Argh- sign from the universe!?

[thinker78]

Just after we were happy with our choice to move home to be near my parents as they enter older age, was out walking the dog in the lovely autumnal sunshine and met a british girl and her dad, got chatting, she was newly arrived, both had family here- when i said we were returning they spent the best part of 20 mins berating the UK and said we were mad....made me totally emotional as my situation is not theirs ( im 9 years into my migration story) and it's made me totally doubt if i'm making a bad mistake for my young family.....

i already know the bad things about the UK, but unlike them i also know the difficult things about Australia.

Sorry to waffle on- should just not listen but hard when you are feeling emotional about such a big change and if we are making a good choice.

Very worried we will find it hard to adapt, even though the thought of being able to spend time with family and my daughter being able to see her grandparents more than once a year is what i have to focus on.

[Helz980]

Hey don't worry!! You wouldn't be human if you didn't have doubts! I met up with a newbie or FOB yest & I looked at her & thought you are fresh faced & excited!! Good for you....as I went back home & counted my grey hairs lol.

But seriously everyone is different & you've made the decision based on your situation nobody else's. xx

[Belinda Au]

Just after we were happy with our choice to move home to be near my parents as they enter older age, was out walking the dog in the lovely autumnal sunshine and met a british girl and her dad, got chatting, she was newly arrived, both had family here- when i said we were returning they spent the best part of 20 mins berating the UK and said we were mad....made me totally emotional as my situation is not theirs ( im 9 years into my migration story) and it's made me totally doubt if i'm making a bad mistake for my young family.....

i already know the bad things about the UK, but unlike them i also know the difficult things about Australia.

Sorry to waffle on- should just not listen but hard when you are feeling emotional about such a big change and if we are making a good choice.

Very worried we will find it hard to adapt, even though the thought of being able to spend time with family and my daughter being able to see her grandparents more than once a year is what i have to focus on.

 

 

Helz is spot-on, Thinker. You have had many years here already and know that Australia - while wonderful - has its frustrations like any other place on this ball of dirt. Nowhere on earth is perfect. You can only make your decisions based on your own wants, needs and experience. What's right for one person is not necessarily what's right for another, or everybody else. Trust your instincts.

Edited April 16, 2014 by Belinda Au

[thinker78]

Helz is spot-on, Thinker. You have had many years here already and know that Australia - while wonderful - has it's frustrations like any other place on this ball of dirt. Nowhere on earth is perfect. You can only make your decisions based on your own wants, needs and experience. What's right for one person is not necessarily what's right for another, or everybody else. Trust your instincts.

 

I know, i'm a smart 36 year old woman who was exactly the same as this young chick i met starting out on her adventure. There's just no way they could know how it feels to be me this far down the track- and a few uk friends have said 'you're crazy, you will hate it here' but if only they knew the times i have cried myself to sleep because i've been so lonely, or how I haven't been able to make any substantial friendships here, or what it was like having a new baby and no help- i'm stronger for all of this but i'm ready to reconnect with the things which make me feel like a real person again.

[Rupert]

I know, i'm a smart 36 year old woman who was exactly the same as this young chick i met starting out on her adventure. There's just no way they could know how it feels to be me this far down the track- and a few uk friends have said 'you're crazy, you will hate it here' but if only they knew the times i have cried myself to sleep because i've been so lonely, or how I haven't been able to make any substantial friendships here, or what it was like having a new baby and no help- i'm stronger for all of this but i'm ready to reconnect with the things which make me feel like a real person again.

 

So take no notice of what anyone else thinks. You know what is best for you and your young family will be happiest where you are happiest. You are not about to return them to Syria or Afghanistan are you. No they are going back to another first world country and it is a shame that some people don't count their blessings for the luck of the draw that meant they were born in a first world country.

[Quoll]

Wouldnt give it another thought. Everyone (pretty much) has a great time on honeymoon! New migrants, more than others, have to be positive about their move and denigrate their past place otherwise they wouldnt make it as migrants (it's cognitive dissonance to an extent - and the greater the protestation, the more dissonance (doubt) they will be feeling but not able or willing to express). Id actually be feeling sorrier for those who protest the loudest, they are the ones dealing with the most disquiet (they'll probably be back on here in MBTTUK in a few years LOL)

[thinker78]

Wouldnt give it another thought. Everyone (pretty much) has a great time on honeymoon! New migrants, more than others, have to be positive about their move and denigrate their past place otherwise they wouldnt make it as migrants (it's cognitive dissonance to an extent - and the greater the protestation, the more dissonance (doubt) they will be feeling but not able or willing to express). Id actually be feeling sorrier for those who protest the loudest, they are the ones dealing with the most disquiet (they'll probably be back on here in MBTTUK in a few years LOL)

 

I know, must switch off! Its also not fair to speak to me right now either if youre a newbie as i'm hardly able to give an unbiased opinion. I felt a bit evil whilst they berated the uk for being full of romanians/bulgarians etc- told them that someone got shot a few streets over from their new house (true- drug money- bikers- same old!) and that i've never seen so many drugs as i have here and so many social issues surrounding drugs....was a bit hard not to say more but did wish them well and said enjoy the adventure etc-

 

bizarre how people only realise the amazing things about the uk and europe after a long absence- if only i could go back and tell my younger self that

[jac2011]

I'm full of excitement about our new adventure and we also think people are crazy for wanting to live in the UK.... However, we know that we are just excited about our adventure, just like when you do go on holiday. It doesn't stop you looking forward to getting home to your own bed! For you, that may be the UK. It's no one's business but yours and only you know all the arguments for the pro's and con's and any mother knows what's best for her children.

 

Emigrating is a huge discussion and none of us can predict what will happen when we land on either side of the world. You have given it 9 years, I think that's long enough to know there is something missing in Australia. Yes the UK has its faults BUT it is also an amazing place to live. It is beautiful, I am looking out of my window right now into the countryside and everything is so lush and green. It is warm enough to get out, the sun is shining. Last night I was looking for places to go out today with my children and strangely enough I realised I was looking at things in Nottingham, Birmingham, Sheffield and even downs towards London. 4 major cities within a few hours drive. I realised I wont have that in Australia. Each has positives and negatives. It may be raining later, I may look out the window and wish I was in Australia.

 

Just accept the decision is right for your family right now and just as Australia wasn't utopia, neither is England. But it is a new adventure :-)

[starlight7]

We're all different and we all have different experiences. There would be something wrong if a very newly arrived migrant wasn't enchanted by the place- it is like being on an extended holiday for quite some time I think. I remember feeling absolutely emotional about the dry paddocks and Australian trees- now I take it for granted this 'Australianness'. We change as the years go by- some become totally Australianised ( we did) , others go more and more the other way until they either go back or lead a life of constant yearning for something different!

[tillyd]

Yes I understand how that feels but they are in the honeymoon period of their own life changing decision. I think that by saying how bad the uk is, it actually makes them feel justified in their decision to emigrate.

[wattsy1982]

bizarre how people only realise the amazing things about the uk and europe after a long absence- if only i could go back and tell my younger self that

 

Its taken me moving here to want and appreciate what was right under my nose for the entire 30 years I lived in the UK

[Parley]

The only thing that worries me is husband/partners are seldom mentioned in theses threads. It is usually about me,me,me.

 

If the whole family agrees certainly go for it. but if there is disagreement with other half then I'd strongly advise caution before rushing to a decision.

[Katie22]

For starters I think they were just plain rude ranting about England if they knew you were returning! But they've emigrated for a reason and what they were ranting about are obviously those reasons, though they do need to remember that they are also immigrants in Australia so are they any different to the newly arrived immigrants in the UK who they quite happily criticise? I also have people telling me I'm crazy for returning but that's their opinion and I'm not going to change my plans for other people's opinions. If it really is that bad then I will gladly put my hands up, say I'm wrong and book the next one way flight back to Oz.

 

You often never realise a good thing until it's gone. Have faith in your decision, look forward to your move back and ignore the negative comments.

 

Also completely agree with you about the drug culture here, methamphetamines are becoming very popular and widespread in Australia, just like parts of America. Of course there are drugs back in the UK but that's what we all expect isn't it? - but never Oz - with its sunshine, beaches and paradise lifestyle!

[Londongal76]

There isn't a country in the world that doesn't have a drug or violence issue of some sort somewhere, that's just reality these days i'm afraid. It seems like we can barely go a day in the news here without a kid getting stabbed or someone being shot. If you come back assuming it's all rosey here then you'll be blinkered, but if you're coming back for the right reasons as it's where you and your family want to be, then good on ya. It's your choice, your decision, just go into it eyes open. As Jac said, it's an adventure, wherever you choose to be is where you want to be at that point.

[jac2011]

And as much as there is a drug culture in the UK and Oz, try watching some of Ross Kemps Gang wars documentaries - It makes you realise we have it quite light in comparison to other parts of the world. I saw the glue sniffing children in Africa and just wanted to cry. 3 years old with a glue bottle!

[Katie22]

Sometimes I do get very annoyed though when some people lecture you as if you have no knowledge at all. I lived in England for 38 years and for 10 of them lived and worked in a deprived area of London and my eyes were wide open to what was happening around me. I know that in the time I've been away those problems haven't miraculously disappeared and expect they've got worse, life will have changed there after 12 years just the same as life here in Australia has changed remarkably since I first arrived.

 

One of the things I did admire about Australia when I first arrived was its patriotism. Everyone is proud to be Australian. It was a massive difference after coming from England where everyone moans about how crap life is there and I suppose that's where the "whinging pom" comes from. The media in England constantly puts itself down highlighting the negatives whereas the Australia media does the opposite and ignores all it's social problems. Be good to get a happy medium.

[thinker78]

For starters I think they were just plain rude ranting about England if they knew you were returning! But they've emigrated for a reason and what they were ranting about are obviously those reasons, though they do need to remember that they are also immigrants in Australia so are they any different to the newly arrived immigrants in the UK who they quite happily criticise? I also have people telling me I'm crazy for returning but that's their opinion and I'm not going to change my plans for other people's opinions. If it really is that bad then I will gladly put my hands up, say I'm wrong and book the next one way flight back to Oz.

 

You often never realise a good thing until it's gone. Have faith in your decision, look forward to your move back and ignore the negative comments.

 

Also completely agree with you about the drug culture here, methamphetamines are becoming very popular and widespread in Australia, just like parts of America. Of course there are drugs back in the UK but that's what we all expect isn't it? - but never Oz - with its sunshine, beaches and paradise lifestyle!

 

thanks Katie, i notice you are in Adelaide too. I must say I get a little lump in my throat when it comes to missing certain things about my life in Adelaide, but still don't think it's enough to keep me here. When I was younger, Australia was such a great place, but with kids in tow, my attitude has completely altered to one of familiarity and heritage. i guess the amazing thing is that my daughter (and me) can always return if we wish to- i see that happening, but for now, I have to go back to where i belong. good luck with your own journey- hope it works out for you too

[Katie22]

It has taken me a long time to warm to Adelaide but I have grown fond of it over the past few years and will miss it for sure. But when I think of spending the rest of my days here I feel panicky - very strange! I also miss the heritage and history of Europe so much as well as my English family. I need to go back while I have a few years of working life left to see if it's where I want to stay.

 

Not going back until my daughter finishes school though which is end of next year. Seems ages away but time passes. Have decided not to bombard myself with doubts and what ifs and not to listen to the doubters either. Honesty I've had a lousy time here since migrating but I've stuck it out and it's funny that now my life is sort of becoming calm, that this is the point where I've decided to pack up and move!

[Chortlepuss]

I am enjoying Oz so much more now I have made the decision to return to the UK. I loved it here when I got here at first. And I still appreciate the natural beauty, the glorious weather and some aspects of Australian culture like the patriotism and general positivity. But I don't belong here. I don't have any real friends and am lonely. I'm bored of temporary contract work even though it's really lucrative. I think even if I was loaded and could buy a beachfront house it wouldn't make up for the boredom and loneliness. I read something on this site once which said 'I'd rather walk through the rain to meet my mates down the pub than stare at a beautiful beach on my own' and this resonates so much. I didn't leave the UK because I disliked it but rather to have an adventure. But it's done now and time for a different adventure. But we will appreciate it so much more for being away and having the opportunity to decide what is really important to us.

[Milly]

Often, as life moves along and changes, different things seem right. Katie22 I am in a similar position to you, am waiting for my son to finish school at the end of next year before I return to the UK - whilst I have a few working years left (hopefully) to see if it is where I want to be. At present I am currently wanting a foot in both countries so I may rent the house. I have spent many years in Australia and my son was born here. I feel I want to go back and visit so much of the history and places I have not seen, and to revisit those that have a special place in my heart. Unless I do that I think I will regret it when I am in my rocking chair.

[Katie22]

Often, as life moves along and changes, different things seem right. Katie22 I am in a similar position to you, am waiting for my son to finish school at the end of next year before I return to the UK - whilst I have a few working years left (hopefully) to see if it is where I want to be. At present I am currently wanting a foot in both countries so I may rent the house. I have spent many years in Australia and my son was born here. I feel I want to go back and visit so much of the history and places I have not seen, and to revisit those that have a special place in my heart. Unless I do that I think I will regret it when I am in my rocking chair.

 

So pleasing to know there's someone who feels like I do! Same here, I don't want to get to a certain age and have regrets. If it doesn't work out then I'll come back but I need to know. Do you know where you're going back to live and is your son going with you too? A lot of people I've come across think I'm a little mad (they might be right!) so it's lovely finding this site and hearing from people who are as mad as me!

[Milly]

I have had similar reaction but hey, so I am a bit of an off the wall English eccentric ! But if I don't see the Lake District before I pass it will kill me ! Hah. You know what, it's only now that the boy is in Year 11 that I can formulate any real plans around it without it seeming like wishful thinking. My son doesn't have the same attachment to England of course, given he was born here. We have talked about it, at present he seems keen to go to University after he finishes school. I have suggested a gap year in Europe seeing as I will (hopefully) be in England as a fall back for him (not that I want to cramp his style !). I originate from the South though it would not really matter where I go given I have been away so long. The cheaper the better ! However, I will need to work and my line of work in Banking and Financial Services means I will need to be within travelling distance of a city, so possibly that may be London. Sometimes I find the thought terrifying, sometimes exhilarating. Yes, it is lovely finding this site, I only joined today when I saw your posting. Hope I am not breaching the rules and hogging the OP's thread.

Edited April 25, 2014 by Milly

[Katie22]

Terrifying and exhilarating are exactly the words I use to describe moving back too! Quite funny really waiting till the teenager leaves school - it's the parent fleeing the nest rather than the other way round! Yes, so much of England to see along with Europe too. When I first decided to move the doubters really got to me and I kept questioning myself but now my attitude's changing and I'm becoming really confident in what I want and the decision I've made. If the doubters think I'm crazy then they can rejoice if it all goes pear shaped and crack open the bubbly and say "I told you so"!

[Milly]

I don't understand how it can go pear shaped. It can go any shape it likes as far as I am concerned. Fact is, at the grand old age of 00 I am jolly well having a 'gap year' or longer if it suits me LOL, whether the teenager likes it or not. Yep, I am donning my back pack (figuratively speaking) and going. I may well don my back pack again and come back and if I do - what of it. I don't think it has to be that black and white - the world is so fluid these days why should I not take time out over there and come back if I choose. It's all about attitude, and my attitude is stay healthy, keep active, stay doing. I shall crack open the bubbly when I arrive, and crack it open again when I arrive back if that is how it turns out. I don't get this tail between the legs, told you so attitude at all.

[Perthbum]

We're all different and we all have different experiences. There would be something wrong if a very newly arrived migrant wasn't enchanted by the place- it is like being on an extended holiday for quite some time I think. I remember feeling absolutely emotional about the dry paddocks and Australian trees- now I take it for granted this 'Australianness'. We change as the years go by- some become totally Australianised ( we did) , others go more and more the other way until they either go back or lead a life of constant yearning for something different!

I wasant and I dont think a great many are to be honest, most brits have traveled europe and the world seeing amazing beautiful countries, why would they be enchanted by oz.. :eek: