Mum of son soon to emigrate

[Bereftmum]

He will have a better life. And it's his life, not yours

It's because of people like you that I have never posted on a forum before and may not again. Your comment was not helpful. I am well aware that it is my son's life - hence my post asking for help in dealing with MY feelings so as not to burden him with my emotions. Anyway fortunately there are many good people on here who have been incredibly supportive so I will keep posting, knowing that you are in a tiny minority.

[Tappers2oz]

It's because of people like you that I have never posted on a forum before and may not again. Your comment was not helpful. I am well aware that it is my son's life - hence my post asking for help in dealing with MY feelings so as not to burden him with my emotions. Anyway fortunately there are many good people on here who have been incredibly supportive so I will keep posting, knowing that you are in a tiny minority.

 

Hugs. Like you said, the majority read your original post properly and have good advice/support. Please ignore the minority who lack feeling.

[tea4too]

It may be hard to believe right now, but you will both (Sandra and Bereftmum) smile again, and continue to be proud of all that your children achieve, because you raised them, and they are who they are because of you. And in the meantime you have found PIO - a great place, full of people who will understand how you feel as you deal with huge changes that you have no control over.

 

 

I can’t write anything that will make the next few days or weeks any easier, but concentrating on different ways to maintain a relationship with your son might help a little. Texts are relatively cheap and provide instant contact - great for a quick boost when people seem a long way away. It is a form of bereavement I think, and because of that there is no easy way to get through it. But you will get through it, and PIO can help Tx

[Sandra Farrimond]

Thank you so much for your reply , it is comforting to know i am not the only person feeling like this i have had a terrible day today trying to hold myself together and cant imagine what tomorrow will be like at the airport. I to will continue to post and let you know how i am doing as i hope you will to. The pain at the moment is intence but i am trying to put my bravest face on ( not easy at all) so as to help my son as he will feel worse seeing me keep crying. We are out for a meal tonight with my other two children and i dont even feel like food at the moment . I will let you know anything i can that will be of help like skype i am a novice at this to though i have used it before so between us we can muddle through we could message via facebook or e mail if that is any help other than that i will continue to use this thread . Take care xxx

[xlornax]

I know how much my parents miss me but I really hope they never felt like this! Truth is that they probably do but hide it well as thats how they have always been wth me..they do what makes me happy...however if they sincerely said to me that it hurt too much me being so far away then I would go back...so I think its important to tell your son how you feel but not overload..he may still go as aus can be like an itch that needs scratched but at least you are all open wth each other...I hate that my parents never tell me how they really feel due to not wanting to upset me! Im trying to save for them to visit and me and my mum like old fashioned letters so we write to each other and it has brought us closer as we say things in letters we wouldn't face to face and really open up about our lives, hopes etc, its therapeutic! I think of them everyday, I feel like they are kind of here wth me, they equiped me wth the tools and values that got me here and resulted in me doing well here so I dnt feel apart from them. Your son may not stay forever either and when u do see him you will have so much to share and catch up on. How you feel is normal...i have been put off having kids incase they put me through the heartbreak of emigrating lol theirs nothing you can do as it can be such a life enriching experience for them. Well done for raising him to be brave and independent, how sad would it be to see your child have so much potential but have clipped wings?

Edited February 25, 2014 by xlornax

[ramot]

Thank you so much for your reply , it is comforting to know i am not the only person feeling like this i have had a terrible day today trying to hold myself together and cant imagine what tomorrow will be like at the airport. I to will continue to post and let you know how i am doing as i hope you will to. The pain at the moment is intence but i am trying to put my bravest face on ( not easy at all) so as to help my son as he will feel worse seeing me keep crying. We are out for a meal tonight with my other two children and i dont even feel like food at the moment . I will let you know anything i can that will be of help like skype i am a novice at this to though i have used it before so between us we can muddle through we could message via facebook or e mail if that is any help other than that i will continue to use this thread . Take care xxx

 

Perhaps it might be better if you don't go to the airport, but say your farewells tonight. Not meaning to sound harsh, it might be easier for all.

We moved overseas on contract when our youngest was 13, and left her and the older 2 in UK, trust me that was hard, but we all coped.

Different People have different ways of coping, if it's possible, try to have a visit planned, so you know it's not going to be for ever before you see him again, because that is perhaps how you are feeling at the moment.

depending on your circumstances lots of parents do visit OZ regularly and some spend part of the year here, or have even moved. So even though it might feel like the end of the world at the moment, it isn't and realistically he is only a flight ( ok a long one) away.

Skype suits us, but others don't like it, but please put a brave face on it if you skype otherwise he might start to dread your calls, if you can manage it try to be excited for him, a test for your acting skills.

we have been overseas parents now for over 20 years as we did all the moving, and retired to OZ, but if it reassures you we are all still close, as we have all made the effort, and we have had some amazing experiences together in places we would never have dreamed we would visit, so come to OZ and visit one day.

all the best, and take care.

[Rossmoyne]

It's because of people like you that I have never posted on a forum before and may not again. Your comment was not helpful. I am well aware that it is my son's life - hence my post asking for help in dealing with MY feelings so as not to burden him with my emotions. Anyway fortunately there are many good people on here who have been incredibly supportive so I will keep posting, knowing that you are in a tiny minority.

 

Please don't judge PomsinOz by this one poster. The majority of us are a friendly helpful bunch and try to support others. We often have spirited debates on some threads, but there is no place for such heartless comments as was made by that poster.

 

In a small way I am in a similar situation to you, although my son has only moved from one side of Australia to the other. When he left last July the airport goodbye was as horrendous as I knew it would be, and for a while I did think maybe I would just send him in a taxi so I could say goodbye at home. But in the end I drove him to the airport, and as hard as it was, I am glad that I did. We keep in touch with skype, text and email, and I am currently making plans to fly over to spend a couple of weeks with him. It has certainly helped me to have a "project/trip" to plan and look forward to. I know the distance from UK to Oz is much greater than the Perth - Queensland distance between my son and I, but the separation is the same, so I understand so well how you are feeling.

 

Please keep posting on PIO and take some comfort from the support and friendship you receive from other members. Remember that there is always a minority who will never see life through your eyes, so just ignore that minority as life is too short to take their inane mumblings to heart.

[Jacaranda]

Nice post Rossmoyne!

[xlornax]

It was only an opinion and a valid one...that is what an open forum is for...could have been worded better/more sensitively though I think

[Guest]

It's because of people like you that I have never posted on a forum before and may not again. Your comment was not helpful. I am well aware that it is my son's life - hence my post asking for help in dealing with MY feelings so as not to burden him with my emotions. Anyway fortunately there are many good people on here who have been incredibly supportive so I will keep posting, knowing that you are in a tiny minority.

 

There is always the report post button and you can block people too so you don't see their posts. It shouldn't have to be like that but whilst most people come on here are genuine - even if we don't always agree - there are a few that's sole purpose is to cause trouble. I haven't posted a reply to you as I don't think I can help - I am the only daughter who moved away taking the only grandchild...

 

On the other hand as others have said there is no-way of calling the future, I am now back in the UK and actually my relationship with my parents grew whilst I was away - maybe a little bit of guilt but I phoned more, they got into Facebook and love seeing all my updates - they feel part of my life.

 

I fully appreciated my parents support of my decision to go but I didn't mind the tears at all - they love me after all!

[Bereftmum]

I know how much my parents miss me but I really hope they never felt like this! Truth is that they probably do but hide it well as thats how they have always been wth me..they do what makes me happy...however if they sincerely said to me that it hurt too much me being so far away then I would go back...so I think its important to tell your son how you feel but not overload..he may still go as aus can be like an itch that needs scratched but at least you are all open wth each other...I hate that my parents never tell me how they really feel due to not wanting to upset me! Im trying to save for them to visit and me and my mum like old fashioned letters so we write to each other and it has brought us closer as we say things in letters we wouldn't face to face and really open up about our lives, hopes etc, its therapeutic! I think of them everyday, I feel like they are kind of here wth me, they equiped me wth the tools and values that got me here and resulted in me doing well here so I dnt feel apart from them. Your son may not stay forever either and when u do see him you will have so much to share and catch up on. How you feel is normal...i have been put off having kids incase they put me through the heartbreak of emigrating lol theirs nothing you can do as it can be such a life enriching experience for them. Well done for raising him to be brave and independent, how sad would it be to see your child have so much potential but have clipped wings?

 

 

I'm sure your parents DID feel devastated when you left. However we (as parents) have to try and hide our feelings to some extent so as not to make our kids feel guilty and thereby spoil the good relationship we have with them. You say you hate that your parents never told you how they really felt, yet maybe they were trying to spare you their pain. They have done brilliantly at letting you go, and as you say, you have done well out there, so I hope they feel happy for you. I agree that it would be awful to know that your child wanted to emigrate, yet did not go because of you. They have to do what they have to do! And much as it hurts me, I know that is true and when my son leaves for Oz in August I hope I can practice what I preach!.

[Bereftmum]

Thank you so much for your reply , it is comforting to know i am not the only person feeling like this i have had a terrible day today trying to hold myself together and cant imagine what tomorrow will be like at the airport. I to will continue to post and let you know how i am doing as i hope you will to. The pain at the moment is intence but i am trying to put my bravest face on ( not easy at all) so as to help my son as he will feel worse seeing me keep crying. We are out for a meal tonight with my other two children and i dont even feel like food at the moment . I will let you know anything i can that will be of help like skype i am a novice at this to though i have used it before so between us we can muddle through we could message via facebook or e mail if that is any help other than that i will continue to use this thread . Take care xxx

 

Sandra I have PM'd you. My thoughts are with you today - try and be strong, for yourself and for your son. And take comfort from wherever it's offered. Be gentle on yourself today. xxx

[ProudmuminUK]

Hello everyone, I have just registered on PIO to respond to this email. I have been a silent reader of this forum (mainly the migration site) for a few months now, as my daughter and her fiance went to Sydney just over a year ago on a WHV. 14 months later, they are on a bridging visa awaiting the outcome of their 457 business sponsored visa.... so the likelihood is that they will be staying for another 4 years and possibly progress onto a PR visa. I have found this forum to be an absolute mine of information, and it's helped me to get my head around visa applications and other issues that arise when emigrating to Australia. As someone who 'needs to know everything' (or in other words a control freak, as my daughter tells me!) the information I've found on PIO keeps me from badgering my daughter for information on every skype call!

 

I totally empathise with Bereftmum and all the other mums that remain in the UK (or other home country) it's such a bittersweet situation to be in. As a mum you're so very proud of your child; that they have grown into intelligent and independent young adults, and feel confident in undertaking such a huge step as moving to the other side of the world, but again, as a mum all you want to do is stand there and wrap your arms tightly around them and feel and smell them....and keep them close.

 

I miss my daughter very very much. She will be 27 in a few months and it will be her 2nd birthday since moving to Australia, I know she and her fiance want to marry (hopefully in the UK) but then there are the grandchildren... well I'll cross the bridge when we get to that one!

 

Skype and Facebook are fantastic tools. I get to see so many photographs on FB and with Skype we can speak and see each other and chat like she's just sitting across from me drinking tea and eating biscuits...we've even been known to shout and argue at times!

 

I was extremely lucky to be able to go across for 2 weeks in September. The weirdest thing of all was stepping into their apartment and recognising it so well - it was almost like stepping into the Skype window and into her life in Sydney! It was a bizarre feeling! But, and this really really helped... by visiting them in Australia I was able to familiarise myself with their home, local area - restaurants, bars, shops etc and even went to my daughter's workplace and met her colleagues.... so now, I can see in my mind the places she refers to... and it's made things so much less alien because for me now its real because I've been there....

 

I've never told my daughter how much I miss her, and I've been careful not to get emotional on skype about being apart from her. The last thing I want to do is give her a guilt trip which might cause her to come back to the UK for the wrong reasons. I know they both have a far better standard of living career wise and financially, than they did have in London.... and every day at the moment I'm waiting for her to tell me the 457 visa has been approved. Not because I want her home, but because I'll be as crushed as them if it gets rejected.

 

Things change month on month; for now its the right time for our children to spread their wings and explore what the world has to offer, perhaps in a year or two they'll decide it time to come back to the UK. But, if they decide to settle in Australia it's for the right reasons i.e their reasons, and we should all be proud that they can make these decisions...it's not easy for them, and I know that your sons and daughters miss you as much as you miss them.

 

I'm so glad you posted Bereftmum, perhaps we all should continue to post as mums (and dads) and support each other when we have a wobbly... big hugs to all parents out there xx

[ramot]

Hello everyone, I have just registered on PIO to respond to this email. I have been a silent reader of this forum (mainly the migration site) for a few months now, as my daughter and her fiance went to Sydney just over a year ago on a WHV. 14 months later, they are on a bridging visa awaiting the outcome of their 457 business sponsored visa.... so the likelihood is that they will be staying for another 4 years and possibly progress onto a PR visa. I have found this forum to be an absolute mine of information, and it's helped me to get my head around visa applications and other issues that arise when emigrating to Australia. As someone who 'needs to know everything' (or in other words a control freak, as my daughter tells me!) the information I've found on PIO keeps me from badgering my daughter for information on every skype call!

 

I totally empathise with Bereftmum and all the other mums that remain in the UK (or other home country) it's such a bittersweet situation to be in. As a mum you're so very proud of your child; that they have grown into intelligent and independent young adults, and feel confident in undertaking such a huge step as moving to the other side of the world, but again, as a mum all you want to do is stand there and wrap your arms tightly around them and feel and smell them....and keep them close.

 

I miss my daughter very very much. She will be 27 in a few months and it will be her 2nd birthday since moving to Australia, I know she and her fiance want to marry (hopefully in the UK) but then there are the grandchildren... well I'll cross the bridge when we get to that one!

 

Skype and Facebook are fantastic tools. I get to see so many photographs on FB and with Skype we can speak and see each other and chat like she's just sitting across from me drinking tea and eating biscuits...we've even been known to shout and argue at times!

 

I was extremely lucky to be able to go across for 2 weeks in September. The weirdest thing of all was stepping into their apartment and recognising it so well - it was almost like stepping into the Skype window and into her life in Sydney! It was a bizarre feeling! But, and this really really helped... by visiting them in Australia I was able to familiarise myself with their home, local area - restaurants, bars, shops etc and even went to my daughter's workplace and met her colleagues.... so now, I can see in my mind the places she refers to... and it's made things so much less alien because for me now its real because I've been there....

 

I've never told my daughter how much I miss her, and I've been careful not to get emotional on skype about being apart from her. The last thing I want to do is give her a guilt trip which might cause her to come back to the UK for the wrong reasons. I know they both have a far better standard of living career wise and financially, than they did have in London.... and every day at the moment I'm waiting for her to tell me the 457 visa has been approved. Not because I want her home, but because I'll be as crushed as them if it gets rejected.

 

Things change month on month; for now its the right time for our children to spread their wings and explore what the world has to offer, perhaps in a year or two they'll decide it time to come back to the UK. But, if they decide to settle in Australia it's for the right reasons i.e their reasons, and we should all be proud that they can make these decisions...it's not easy for them, and I know that your sons and daughters miss you as much as you miss them.

 

I'm so glad you posted Bereftmum, perhaps we all should continue to post as mums (and dads) and support each other when we have a wobbly... big hugs to all parents out there xx

 

 

This is a lovely post. We have done the opposite to most people as we the parents made the move, not our children, so it can work in reverse as well, as it has been our children visiting us and us making them feel familiar with our new lives. Obviously when we were expats and they were younger they came for their school/uni holidays and it was their home, but when we retired we decided to move to OZ as we weren't ready to go back to UK and wanted a bit of an adventure, they were all adults. It was as important to them to see where we were living now as it was for the poster above to see where her daughter is now living. We didn't have Skype when we first moved here, but we use it all the time now, and 2 out of our three have followed us to live here, so as mentioned we have done the reverse of most posters.

Our UK son and family visited for the first time with our young grand children last Oct, and like the above poster, we have skyped regularly and the 2 grand children had seen the house and their bedroom all set up for them, they were so excited to see it for real when they came.

there are no easy answers when we move to another country from our families, so we have to do the best we can, and hope we have made the right decision, and be supportive of each others decision.

good luck to everyone.

[Kapri]

It's because of people like you that I have never posted on a forum before and may not again. Your comment was not helpful. I am well aware that it is my son's life - hence my post asking for help in dealing with MY feelings so as not to burden him with my emotions. Anyway fortunately there are many good people on here who have been incredibly supportive so I will keep posting, knowing that you are in a tiny minority.

 

Ignore him.

 

My mum was upset when I left although she gave me her blessing.

we still chat on the phone every week and it doesn't feel much different.

She has just had a heart attack and I'm heading back to see her. Once she recovers, I will pay for her to come here for a few months.

It may not be as bad as you are expecting

Edited March 1, 2014 by snifter
Removed text as per forum rules

[Fisher1]

I have to say I find all this advice not to show your feelings a bit strange. Theres a massive difference, imo, between playing the guilt card and shedding a heartfelt tear when its time to say goodbye. I was living in Belgium when my daughter first left London for Australiia. We had a family weekend in London and she saw us off on the Eurostar the day before her flight. She was the first to cry, actually, and we both had a few tears.

 

It will be ten years this year, and being open about feelings has always been part of the package for us. My daughter knows we miss her, we know she misses us. I have never felt the need to supress tears during phone calls - to me they are the equivalent of a get together and are enjoyable. Now we have Skype its even better - we have had hour long chats before now where she has been making the dinner, I have made coffee and so on.

 

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you do whatever works for you.

 

This site is wonderful btw and has made such a difference to me - so nice to have others who know exactly how it feels. :-)

Edited March 1, 2014 by snifter
Removed line of text

[CommanderMaxil]

Of all the threads i've read on this website this is the one that has touched me the most I think. I am in the opposite situation, being the son who is about to leave (next wed) to go to Hong Kong for a week and then on to Canberra in mid-march. Am now back at my parents for my last few days and they are taking me to the airport next wed for my flight, which I know my mum will find incredibly difficult, but I feel is an important part of the process. Its strange but its only in the past few weeks I've realised just how upset my family members are, they have always been supportive of the stuff I have done but somehow I never saw the cost to them personally. I'm 37 now and have lived abroad a couple of times in my 20s but this seems to be tougher for them somehow. Perhaps its because I had to apply for a permanent visa despite having no intention of permanently relocating to Australia. Its strange because for the past 11 years I have lived in London and my mum in Scotland so we didn't see each other very often anyway but this feels different for everyone nonetheless. I've come to realise that for all the positive exciting parts of the move there are also downsides and the effects on family members are amongst the main ones. I tell myself that I will make it up to my parents and in 2 or 3 years I will come back and try to be closer to them (than Australia or London) and I do mean it but in reality its impossible to predict what will happen. Anyway it helps to know other people are going through the same stuff. Stay strong everyone!

[Freesia]

That's the thing CommanderMaxil- it's impossible to predict what will happen when your child takes off on a WHV or other temporary "holiday" - like some of the other mums here my daughter ended up staying & will soon have Citizenship. Her own child is a little Aussie now, and the only thing we can do is have a little weep now & again, because the pain of missing them is huge- but embrace the situation on the whole since they have chosen a great new life- & if it wasn't great they'd have come back

 

Instead ,the lucky ones of us will go & join them, & I for one am so grateful for the opportunity to have my retirement over there, once the visa grief is over with.

Like you Kath (Fisher1) I couldn't ever successfully hide my feelings from my daughter- certainly not when leaving her at the airport, & she'd be more upset if she thought I wasn't !

But regular visits there & Facetime & the rest make it easier as others have said- you can see their surroundings- talk to the partners & the babies, & feel like you're arriving home when you get back there!

Loves & support to all the other mums - & dads- - & thanks to all our offspring who recognise what a hard job it is to love you but watch you go so far away.

Edited March 1, 2014 by Freesia

[Fisher1]

Well said.

[ali]

I have to say I find all this advice not to show your feelings a bit strange. Theres a massive difference, imo, between playing the guilt card and shedding a heartfelt tear when its time to say goodbye. I was living in Belgium when my daughter first left London for Australiia. We had a family weekend in London and she saw us off on the Eurostar the day before her flight. She was the first to cry, actually, and we both had a few tears.

 

It will be ten years this year, and being open about feelings has always been part of the package for us. My daughter knows we miss her, we know she misses us. I have never felt the need to supress tears during phone calls - to me they are the equivalent of a get together and are enjoyable. Now we have Skype its even better - we have had hour long chats before now where she has been making the dinner, I have made coffee and so on.

 

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you do whatever works for you.

 

This site is wonderful btw and has made such a difference to me - so nice to have others who know exactly how it feels. :-)

 

I think you're right that there is a difference in showing your feelings and playing a guilt card. When we came to Aus we were leaving my dad on his own - no other family, we lived in different towns and would see him every couple of months, he had a wonderful relationship with the children who adored him as much as he did them. My dad, whilst upset, gave us his blessing, he spoke of missing an opportunity to work in what at that time was Rhodesia ... my mother wouldn't leave her mum and the opportunity never arose again. Whilst not resentful, he still felt that he'd missed an opportunity. He visited us the year after we arrived (he's been 3 times) gave me a hug at the end of the visit and told me we'd made the right decision. There are tears every time he leaves (from all of us), but I am so very grateful that he trusted me enough to make my own decisions for my family - he said that was his job as a dad - to raise me to be able to make my own decisions.

[Bereftmum]

I don't know what I would have done without this forum over the last few weeks. When I was first told that my son was emigrating in August I just fell apart, but gradually through reading the replies and responses on here to my original post I have come to realise that first of all my feelings are normal, and secondly I will get through it! Most importantly, I have realised that immersing myself in my own grief was not helping my relationship with my son, who had stopped visiting so much, probably because he couldn't handle my emotions. Although it's really hard, I am doing my best to hide the worst of my feelings and most importantly, to be happy for him. I think Ali said something very profound in her post - that she was grateful to her Dad that he trusted her enough to make her own decisions (about emigrating). I know I have to trust my son to make his own decisions and I have to believe that they are the right ones for him.

 

As far as I, personally, am concerned, it's reassuring to know that so many Mums out there feel or have felt like me. Even if we believe our children are doing the right thing, there is nevertheless an element of grief in them going to live the other side of the world and however useful Skype is, it's not the same as a hug! All the same, so many of you are looking at the benefits and ignoring the downside - it's hard not to be influenced by all your optimism so I AM hopeful for the future and hope when my son actually does leave I will be able to be strong and positive.

 

Thank you to everyone who has replied to me - you have all given me something to think about, or some different angle on the situation. I hope as the months tick by to August I will continue to get support and insight from you all. It's so nice to know that you all understand.

[Guest The Pom Queen]

I don't know what I would have done without this forum over the last few weeks. When I was first told that my son was emigrating in August I just fell apart, but gradually through reading the replies and responses on here to my original post I have come to realise that first of all my feelings are normal, and secondly I will get through it! Most importantly, I have realised that immersing myself in my own grief was not helping my relationship with my son, who had stopped visiting so much, probably because he couldn't handle my emotions. Although it's really hard, I am doing my best to hide the worst of my feelings and most importantly, to be happy for him. I think Ali said something very profound in her post - that she was grateful to her Dad that he trusted her enough to make her own decisions (about emigrating). I know I have to trust my son to make his own decisions and I have to believe that they are the right ones for him.

 

As far as I, personally, am concerned, it's reassuring to know that so many Mums out there feel or have felt like me. Even if we believe our children are doing the right thing, there is nevertheless an element of grief in them going to live the other side of the world and however useful Skype is, it's not the same as a hug! All the same, so many of you are looking at the benefits and ignoring the downside - it's hard not to be influenced by all your optimism so I AM hopeful for the future and hope when my son actually does leave I will be able to be strong and positive.

 

Thank you to everyone who has replied to me - you have all given me something to think about, or some different angle on the situation. I hope as the months tick by to August I will continue to get support and insight from you all. It's so nice to know that you all understand.

I haven't read all the thread but I just want to say what a lovely mum you are.

I remember when we first told me mum we were making the move, she didn't speak to me for four years, we both moved around and we lost contact one day she found me through an old email and made contact, within 2 weeks she had booked her flights to come and spend 3 month with us. When she saw what we had achieved and how happy we were she said how happy she was we ignored her and continued with our plans. I was always really angry with her but with your posts I can now see it from a mums point of view. Also I've now had two sons leave home myself and I was an emotional wreck and they only live 15 minutes up the road. In fact I've just told one of them to get himself home because its past midnight, I struggle to let go and don't think I ever will.

[Fisher1]

Bereftmum

 

You bet you'll have my continuing support because even after ten years I need the support of contact with other mums in the same position. We do hope to move over there ourselves eventually (this is our only child) but I have a very elderly mum who I cant leave, so we're stuck in this situation for the foreseeable future. Hugs.

[ali]

I don't know what I would have done without this forum over the last few weeks. When I was first told that my son was emigrating in August I just fell apart, but gradually through reading the replies and responses on here to my original post I have come to realise that first of all my feelings are normal, and secondly I will get through it! Most importantly, I have realised that immersing myself in my own grief was not helping my relationship with my son, who had stopped visiting so much, probably because he couldn't handle my emotions. Although it's really hard, I am doing my best to hide the worst of my feelings and most importantly, to be happy for him. I think Ali said something very profound in her post - that she was grateful to her Dad that he trusted her enough to make her own decisions (about emigrating). I know I have to trust my son to make his own decisions and I have to believe that they are the right ones for him.

 

As far as I, personally, am concerned, it's reassuring to know that so many Mums out there feel or have felt like me. Even if we believe our children are doing the right thing, there is nevertheless an element of grief in them going to live the other side of the world and however useful Skype is, it's not the same as a hug! All the same, so many of you are looking at the benefits and ignoring the downside - it's hard not to be influenced by all your optimism so I AM hopeful for the future and hope when my son actually does leave I will be able to be strong and positive.

 

Thank you to everyone who has replied to me - you have all given me something to think about, or some different angle on the situation. I hope as the months tick by to August I will continue to get support and insight from you all. It's so nice to know that you all understand.

 

 

For us our migration worked, had it gone pear shaped, we'd have been welcomed with open arms .. there may even have been a little relief ... but not one I told you so. I think you're very much like my dad, you love your son and will support him - let him know that you're struggling to see him go but at the same time you're proud of him. The actual leaving will probably be tough for him too. You need to start your own Australia fund for those holidays xxx

[tillyd]

I can see it from both sides

 

My mother was distraught when I first left the UK, she couldn't look at me without crying. I felt so guilty.

 

Now 10 years later both my children have left Oz and moved back to the UK which was something that no-one could foresee. It makes me very sad and somedays I cry. How the tables have turned.