bunbury61 Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Cheers for the positive messages everyone. well jase , at some stage , like it or lump it , you are going to have to " man up ".........do you really think I like getting up at 5.30am in the winter , to drive up the m6 to stoke ?.......really ....its about compromise iam afraid you are "dad" now , so stop f....king about ....its hard ...it hurts ...you have kids , you are no longer priority no 1 ...if you have girls , you are even further down the pecking order:biggrin:........so pick yourself up .....pack your bags ....and get on with it ....have a moan .....have a cry if necessary ......but put one foot in front of the other ...lifes hard sometimes ....THOSE KIDS WILL RELY ON YOU ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Nice post Bunbury61! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M1cha3la Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Bunbury61 has hit the nail on the head. Jasepom you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, you have children and they absolutely need to be your priority. Some parents don't get to be around their children, but you have the choice and you are not choosing them. Are you truly comfortable with that? Will you be able to look them in the eye and explain when they ask you why you was not there for them? I understand not being happy somewhere is hard, but sometimes you have to just make the best of it and get on with it. At the end of the day its not even a forever thing, nothing is stopping you moving once your children are older. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 I sold my house quit my dream job to go back to England. I must have been absolutely insane. then you say.....Im in Australia on my own dont understand your posts, are you in the uk or oz? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 then you say.....Im in Australia on my own dont understand your posts, are you in the uk or oz? Afaik he is back in Aus now, on his own. Wife and kids stayed in the UK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xlornax Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Are you and your wife still together? Even though u r in different countries? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 Afaik he is back in Aus now, on his own. Wife and kids stayed in the UK. Yeah I think that first post was alluding to the fact that now that he's back in Oz and finding it tough to get a job/nothing is the same etc. he regrets giving up his dream job in Oz and (temporarily) returning to the UK as it has set him back. Jasepom how do your kids feel about you being here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted February 21, 2014 Author Share Posted February 21, 2014 The kids are very upset as I say it was a stupid decision going back to uk as life was good here. Was just itchy feet nothing else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 Oh go back to them Jasepom, they need you! You can get over being unhappy with your location (at least it is a first world country and you speak the language etc.) but you may never repair a fractured relationship with your kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaska Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 Your regrets seem to stem from the decision to leave Australia rather than the fact you have left your kids. I can't empathise at all and I am sorry but can't really give you kind words or the sympathy that you are always after on here. I think you need to consider what is important to you in your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 The kids are very upset as I say it was a stupid decision going back to uk as life was good here. Was just itchy feet nothing else. I'd be back on the next plane and making it right as far as possible for them. They have done nothing wrong in any of this, just been dragged around the world on a whim almost and are now the ones paying for it as their Dad is the other side of the world as he preferred life there over his children. I find that incredibly sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 I'd be back on the next plane and making it right as far as possible for them. They have done nothing wrong in any of this, just been dragged around the world on a whim almost and are now the ones paying for it as their Dad is the other side of the world as he preferred life there over his children. I find that incredibly sad. But then on the other hand, having a dad who is around, constantly whinging on about how he wishes he'd never left Aus probably wouldn't be good for family dynamics either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tappers2oz Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 Myself or hubby could never move away from the kids if we split, especially not another country and in these circumstances. If you had never made the move to Oz would the outcome have been the same? Would you have said 'sorry wife and children I'm leaving to follow my dream'. My kids are my dream, if I liked where I live then that's a bonus. If I have them I'm happy. I made them and it is my responsibility as a parent to do everything in my power to stop them being sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the boardmans Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 Myself or hubby could never move away from the kids if we split, especially not another country and in these circumstances. If you had never made the move to Oz would the outcome have been the same? Would you have said 'sorry wife and children I'm leaving to follow my dream'.My kids are my dream, if I liked where I live then that's a bonus. If I have them I'm happy. I made them and it is my responsibility as a parent to do everything in my power to stop them being sad. Great comment x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted February 22, 2014 Author Share Posted February 22, 2014 Yeah we did go back to England on a whim that was the problem Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 Yeah we did go back to England on a whim that was the problem Family are everything and your kids are your flesh and blood, what the hell are you thinking about man ? So you like a bit of sun on your back and you are willing to sacrifice your wife and kids for that? Most men would sacrifice their lives for their kids and you are willing to give them up for your own selfish ideals......shame on you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 My EX OH emigrated to Australia with his new wife and left our children. They followed some many years later followed by the rest of us. Life has a funny way of turning out. Forgive me if I'm assuming things but to have jumped on a plane and flown back on your own doesn't sound that you have a very happy marriage .Sounds like couple counselling may be as good idea but for now it seems a flight back to the UK to sort your marriage out one way or another would be in order.Unless your thinking of taking the easy way out and not go back? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 The kids are very upset as I say it was a stupid decision going back to uk as life was good here. Was just itchy feet nothing else. So are you saying that your only regret is going back to the uk in the first place rather than leaving your kids? If so then I'll never be able to understand that and I'm not even a parent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 Yeah we did go back to England on a whim that was the problem I get that and I understand your regret at that decision but it's done now. No amount of wishing/regretting/trying to recreate your old life will change that. You have to deal with the situation as it stands now and to me, that means you have to be in the UK and be a proper Dad to your kids (regardless of whether you stay married or not). I don't think I could ever forgive my Dad if he chose a lifestyle over me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
louisella Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 I completely agree with those that say you should be with your kids as choosing a country over them is very wrong. You chose to have them, they are your responsibility and you should be there for them. There are so many stories (one recently on here) about parents who can't be with their children for reasons out of their control that I struggle to understand why there is even a question as to what you should do. One very important thing, if you do decide to go back to them, you can't ever show them the resentment you feel at being in UK as it's not their fault. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xlornax Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 You are all assuming he is a positive influence on his kids lives..what if the kids n wife breathed a heavy sigh of relief when he left..I dnt know this man but I have known some evil parents and I wouldnt be advising them to be wth their children...we dnt knw what the story is...but sounds like he doesnt love his kids enough to stand by them...so what...it happens. .im sure the kids will survive and maybe b better off wthout that attitude around them...and comments of 'be a proper dad' .....not all men are capable of this or have different views on what 'proper' is...his wife should have picked a better man to father her children....but I dnt care really, im just throwing an alternative opinion out there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 Some people though hon don't realise what kind of parent their partners will be until you actually have kids.My ex sold me a picture that he could'nt wait to be a Dad,and spend loads of quality time with them.That could'nt of been farther from the truth.After 2 yrs of being a parent ex OH decided it was all too much trouble being a "proper Dad"and did a turnaround,pretty much ignoring our kids,and when he started to become nasty towards them?That was the catalyst that ended our marriage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 You are all assuming he is a positive influence on his kids lives..what if the kids n wife breathed a heavy sigh of relief when he left..I dnt know this man but I have known some evil parents and I wouldnt be advising them to be wth their children...we dnt knw what the story is...but sounds like he doesnt love his kids enough to stand by them...so what...it happens. .im sure the kids will survive and maybe b better off wthout that attitude around them...and comments of 'be a proper dad' .....not all men are capable of this or have different views on what 'proper' is...his wife should have picked a better man to father her children....but I dnt care really, im just throwing an alternative opinion out there! I disagree, I think all men are capable of being "proper Dads", it's just whether they are willing to put in the work, make the right decisions and accept their responsibilities. Some definitions of what makes a proper Dad may vary, but I suspect that most people feel love, support and presence in their children's lives would be key. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xlornax Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 All men? I disagree..some dads stick around just to abuse their children...some people are evil and incapable of any form of caring or kindness..not saying the op is btw lol just saying we cant generalize everyone...a proper dad may be one that takes his presence away depending on the situation imo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 I disagree, I think all men are capable of being "proper Dads", it's just whether they are willing to put in the work, make the right decisions and accept their responsibilities. Some definitions of what makes a proper Dad may vary, but I suspect that most people feel love, support and presence in their children's lives would be key. The highlighted part. Nailed it. A couple does not have to be together to bring up their kids. Couples break up, relationships and marriages end, kids live with one parent and hopefully, if all is good see the other on weekends or evenings and holidays and so on. If one of the parents is a total waste of space I can get why its probably better for all if that parent isn't an active part of their life so much (if at all) but if the relationship is good, the kids should have the chance to see and spend time with both parents regularly, to know they are loved, to see their Dad or Mum, or both, cheering them on from the sidelines at sports day, attend parents evenings, take an active interest in their lives as they grow and just have them around, even if its not the constant day in day out of if they were all living together. A marriage ending or a couple splitting up is not reason to just walk out on your kids and not look back. If anything, if you are a decent human being, its even more reason to put in the time and effort, to ensure they know they still matter, are still a part of your life and you theirs and that you'll be there for them. I say all that as an in general as I've no clue if the OP and his wife are together or not or anything and I am not speculating on that at all nor is the above aimed at the OP. My comments above are just in general conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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