conversation. We came with the attitude we wouldn't particularly look for areas where mainly English migrants lived as this didn't bother us and we were quite willing to be part of the australian way of life but are now becoming to think is this what we have to do now just to stop ourselves from going mad or booking a return flight. We haven't the opportunity to meet parents at the school gates as our daughter is 19 and son is in Sydney. Is there anyone else in and around springfield/springfield lakes wishing to meet up. We feel we've given up everything to be here and living here is not quite the same as a holiday x

 

 

Hi Tracey,

 

Im sorry to hear how you're feeling because I have been there myself and some days end up back there. I also had a great job, life, house etc and decided to make the move for the kids and OH and their futures. I have had days where I have felt sick to the pit of my stomach but I agree with others that its too soon to throw the towel in. I've heard people that do that and then end up 'ping pong poms' because when they go home they regret that also. Just out of curiosity..if you are a midwife does that mean you still retain your registration as RN also. I only ask because Anglicare gold coast have been advertising for nurses. I suppose the job is similar to district nursing in the UK. It took me three months to get a job and OH about six weeks. I have to commute to Brisbane which isn't ideal but I like the job and am glad to be working. It must be heartbreaking if you loved your job in the UK but really I think you should think of your current job as 'not a life sentence' and paying the bills until something else comes along. My OH says he cannot believe the way they do things where he works, and I think sometimes its a case of 'suck it up' because it is a different way here. We've settled on the gold coast and know a couple of people but other OH has been meeting people through a FB running group. I guess it just takes time which I know doesn't quite make you feel any better. How about checking out the meet ups as someone else suggested. I guess you could also try the gold coast ones if you plan to relocate there anyway.

 

Good luck and keep your chin up. There's lots of people on here been in the same boat or still in it.

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A subject that often comes up and a hard one to crack. In fact you may never satisfactory resolve the issue but learn to live within its perimeters. Friendship is somewhat laissez faire in OZ, with an easy come easy go sort of basis. It can be irritating the lack of effort the other side contributes until it suites or they have the need.

 

I would disregard the nationality/place of birth tag and seek out social relations with the wide array of folk out there. No need to focus on Aussies as such, Poms, Indians whoever fits into your worldview. My few European friends keep it together in my case being on similar wave lengths. Most the rest are comic relief but few with a lot of depth.

 

I guess I am surprised the OP didn't pick up on this being here on three previous occasions. I always recall a Finnish woman saying to me many years back that I met randomly on the street here in Perth. she had travelled several months in Australia and her comment was "Nice country but the people appear to be so lonely". Thought it a throw away comment at the time, but picked up on it years later as having more than a grain of truth.

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I have lived in Surrey for 25 years and only two addresses. Always have had a good relationship with neighbours but none have ever been 'friends' and I have never expected them to be. Clearly other parts of the UK are different but the way Australia is described chimes with my experience of the UK tbh.

 

Also if you are only renting and planning to relocate it is hard to imagine how you could make friends locally. I reckon migrants should be more self sufficient and less needy. May come across as a bit harsh I know.


Timeline: 309/100 Sent 7/8/13, Money Taken 9/8/13, CO appointed 3/9/13. Med 3/12/13. Police check 4/12/13. VISA GRANTED 8/4/14, Subclass100. Recce August 2014. Arrived 30 July 2015.

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On a negative note, I've been in Oz now for 7 years, and not made a single friend. Aussies keep themselves to themselves, and I am finding it the hardest thing ever ! :ssign3:

Ha Ha! I have made 3 friends - 2 Brits and one from Singapore. No-one close. Aussies can be very nice, but they have established friendships, tend to work all hours (work life balance my arse) and see very little motivation to invite others into their inner circles.... This made me v miserable and I thought it was because we have nothing to offer others, but I have no problems making friends in the UK. I have put myself out there, hosted innumerable (very well received) BBQs but after 7 years I've given up. I go to pommie meetups for my social interaction as it's much more give and take. If we didn't go to the meet-up groups we'd speak to v few people outside of immediate family. One of the reasons I'm heading home - I'm pretty introverted and self reliant - but it's so tough, especially if like us you're a little older...

Edited by Chortlepuss

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Newsflash people - if we (Aussies) like you we will be friends with you. Perhaps those struggling to make friends after a number of years should look at themselves and how they come across to the people they meet.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I have lived in Surrey for 25 years and only two addresses. Always have had a good relationship with neighbours but none have ever been 'friends' and I have never expected them to be. Clearly other parts of the UK are different but the way Australia is described chimes with my experience of the UK tbh.

 

Also if you are only renting and planning to relocate it is hard to imagine how you could make friends locally. I reckon migrants should be more self sufficient and less needy. May come across as a bit harsh I know.

 

I'll be interested to read your account in a year with regards to this. It does sound like leading a less than social life in Surrey you may be immune to cultural shock in the social sense, while others come with a different expectation, with regards to open and friendly locals who may be more impacted.

No story is the same for everyone of course. But still an issue that needs airing in my view.

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Newsflash people - if we (Aussies) like you we will be friends with you. Perhaps those struggling to make friends after a number of years should look at themselves and how they come across to the people they meet.

 

Keep trying not quite there yet. Many well travelled Aussies find accord with statements made. Aussies tend to me a rather closed lot away from family and many not very engaging. Folk of course may well just have to accept that as a cultural trait. So be it. Still an issue that does impact on any number of strangers to these shores, not all but enough to make it worthy of consideration if those sort of things are important.

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Ha Ha! I have made 3 friends - 2 Brits and one from Singapore. No-one close. Aussies can be very nice, but they have established friendships, tend to work all hours (work life balance my arse) and see very little motivation to invite others into their inner circles.... This made me v miserable and I thought it was because we have nothing to offer others, but I have no problems making friends in the UK. I have put myself out there, hosted innumerable (very well received) BBQs but after 7 years I've given up. I go to pommie meetups for my social interaction as it's much more give and take. If we didn't go to the meet-up groups we'd speak to v few people outside of immediate family. One of the reasons I'm heading home - I'm pretty introverted and self reliant - but it's so tough, especially if like us you're a little older...

 

It is not only making friendships here that is hard work but the maintenance of them.

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Newsflash people - if we (Aussies) like you we will be friends with you. Perhaps those struggling to make friends after a number of years should look at themselves and how they come across to the people they meet.

 

Well how bloody selfish of you. You really should make more if an effort. Dont you know POMS deserve special tteatment and attention ! :wink::laugh:

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I think its what do we expect with friendship. Friendship is a bit like meeting a partner, sometimes it takes time to grow. Cannot meet one week and expect to be the only friend in a person's life. Most of my friendships have come about by accident really, met through similar stuff, different times of my life, etc etc One of my very best friends is Australian and her and her husband welcomed us into their extended family and we attended all the weddings funerals and every Christmas Eve we spent with my friend's husband's mum and family and friends. Its just the luck of the drawer. My late husband was not a social butterfly at all, in fact he was very introverted, fine with family and my very good friends but if you were waiting for him to make friends with you then you would wait for ever whether here or the UK. He just did not do that sort of thing. I think a lot of people are like him, in fact I know quite a few of my friends are married to similar men, we think its because they cannot get a word in with us lot.

 

Don't worry about making friends, it will happen it may not happen but really as long as you enjoy every day and get out and about so be it. I am now a widow and I do have friends but I never get lonely for friends, only the loss of the love of my life and no-one can fill those shoes.

 

So be happy with your lot.


Petals

:ssign15:taking no prisoners :wink:

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It is not only making friendships here that is hard work but the maintenance of them.

 

I suspect it's a lot about having a shared context - No problem making British friends here or in the UK - and have many friendships that have endured nearly half a century (including my two close friends from primary school). It's only natural to want to be friends with people that you have grown up with/been to uni with/ had young kids around the same time etc... I have one lovely Aussie acquaintance who I meet for lunch sometimes but she works a 7 day week. I have found that people will readily make time if there is some business advantage but there is little time for just hanging around, listening to music, conversation, going for a walk. A number of people on this forum have raised this as an issue so to point the finger and blame the individual is rarely helpful or accurate. On the plus side, the Aussies I have met have been very generous and are more than happy to offer practical help (like offer to drive you to the airport - and no I would never ask someone but people offer) but I suspect they feel that hanging out and chilling is a waste of time.

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