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Lostlily

I would love to move back to the UK, but it is so hard.

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Would your Oh be miserable back in the UK? If he would be happy there or is happy to give it a go it's a positive. If he hates it, hard to see him considering a move but if he is open minded, why not try it.

But what about my daughter, who I brought here totally under pressure (as many do, be honest!) She would be so sad, lonely and resentful) I do not have it in my heart to make her feel I have betrayed her :) At the end of the day it is not all about me!

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But what about my daughter, who I brought here totally under pressure (as many do, be honest!) She would be so sad, lonely and resentful) I do not have it in my heart to make her feel I have betrayed her :) At the end of the day it is not all about me!

 

How old was she when she moved out? How old is she now?

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Guest Guest95262
Did one or other of them actually know you were not resident? Sometimes you find insurance companies find a problem when it comes to paying a claim time...

 

Quite an interesting point as we fancy dung the six months on six months off one day.

 

why would it matter if you are a resident or not, lets say I have a car in the uk and every 2 yrs i go back and insure that car in my name to my parents address for a yr (its cheap) and drive on my uk licence for 3 months then put it back in the garage, how can any of that be illegal, I mean regardless if I live there or not I still insured it, have a full licence and i was born there

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I see where you are coming from and I have to admit I was blazing somewhat when I wrote my post.

BUT Nobody gave me a job when I came here, we set up our own business and actually employed quite a few Australians.

Also my husband loves it here and I love him, so I am not prepared to break up a happy marriage to live permanently back in the UK.

Last year we went back for 6 months, I have to say for me it did feel like home. We tried to do something positive for the happiness of both of us, but you wouldn't have a clue how very difficult it is if e.g.. you try to buy a small property and a car there and spend 6 months in each place.

We were banging our heads against a brick wall and coming up with numerous obstacles.

As soon as you own a property there there are severe and I mean seriously severe tax implications which for us made it unviable. Same problem if you lease somewhere, for tax purposes you are considered "UK resident" if you have a place available there to stay.

We thought ok, we will buy a car, as it is so expensive to hire one there for a long period, but apparently you cannot hire or buy a car there long term, because you cannot get insurance as once you have an Australian driving licence, you are considered to have surrendered your UK drivers licence. You need a UK drivers licence to get the insurance, the only way to do that is to surrender your Australian driving licence.

In previous years, friends or relatives lent us a car and we were put on as an extra driver, that is no longer possible.

So please don't just assume I have been whinging for the last 3 years and made no effort to find a solution.

Admitted I am now depressed, I guess I just want to warn people to think of the long term consequences of migration.

So in the end we hired a car through an Australian website, the whole situation was crazy.

I am sorry if I have offended anybody, but I guess we all lose it occasionally and I lost it the other night.

 

There are many regrets, things we take for granted like not seeing extended family. Terrible loneliness, missing people you have taken for granted your whole lives.

I go back every year, so I am realistic enough to know how the UK has changed

 

So that is it really.

 

I'm sorry to read of your unhappiness and I can see from your OP that you highlighted all the things here in Aus that make you unhappy. It's sad that you seem to have met so many negative people and reading your experience it makes me feel very fortunate that it hasn't been my experience here in WA. I'd be horrified if someone suggested knocking my house down because of it's age - that's insulting when you've invested in your home.

 

It sounds like there's no easy solution for you, so it might be thinking of what are the best possible options for you. I know Quoll for example, took regular trips back to the UK and has commented previously that it's what kept her going, like you continuing to invest in her marriage was the most important thing but she was able to find a compromise that eased the burden of living somewhere she didn't want to. (these are things she's said on the forum so I'm sure she won't mind me repeating).

 

My experience has been so different, which whilst it gives balance to those thinking of living in WA - in no way means I can't sympathise with your plight. Have a sit down with the family and think of what you can do to get through this situation you find yourself in, consider getting a referral to a psychologist via the better outcomes scheme from your GP or a referral to infocus councelling - often talking to a 3rd impartial party can help you identify solutions or just feel easier about where you are now.

 

Good luck

 

Ali


I just want PIO to be a happy place where people are nice to each other and unicorns poop rainbows

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It is more complicated than that. You see, I have a grown up daughter here who has now married an Aussie and has children. Both of my daughters were pressured (unfairly) by us to move out here, one of them went back to the UK due to a marriage break up and her new partner would NEVER consider leaving his family as they are very close. They now have a child too. But even if I did persuade my husband to go back, my daughter here would feel totally betrayed, I know that for fact.

 

Does your daughter in Oz know how you feel? Are you sure you're not just assuming she'll be "sad, lonely and resentful"? She's got a husband and family of her own now, after all. Has she seen you in tears of unhappiness, or are you stoically hiding your grief from her? I think it would be worth talking to her, tell her how you long to be back in the UK, but you're afraid she'll never forgive you if you go. She might be more understanding than you think - and even if she says, "I couldn't bear it if you left", then you'll be better off - she may be more supportive and understanding of your situation in future.

 

 

We are now semi retired and have our income from investment properties and some in a SMSF. I wouldn't like anyone to think that I am putting money first, but our income from our SMSF is tax free, this would not be the case if we were in the UK. Also we would lose so much tax relief on our investment properties that we just couldn't afford to make it work and the final point, which some may see as totally trivial is that there are no death duties here, but if we were in the UK our worldwide assets would be subject to death duties.

 

 

I completely understand this as we're in a very similar situation (thankfully, only in a financial sense!). If you become non-residents, you'll lose your Aussie tax-free threshold which means paying full tax on all your rental income, and you'd pay tax on your SMSF at 46%. That's a big hit to your income. On the other hand, if you sell your properties and cash in your SMSF to take it to the UK, you'll pay a big whack of capital gains tax which will deplete your nest egg.

 

For us, that could make the difference between surviving comfortably in retirement and running out of money in old age. However, there's no way we could contemplate the cost of flying back and forth to the UK every year, either - so are you sure you're not more comfortably-off than you think? If your capital gains bill would be so huge, you must be sitting on a big profit in those properties. Yes it does hurt to pay tax, but if you've got enough money left over afterwards, then it's not really such a big deal.

Edited by Marisawright

Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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Oh Heck,

This is all becoming confused. OK let me say I am semi retired, not by choice, but because I suffer and have done for 30 years from severe anxiety attacks...

My husband and I do have a small business but we would love to get rid of it, but that is not easy. I do welcome everyones thoughts and encouragement, but the only way we could work out any sort of solution that would make us all at ease was to try to spend 6 months here and 6 months in the UK.

But as I said, there were so many difficult tax implications that we simply could not afford to do this.

 

It is not an option for me personally to sell up everything here and go back to the UK full time (even if we won the lottery) as I couldn't break my daughters heart and my husband would be very unhappy as well.

Surely it is better for one person to be unhappy and vent now and then than to break others hearts into the bargain.

 

 

If you've been suffering anxiety attacks for so long, could it be that your OH/daughter assume your current unhappiness is all part of the same problem? I find it really hard to believe they'd be so hard-hearted if they really understood how you feel. How would your daughter react if she could read this thread? Would she be delighted to know you're sacrificing your happiness for her sake, or would she be horrified?

 

As for your OP, does he realise there's private health insurance in the UK too, and if you transfer from your Aussie health fund to a UK one, there's no pre-existing conditions rule. From what I've seen it costs about the same too. If you go private in the UK it's just as good - or better - as the private system in Oz.

 

Finally, I assume that with such severe anxiety attacks, you've got some kind of therapist. Have you spoken to him/her about all this?


Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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Re car insurance.

 

Well two years ago that is exactly more or less what we did in the UK and every other visit beforehand. But last year was a different story. There are quite a few companies who hire cars for 3 months at a time for very reasonable rates, they are brand new cars and there is some benefit to the companies regarding VAT. So that is where we first discovered the problem, they made it perfectly clear that if we were not UK resident we would be unable to get the insurance.

Then our friend who lent us his car the year before (only having to pay 20 quid) was told the same thing.

Believe me, we tried everything to get round this problem, I think this is quite a recent thing over there.

Edited by Lostlily
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If you've been suffering anxiety attacks for so long, could it be that your OH/daughter assume your current unhappiness is all part of the same problem? I find it really hard to believe they'd be so hard-hearted if they really understood how you feel. How would your daughter react if she could read this thread? Would she be delighted to know you're sacrificing your happiness for her sake, or would she be horrified?

 

As for your OP, does he realise there's private health insurance in the UK too, and if you transfer from your Aussie health fund to a UK one, there's no pre-existing conditions rule. From what I've seen it costs about the same too. If you go private in the UK it's just as good - or better - as the private system in Oz.

 

Finally, I assume that with such severe anxiety attacks, you've got some kind of therapist. Have you spoken to him/her about all this?

 

I do not let my daughter know how I am feeling, because in her own way she is struggling as well, I have no wish to add to her burden, so I try to stay positive around her.

 

My husband HATES the idea of going back.

 

I am not in therapy at the moment, have been down that route and CBT etc, most of it didn't help me very much.

 

The answer lies within myself. There is no solution I can work out, even though I have tried so very hard and it makes me feel quite ill even thinking about it, so unless there are ways to get around the 6 months here and there, I just need to practice "acceptance" on a daily basis.

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Would your Oh be miserable back in the UK? If he would be happy there or is happy to give it a go it's a positive. If he hates it, hard to see him considering a move but if he is open minded, why not try it.

He hates it really!

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How old was she when she moved out? How old is she now?

She was 23 when we came over.

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But what about my daughter, who I brought here totally under pressure (as many do, be honest!) She would be so sad, lonely and resentful) I do not have it in my heart to make her feel I have betrayed her :) At the end of the day it is not all about me!

 

Please don't rush into going back to Uk. If it makes the people around you miserable that will affect you also. Get treatment for you anxiety here you have a lovely family around you there's no need to go anywhere. Family comes first.

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why would it matter if you are a resident or not, lets say I have a car in the uk and every 2 yrs i go back and insure that car in my name to my parents address for a yr (its cheap) and drive on my uk licence for 3 months then put it back in the garage, how can any of that be illegal, I mean regardless if I live there or not I still insured it, have a full licence and i was born there

I know it seems insane. But say you did what you are suggesting, you are asked when trying to insure the car if you are a resident of the UK.

Sure you can lie and say yes, but what if you have an accident? They will almost certainly not pay out.

Additionally if you wish to become a resident of the UK for say 6 months, that alerts the good old Inland Revenue and we were assured by our accountant in the UK that they would then be after you for a nice slice of cake. In fact from memory, the official stance is that if you spend more than 3 months pa in the UK for 4 continuous years they can consider you "domiciled"and "resident" in the UK.

Your place of domicile is where your Father was born. You can only really change that if your intent was to permanently leave that Country etc, which is of course what we did in the beginning, but by returning for frequent long trips, puts you at risk of being domiciled back in the UK.

All this information, for anyone who is interested can be found on The Inland Revenue website. If you wish to cause yourself a brain tumour by getting your head around it lol.

Edited by Lostlily
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Re car insurance.

 

Well two years ago that is exactly more or less what we did in the UK and every other visit beforehand. But last year was a different story. There are quite a few companies who hire cars for 3 months at a time for very reasonable rates, they are brand new cars and there is some benefit to the companies regarding VAT. So that is where we first discovered the problem, they made it perfectly clear that if we were not UK resident we would be unable to get the insurance.

Then our friend who lent us his car the year before (only having to pay 20 quid) was told the same thing.

Believe me, we tried everything to get round this problem, I think this is quite a recent thing over there.

 

I am seriously confused about this. We go to UK every year, and never had a problem. Are you saying this applies if you want to rent a car for over 3 months? Or the lack of insurance applies for any length of visit?

We are older, husband over 70, we hire every year with insurance, so I don't see why we have never experienced this problem, or ever heard of friends of a similar age mentioning it.

Just had a chat with my husband, and he honestly doesn't understand the problem. The car insurance comes with the hire of the car, and we have been renting regularly for years and years on an Australian driving license.

How recent is recent, as we were back last year for 3 months, and friends have just come back after a long visit. Will ask around to see if any one else has ever had this problem.

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I am seriously confused about this. We go to UK every year, and never had a problem. Are you saying this applies if you want to rent a car for over 3 months? Or the lack of insurance applies for any length of visit?

We are older, husband over 70, we hire every year with insurance, so I don't see why we have never experienced this problem, or ever heard of friends of a similar age mentioning it.

Just had a chat with my husband, and he honestly doesn't understand the problem. The car insurance comes with the hire of the car, and we have been renting regularly for years and years on an Australian driving license.

How recent is recent, as we were back last year for 3 months, and friends have just come back after a long visit. Will ask around to see if any one else has ever had this problem.

I think the main problem was trying the long term rental and also the borrowing car's from friends and family. In the end what we did which worked out a lot cheaper, was to hire a car in the UK for 3 months but went through an online Aussie site (even though we were already in the UK. It may have been europcar I think) this was about half the price of renting for 3 months using our Aussie driving licence and going to exactly the same local car rental company directly. Sorry if this all sounds really confusing.

We were there from Jan-June last year.

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I'm going back next month, am apprehensive as hell about job and house hunting but you got to thing about the long term and sitting around unhappy and in a permanent state of limbo is much worse for you in the long run.


IELTS 04/10/11...Skills Assessment rejected 11/04/12...Skills assessment approved 05/05/12...175 visa submitted 26/06/12... CO 31/08/12...Medicals submitted 21/09/12...Visa Granted 30/09/12...Arrived Melbourne 09/02/13

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Guest Guest95262
I know it seems insane. But say you did what you are suggesting, you are asked when trying to insure the car if you are a resident of the UK.

Sure you can lie and say yes, but what if you have an accident? They will almost certainly not pay out.

Additionally if you wish to become a resident of the UK for say 6 months, that alerts the good old Inland Revenue and we were assured by our accountant in the UK that they would then be after you for a nice slice of cake. In fact from memory, the official stance is that if you spend more than 3 months pa in the UK for 4 continuous years they can consider you "domiciled"and "resident" in the UK.

Your place of domicile is where your Father was born. You can only really change that if your intent was to permanently leave that Country etc, which is of course what we did in the beginning, but by returning for frequent long trips, puts you at risk of being domiciled back in the UK.

All this information, for anyone who is interested can be found on The Inland Revenue website. If you wish to cause yourself a brain tumour by getting your head around it lol.

 

a slice of what cake? are you saying that if i live and work in australia for 6 months then live in the uk for 6 months I would get taxed twice on the Australian money I earned, I really hope that isn't the case, seems un fair to get taxed twice

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a slice of what cake? are you saying that if i live and work in australia for 6 months then live in the uk for 6 months I would get taxed twice on the Australian money I earned, I really hope that isn't the case, seems un fair to get taxed twice

No,

There is a reciprocal arrangement between the UK and Aus but I do believe that if the tax is higher in the UK you may have to the extra, but please don't take my word for it there is a lot of info on The Inland Revenue site, which should confirm your position.

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I'm going back next month, am apprehensive as hell about job and house hunting but you got to thing about the long term and sitting around unhappy and in a permanent state of limbo is much worse for you in the long run.

 

I understand what you are saying, but I would be perhaps even more unhappy if I coerced my poor husband to go back, which would make him very unhappy as well as breaking my daughters heart into the bargain. Sometimes you can't always get what you want can you, there is always a price to pay. But it has been good to vent my feelings on here, I just need to settle myself down.

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I understand what you are saying, but I would be perhaps even more unhappy if I coerced my poor husband to go back, which would make him very unhappy as well as breaking my daughters heart into the bargain. Sometimes you can't always get what you want can you, there is always a price to pay. But it has been good to vent my feelings on here, I just need to settle myself down.

 

Yup, sometimes you have to take the least worst option and get on with it! Its a bugger, but that's life huh!

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Strictly speaking you only get one tax free threshold, but they are not brilliant at applying it.

No,

There is a reciprocal arrangement between the UK and Aus but I do believe that if the tax is higher in the UK you may have to the extra, but please don't take my word for it there is a lot of info on The Inland Revenue site, which should confirm your position.


Nearly there! Don't drop the ball now guys! Vaccines are weeks away. Stay safe!

 

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why would it matter if you are a resident or not, lets say I have a car in the uk and every 2 yrs i go back and insure that car in my name to my parents address for a yr (its cheap) and drive on my uk licence for 3 months then put it back in the garage, how can any of that be illegal, I mean regardless if I live there or not I still insured it, have a full licence and i was born there

 

Why are you asking me, I have not encountered the issue and am not up to speed with it. But the UK licence is not valid if you are not resident in the UK and as such the insurance may not be valid either, that is the issue the OP is explaining. Of course it is fine when people go back and hire a car for two weeks because that insurance is designed for non residents, but the typical UK policy may not be. Insurance companies care about things like residence,, I have no idea why, you would have to ask them not me.

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I understand what you are saying, but I would be perhaps even more unhappy if I coerced my poor husband to go back, which would make him very unhappy as well as breaking my daughters heart into the bargain. Sometimes you can't always get what you want can you, there is always a price to pay. But it has been good to vent my feelings on here, I just need to settle myself down.

 

That sounds like the best compromise. Your daughter and your husband should appreciate your sacrifice. I hope their happiness rubs off in you. Best of luck :)

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Well, my husband would be extremely unhappy and refused to go back. I tried to reach a compromise of going back for a few months a year, maybe buying a small flat. It's fallen on deaf ears so now I am going back alone. We only have the one property here.

 

i totally understand about the kids, I haven't seem both my kids in the same place for 5 years.

 

i hate the though of my marriage ending but at some point if a compromise cannot be reached what else is there to do? I can only think of one outcome and that is someone will remain unhappy forever unless they just accept their lot.

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@tillyd Really sorry to hear of what's happened :hug:


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Why can't you go back for 1 month a year ? What's stopping you ?

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