Gadgetboy Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Hi. I have recently emigrated, 3 months ago, but already have the gut feeling that I am not happy here and want to return to the uk. We wont be able to do it for a while as we have now used up all our savings so will have to save up but I just know I cant stay here forever. I miss my family and friends and just the familiarity of everything. What worries me is we already have things like car finance for the next 4 years, phone contract and rental lease, how do we return to the uk with those sorts of ties and how do we find somewhere to live and work in the uk again, do they do short term rentals like they do here? Im so worried that we will be stuck here now as it took us so long to get out here and now really wish we had never made the move. This is just my opinion and im ready for the negative comments and being told to give it time, well I will be as we wont be able to plan anything soon so at least when it gets to the point to get the ball rolling I may of changed my mind but I really dont think I will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimsdu Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Where are you? And are you working? Are you a family? How do they feel about the move? Hang in there and yeah give it time it will get better... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest16631 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 ...........I guess for now you can just try to look at where your at differently................a break from the uk as opposed to a move away from............and get the most out of it............build some good memories.............it's part of what will help make you and yours.........it's difficult when you miss someone and something..............familiar things as you say..............so for now perhaps seek out the different.............enjoy the diverse ,sorry I cannot help with the practicalities...............but I hope you find some positive experiences for you and yours while you are here...................good luck to you..........tink x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoo2Victoria Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Where have you emigrated too and what is it exactly that you don't like?? We arrived 9 weeks ago and live in Melbourne. It has taken time for not only myself, but My OH at work and both our girls to adjust (especially at School) to the way of life here. I must say I am not homesick though but can understand when people do become homesick. Tell a lie I had a cry on Christmas Day. Do you work or are you stuck at home all day? What about writing on a sheet of paper all the reasons why you wanted to move to Australia and what are the reasons why you want to move back to the UK. That may help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gadgetboy Posted January 10, 2013 Author Share Posted January 10, 2013 Hi. We are in Perth and my husband works and we have a lovely house. I am very homesick and at the moment I realise that not everything was bad in the uk afterall. I ask myself why did I want to come here in the first place well weather was a big thing but at the moment I just cant handle being so far away from what I have been used to and I know that we had to come here to try it otherwise would have regretted it but now we are here I just have that gut feeling. I was so obsessed and focused on getting here for the number of years it took that I did not focus on what was important and what was lacking in the uk that I could have changed. I guess it is difficult to explain to people who dont know me and why I feel like this so early on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fourcorners Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Are you able to save money whilst working here? If so, figure out how long it will take to pay off your car (we shortened our contract from 2 years to 1 year once we figured out how much we could pay off per month). Also figure out, on top of that, how long it will take to save enough to move home and be reasonably comfortable. Once you have a time frame in mind, add 6 months to a year to that. So that might be 3 or 4 years, which sounds a lot, but it isn't in the grand scheme of things. See it as a short term commitment to Australia, and make intentions to enjoy it as much as you can and see this corner of the world before you go home. That's what we're doing, on our second stint in Oz and I knew before we even arrived this time that I didn't want to live here forever. We see it as a way of saving more than we could in the UK and travel around this area which is much more inaccessible from the UK. We're currently planning a 3 week holiday to New Zealand for April. If you view your situation as temporary, and give yourself a time frame to work to, then you won't feel stuck. This mindset works very well for us. Yes we miss family and friends but it gives them all an opportunity to come and visit, and the UK will always be there when you do finally return. You'll feel like you've just completed an adventure and have lots of happy memories from your time here. Just focus, make some plans, and you'll be fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZULU Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Its certainly not for everyone GB. We arrived in Adelaide in July, and i know theres skype and all that, but you just cant beat giving your old mom & dad a hug & kiss. If you look at this as a mistake it is always going to feel bad, i try and think about the positives, stuff like never having to scrape 3mm of ice off my windscreen in the dark freezing mornings, bragging about endless BBQ's to my friends back home. Dont think you can renaige on the loans, i think your credit history might follow you back. Had the 'UK blues' about 3 mths in, but really starting to settle and love it here now. Hope this helps! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fifi69 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Im still in the "settling in" period. Most days i really enjoy being here, but then i have the odd spell of feeling down and just wanting the familarlity of my UK life back. Those days are made worse because of feeling trapped by lack of cash to get back if we wanted too, but even if we did go back, how would we survive in the UK without jobs, a place to live, no money etc. It def isnt for everyone and even if your 100% sure about coming here, you wont know how it will affect you til once you arrive. In an ideal world it would have been nice to have come to Oz while leaving a "just in case" fund back in the UK because even just knowing that it was there, wether it was touched or not would make it feel a bit easier. I hope you manage to get things sorted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Hi. I have recently emigrated, 3 months ago, but already have the gut feeling that I am not happy here and want to return to the uk. We wont be able to do it for a while as we have now used up all our savings so will have to save up but I just know I cant stay here forever. I miss my family and friends and just the familiarity of everything. What worries me is we already have things like car finance for the next 4 years, phone contract and rental lease, how do we return to the uk with those sorts of ties and how do we find somewhere to live and work in the uk again, do they do short term rentals like they do here? Im so worried that we will be stuck here now as it took us so long to get out here and now really wish we had never made the move. This is just my opinion and im ready for the negative comments and being told to give it time, well I will be as we wont be able to plan anything soon so at least when it gets to the point to get the ball rolling I may of changed my mind but I really dont think I will. If your serious about going back the car can be sold and the finance repaid, phone contract cancelled and not paid and the lease can be sorted. You wouldn't lose much. To me it sounds like your hubby is working, you might be stuck in the house not knowing anyone to have a natter with and don't know where to go to entertain yourself. As you say you are just missing the familiarity but you've only been here 3 months. Do you have kids? That can be another worry and a drain on you emotionally as they must be feeling a bit strange about the move and probably lay their worries on you too. If you do have kids that can be a way to meet people, through the kids school, playgroups, sporting clubs etc. Have you tried looking in the local papers to see if there are any groups that meet on a regular basis that might get you out and meeting people? Have you thought about joining some sort of club with your hubby maybe to get you out together and enjoy the things you couldn't do in the UK, doesn't have to be expensive, even making the effort to just go for a walk at the beach in the morning or evening. Watch the sun go down over a pint and a wine at Hillary's. If you are into sport their are leisure centres all lover the place. 50m outdoor pools not too far away wherever you live. Get into swimming or going to the gym, just something to get you out of the house. Get a bike and go and have a ride on the many bike paths around. It's not going to get any better if you just resign yourself to the feeling that you aren't going to enjoy it here and sit in the house all day, thinking about how long you can spend on skype or facetime. Get out there and at least you'll have something to tell the rellies next time you facetime them. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Somgirl Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Hiya, I've sent you a private message. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skani Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Hi. I have recently emigrated, 3 months ago, but already have the gut feeling that I am not happy here and want to return to the uk. The 3 months point seems to be particularly difficult judging by similar posts I have read on PIO. I was told by grief counsellors that the fifth week after a loved one's death is particularly difficult because, for the first 4 weeks, there is a lot of adrenaline surging through the body. That disappears around week 5 and the realities of facing a whole new life really set in. Some people seem to experience a similar grief process in emigrating. Once the initial adrenaline wears off the realities of coping in a foreign environment where everything is unfamiliar can seem overwhelming. Have you met up with any other British expats? They, at least, can offer some reassurance and help through this down time, irrespective of whether you eventually stay or go. All the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gadgetboy Posted January 10, 2013 Author Share Posted January 10, 2013 Hi. Yes I do get out and about, certainly not stuck in the house, I have 2 children under school age so they are with me all the time. I have met up with other people in the same situation although they are all loving it and none feel the same as me hence not wanting to talk about that with them as dont feel it is fair to bring other people down. I think im just looking to hear from people who are also making the move too and the practicalities of it, I just want to have a plan in my head at least as to how it can be possible. You are right the adrenaline has gone, I didnt expect to feel this way but there must be a reason for it. I keep thinking I am a strong person, deal with change etc but at the moment I feel this is just a step too far for me. The only reason I wasnt happy in the uk was because was so focused on just getting here, totally ignoring what I already had in the UK and what I now miss incredibly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Hi. Yes I do get out and about, certainly not stuck in the house, I have 2 children under school age so they are with me all the time. I have met up with other people in the same situation although they are all loving it and none feel the same as me hence not wanting to talk about that with them as dont feel it is fair to bring other people down. I think im just looking to hear from people who are also making the move too and the practicalities of it, I just want to have a plan in my head at least as to how it can be possible. You are right the adrenaline has gone, I didnt expect to feel this way but there must be a reason for it. I keep thinking I am a strong person, deal with change etc but at the moment I feel this is just a step too far for me. The only reason I wasnt happy in the uk was because was so focused on just getting here, totally ignoring what I already had in the UK and what I now miss incredibly. It's going to be harder with 2 kids under school age. Limits what you can do wherever you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spherian Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 If your serious about going back the car can be sold and the finance repaid, phone contract cancelled and not paid and the lease can be sorted. You wouldn't lose much. To me it sounds like your hubby is working, you might be stuck in the house not knowing anyone to have a natter with and don't know where to go to entertain yourself. As you say you are just missing the familiarity but you've only been here 3 months. Do you have kids? That can be another worry and a drain on you emotionally as they must be feeling a bit strange about the move and probably lay their worries on you too. If you do have kids that can be a way to meet people, through the kids school, playgroups, sporting clubs etc. Have you tried looking in the local papers to see if there are any groups that meet on a regular basis that might get you out and meeting people? Have you thought about joining some sort of club with your hubby maybe to get you out together and enjoy the things you couldn't do in the UK, doesn't have to be expensive, even making the effort to just go for a walk at the beach in the morning or evening. Watch the sun go down over a pint and a wine at Hillary's. If you are into sport their are leisure centres all lover the place. 50m outdoor pools not too far away wherever you live. Get into swimming or going to the gym, just something to get you out of the house. Get a bike and go and have a ride on the many bike paths around. It's not going to get any better if you just resign yourself to the feeling that you aren't going to enjoy it here and sit in the house all day, thinking about how long you can spend on skype or facetime. Get out there and at least you'll have something to tell the rellies next time you facetime them. Good luck. Sorry but I am going to +1 this - I totally agree this this... Good Luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gadgetboy Posted January 10, 2013 Author Share Posted January 10, 2013 But that isnt why I want to go back to the UK though! Just because I am limited doesnt mean I dont have a life and therefore want to go back to UK. Im pretty sure even if didnt have kids or they were at school I would still feel the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skani Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 I have met up with other people in the same situation although they are all loving it and none feel the same as me hence not wanting to talk about that with them as dont feel it is fair to bring other people down. But how long have they been here? It is possible that they felt exactly the same way at some stage? They may have some strategies for coping which, at least, will make things easier at the moment. There are people who have done a very quick "turn around". If you check back through this forum you will find them. I think tfarrell has just returned after a few months, Ghost a little while back...and there will be others if you search. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HayleyC Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 It's going to be harder with 2 kids under school age. Limits what you can do wherever you are. It is harder in some ways with children but I found having a child helped me meet people a lot I just kept going to children's clubs and slowly I made more friends it takes a while though. I felt really sad after 3 months but got through it by keeping going to these clubs and meeting people. I felt very lonely at times but worked through it. It's so hard when you have that mind frame and keep thinking what you had at home. You'll come round just stick with it and keep making friends. I use to mention I felt a bit home sick if people asked how I was and it really helped. Don't think you'll bring them down as I bet they use to feel the same!! Good luck!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob1 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 As others have said - the three months blues are very common, goggle culture shock and there's lots there. What you feel is very normal and it should pass. Why not aim for a holiday back in the UK at Christmas to give you something to look forward to? It's not as drastic as turning round and going back for good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 But that isnt why I want to go back to the UK though! Just because I am limited doesnt mean I dont have a life and therefore want to go back to UK. Im pretty sure even if didnt have kids or they were at school I would still feel the same. Not from personal experience but from what I've heard having school age kids can indeed be a lifesaver here. I guess one gets to chatting at the school gates and have something in common. Perth isn't for some folk. The sheer sprawling nature of the place and folk keeping much to themselves can appear a little off putting to some. I hope it gets better in your case..but still early days. If it is possible to take advantage of increased economic possiblities(for some) it may ease the way. At least you could possibly return in a better situation financially than arrived....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 I think it is quite possible to know whether a place floats your boat or not after just 3 months and you are probably quite right - you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone. If you can look upon your stay as an adventure episode and its just for now and the future will be elsewhere then it may be easier. Having an escape plan always helps. If you can focus on bolstering your finances ( although with 2 small kids that could be a challenge) it will make you feel like you are working towards your goal - but try not to be the way you were when moving in the other direction ie so focused on moving that you fail to enjoy the here and now. As for all the others you have met who are loving it - don't be so sure. New migrants are usually very reticent to say that things aren't quite right for them either - you'll probably find one or two who go back before you do! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zephyr Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Hi Gadgetboy, I have been in Perth nearly 2 years now and still feel exactly the same way that you describe. I have 17 month old boy who was born just after we arrived and I think that was when the wheels fell off my emigration dream - hadn't factored in to my plan how being a mum would change my outlook on everything! Daft I know. My OH loves it here and my constant urge to move back to the UK has put a lot of strain on our relationship. However we have made a plan to move back to the UK in 6 months time (car finance pending too for us....) and have finally told our folks back in the UK. I have made lots of friends through mums groups, playgroups etc and do feel I have given trying to settle in here 100% I was devastated when the feelings of wanting to go back kicked in because like you we had been planning this for 3 years and never thought for a minute it would be an issue. However some things you just can't plan for.... Now that we have made the decision and 'confirmed it' by telling our folks, I am now going through a different stage - the 'oh no are we doing the right thing? Should we wait a bit longer? Will life really be any better back home?' We will be financially worse off when we get back and no doubt be struggling intially as we'll not have much saved up past what we've managed to save in this next 6 months and most of those savings will be to get us back. So, my advice to you would be to make your plan to go home but really look into the practicalities of your life when you get back and all the while you are doing that it might throw up some alternative strategies for dealing with your time here. You may find doing that makes you appreciate what you already have here. It also might just cement that moving back is the right thing for you. I would certainly take the advice of other posters and use this time to save if you can. I am NOR so if you want to get together pm me :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sapphire Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 No -one knows how they will feel until they arrive.Some go home quickly,others cant for whatever reason and some return after many years here. Theres no right or wrong way. I have watched many on PIO, who I never, ever expected to see return, leave OZ . You know how you feel and whilst that feeling may subside, for many of us it does not, the urge to go,gets greater. Sometimes you keep throwing money at the situtaion, thinking "if I buy a new car/buy a house/get a new fridge" it will seem better, but the more money you throw, the deeper the hole becomes, and you get yourself stuck somehere you dont want to be, because you are so over committed. You may grow to love OZ, but you may not.Make a plan,to go home, and work towards it, and if you suddenly wake up one morning and think "wow I love this place ,I want to stay", well thats great. You have to do whatever is right for you.Life is far too short to be miserable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunshine111 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Hi. I have recently emigrated, 3 months ago, but already have the gut feeling that I am not happy here and want to return to the uk. We wont be able to do it for a while as we have now used up all our savings so will have to save up but I just know I cant stay here forever. I miss my family and friends and just the familiarity of everything. What worries me is we already have things like car finance for the next 4 years, phone contract and rental lease, how do we return to the uk with those sorts of ties and how do we find somewhere to live and work in the uk again, do they do short term rentals like they do here? Im so worried that we will be stuck here now as it took us so long to get out here and now really wish we had never made the move. This is just my opinion and im ready for the negative comments and being told to give it time, well I will be as we wont be able to plan anything soon so at least when it gets to the point to get the ball rolling I may of changed my mind but I really dont think I will. Gut feeling are everything & you have to trust yours. It is true to say 3 months isnt very long but then perhaps some people just know. I wasnt one of them, was away 10 yrs from Uk & arrived newly to Perth from Nz & fell pregnant with my first within a couple of months of arrving. First 3 yrs we were very happy & could never see ourselves going home. Once we had our 2nd, for lots of different reasons we struggled & suddenly we started to question why are we unhappy & are we here for the long term? One of our biggest challenges was, we had a 3&1/2 yr old clearly ready for more than what was available at the time & a baby. Moving anywhere is very challenging with x2 young children under school age. Is a time when you really do need an established network, more so if you have more than x1 child. It take a very long time to settle & build a new life, years really & really does depend on what you gave up in the UK for the move to Oz. Sometimes it takes going away to fully appreciate what you had. Put a plan together, work out how long you can/are willing to stay. Are you in an area where there are other young families? When we made the decision to return (based on gut feeling & that we felt after 10yrs we had achieved & been everywhere we had wanted too) incredible how negative people were whilst we were there. We did do lots of research & made sure that we addressed most of the issues, not saying that others came up that we hadnt allowed for! but bottom line is, the kids are happy & we are starting to find our feet. Had we of listened to some of the doommongers & stayed, I think we would have had regrets & been tied to somewhere we didnt really feel we belonged...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest26012 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 I'm on two minds in answering your thread! It does take time to settle and lots of people will tell you that! However, we didn't come here with children so I cannot speak about it from that point of view! It is natural to miss family, with that i can empathise. You have just done your first Xmas out of the uk, a difficult time. I want to tell you to give it longer because your homesickness may fade? If you go back, at this point, it may be a knee jerk reaction and you may regret it! But no matter what advice you will get on here if you have the opportunity to go back, I think you will. I was in your position many times initially, fortunately, and I say fortunately, because I am happy I stuck with it, I had a husband that persevered with my homesickness but he never once said ok we will go back because I never suggested it! Had I asked to go back he would have gone! I wish you lots of luck in your decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gadgetboy Posted January 11, 2013 Author Share Posted January 11, 2013 Thankyou for your replies. I expected to get a lot of people thinking im crazy. My post was just to get my feelings out as have not been able to tell many people and I feel so much better. The thing is we wont be able to go home anytime soon as said in my post as obviously we would have to save up a lot of money as we have nothing left now so the longer it takes to save money then the longer I have to sort out my feelings. I know myself though and I have a feeling my gut instinct wont change but I will obviously live my life and try and enjoy the experience but at the end of the day the UK is my home and I dont have to stay here if I dont want to. Saving up is not a bad thing so we will either have the money to get a mortgage here or to return to the UK. I have had responses from people who have thought the same thing after only a short period of time and have got plans in place so I know I am not alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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