Any think they made a big mistake moving back?

[simmo]

I think the expectation is that I won't go, I have said several times it's highly unlikely, in fact at the moment there's about a 10% chance I will get there, 3 out of 4 of us don't want to go, so how it will turn around in favour of going I don't know, but there's well over a year of our visa left, so you never know. I have a great standard of living here in the UK, its a great country, so it won't be the end of the world, but I will be gutted like I have said if we don't give it ago.

That;s tough! so it's just you that wants to live to live in Aus. Just wondering if your family read your posts on PIO or do you keep it private.

If I where you I would forget about moving to aus and focus on enjoying family life in the UK. Lots of nice places in the UK to live, parts of the SE have surprisingly low rainfall:wink:.

You have also posted about your love of Spain so why not get a holiday apartment? its a buyers market and only a short hop on a plane...

I really don't mean this maliciously but isn't it time to move on?

[Incata]

I find the guilt dreadful. The 4 year old was in tears on Skype last night to his Grandma and she was only just managing to contain her tears. There is nothing for us in the UK, apart from them, but I am starting to wonder whether we did the right thing in coming. I got asked the direct question by my Gran last night and my answer was, "I don't know". My husband is happy in his job and seems to be doing well. The kids generally seem happy but I cannot seem to sort myself out with work, which means I am finding it very difficult. I can't even phone my best mate in the evening to complain about it :mad: I think the little one only gets upset about missing his Gran when he is tired, but I don't half feel awful, even though it was a joint decision between my husband and I. He could not care less. He says we did what was best for us and the kids, which we did, but it does not mean I don't feel guilty for the pain we have caused.

 

If we had the option to go to Canada now, I would be gone like a shot but life doesn't always work out the way you hope.

[ramot]

I find the guilt dreadful. The 4 year old was in tears on Skype last night to his Grandma and she was only just managing to contain her tears. There is nothing for us in the UK, apart from them, but I am starting to wonder whether we did the right thing in coming. I got asked the direct question by my Gran last night and my answer was, "I don't know". My husband is happy in his job and seems to be doing well. The kids generally seem happy but I cannot seem to sort myself out with work, which means I am finding it very difficult. I can't even phone my best mate in the evening to complain about it :mad: I think the little one only gets upset about missing his Gran when he is tired, but I don't half feel awful, even though it was a joint decision between my husband and I. He could not care less. He says we did what was best for us and the kids, which we did, but it does not mean I don't feel guilty for the pain we have caused.

 

If we had the option to go to Canada now, I would be gone like a shot but life doesn't always work out the way you hope.

 

 

 

Oh you poor thing, I really feel for you. We did the unusual and we retired to Oz leaving all our three in UK, but had moved all our married life from being in the services and then expats, so are very independent. We regularly Skype our only 2 grandchildren in UK age 3 and 5, but honestly no one is upset by the calls. The little ones have a great time telling us all their news, showing their toys and occasionally let us read a quick story to them. Our main concern was that they didn't confuse us with the tele tubbies!

try to get your their grandma to (sorry no intention of being rude) to lighten up if possible. I open my arms up wide and ask the 2 littlies to do the same and we have a long distance hug!! Sounds daft but it works. I love chatting to them, they come and go in and out of their lounge, they are never forced to stay if they want to do something else, it's abnormally normal if that makes sense.

i do hope you feel better soon, from my experience men react very differently to us women, after 43 years of marriage my husband still doesn't understand my more emotional reactions. Hope you find a job soon or even better some friends who know how you are feeling.

so I'll send you a virtual hug in the mean time.

[yorkshire rose]

Thank you for your reply Jen it will honestly help with the guilt. Like you say the decisions we make now have an impact later in life .... just hope its the right one x

[Guest]

I think the expectation is that I won't go, I have said several times it's highly unlikely, in fact at the moment there's about a 10% chance I will get there, 3 out of 4 of us don't want to go, so how it will turn around in favour of going I don't know, but there's well over a year of our visa left, so you never know. I have a great standard of living here in the UK, its a great country, so it won't be the end of the world, but I will be gutted like I have said if we don't give it ago.

 

Sorry to read that Jim as I think you'd be really happy over here. Can I ask why the rest of the family are reluctant to commit?

[jen85]

Thank you for your reply Jen it will honestly help with the guilt. Like you say the decisions we make now have an impact later in life .... just hope its the right one x

 

No probs you can only do what you think is right at the time, you don't want to live with regrets however family are very important you can never get that time back once they are gone. Can you move closer to the family perhaps?

[Incata]

Oh you poor thing, I really feel for you. We did the unusual and we retired to Oz leaving all our three in UK, but had moved all our married life from being in the services and then expats, so are very independent. We regularly Skype our only 2 grandchildren in UK age 3 and 5, but honestly no one is upset by the calls. The little ones have a great time telling us all their news, showing their toys and occasionally let us read a quick story to them. Our main concern was that they didn't confuse us with the tele tubbies!

try to get your their grandma to (sorry no intention of being rude) to lighten up if possible. I open my arms up wide and ask the 2 littlies to do the same and we have a long distance hug!! Sounds daft but it works. I love chatting to them, they come and go in and out of their lounge, they are never forced to stay if they want to do something else, it's abnormally normal if that makes sense.

i do hope you feel better soon, from my experience men react very differently to us women, after 43 years of marriage my husband still doesn't understand my more emotional reactions. Hope you find a job soon or even better some friends who know how you are feeling.

so I'll send you a virtual hug in the mean time.

 

Thank you. Virtual hug appreciated. It was my 90 year old grandma who asked me the question rather than my mother in law (who would not dare!). My Gran wasn't being malicious in any way, she was just curious. I speak to her just as much since I got here as I did when I was at home. She is delighted that we are together as a family and that my husband has got a decent job outside the military and she would support us no matter what we decided to do. It was just a shock to me when I could not answer her question. I think it is one of those questions that will be answered through time and experience rather than anything else.

[ramot]

Thank you. Virtual hug appreciated. It was my 90 year old grandma who asked me the question rather than my mother in law (who would not dare!). My Gran wasn't being malicious in any way, she was just curious. I speak to her just as much since I got here as I did when I was at home. She is delighted that we are together as a family and that my husband has got a decent job outside the military and she would support us no matter what we decided to do. It was just a shock to me when I could not answer her question. I think it is one of those questions that will be answered through time and experience rather than anything else.

 

 

We ex service wives have to stick together! Even though I had moved round lots, it took me well over 18 months to feel settled here, you certainly miss the support of service or expat life when you leave it. Take care and take each day as it comes. If you post on PIO there are always people who know how you are feeling, it does help.

[yorkshire rose]

No probs you can only do what you think is right at the time, you don't want to live with regrets however family are very important you can never get that time back once they are gone. Can you move closer to the family perhaps?

I have lived in the pockets of my family before and it doesnt really work, i think its more that as we have become older we all lead different lifestyles and it sometimes can clash. (as most familes) health issues have made me realise that i do love my family but my hubby and kids should come first and if im honest i believe i was trying to please everyone in the past. (we only live once)

[Petals]

Reading through the threads "guilt"comes a lot. As an older person with grown children I for one would be very upset if they felt guilt for getting on with their lives wherever they are. As a parent all I want is for my children to have a happy life, enough food on the table, stable home, children if they come and do what we have all done down the generations. These days we do not think of ourselves as old, baby boomers never will, mum doesn't never has and she is 94 living alone and that is why because she was an independent person who lives every day of her life for the day and therefore she has plenty of them.

 

Stop the guilt for goodness sake, who as a parent wants a child to come and live near us just because they feel guilt, guilt is not love. These days we become too old ourselves to look after aged parents if they live a long time, we have our own problems with health etc. Do we get the grand kids in and the great grand kids, no, we have paid our taxes and we get help from others who are trained to give it without guilt.

 

So please the family unit mum dad and the kids is what its all about we live with them day in day out and children are only on loan to parents. Its nature.

[ramot]

Reading through the threads "guilt"comes a lot. As an older person with grown children I for one would be very upset if they felt guilt for getting on with their lives wherever they are. As a parent all I want is for my children to have a happy life, enough food on the table, stable home, children if they come and do what we have all done down the generations. These days we do not think of ourselves as old, baby boomers never will, mum doesn't never has and she is 94 living alone and that is why because she was an independent person who lives every day of her life for the day and therefore she has plenty of them.

 

Stop the guilt for goodness sake, who as a parent wants a child to come and live near us just because they feel guilt, guilt is not love. These days we become too old ourselves to look after aged parents if they live a long time, we have our own problems with health etc. Do we get the grand kids in and the great grand kids, no, we have paid our taxes and we get help from others who are trained to give it without guilt.

 

So please the family unit mum dad and the kids is what its all about we live with them day in day out and children are only on loan to parents. Its nature.

 

Petals I totally agree with you. I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me, because as one of the older members (age not membership) yes almost 70!!!! Why on earth would I expect my children to move near me for any reason other than it is what they want to do, and definitely not from any feeling of guilt. As I have posted before we retired to Oz from Asia with no family here, because this is our life choice, all our 3 were in UK. As it has turned out 2 are now also in Oz, but that wasn't in the picture when we came, and there is no guarantee either will stay, or even us. Let us worry about the future and make our own decisions of where to live and not put any pressure on our children. We have lots of friends well into their 80's living full active lives with family scattered all over Oz and the world. If you want to move back to UK to be closer to your parents it's your choice and probably only part of the picture, but please don't do it just out of guilt, some of us are pretty independent.

I'm not criticizing anyone who devotes time to sick parents, but I have seen the strain it can put on families with children, I hope I would have the courage to move nearer my family if and when it is needed or make other plans rather than expect them to uproot themselves.

[Quoll]

I'm an oldie too and would never expect my kids to move close to me to look after me in my dotage and neither did my parents but the fact that we did move here to support them was our choice and it suited me down to the ground - excellent excuse you might say! I would never have expected them to uproot themselves from their lives to chase me around the world either. I think it actually came as a real shock to them when the wheels fell off their wagon - they'd been doing very nicely for nearly 90 years! I'm sure that had we not decided to stay they would have done something else but this way is the best of both worlds. It's not easy though, we all have to make compromises

[kungfustu]

On reflection no....although had you asked me 10 years ago I would have very much been in the wannabe's camp slating everything that was British....fortunately we had the opportunity to live and experience Australia and although I was never a hater....it was definitely not for me long term and didn't take very long for all of us to realise this.....fortunately for me my wife is very easy going and felt the same.....the kids were young, eldest was 7/8 so we stuck it out for 3 years, had some fun, made the most of the opportunity we had battled so hard to achieve and came home firmly in the knowledge that the UK was actually quite a great country....never looked back and life is now great....it has added so many positives in our lives....what was a fragile relationship with the outlaws has blossomed into a friendly and loving one and I now appreciate what a great place this really is and I don't think you can do that until you have actually lived somewhere else like Australia.

Edited August 19, 2013 by kungfustu

[yorkshire rose]

HI Petals

I never once thought how I would feel if my children stayed around because they felt guilty .... looking at is from this point will be a good come back when my mum is asking us not to go. My children will have a great start at life in oz and this is my last chance to give it to them. Thanks for your thread it will also help when Im leaving my 19 year old son on his own for a year until he can join us. You are so right x this is nature.

[Conniebygaslight]

We made the move to Oz in the first place to be near family my husband is Australian and all his family live there-we have 3 young children. We have no family in the UK (that bother), but when we got to Oz we realised that the only thing we enjoyed was the family, our life in the UK was so much better. We moved back under a year and have no regrets at all, we miss the Oz family dreadfully and they were really upset when we returned and that continues to be hard. But 3 years on we still feel that as a family the UK is best for us by far.