Jump to content
Kiki2013

ANY advice welcomed! Should I stay or should I go?

Recommended Posts

Hello and thanks for reading.

 

Im a 31 yr old female who came to Melbourne 2 yrs ago, alone on a PR visa. I am considering moving back home to the UK but am scared about regretting my decision and making it difficult if I do want to return to oz. I can't seem to get any balanced opinions from friends/family. Obviously those that I love would love me to go back and some friends think I'd be 'crazy' to return.

 

Reasons I'm considering going back: I'm lonely, despite efforts to make friends (I have a handful), its not the same as been back home and I feel my friendship group is lacking (ive tried meet up groups etc). My career.. There's little opportunity for promotion and as a midwife I feel I'm losing my skills, doing less. Reasons to stay.. I can apply for citizenship 2015 ( this feels forever away at the moment) the climate and the 'quality' of life etc. I know going home will be tough and returning to my old place of work will be difficult as colleagues have 'leap frogged' me in promotion etc. I just don't know what to do. Pros and cons seem pretty even. My heart says UK my head Melbourne.

 

Im sorry if this sounds 'airy, fairy', I just think if I could get some feedback from people who understand, been there, done that and can share their experiences it will help. Especially how you found fitting in back home.

 

Many thanks

kiki

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm similar to you however in the reverse, I'm a 28yr old Aussie and planning to move to the UK next year (with mum) but am nervous as last time I went it didn't work out and I ended up back here! I know my job will be different there and wages less than half of what I get here but I have minimal family here (sister & mum), mum doesn't really want to be here anymore and my sister doesn't bother with us ever, I could go 3 weeks without seeing her or the kids! Doesn't seem to be much point staying here when nothing works out, people are such a big part of your life and I just don't have that here, its sad because the lifestyle of Australia is the best part. Hope you come to a decision that will suit you best! Good luck :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It sounded to me like your main reason for not going back is that you might regret it. That to me doesn't seem like a great reason for staying, if you can't think of m ore concrete things than that then possibly it is because you don't have anything more concrete than that. You did come up with a couple of pros for staying but they seemed a bit half hearted to me, the climate and "quality" of life, your inverted comments suggest you don't really see this. Also if you are lonely and not happy with your career then what quality of life are you referring to?

 

I would let your heart rule in this case. I have lived overseas previously and returned because of unhappiness, although my head would certainly have pointed towards staying, but life is too short to be unhappy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would say to measure up the pros and cons of the two and go with that. Regards your career, it depends on how committed to your career you are. If your career is important to you and you feel it would be better in the UK then you have your answer.

 

Lots of people in the UK will say you would be crazy to return. But, i have found there are many people in the UK that have a unrealistic idea of what Australia really is.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You say you moved 2 years ago on a PR, how much time do you have left on it before it expires? If you still have a year or two an you're genuinely unhappy then what have you got to lose by coming 'home'? If you get here and a while down the line you regret it then as long as you are still in your original 5 years from grant then you can always return I'd imagine. I know that might not be the cheapest option but if you're alone then it's only 1 airfare and shipping whatever possessions you want to bring.

 

Alternately sticking it out for another 2 years and getting citizenship would put you in a much stronger position should you ever wish to return. The whole application process has changed so much in the last 16 months, my mate is a brickie and got his PR before the 2012 skillselect changes and he was amazed at what I had to go through. He didn't even know what IELTS was. Even in the last few months application and skills assessment costs have rocketed.

 

All the best with your decision.

 

 

Sent on works time using their Wi-Fi!!! Lol

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi

Only you can make the decision to move back. But at least you have PR so if it does not work you can come back.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You're young, your career is going nowhere, you have no friends ..... Why not move on? Of course, now you have been touched by the curse of the expat you will always look over your shoulder and compare the bad of the now with the good of what you had. With your occupation, the world will pretty much always be your oyster!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Another alternative would be to change hospitals- maybe you would meet a better friendship group. The docs here have it all sewn up, so to speak- they really don't let the midwives do much, do they? A pity- as you said, people will lose their skills.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We're in a similar position - head says stay for 'quality of life', weather etc, heart says get back to England for friends, family, Europe etc. Main reason to doubt going is fear of regret which Rupert mentioned to me in another post (as well as above) is not a good enough reason to stay.

 

We're going with hearts and heading home next year, or perhaps beforehand. Can always come back if we regret it. If we don't go, we'll spend the rest of our lives questioning whether we should have or still should. Only one way to find out really!

 

Good luck with your decision.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Kiki,

 

I wanted to give you my view on this, as i have been battling with the same things as you. I have been here 6 years in Jan, and will be heading back to the UK in Feb. When I made my decision, I felt that everyone had an opinion that was beneficial to them, and they don't consider how you feel. What I have come to realise is that family are incredibly important, and are a lot more important than any location in the world. It is a hard place to make friends, it is not people are being rude it is just that our age (I am 32) most people are in different stages of their life's and aren't looking to increase their friendship group. Although I have some good friends here, I feel that the relationships I have made are lacking the same foundation that my relationships are based on at home. I think ultimately it is a hard place to live with no partner or friends. The main reason I want to go home is that if I am spending time on my own at weekends, and the evenings. I would rather do it, knowing that I can pop to families house as my family will always be ther. Other reasons for me are property prices, lower interest rate on mortgage, I have found I don't have to work as hard here (which I don't like), sacrificing holidays to go home for weddings, only 20 days leave etc, being so far away etc.

 

I think your concerns about going home are solid, but you don't have to go to the same job, same town etc. I like to reverse the way that I think about it, and think what will be the scenario if I don't make the change, and for me I can't see a future in Australia as there is nothing I really want here, or any reasons for not be close to home.

 

Personally I will leave with fond memories, but all good thing come to an end, and now I can't go soon enough!

 

Alex

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

HI, We would be happy to meet up with any lonely Melbourne types.... been in melbourne a few months, make a couple of friends via meetup which you say you have already tried, nice people... my girlfriends birthday only 4 weeks after arriving had 10 girls at it which was great... Myself a returning aussie and my girlfriend whos 27 just moved over from the UK.. .... send me a private message if your interested.. We meet a couple of nurses as well... One contition though, no moaning to the girlfriend about missing the UK :)... its all going great so far she is settling in brilliantly.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We are Australian & returned to Perth 2.5 years ago due a family illness & we had just had a baby. We lived in the UK for 8 years and have really struggled to fit back in the Aussie way of life. After living away it seems like we just don't have anything in common with our old friends but haven't been able to make any new ones. This is something we have found very difficult.

 

Where are you ftom in the UK as bear in mind that after living in a big city like Melbourne your old town/city could seem a bit provincial. On the other hand, nowhere is very far away in the UK so I doubt you would feel as isolated as I do in Perth.

 

When you say "home" do you see Melbourne or the UK? It's UK for me and so even though it seemed right for me when we cane back, I think of home everyday & really regret our rushed decision.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
It sounded to me like your main reason for not going back is that you might regret it. That to me doesn't seem like a great reason for staying, if you can't think of m ore concrete things than that then possibly it is because you don't have anything more concrete than that. You did come up with a couple of pros for staying but they seemed a bit half hearted to me, the climate and "quality" of life, your inverted comments suggest you don't really see this. Also if you are lonely and not happy with your career then what quality of life are you referring to?

 

I would let your heart rule in this case. I have lived overseas previously and returned because of unhappiness, although my head would certainly have pointed towards staying, but life is too short to be unhappy.

 

 

Thanks Rupert. Your straight forward advice has really helped! I didn't even realise that I had put quality in inverted commas.. Looking at it I obviously think I'm supposed to feel a certain way about Australia and what it has to offer, and clearly I don't deep down. Kinda repeating what the tourist board would say. ;)

Australia is an amazing country and I'll never regret my time here. It's just not for everyone to stay long term. I thought I was stupid for thinking so.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for your reply!

When I say home I mean UK for sure. I'm from Yorkshire originally but could never imagine living back there. I'll plan on going to London, I've lived and worked in the city before and loved it.

I can imagine after 8 years anywhere you would feel completely home sick especially because Perth is so far away from other destinations. I guess because you had other factors in your move, such as a family illness you weren't completely ready perhaps and the issue was forced?

I truly hope that things pick up for you and you find happiness, wherever that may be. :)

Edited by Kiki2013
To; wintery woman :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest

Moving countries, like moving towns, houses, it doesn't have to be forever. You are young, no ties that I can see, opportunity is there to move back to the UK and return to Aus at a later date if you wish. I'd be heading to the UK if I were you most likely. Might not be all you remembered it as (those misted goggles we often wear even without realising) but I would think you have a good chance of happiness in your personal and professional life. If it turns out otherwise, you are in a profession that gives you lots of options for your future.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Thanks Rupert. Your straight forward advice has really helped! I didn't even realise that I had put quality in inverted commas.. Looking at it I obviously think I'm supposed to feel a certain way about Australia and what it has to offer, and clearly I don't deep down. Kinda repeating what the tourist board would say. ;)

Australia is an amazing country and I'll never regret my time here. It's just not for everyone to stay long term. I thought I was stupid for thinking so.

 

Hey Kiki. We're the same age, both from Yorkshire and both in Melbs.... If you fancy meeting up for coffee/shopping etc.. Drop me a PM. I've struggled to make friends here, so even if we don't end up life long buddies, it will be nice to talk to someone who understands :o)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hya,

 

I have said this on other threads before but there is no contract that you sign when boarding the plane to move here :-). Plenty of people don't like it here and that is just perfectly fine, I've been here 8 years and have a ripper set-up but I, like alot of others still miss the UK. Like others have said, it's no biggy at all and the only people who will comment on how mad you are for returning are one's who aint been - simple as.

 

I have a bunch of mates from the North East and we all grew up surfing and dreaming about living in Australia, out of 5 - I am the only one still here. None of em back in the NE have any intention of coming back here and are actually a bit anti Aussie TBH.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Kiki

 

Felt the need to reply to this, first and foremost because I'm in the exact same boat, and spend nearly every day weighing up whether to go back or not. There are some huge pro's to Melbourne, the food, the cool bars, the coffee, the outdoor lifestyle, world's most liveable city, the earnings compared to back home (for my profession anyway). Despite all this I just cannot seem to get at and actually live the life that is on offer here. I've struggled to make meaningful friends for 2 years, most of the people I've befriended were travelers that have since gone and it is almost impossible to break into the social groups of the locals (just have nothing in common with the vast majority of aussies). Done so many things to try and meet people that I'd never have considered in the UK; meetups, expat sites, interest groups, heck even online dating(!) but can count my friends here on one hand still, and most of them are married!

 

It's so frustrating, and as you say its so tough to get any real advice on the subject as most people just think you're living the dream and would be insane to go back. There comes a time, and this will happen for me when you just give up I guess. There's only so much you can do before it's just not worth all the stress and hassle. It'll be a shame if I do leave but if you've given it a good go and left on your terms then that's all you can ask for

 

I wish you all the best coming to a decision!

 

Cheers,

Tom

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We are also considering going back to the UK (we are in NZ at the moment). We've spent the best part of a decade living in several different countries, and have spent the last two years in NZ. We do have Aussie PR and were planning on going there too, but we're thinking of heading straight back to the UK. For my hubby's work it would be far better, plus the children would get to grow up with family. And for me, for the first time in many many years, I finally feel like I want to go home, and when I think of home it's the UK.

 

We have a few years left on the Aussie PR, and will become NZ PR holders before we leave here, so can always head back this way if the UK is not for us. But we seem to have come to a decision to go back in December for a few months to start with, and see how it goes. I know we're heading back right in the winter, but now that we've made the decision we just want to get going...

 

All the best to you in your decision...I say go with your heart!


Seven go Adventuring Again - check out my blog - www.perpetualtourists.com :cool: Or follow me on my Facebook page - Perpetual Tourists

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Life's too short to not do something because you might regret it.


Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.

Dale Carnegie – 1888-1955, Author and Lecturer

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
We are Australian & returned to Perth 2.5 years ago due a family illness & we had just had a baby. We lived in the UK for 8 years and have really struggled to fit back in the Aussie way of life. After living away it seems like we just don't have anything in common with our old friends but haven't been able to make any new ones. This is something we have found very difficult.

 

Where are you from in the UK as bear in mind that after living in a big city like Melbourne your old town/city could seem a bit provincial. On the other hand, nowhere is very far away in the UK so I doubt you would feel as isolated as I do in Perth.

 

When you say "home" do you see Melbourne or the UK? It's UK for me and so even though it seemed right for me when we cane back, I think of home everyday & really regret our rushed decision.

 

I understand your situation Wintry woman. We moved to Perth for 18 months. Had a baby there but due to family bereavements and missing family not having help or friends even though we tried etc that network we moved back to the UK. One year on, even though Perth was so so lonely I find myself really really missing it. Strange I know. But now I am home it's not how it was. People, friends move on. You also change as well. Think very carefully. I think we regret moving back to UK but not got the heart to move back and upset all again. Scared we will move back and then miss UK again.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I understand your situation Wintry woman. We moved to Perth for 18 months. Had a baby there but due to family bereavements and missing family not having help or friends even though we tried etc that network we moved back to the UK. One year on, even though Perth was so so lonely I find myself really really missing it. Strange I know. But now I am home it's not how it was. People, friends move on. You also change as well. Think very carefully. I think we regret moving back to UK but not got the heart to move back and upset all again. Scared we will move back and then miss UK again.

 

Thats the curse of the expat unfortunately you will probably never feel right in either country when your in one you will always want to be in the other. You need to move on and try to except things as they are.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Kiki,

I must say it's heartening to read that other people like you and Alex have had a similar experience to us. My partner and I are 37 and 35 and have been here nearly five years. We have great jobs, a lovely (albeit extortionate!) rented home in a nice area but we feel that our life is lacking good friendships. We've met so many people since we moved here, and like you say we've really made an effort to make friends but seem to have not met many like minded people and between us have a handful of friends spending the majority of our weekend's just the two of us which can feel lonely.

 

We discuss endlessly moving back versus staying here. Our quality of life is so much better here fiscally and job wise but I worry that my 30's are passing me by without the warmth of good friendships. Our decision at the moment is to return for a holiday next summer and probably move back two years from then.

 

Good luck with your decision, it's not easy! :)

 

Lucylou

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×