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Lucia

5 years and 9 months in...

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Hey,

 

I haven't posted on here in a loooong time...been a bit scared to be honest as my feelings have been all over the place! I’m not sure what I’m looking for in posting this, but here it goes…

 

OH and I came here in Sept 2008 with a couple of backpacks on our backs, one Aussie passport (DH has citizenship by descent) and one spouse visa. It was our intention to travel Oz for the first few months and then work for the remainder of the year before reassessing what we wanted to do next.

 

After travelling Oz for a few months, we settled in Perth as it was very different to home...we wanted something new for the remainder of the year. We loved it at first! We landed great jobs within a week or two of arriving, found a fully furnished rental, went diving every other weekend, started meeting people etc etc.

 

We began to feel really settled and couldn't actually see ourselves returning to the UK any time soon. So, September 2009 came and went, we got married in January 2010 in the UK and then we decided to try for a baby. I fell pregnant and went on to have a little girl in August 2011. I joined a fantastic Mothers' Group, went back to the UK for a holiday over Christmas (our third trip back!) and despite having no support with a very, very difficult baby (wouldn't feed, wouldn't sleep, suffered with terrible reflux, wouldn't move to solids easily...the list goes on) we still felt happy here in Perth.

 

DH and I decided to have another baby and started trying when our daughter was 12 months old. A few months later I fell pregnant and entered some kind of weird depression in November 2012 :(. We had been half-heartedly looking to buy a house, but I hated the idea of living in suburbia. I came to the conclusion that we had been priced out of Perth and that I'd already made enough compromises being away from family and friends, being so isolated and so on and refused to isolate myself even more. I began crying a lot and was adamant that I needed to go home. I told my mum, who was secretly pleased that we had decided to make the move. I was trawling through the MBTTUK posts, driving myself mad with desperation to get back ASAP! DH and I decided to leave in March/April 2014.

 

Anyway, our son was born in June 2013. Mum came out to see us and we all talked freely about our plans to return the following Easter. I still felt like it wasn't real though...I got the impression that DH wasn't as keen to leave so I became hesitant to talk about it too much. DH’s parents are dead set against us moving back – they constantly talk about the doom and gloom of the UK and believe that Oz is some kind of Utopia, which isn’t helpful at all!

 

Then, like a bloody thunderbolt out of the blue, I decided that we should stay in Perth!! I was enjoying the cooler months (flippin' hate summer here) and enjoying my son (who was, and still is, a breeze...touch wood). I concluded that I was stupid to make such decisions when I was in the first few months of pregnancy and that we would be better off staying in Oz.

The whole ‘buying a house’ thing reared its head again and we thought buying a place would confirm we’d made the right choice and that we’d feel even more settled…putting roots down, if you like. I also told myself I couldn't return to the UK without doing this first as I wouldn’t want to move back to the UK, potentially find it difficult, and then blame myself for not trying harder to settle in Perth. I’ve read enough ping pong stories! Ha ha!

 

Months passed, I told my mum over the phone that our plans had changed and we decided to buy a house...wait for it...in the burbs!!! She was pretty devastated, but said we had to do what was right for us etc. We chose a great family house, with a garden, in a great area…what more could we want? We put the offer in in the November.

Prior to the offer, we had also booked a trip back home for over the Christmas so the rest of our families could meet our little boy. The offer on the house was soon accepted and all the paperwork was sorted before we left. – Crazy, I know!

We had a fantastic time back home over Christmas and loved seeing our kids playing with their cousins. We felt sad that we didn’t have that in Perth and I felt like I could actually breathe again once I was back. In the 5 almost 6 years we’ve been here we have been back to the UK many times, but none were as difficult as this in terms of having to say goodbye. I’m not sure if it was the thought that we were returning to a house that we had actually bought, meaning that we wouldn’t be back in the foreseeable future, or whether it was seeing our parents and grandparents looking so much older, or whether we genuinely realised that our hearts lie in the UK and no amount of money or material crap will change that… I suppose, beforehand, we had the attitude of ‘never say never’ or ‘we’ll go back one day’.

 

I really do, however, believe that things have completely changed now that we have children. My daughter’s little friends all see grandparents at weekends and all have their own cousins to play with, and for us as a couple…we rarely have quality time together. We have now got ourselves a babysitter ($20 per hour) so we’ll use her once a month/every two months to help us, but I can’t hire grandparents or cousins. I can’t hire that unconditional love!

 

We came back feeling rather down and reflected on what we really wanted from life, questioning whether what we have here actually makes up for all that we have left behind. We got on with the move and put all our energy into making our house a home! It looks and feels great, but we still feel like it’s a temporary thing.

 

So…after almost 6 years in Oz and 6 months in our own house, we have decided that we need to make the move back. When? I’m really not sure. We have looked into the implications of selling so soon after purchase etc and have looked at the costs involved. We obviously need to think long and hard about jobs and whether we find jobs before leaving – We need to, but not sure how easy that will be. We have Easter 2015 in our heads and have started selling our baby stuff and putting it in a ‘flights kitty.’

 

I’m scared as hell about starting again, finding jobs, a house etc and I still have daily internal conflict of ‘should we stay, or should we go?’ but do I really want to live the rest of my life pining for home? Do I really want to live with regret of my children not seeing their extended family? Do I really want to do that bloody flight every other year? Do I really want to spend all our holiday time and money on going back?...Well, yes, I do want to go back for holidays and that’s why we do it…but a holiday somewhere else would be nice too.

Anyway, this post is long enough now and I’m sure I’ve bored you all to tears! As I said, I’m not really sure why I’ve posted this, but I welcome your comments, suggestions, criticism…it may help me to sort my head a bit more!

 

I once read on here that migration is one big head f**k…I agree wholeheartedly! :wacko:


Subclass 309 (de-facto spouse) sent off 09/02/08

Case officer and Meds/police check requested 26/02/08

VISA GRANTED!!! 17/04/08

Arrived 15/09/08

Hoping to return to Blighty in 2014

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Hey,

 

I haven't posted on here in a loooong time...been a bit scared to be honest as my feelings have been all over the place! I’m not sure what I’m looking for in posting this, but here it goes…

 

OH and I came here in Sept 2008 with a couple of backpacks on our backs, one Aussie passport (DH has citizenship by descent) and one spouse visa. It was our intention to travel Oz for the first few months and then work for the remainder of the year before reassessing what we wanted to do next.

 

After travelling Oz for a few months, we settled in Perth as it was very different to home...we wanted something new for the remainder of the year. We loved it at first! We landed great jobs within a week or two of arriving, found a fully furnished rental, went diving every other weekend, started meeting people etc etc.

 

We began to feel really settled and couldn't actually see ourselves returning to the UK any time soon. So, September 2009 came and went, we got married in January 2010 in the UK and then we decided to try for a baby. I fell pregnant and went on to have a little girl in August 2011. I joined a fantastic Mothers' Group, went back to the UK for a holiday over Christmas (our third trip back!) and despite having no support with a very, very difficult baby (wouldn't feed, wouldn't sleep, suffered with terrible reflux, wouldn't move to solids easily...the list goes on) we still felt happy here in Perth.

 

DH and I decided to have another baby and started trying when our daughter was 12 months old. A few months later I fell pregnant and entered some kind of weird depression in November 2012 :(. We had been half-heartedly looking to buy a house, but I hated the idea of living in suburbia. I came to the conclusion that we had been priced out of Perth and that I'd already made enough compromises being away from family and friends, being so isolated and so on and refused to isolate myself even more. I began crying a lot and was adamant that I needed to go home. I told my mum, who was secretly pleased that we had decided to make the move. I was trawling through the MBTTUK posts, driving myself mad with desperation to get back ASAP! DH and I decided to leave in March/April 2014.

 

Anyway, our son was born in June 2013. Mum came out to see us and we all talked freely about our plans to return the following Easter. I still felt like it wasn't real though...I got the impression that DH wasn't as keen to leave so I became hesitant to talk about it too much. DH’s parents are dead set against us moving back – they constantly talk about the doom and gloom of the UK and believe that Oz is some kind of Utopia, which isn’t helpful at all!

 

Then, like a bloody thunderbolt out of the blue, I decided that we should stay in Perth!! I was enjoying the cooler months (flippin' hate summer here) and enjoying my son (who was, and still is, a breeze...touch wood). I concluded that I was stupid to make such decisions when I was in the first few months of pregnancy and that we would be better off staying in Oz.

The whole ‘buying a house’ thing reared its head again and we thought buying a place would confirm we’d made the right choice and that we’d feel even more settled…putting roots down, if you like. I also told myself I couldn't return to the UK without doing this first as I wouldn’t want to move back to the UK, potentially find it difficult, and then blame myself for not trying harder to settle in Perth. I’ve read enough ping pong stories! Ha ha!

 

Months passed, I told my mum over the phone that our plans had changed and we decided to buy a house...wait for it...in the burbs!!! She was pretty devastated, but said we had to do what was right for us etc. We chose a great family house, with a garden, in a great area…what more could we want? We put the offer in in the November.

Prior to the offer, we had also booked a trip back home for over the Christmas so the rest of our families could meet our little boy. The offer on the house was soon accepted and all the paperwork was sorted before we left. – Crazy, I know!

We had a fantastic time back home over Christmas and loved seeing our kids playing with their cousins. We felt sad that we didn’t have that in Perth and I felt like I could actually breathe again once I was back. In the 5 almost 6 years we’ve been here we have been back to the UK many times, but none were as difficult as this in terms of having to say goodbye. I’m not sure if it was the thought that we were returning to a house that we had actually bought, meaning that we wouldn’t be back in the foreseeable future, or whether it was seeing our parents and grandparents looking so much older, or whether we genuinely realised that our hearts lie in the UK and no amount of money or material crap will change that… I suppose, beforehand, we had the attitude of ‘never say never’ or ‘we’ll go back one day’.

 

I really do, however, believe that things have completely changed now that we have children. My daughter’s little friends all see grandparents at weekends and all have their own cousins to play with, and for us as a couple…we rarely have quality time together. We have now got ourselves a babysitter ($20 per hour) so we’ll use her once a month/every two months to help us, but I can’t hire grandparents or cousins. I can’t hire that unconditional love!

 

We came back feeling rather down and reflected on what we really wanted from life, questioning whether what we have here actually makes up for all that we have left behind. We got on with the move and put all our energy into making our house a home! It looks and feels great, but we still feel like it’s a temporary thing.

 

So…after almost 6 years in Oz and 6 months in our own house, we have decided that we need to make the move back. When? I’m really not sure. We have looked into the implications of selling so soon after purchase etc and have looked at the costs involved. We obviously need to think long and hard about jobs and whether we find jobs before leaving – We need to, but not sure how easy that will be. We have Easter 2015 in our heads and have started selling our baby stuff and putting it in a ‘flights kitty.’

 

I’m scared as hell about starting again, finding jobs, a house etc and I still have daily internal conflict of ‘should we stay, or should we go?’ but do I really want to live the rest of my life pining for home? Do I really want to live with regret of my children not seeing their extended family? Do I really want to do that bloody flight every other year? Do I really want to spend all our holiday time and money on going back?...Well, yes, I do want to go back for holidays and that’s why we do it…but a holiday somewhere else would be nice too.

Anyway, this post is long enough now and I’m sure I’ve bored you all to tears! As I said, I’m not really sure why I’ve posted this, but I welcome your comments, suggestions, criticism…it may help me to sort my head a bit more!

 

I once read on here that migration is one big head f**k…I agree wholeheartedly! :wacko:

 

You know what I just get it, good luck to you with your plans....I think you know what you want to do deep down, and you know what...nothing is irreversible. xxxxxx

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Guest Guest40285

Good luck in whatever you decide to do, Its very hard I know all my family are in the UK, I have been here 20 years and still get the urge to go, chin up and Happy days.

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You don't mention it but getting your citizenship sorted out before returning would be a good idea as you can never know what the future holds. Best of luck with everything.


Timeline: 309/100 Sent 7/8/13, Money Taken 9/8/13, CO appointed 3/9/13. Med 3/12/13. Police check 4/12/13. VISA GRANTED 8/4/14, Subclass100. Recce August 2014. Arrived 30 July 2015.

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You don't mention it but getting your citizenship sorted out before returning would be a good idea as you can never know what the future holds. Best of luck with everything.

 

Ah, yes! I forgot to say that I became a citizen in January 2013. All four of us have Aussie passports :)


Subclass 309 (de-facto spouse) sent off 09/02/08

Case officer and Meds/police check requested 26/02/08

VISA GRANTED!!! 17/04/08

Arrived 15/09/08

Hoping to return to Blighty in 2014

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Good luck with it all! Sounds like you are both on the same page so you can do this as a team! Change is always scary and none of us have a crystal ball but it sounds like you know where you "belong". I know just what you mean about being able to breathe again!

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Lucia,

 

You dont mention it but im sure you have thought about it?

 

What about your kids future, would it really be better in the uk? Schooling etc? I think when both your kids are in school and have a mountain of friends your feelings will change, as you mention other kids and cousins?

Having a holiday back in the UK seeing family is all good but that's because they make an effort to come see you guys as its the right thing to do as they haven't met your new arrivals and seen you guys for a long time, I think (my own experience) that family make an extra effort to see people they dont see all the time, but when they can spend time with each other freely they dont do it?

 

I agree grandparents cant be replaced and its hard to compensate for that but in reality you have done so well and came so far to possibly gamble with the "ping pong" in my opinion.

 

Good luck though

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Lucia,

 

Thank you for sharing your post with us, I feel very similar to you in regard the children. I can't face life like this either living constantly with the feeling of not belonging and something is missing.

 

Good luck with your journey xxx

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Thank you for your replies! :)

 

I'm definitely aware of the 'special effort' made when back for a holiday - we had my little boy christened whilst back and everyone made the effort to come and we had a gathering at my mum's afterwards. Other than that, I don't feel like people went especially out of their way for us as we used to see each other a lot anyway. For example, going to my grandad's on a Saturday afternoon is something we always did and my cousins and their kids still do.

 

I'm not sure whether my kids' futures would be best here or the UK to be honest. I like to think that they will become well rounded individuals wherever they are.

 

I probably do sound like a classic candidate for a ping-pong, but I just can't help feeling the pull. Even when we first got here and I felt happy, I never forgot 'home'. I tried to live day to day without thinking too much about the past or future, but now that we have children, it's hard not to think about it and now the realisation that almost 6 years has slipped by has hit me. It's really hard to express it, but I'm feeling better for getting it all down - it's cathartic :)


Subclass 309 (de-facto spouse) sent off 09/02/08

Case officer and Meds/police check requested 26/02/08

VISA GRANTED!!! 17/04/08

Arrived 15/09/08

Hoping to return to Blighty in 2014

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Lucia,

 

Thank you for sharing your post with us, I feel very similar to you in regard the children. I can't face life like this either living constantly with the feeling of not belonging and something is missing.

 

Good luck with your journey xxx

 

Good luck to you too Lass81. How long have you been here? I too, despite being here for quite some time, do not feel like I truly belong.


Subclass 309 (de-facto spouse) sent off 09/02/08

Case officer and Meds/police check requested 26/02/08

VISA GRANTED!!! 17/04/08

Arrived 15/09/08

Hoping to return to Blighty in 2014

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Awww Hun, what a torment of emotions! I hope, wherever you decide to settle, that you'll be happy. As long as your children have you both then they will be just fine, others are a bonus sure but you are their world. Happy parents = happy children.

And no one can say you haven't given it a dam good shot in Oz!

 

Good luck. :-)

Edited by Tappers2oz

Trying to get to Aus since 2008. Finally the end is in sight! 🤞 Hoping to make the move in 2022. 🇦🇺

  • After 3 long years I’m finally a Registered Nurse! Sept 2021 
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Hi Lucia,

 

We moved to Perth in 2008 and I can identify with a lot that you say, I hate the 'burbs too - although funny enough we have just bought a house back in Scotland which to all intents and purposes is in a suburb (they like to call it a village!) And it is so nice seeing being able to see my parents for a few days several times a year (we live 180 miles away) and have 'proper' holidays - I love travel and adventure, it's probably how we ended up in Australia and it came to an abrupt halt, down to the cost of housing in Perth, the cost of travel from Perth and using holiday time & money to go back to the UK (my parents could no way travel out and I wanted to see them - we aimed to go every year but missed one due to financial woes & my parents paid for another)

 

I think you were right in taking your time making the decision and wise to see pregnancy messes with your head - not quite so drastic but I quit a job and afterwards realised I wasn't thinking straight and just in the throes of PND, I've always said since no-one should make a decision within one year of having a baby :)

 

Could you possibly rent your house out in Australia? Although I understand the market is booming and if you are thinking Easter 2015 then maybe you won't have a problem anyway. We did initially regret having built a house but actually came out of it $45k better off so despite the stress it caused us it all turned out well.

 

Don't get caught up in other people's negativity about 'ping pong', you've lived in Australia for 6 years and now you want to live in the UK, in 5 years time things change when the kids start school and you think Australia is the best place again you can move back. You are a dual nationality family, why on earth wouldn't you live at a particular point in time where suits your needs best and those needs change.

 

About the only time I'd say think twice is when the children are between 14-18 years old as the education systems are quite different but you are a long way from that stage yet!

 

Having brought up a 0-5 year old in UK, a 5-10 year old in Australia and now an 11 year old back in the UK, I can honestly say there is very little difference - I prefer the education system in Australia but it's marginal and I think there are benefits to going to a British university. Overall I think there are more career opportunities in the UK, especially compared to Perth, but it depends on aspirations and for a non-academic route Perth is probably better.

 

As the mum of a 5 year old I thought Perth would be a 'safer' place to grow up and I was prepared to trade my life for the safety of my son (what mum wouldn't?) but what I realised is you trade one set of dangers for another (& actually the majority - drink, drugs, violence - are exactly the same)

 

Where is home in the UK? That'll make a lot of difference - employment opportunities, leisure opportunities, housing availability and cost etc.

 

For us it was easy to see (with hindsight!) that Perth wasn't going to work for us - there was less employment opportunities, the salaries were lower, we could only afford to live in an 'up & coming' area (as opposed to the 'desirable' area we left) and our main leisure activities required mountains!

 

Does the UK add up for you in these respects? And any others important to you?

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Guest km75

I am not sure I'll ever be 100% one way or the other - personally (at this moment in time) I prefer Australia (Sydney), but I do miss the UK too, especially my mum and sister. My husband is Australia, so my children actually have more cousins and two grandparents here, so they are not "deprived" in anyway from family. I hate that we're so far away, but I actually prefer the lifestyle and weather of where we live here compared to where we lived in the UK. I don't think the pull of "home" though ever goes away.

Good luck with the future plans

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Lucia,

 

You dont mention it but im sure you have thought about it?

 

What about your kids future, would it really be better in the uk? Schooling etc? I think when both your kids are in school and have a mountain of friends your feelings will change, as you mention other kids and cousins?

Having a holiday back in the UK seeing family is all good but that's because they make an effort to come see you guys as its the right thing to do as they haven't met your new arrivals and seen you guys for a long time, I think (my own experience) that family make an extra effort to see people they dont see all the time, but when they can spend time with each other freely they dont do it?

 

I agree grandparents cant be replaced and its hard to compensate for that but in reality you have done so well and came so far to possibly gamble with the "ping pong" in my opinion.

 

Good luck though

 

 

Hi, we returned in Feb after 6 years, I am not sure if I have read your post correctly re schools, but we are so impressed with the state schooling in the UK, I know it depends where you live, but we paid a lot of dosh for 3 really crap private schools in OZ. My eldest suffered badly, my youngest is getting back on track with some monumental effort (year 10). Don't fall the life is better for kids in OZ delusion, it’s really not necessarily so (again depending on where you live in the UK)

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Sometimes you need the ping-pong to feel good. And if you stick to just 'ping' and are happy that way, that's fine as well, right?

 

 

 

Hi, we returned in Feb after 6 years, I am not sure if I have read your post correctly re schools, but we are so impressed with the state schooling in the UK, I know it depends where you live, but we paid a lot of dosh for 3 really crap private schools in OZ. My eldest suffered badly, my youngest is getting back on track with some monumental effort (year 10). Don't fall the life is better for kids in OZ delusion, it’s really not necessarily so (again depending on where you live in the UK)

 

Same thing with where you live in Oz.


Lived in Perth for 18 months. Pingponging back in Juli '15!

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Hi, we returned in Feb after 6 years, I am not sure if I have read your post correctly re schools, but we are so impressed with the state schooling in the UK, I know it depends where you live, but we paid a lot of dosh for 3 really crap private schools in OZ. My eldest suffered badly, my youngest is getting back on track with some monumental effort (year 10). Don't fall the life is better for kids in OZ delusion, it’s really not necessarily so (again depending on where you live in the UK)

 

I couldn't agree with you more when you talking about schools. I moved here when my children 13, 15, and 16 and everyday I thank god they went to school in the UK first. Gun crime in Sydney is scary drugs are another big issue in Sydney, is it safer for my kids here or in England in the south. Not everything is a bed of roses there are also a lot of thorns that go with them. I have been here 6 years and if I could turn the clock back I would. Australia is a beautiful country but so is England. I hope everything turns out ok for you and the family. And like you said u can always come back. Good luck

Edited by an1ta

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When we migrate its never the same, always pros and cons and unsettled. I know this because of what my brother and I feel like. However we have lived here such a long time now that UK is no more for us most of the family are dispersed around the UK and not in touch with each other anymore. Find that with families, once the parents and grandparents pass on, families disperse. So its the first lot that suffer the most as migrants.


Petals

:ssign15:taking no prisoners :wink:

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Thanks again for your replies.

 

I know in theory it is great having dual nationality and that it gives us choices, but I feel I can only do one move, so I'm putting pressure on myself to get it right.

Moving with children is huuuuge and I don't want any regrets. Australia has been good to us, don't get me wrong, but it's not where my heart lies.

 

We met a family last week exactly like ours and they are going back Easter 2015 at the latest. They have decided to let their house here and only tell themselves and their families that they'll be back for two years. It sounds like a good idea, but having a foot in each country might be difficult and/or a bad idea! I think that was one of my problems in moving here. Because it was 'for a year' we kept my flat, bank accounts open etc...I'm not sure this helps with such a big move.

 

I really think now that to be a 'successful migrant' you have to cut ties! As hard as it may be you need to leave it all behind. No trips back, no facebook or regular facetime/skype contact, no UK visitors etc. I know many still have this and are quite happy with their migration, but for so many like myself, the pull is too strong.

 

With regards to education, I'd be happy for my kids to go through the UK system. I have taught in both countries and I feel like the work we give is far more basic over here. I've looked over my old usb for resources and couldn't believe the things I used to teach Yr7s that I couldn't even teach my yr10s here! Obviously, a lot depends on the type of department and the type of school etc, but I was pretty surprised when I looked back! The opposing argument to that would be that there is far more pressure put on kids in the UK.??


Subclass 309 (de-facto spouse) sent off 09/02/08

Case officer and Meds/police check requested 26/02/08

VISA GRANTED!!! 17/04/08

Arrived 15/09/08

Hoping to return to Blighty in 2014

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Thanks again for your replies.

 

I know in theory it is great having dual nationality and that it gives us choices, but I feel I can only do one move, so I'm putting pressure on myself to get it right.

Moving with children is huuuuge and I don't want any regrets. Australia has been good to us, don't get me wrong, but it's not where my heart lies.

 

We met a family last week exactly like ours and they are going back Easter 2015 at the latest. They have decided to let their house here and only tell themselves and their families that they'll be back for two years. It sounds like a good idea, but having a foot in each country might be difficult and/or a bad idea! I think that was one of my problems in moving here. Because it was 'for a year' we kept my flat, bank accounts open etc...I'm not sure this helps with such a big move.

 

I really think now that to be a 'successful migrant' you have to cut ties! As hard as it may be you need to leave it all behind. No trips back, no facebook or regular facetime/skype contact, no UK visitors etc. I know many still have this and are quite happy with their migration, but for so many like myself, the pull is too strong.

 

With regards to education, I'd be happy for my kids to go through the UK system. I have taught in both countries and I feel like the work we give is far more basic over here. I've looked over my old usb for resources and couldn't believe the things I used to teach Yr7s that I couldn't even teach my yr10s here! Obviously, a lot depends on the type of department and the type of school etc, but I was pretty surprised when I looked back! The opposing argument to that would be that there is far more pressure put on kids in the UK.??

 

Absolutely spot on with that assertion.

 

You need to be also looking at managing emotions rather than facts.

 

Education system, for one. I went to school in both countries, and honestly can't see much benefit or detriment in either. It depends a lot on where you live.

 

Grandparents - OK, there is an advantage in having family near you to help. Our children see their grandparents every year, when they come over to visit from China. They see each other every day for those 3 months. If we were to move to China, unless we were right next door to them, we would not see them from one month's end to the next. And when they pass on? So often we hear about the pull of family to drag you back 'home" but - pingpongers may relate - when you do settle back "home" the family goes back to the usual Christmas card and occasional telephone call.

 

Whatever your choice, you need to make it from a perspective of freedom. Freedom from emotional blackmail, freedom from depression, freedom from fear etc etc. And make sure you plan freedom into your future - that you can do what you like, when you like, how you like, because you have laid the framework for your choices under your own control.


There is nothing more important than that you be happy.

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Thanks again for your replies.

 

I know in theory it is great having dual nationality and that it gives us choices, but I feel I can only do one move, so I'm putting pressure on myself to get it right.

Moving with children is huuuuge and I don't want any regrets. Australia has been good to us, don't get me wrong, but it's not where my heart lies.

 

We met a family last week exactly like ours and they are going back Easter 2015 at the latest. They have decided to let their house here and only tell themselves and their families that they'll be back for two years. It sounds like a good idea, but having a foot in each country might be difficult and/or a bad idea! I think that was one of my problems in moving here. Because it was 'for a year' we kept my flat, bank accounts open etc...I'm not sure this helps with such a big move.

 

I really think now that to be a 'successful migrant' you have to cut ties! As hard as it may be you need to leave it all behind. No trips back, no facebook or regular facetime/skype contact, no UK visitors etc. I know many still have this and are quite happy with their migration, but for so many like myself, the pull is too strong.

 

With regards to education, I'd be happy for my kids to go through the UK system. I have taught in both countries and I feel like the work we give is far more basic over here. I've looked over my old usb for resources and couldn't believe the things I used to teach Yr7s that I couldn't even teach my yr10s here! Obviously, a lot depends on the type of department and the type of school etc, but I was pretty surprised when I looked back! The opposing argument to that would be that there is far more pressure put on kids in the UK.??

 

It was much easier in the old days when communication was intermittent and very expensive - out of sight was out of mind! I think Skype and FB just continue to enmesh new migrants in the life they've left behind so they always know what they're missing. I'm not so sure about selling property though, that's the one thing I wish we had not done - not because we would have wanted to move back into it but investment in real estate was a good deal back then. I don't think we gave a thought to the possibility of renting it out but that would have been a much more sensible move on our part.

 

Education - I'm observing kids in the neighbourhood (UK) and friends' kids and grand kids and don't see anything to get in a knot about. Far fewer, too, seeing the need to put their kids into private education than in Canberra where most of my acquaintance had voted with their feet away from gov schools. One of my sons, now emigrated back to UK says that he believes his UK mates got better uni education than he did (at one of Aus top unis!) and is looking forward to doing a Masters at some stage in a UK Uni. I've always kept my UK bank account for pragmatic reasons - no tie there really.

 

On balance, Aus was good to us too and for the first 10 yrs it was a doddle, "successful migrant", me. It was when the freedom mentioned by docboat was taken away (or appeared to have been) after 20 yrs then all the little things that I had been putting up with for years suddenly developed into full blown loathing of my jail (I can now just about view a return without a physiological response to throw up!). There's no accounting for feelings. I think you just have to go with what feels like the best move of the moment.

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Thanks docboat and Quoll :)

 

You hit the nail on the head with regards to freedom. I must admit, when I think of the long term here it makes me feel anxious, almost as if I'm restrained or trapped. I think that's why when I was back in the UK at Christmas I felt like I could breathe. I had space and felt free in some way. Strange, I know, but I really did feel it. I just need to feel like I'm not being selfish in any of my decision making.


Subclass 309 (de-facto spouse) sent off 09/02/08

Case officer and Meds/police check requested 26/02/08

VISA GRANTED!!! 17/04/08

Arrived 15/09/08

Hoping to return to Blighty in 2014

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I couldn't agree with you more when you talking about schools. I moved here when my children 13, 15, and 16 and everyday I thank god they went to school in the UK first. Gun crime in Sydney is scary drugs are another big issue in Sydney, is it safer for my kids here or in England in the south. Not everything is a bed of roses there are also a lot of thorns that go with them. I have been here 6 years and if I could turn the clock back I would. Australia is a beautiful country but so is England. I hope everything turns out ok for you and the family. And like you said u can always come back. Good luck

 

 

You say if you could turn back the clock ? Are your children settled here in Oz ? Just wondering if you would (or could) consider going back....this is my dilema as my children are that age and unless I go back to the UK soon then you kind of get trapped as your kids have made lives of their own and dont want to leave :sad:

Edited by janlo

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You say if you could turn back the clock ? Are your children settled here in Oz ? Just wondering if you would (or could) consider going back....this is my dilema as my children are that age and unless I go back to the UK soon then you kind of get trapped as your kids have made lives of their own and dont want to leave :sad:

 

You out never know with your kids - one of mine emigrated back accidentally but now has no intention if living in Aus ever again! Of his friendship group at school, several with UK passports have settled in UK. OTOH I have another who identifies strongly with Crocodile Dundee LOL. A family apart forever!

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Best of Luck Lucia! I do hope you work everything out. We have been in the same position and actually move back hoe. To Ireland I. 4 weeks after 3 years here. Difficult decision but we think it's the right one for our family.

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as hard as it seems & I've been there you are making a mistake moving back to uk,

we came back after 5 years and have regretted it ever since

i now know every single day I'm here (uk) why we moved in the first place

its the most depressing place on gods earth.we have oz citizenship and will go back eventually nee one or 2 personal matters are sorted

hope it works out for you


"Dont go mistaking paradise for the home across the road"

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