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Wishful

How do you live your life in two countries ????

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I had a break from Poms IN aus and now Im back , despite all the arguing that goes on here. I find no one else really knows how I am feeling.

If it helps someone here is my story , moved here in 1986 with parents and brother , I was dragged kicking and screaming I didnt want to come ...... when I was 17. For the last 20 or so years have yearned to go back to UK , Have 2 children born here am divorced from their dad and re-married an english man. Cannot go back right now as kids here ( they are 13 and 15 ). My mum and dad are now going back for four months to see if they want to live there. I truly dont know what to do I actually like/love Australia but England is where my heart is and I dont want to grow old here and have regrets but then there are my children who are my life as well ...... Has anyone else had this situaaion and how has it/is it been resolved good or bad , has anyone managed to live in both countries ( and not won lottery ) ........... thank you x

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It won't be too many years before your children are independent and you will be free to move. What's to say they won't be off to another country then? I guess you'll be about 50 by that time...so plenty of time to grow old in another country.

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It won't be too many years before your children are independent and you will be free to move. What's to say they won't be off to another country then? I guess you'll be about 50 by that time...so plenty of time to grow old in another country.

 

Hi Skani, Yes but its not that simple really , as they will still need me and they will get married have kids etc etc...... and I think the guilt of leaving them would be toomuch

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when we came here 7 months ago we left our 20 year son in the uk ( his choice ) but the the hurt of leaving him behind and missing him so much has us in doubt of staying him and the rest of our family, i really feel for you hope you can find a way for you all to be happy, we have we are going home

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Hi Skani, Yes but its not that simple really , as they will still need me and they will get married have kids etc etc...... and I think the guilt of leaving them would be toomuch

 

But they may move to the UK or Europe (and feel guilty about leaving you) ...or some other scenario you haven't thought of. Life has a way of throwing up all sorts of unexpected surprises.

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Hi Michelle,

 

Yes thats how I know I would feel , I better keep playing lotto. I have though I will open up a UK account . You said an important thing though you are going " home" this is not my home and believe me I have REALLY REALLY tried ...... I love my kids so much so I dont know what to do. My husband loves it here and has a job he loves so I dont know what the answer is x

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But they may move to the UK or Europe (and feel guilty about leaving you) ...or some other scenario you haven't thought of. Life has a way of throwing up all sorts of unexpected surprises.

 

I know Skani and I have not thrown the towel in I cant ....... Just as they got older I thought it would be easier but they have their own minds which is annoying !!! (LOL)

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Why can't you take your kids now?

 

I am not married to their father and there is a court order inplace with access. I would be arrested in UK and sent back. After they turn 16 the Hague convention doesnot apply and so if they wanted to at that point we could do that but I am 90% sure they wont want to and as I was brought here against my will ( all be it well meaning ) I owuld not do the same to them.

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I had a break from Poms IN aus and now Im back , despite all the arguing that goes on here. I find no one else really knows how I am feeling.

If it helps someone here is my story , moved here in 1986 with parents and brother , I was dragged kicking and screaming I didnt want to come ...... when I was 17. For the last 20 or so years have yearned to go back to UK , Have 2 children born here am divorced from their dad and re-married an english man. Cannot go back right now as kids here ( they are 13 and 15 ). My mum and dad are now going back for four months to see if they want to live there. I truly dont know what to do I actually like/love Australia but England is where my heart is and I dont want to grow old here and have regrets but then there are my children who are my life as well ...... Has anyone else had this situaaion and how has it/is it been resolved good or bad , has anyone managed to live in both countries ( and not won lottery ) ........... thank you x

 

Hi wishful , just to share (briefly) our experience. We returned to the UK last year, I was the driving force, missed family etc. Our kids went along with it, as kids do, but, not long after arriving they started asking 'when are we going home'. My youngest and hubby struggled the most, my eldest tried his best to fit in via sports clubs etc. The months that past saw a real change in my children, once energetic, happy go lucky kids where staying in, not making many friends ( a few ). So as a family we decided to return to OZ. The kids are thriving, so happy and as if it never happened. Me , I long to go back, but my kids are my life , so I will make OZ my home , save and have trips back as often as I can afford. This is my experience, others may find their kids fit straight back into UK life. Hope you find a answer x

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Thank you Sunni,

 

for me money really is the answer , I know money does not buy happiness in all situations but in this it would , If I could go back every year for a period of time ( prob at least a month or two ) I think this would help. But in the end I am one of four people and at the moment this is where I have to be. The kids will both have finished school in four years and they have a good relationship with their dad and family so maybe it will be an option. My plan and I have told them is that when they finish school we all go over for three months and just see and take it form there whether this will happen I dont know. x

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Hi Wishful,

I know, this thread has been posted a long time ago. I stumbled across it because I googled "how to live in two countries" 🙂  I'm constantly thinking of how to make it happen... We moved from Switzerland to the US 3 years ago (my husband is American but I was the one initiating it, because I needed a change). Now the kids are well adjusted, have their sports and friends, and I guess we are well settled in as a family. The only problem is that I miss my family and friends from back home. Moving back is not an option as my oldest son's dream is to be a football player and there's no such thing as professional football in Switzerland. I wouldn't want for them to have to say good-bye to everything they know a second time after emigrating here in 2017. A good solution might be to spend 10 weeks in Switzerland during summer break and 3 weeks over Christmas. That way I might feel I still get to see my friends and family a good amount of time. I'm just trying to figure out how I can make this work. I'm self-employed, teaching German online so it's totally possible to do this from anywhere in the world. Maybe I just haven't had the courage to do it yet and need to force myself to at least try it out... 

How are you guys doing? Did you end up moving back or are you still in Australia?

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1 hour ago, SwissMiss said:

A good solution might be to spend 10 weeks in Switzerland during summer break and 3 weeks over Christmas. That way I might feel I still get to see my friends and family a good amount of time.

That sounds like a good plan.  In fact, you may find you see more of your family and friends that way, than if you lived there full-time.  The only snag is where you will live while you're in Switzerland.   13 weeks is a long time - would family members be willing to accommodate you every single year?   If not, holiday accommodation in Switzerland is very expensive.  

Could you afford to buy a studio flat?  You could rent it out when you're not using it, perhaps?


Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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1 hour ago, SwissMiss said:

Moving back is not an option as my oldest son's dream is to be a football player and there's no such thing as professional football in Switzerland.

By football I assume you mean soccer.   There may be no professional soccer in Switzerland, but you're surrounded by countries that have excellent professional football teams. 

Australia is a backwater in soccer terms. Most would-be Australian soccer players are praying to be "discovered" by a scout from one of the European or British clubs. If your son isn't that talented, then he might stay in Australia and have a modest career as a player in the local derbys.  But if he's really talented, then it's likely he'll be off to Europe or the UK or the US at the age of 15 or 16 while you're stuck in Australia.


Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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8 minutes ago, Marisawright said:

By football I assume you mean soccer.   There may be no professional soccer in Switzerland, but you're surrounded by countries that have excellent professional football teams. 

Australia is a backwater in soccer terms. Most would-be Australian soccer players are praying to be "discovered" by a scout from one of the European or British clubs. If your son isn't that talented, then he might stay in Australia and have a modest career as a player in the local derbys.  But if he's really talented, then it's likely he'll be off to Europe or the UK or the US at the age of 15 or 16 while you're stuck in Australia.

The poster is in the USA.  I don't know whether she means soccer or American football.

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5 minutes ago, Toots said:

The poster is in the USA.  I don't know whether she means soccer or American football.

Oops, so she is.  I must have missed that part - I expected the poster to be in Australia since she was posting in this forum.

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Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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On 05/04/2013 at 04:07, Wishful said:

I had a break from Poms IN aus and now Im back , despite all the arguing that goes on here. I find no one else really knows how I am feeling.

If it helps someone here is my story , moved here in 1986 with parents and brother , I was dragged kicking and screaming I didnt want to come ...... when I was 17. For the last 20 or so years have yearned to go back to UK , Have 2 children born here am divorced from their dad and re-married an english man. Cannot go back right now as kids here ( they are 13 and 15 ). My mum and dad are now going back for four months to see if they want to live there. I truly dont know what to do I actually like/love Australia but England is where my heart is and I dont want to grow old here and have regrets but then there are my children who are my life as well ...... Has anyone else had this situaaion and how has it/is it been resolved good or bad , has anyone managed to live in both countries ( and not won lottery ) ........... thank you x

Have I had that situation 😀😀😀 absolutely. 

20+ years , 3 out of 4 parents gone - my wifes sister and auntie both gone ,and my wife ,especially shouldered the lot faced it head on .

We have been hammered financially and materially since we came back - in life's tumble dryer,  I call it .

Am I glad I did it - through all of that 

Absolutely - I sleep very well at night .

This is where I belong - for all its faults .

You will know when you arrive back - you will either think " sod this " or " for all its faults , I bloody love it ".

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BUT I DONT FEEL AFRAID

AS LONG AS I GAZE AT

WATERLOO SUNSET

IAM IN PARADISE

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On 24/04/2020 at 02:03, Marisawright said:

By football I assume you mean soccer.   There may be no professional soccer in Switzerland, but you're surrounded by countries that have excellent professional football teams. 

Australia is a backwater in soccer terms. Most would-be Australian soccer players are praying to be "discovered" by a scout from one of the European or British clubs. If your son isn't that talented, then he might stay in Australia and have a modest career as a player in the local derbys.  But if he's really talented, then it's likely he'll be off to Europe or the UK or the US at the age of 15 or 16 while you're stuck in Australia.

Off course there is professional football in switzerland 

Basel and grasshoppers from Zurich are often in the European club competitions .

 


BUT I DONT FEEL AFRAID

AS LONG AS I GAZE AT

WATERLOO SUNSET

IAM IN PARADISE

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