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emmaroo

Just don't know what to do!

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So some of you will remember my story and me but if you that don’t then here’s my story...

My parents left Scotland when I was 18 and I decided that I was not going anywhere so stayed in Edinburgh. 20 something years later I was in a relationship that was coming to the point of marriage and children so for 4 years we saved and jumped thru some many different hoops to do all we could to eventually get PR visas. It was emotionally as well as financially tough but we stuck it out and got thru it. In 2010 I was granted PR and so the decision was taken that I would head over to Oz first get work get us set up and that my partner would follow 6 weeks later. My flight was booked and I was excited but sad as my partner would not be coming at the same time but it what we needed to do. He surprised me right at the last minute with a weekend away and it was just lovely just to have that time with him before I left. It was made even better by a surprise proposal…. after 12 years I of course said yes!! I was so happy, engaged to the man I adored about to start a life in Australia with my parents near by after 22 years it was just brilliant. I flew out to Perth, moved in my parents and within 2 weeks had a job. I was getting out and meeting people and I was so excited about OH arriving. Before I knew it his arrival date had arrived and I was so excited this was it this was really the beginning of our new life!

WRONG!.....we went and picked him up from the airport and instead of greeting me like a fiancé he had not seen in 6 weeks he pecked me on the cheek like a long lost cousin! I just put it down to jet lag. My parents had arranged to go away for a few days so we could time on our own so they dropped us off at the house then they set off. I slowly started to sense that there was more to it than just jet lag and so a questioned him asking what was wrong, he initially said he was fine just tired but I knew this guy there was something wrong. I should mention too that his sister lived in Perth with husband and niece whom I adored so he had family there too it wasn’t just my family there. We or (I) tried to talk to him but he just seemed so distant but then I looked at him and he said it…. I don’t love you, I don’t want to be in Australia and I am going back to Scotland. With those 18 words my world was torn apart, I let out a noise that I never even knew I was capable of…my heart had just been smashed into a million pieces. He left and went to his sisters. He returned to Scotland 10 days later.

So with all my plans in tatters I decided to stay on in Perth for just short of 2 years but it was not the same, it was a sad place for me and so I made the decision to return to Edinburgh. I have been back now for 18 months and on the whole I am happy here but there is still a bit of me that misses Perth. I miss my parents like mad and as they are the only family I have its very difficult being so far away. Its very hard for them too so they have decided that they are going to return to Scotland after being in Oz for 22 years. I am of course so excited at the thought of having them here but I am starting to question should they and have I done the right thing in returning?? I enjoy living in Edinburgh but my standard of living was better in Perth, my social circle was better and of course the weather is a bonus. My visa runs out next year so time is ticking so do I say farewell to Oz for good or give another bash? I know to some I will sound like a broken record but I just don't know what to do!


Lang may yer lum reek!

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Guest guest30085

Hey Emma

 

I can't advise much but I think you need to go with your heart this time, not your head, as you have managed to keep a roof over your head and been employed in both places so I don't see that as the deciding factor. Go with your heart, think where you have been happiest on your own (not because of someone else). And remember I'll hopefully be there if you decide to go back, I'll be your drinking buddy ;). Anyway you know how to get me away from PIO if you want to natter xx

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Crap story that Emma,you have my sympathy fwiw,but your dilemma is one only you can decide,i know i'm stating the obvious btw!but it really is,i agree with all Gill's said tho,go with your heart/gut feeling,and best of luck whatever you decide


"The problem with neo conservative capitalism and it's insatiable greed for more wealth and disparity amongst the populace,is that it ended up being the catalyst for the great depression and modern recession"

 

Me,tonight:wubclub:

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Thanks guys...I know its a decision only I can make I just can't make it! Lol :err:


Lang may yer lum reek!

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It's complicated because there is a suspicion here that your parents are returning for your sake or at least to be nearer to you which, if true, makes your decision much harder as there is a risk of regrets all round. I feel that this needs to be a 3 way decision really with all of you talking frankly with each other about future hopes.


Timeline: 309/100 Sent 7/8/13, Money Taken 9/8/13, CO appointed 3/9/13. Med 3/12/13. Police check 4/12/13. VISA GRANTED 8/4/14, Subclass100. Recce August 2014. Arrived 30 July 2015.

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It's complicated because there is a suspicion here that your parents are returning for your sake or at least to be nearer to you which, if true, makes your decision much harder as there is a risk of regrets all round. I feel that this needs to be a 3 way decision really with all of you talking frankly with each other about future hopes.

 

Your right they are returning for me which is why I am questioning what to do. I don't want them to return and regret it just as as I don't want them to return and for me to turn round to say I want to go back to Oz, its a horrible situation to be in and I really hate it! They would be giving up so much.


Lang may yer lum reek!

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It's complicated because there is a suspicion here that your parents are returning for your sake or at least to be nearer to you which, if true, makes your decision much harder as there is a risk of regrets all round. I feel that this needs to be a 3 way decision really with all of you talking frankly with each other about future hopes.

 

Good point re the parents returning,"if" they're returning "for you" Emma,then i dont think you have any choice but to make a decision before your parents turn their lives around,or as GGS says at least talk before moves are made

 

 

Just seen your post 6 above Emma,the path that causes the least upheaval is you moving to aus it seems to me,you're totally split on whether to go or stay here anyway,so if it was me i'd go,it causes your parents much less hassle,and if it doesn't work out over there for you,you can all get together as a family and decide what to do then

Edited by pablo

"The problem with neo conservative capitalism and it's insatiable greed for more wealth and disparity amongst the populace,is that it ended up being the catalyst for the great depression and modern recession"

 

Me,tonight:wubclub:

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I don't really know what to say but :hug: for you Emma. I'm sure you'll make a decision soon, it sounds really hard x

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Whilst this is a decision that you need to make with your heart I would at least use a logical approach first. At least you have first-hand experience of Perth (albeit when you were at a low ebb). List the things that are important to YOU and then give each of them a score. Weight each point and then add up the scores. If it is close I would suggest that you favour moving for your parent's sake. IfScotland wins hands down then I suggest that full and frank family discussion.


Timeline: 309/100 Sent 7/8/13, Money Taken 9/8/13, CO appointed 3/9/13. Med 3/12/13. Police check 4/12/13. VISA GRANTED 8/4/14, Subclass100. Recce August 2014. Arrived 30 July 2015.

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I felt sad reading your story and have no advice to offer apart from do what you think I will enjoy the most and where you want to spend the most time for. Obviously you could change you decision later but with your parents wiling to move over I guess you need to decide before that happens. I hope it all works out for you and most importantly your happy!

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I am happy here but there is still a bit of me that misses Perth. I miss my parents like mad and as they are the only family I have its very difficult being so far away. Its very hard for them too so they have decided that they are going to return to Scotland after being in Oz for 22 years. I am of course so excited at the thought of having them here but I am starting to question should they and have I done the right thing in returning?? I enjoy living in Edinburgh but my standard of living was better in Perth, my social circle was better and of course the weather is a bonus. My visa runs out next year so time is ticking so do I say farewell to Oz for good or give another bash? I know to some I will sound like a broken record but I just don't know what to do!

 

I think you know what you want to do, maybe you just need to do it before it is to late!!

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I too felt pretty sad reading your story Emmaroo.I'm wondering hon,if you mentioned to your parents about you returning to Perth,,what would they say?Would they be happy?Disappointed?I do believe you should do what makes you happy,not what your parents want,but if you are getting inklings of returning to Perth,your parents may well be elated that they don't have to actually make a move?Can you speak to them both via skype re this issue?


When the power of love overcomes the love of power,the world will know peace ~ Jimi Hendrix

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If they are using you as an excuse because they really want to move to Scotland (they were going to do it before IIRC) and you are using them as an excuse to move back to Perth, I think you need to have a frank and fearless conversation with them sooner rather than later. Only you know where you are going to be happy and, like many, are touched with curse of the expat unfortunately. We all look at the bad of the now and compare with the good of what we had - we rarely compare like for like unfortunately. Just hope you can work out where you really want to be!

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Aww must be a hard decision although maybe it would be different this time if you knew you what to expect and you must have been devastated when you ex returned and this probably didnt help you to settle. Maybe it will be a whole different experience as you only need to worry about yourself this time round. I cant advise you what to do but if you feel torn maybe you should just give it another go the fact you done it before especially given the bad start you had shows that you more than capable of doing it again x

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What a difficult decision to make (and how very sad how your relationship ended) - I can't offer much advice but also just wanted to offer a hug. I think a frank and honest conversation is what's needed but it will be difficult as I suspect you'll be worried about hurting your parents' feelings and vice versa. Good luck with which ever path you choose to go down x


"The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page"

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I believe you should give Perth another try while you've still got the visa..

 

Edinburgh will still there if it doesn't work out, but you get another chance to give Perth a go without the shock of what you went through before.

 

It could be that you need to first put Perth to bed once and all before you can really start living back in Edinburgh without any of the what ifs..

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Fly back to Perth sit down and have a really frank and open discussion with your parents. Have another good look at the place with fresh eyes then make a decision. Good luck!

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Your parents sound like very caring and giving people. As you get older it is not easy to uproot yourselves and start again ( and this is what they would be doing, no bones about it) You need to have a really frank and loving talk about the best thing for each one of you and what each one of you would really want if they had an absolutely blank sheet. I think you are well rid of your ex and thank goodness there were no little kids involved. Lots of hugs and warm wishes, whatever you decide!

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I would echo what others have said and give Perth another try only this time you'll be going with different expectations. Fwiw I was supposed to migrate with my partner though we split before I was granted the visa so I came alone, well with my then 16 yr old son not knowing a soul. It's tough but life is about risk and chances. At least you will have your parents there and if it still dosent work out at least you've tried.

 

Just a thought, maybe your hanging onto Edinburgh as that's where your ex is?

 

good luck whatever you decide


2012 IELTS 26/5 ANMAC 27/10 2013 LOD 14/03 AHPRA 08/05 LOE 30/05 EOI for QLD SS submitted and invited (same day) 30/05 190 Visa lodged 11/06 Medicals 29/06 CO allocated 12/7 PCC 23/7 extra docs 18/8 VISA GRANTED 23/8! Flights booked 10 Sept Brisbane bound! :jiggy:

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Thank you all for your replies and advice. I did what many of you suggested and had a very honest conversation with my parents who are just amazing. We all discussed our worries and concerns and after talking it out with them I think the fact I am not 100% settled here is due to the fact that I have no family connection here. I live in a beautiful flat in a beautiful area of Edinburgh and I have a job that I enjoy. I am very lucky.

So, they are going to come over and if 6 months down the line we are all thinking that Perth is where we all want to be then we will go back as a family and if not we will live in Edinburgh as a family. It has made me feel so much better having had this chat and I should have done it a while ago I guess I was just afraid of what might be said but its been the best thing for us all! Thanks PIO for giving me the kick up the backside I needed.

Oh and btw the ex is now living in Oz with a new love interest so the fact I want to stay in Edinburgh has nothing what at all to do with him. He is HISTORY!!

 

Emma

xx


Lang may yer lum reek!

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Thank you all for your replies and advice. I did what many of you suggested and had a very honest conversation with my parents who are just amazing. We all discussed our worries and concerns and after talking it out with them I think the fact I am not 100% settled here is due to the fact that I have no family connection here. I live in a beautiful flat in a beautiful area of Edinburgh and I have a job that I enjoy. I am very lucky.

So, they are going to come over and if 6 months down the line we are all thinking that Perth is where we all want to be then we will go back as a family and if not we will live in Edinburgh as a family. It has made me feel so much better having had this chat and I should have done it a while ago I guess I was just afraid of what might be said but its been the best thing for us all! Thanks PIO for giving me the kick up the backside I needed.

Oh and btw the ex is now living in Oz with a new love interest so the fact I want to stay in Edinburgh has nothing what at all to do with him. He is HISTORY!!

 

Emma

xx

 

Sounds like a good plan Emma! Burn no bridges and Bob's your Uncle!

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