Dilemma

[tinkerbell13]

My husband left for oz in October and finally found a job the week before Xmas. Me and our 2 boys are still in the uk living with my parents as we rented out our house. The plan was for my husband to get a well paid job and for me not to have to work. I am a teacher and having 2 young children it is hard doing both. Am tired of getting up at 5am marking books getting to school for 8am boys in nursery til 5pm and once boys in bed at 7 doing school work til at least 11pm every night. It's making me ill. I have pneumonia at the moment.

But the job my husband has got wont cover all the bills etc. I have handed in my notice at school and can leave at Easter which is when we would be joining my husband. But am worried about many. My husband is applying for more jobs and I could work part time in the evenings as I don't want to do teaching anymore.

 

My mum has been trying to persuade me not to go because of money and not coping if I am poorly and they r back here.

Everyday I change my mind thinking yes we can do this. My husband has worked so hard to get where he isi don't want it to be for nothing. We have also shipped our things out and cost us a lot of money so I don't know when we would be able to get our things back if my husband returns. But then like today my 4 year old looks up at me sadly and says he misses our house and daddy. Then I feel guilty for putting them through it.

Just don't know what to do for the best. Any advice or am I just being silly with mixed feelings

[Parley]

Well if your husband has gone out already and has found a job, I don't think you should change your mind now.

Whar are you suggesting leave him out there, or say he has to come back because you have changed your mind.

 

I think you are just having some jitters.

[memmymooch]

I don't think you are being silly it's only natural to have mixed feelings about such a big move especially as it hasn't worked out exactly as you planned

[kangaroo.bruce]

You won't get a job teaching anyway, you've got to get your qualifications in Australia first, unless you've already done that, can you i don't know ?

[tinkerbell13]

My husband said he would return at the end of january if he can't get a better paid job but not sure what the job market will be like here. Just not sure what to do for the best and am feeling guilty for putting our children through this whole process. Yet if we don't do it now we never will. Just wanted to bring our boys up somewhere different to what me and my husband had but I think money is going to put a stop to it.

[Rupert]

Well you have already started to make the leap, seems to me like you should go for it now. Perhaps you take a job with fewer hours than you have now once you get there to support the family finances. Australia is an expensive place and many families need two incomes because one is not enough, it doesn't mean it is not worth going.

[VicsBM]

You sound all muddled because you have people you love and want to do the best for everyone.

- The first thing is to think of you and your health. (Happy Mummy = happy family!) Would Australia be better for you, climate-wise? Warm weather, fresh air, space, beaches and hinterland. Even with the same financial circumstances as the UK, at least you have more opportunities to be out and about in decent weather with the kids, rather than stuck indoors, or battling with wellies, etc., or paying extortionate amounts for them to be at play centres.

- The second thing - the children and how they feel. We have just moved here with our two young children and, as all my expat friends kept telling me, they are so adaptable - especially when they're young. They miss their family and friends a bit, of course, but they are making new friends all the time and having so many adventures exploring new places! I think that, as long as they have you and your husband, you can make any place (and any country) a home.

- Thirdly, your Mum. This is the most difficult... How is her health? Is she able to visit every few years? Do you rely on her a lot? Could you manage on your own when you first started out in Oz? Would you be happy with weekly Skype sessions? My Mum died back in 1997, so I didn't have to consider leaving her to come to Oz. It would've made the decision much harder, I admit. However, I have found that, although it is knackering sometimes, I am doing okay on my own! My eldest starts school in a few weeks and I will be home alone with my youngest, whilst Hub is at work. We have just moved to a new home and I trust that I will start to make friends with other Mums and people in the area. If I was poorly, it would be hard, but (to be honest) I haven't had Mum to support me (except in my heart!) for many years and when time have been tough, I have gritted my teeth and got through it. I believe we have so much strength, ability and love to overcome a lot of crap that comes our way - and there is usually someone out there when we most need help.

- Fourthly - don't feel guilty!! If you go for it, think of it as an adventure! Your husband has done brilliantly, getting out there and finding work. Imagine how amazing it could be looking back on this time one day - remembering how you both went for it and grabbed life by the scruff of the neck! The kids will have something to really remember and share as a great story too, whether you stay in Oz for a year or years! (I went to live in Mexico for my Dad's work for a year when I was 13, and I am SO glad I had such a life-enriching, exciting experience.) New environment, new challenges, new people - that's what life is about! :-)

 

Of course, life is also about family and friends, and many of us realise that leaving them behind is very, very hard. BUT.... if you don't do it, will you always wonder "what if?" Family and friends will love you and support you and be there for you, no matter what. And you never know, Australia may be fulll of great friends you just haven't met yet!

 

Good luck with your dilemma. Remember your mental and physical health comes first - the kids will be fine and will adapt, so long as they have you and Daddy as their anchor. :-) Whatever you choose, it will all be okay because, in your unique way, you will make it so. Take care.

[Sammy1]

You won't get a job teaching anyway, you've got to get your qualifications in Australia first, unless you've already done that, can you i don't know ?

 

Lots of UK teachers have come to live and teach in Australia.

 

Have you thought about relief teaching here? It is paid very well and would lessen the pressure on you for a while.

 

What you are feeling is perfectly natural, take it a step at a time. Your husband is in Oz and you must be missing him very much.

 

It could be worth trying it over here for a few months?

 

I am a single parent and survive on one income, it is entirely doable.

 

Good luck and take care.

[Diane1968]

We leave in 6 days and I have gone through all the emotions you have discussed. I think its all part of moving away and starting new. I worry about my 5 year old daughter but I know it will be a better life for her. My husband has a good job to go to and I want to support him , even though it means leaving my mum (not in the best health) and my sister (diagnosed 2 weeks ago with a fatal illness). They both have told me to go as they want my daughter to have a good life. We live in N Ireland and things are not easy here.

Someone wrote on here that Oz is not a prison sentence , you can always return to the UK and they are right , it is only a moon away. Having lost my dad , I know how short life can be and am now of the opinion to GO FOR IT ! Wishing you well and a speedy recovery.

 

 

Di x

[Ali B]

Hi Tinkerbell

VicBM is so right about all this.

Youre sick. Its winter. Its cold grey wet gloomy. You dont have your house. Youre life's possessions are floating on the ocean somewhere. AND your husb is the other side of the world.

Of course your mum would tell you to stay and you are unbelievably vulnerable at the moment.

However you number one obligation is to you kids and husband... We found it very very very tough leaving family but were absolutely convinced coming to Oz would give our kids more opportunities and better schooling. at that time I was teachingin supposedly the best secondary in our home town and I was not happy that that was the best I could offer my own children let alone anyone elses.

 

At the time we were very discontented with teaching (my husb is a tneacher too) I wanted to stop altogether and never step foot in a school again. The teaching salaries are around DOUBLE what UK teachers earn and I was arm twisted by a 'new' Oz friend to apply for a 0.2 post in her school covering one French class.

Tinkerbell, i couldnt believe how WONDERFUL teaching in Oz is. I rediscovered my love of my career again, both of our careers have flourished here. I drive to work happy every day and our kids have loved their schools and have amazing friendships. They have done very well for having been here and have grown up confident and rounded young women.

 

Tinkerbell, you need to examine ALL the reasons you decided to emigrate as a family. Then decide really quickly for all of your sakes whether to look back to the past and carry on doing the same old same old. OR look to the future and make the leap.

 

We had NO PROBS whatsoever registering here. You do need to contact you old uni/s for transcripts of you degree/postgrad study modules and teaching placements with grades (this is a request unis get all the time and they just sent acopy to us no probs even tho we'd studied 1976-80!!!) UK uni courses are compatible with Oz ones for Teacher registration purposes. Each state has its own system. And private school teacher registration is different to public (aka State) school teacher registration. Its quick and painless tho i would recommend you get multiple signed copies of your transcripts to bring to Oz.

 

I think its natural youre worrying. Its wasted energy you could be using to start a fab new life. Encourage your kids and tell them how exciting it'll all be and s tart working out a date for a long visit for your mum.

ps my mum is 94 (!) and has been over for 6 wks for the past four xmasses!!! She loves it here

pps you dont say what your husb does? Or what you each? Or where your husb has settled?

[Jarvl]

My husband left for oz in October and finally found a job the week before Xmas. Me and our 2 boys are still in the uk living with my parents as we rented out our house. The plan was for my husband to get a well paid job and for me not to have to work. I am a teacher and having 2 young children it is hard doing both. Am tired of getting up at 5am marking books getting to school for 8am boys in nursery til 5pm and once boys in bed at 7 doing school work til at least 11pm every night. It's making me ill. I have pneumonia at the moment.

But the job my husband has got wont cover all the bills etc. I have handed in my notice at school and can leave at Easter which is when we would be joining my husband. But am worried about many. My husband is applying for more jobs and I could work part time in the evenings as I don't want to do teaching anymore. ''

 

What type of visa do you have? If you have PR you will probably be entitled to family tax benefit and rent assistance, which will help!

[Ali B]

We leave in 6 days and I have gone through all the emotions you have discussed. I think its all part of moving away and starting new. I worry about my 5 year old daughter but I know it will be a better life for her. My husband has a good job to go to and I want to support him , even though it means leaving my mum (not in the best health) and my sister (diagnosed 2 weeks ago with a fatal illness). They both have told me to go as they want my daughter to have a good life. We live in N Ireland and things are not easy here.

Someone wrote on here that Oz is not a prison sentence , you can always return to the UK and they are right , it is only a moon away. Having lost my dad , I know how short life can be and am now of the opinion to GO FOR IT ! Wishing you well and a speedy recovery.

 

 

Di x

 

Diane, what a wise and grounded lady you are. Worry is part of the emigration package they dont tell you about. Oz is AWESOME for kids and ours blossomed here.

There will always be reasons you could stay. Its the devil you know. Parents and illness are a really tough one. Hhaving lost my dad, and with an elderly mum and very sick inlaws over the last ten years, one thing i know for sure, whether you're here or there it doesnt change how much you love them. I know ppl who live around the corner to family and see them as a chore...

Emirates will get you on the next days flight if you need to get back fast.

Your own life is a precious thing and you cant live it trying to fix everyone else's life but you DO have an obligation to get it as absolutely right for your own children. You have one shot at it.

[tinkerbell13]

Hi Tinkerbell

VicBM is so right about all this.

Youre sick. Its winter. Its cold grey wet gloomy. You dont have your house. Youre life's possessions are floating on the ocean somewhere. AND your husb is the other side of the world.

Of course your mum would tell you to stay and you are unbelievably vulnerable at the moment.

However you number one obligation is to you kids and husband... We found it very very very tough leaving family but were absolutely convinced coming to Oz would give our kids more opportunities and better schooling. at that time I was teachingin supposedly the best secondary in our home town and I was not happy that that was the best I could offer my own children let alone anyone elses.

 

At the time we were very discontented with teaching (my husb is a tneacher too) I wanted to stop altogether and never step foot in a school again. The teaching salaries are around DOUBLE what UK teachers earn and I was arm twisted by a 'new' Oz friend to apply for a 0.2 post in her school covering one French class.

Tinkerbell, i couldnt believe how WONDERFUL teaching in Oz is. I rediscovered my love of my career again, both of our careers have flourished here. I drive to work happy every day and our kids have loved their schools and have amazing friendships. They have done very well for having been here and have grown up confident and rounded young women.

 

Tinkerbell, you need to examine ALL the reasons you decided to emigrate as a family. Then decide really quickly for all of your sakes whether to look back to the past and carry on doing the same old same old. OR look to the future and make the leap.

 

We had NO PROBS whatsoever registering here. You do need to contact you old uni/s for transcripts of you degree/postgrad study modules and teaching placements with grades (this is a request unis get all the time and they just sent acopy to us no probs even tho we'd studied 1976-80!!!) UK uni courses are compatible with Oz ones for Teacher registration purposes. Each state has its own system. And private school teacher registration is different to public (aka State) school teacher registration. Its quick and painless tho i would recommend you get multiple signed copies of your transcripts to bring to Oz.

 

I think its natural youre worrying. Its wasted energy you could be using to start a fab new life. Encourage your kids and tell them how exciting it'll all be and s tart working out a date for a long visit for your mum.

ps my mum is 94 (!) and has been over for 6 wks for the past four xmasses!!! She loves it here

pps you dont say what your husb does? Or what you each? Or where your husb has settled?

 

 

Thank you so much for your positive message. My husband s an insurance manager and he has a job in Sydney but we want to settle in Terrigal which is an hour north. It is right by the sea and a quiet town. Just don't know what to do for the best.

Thanks for your support.

[Rupert]

Thank you so much for your positive message. My husband s an insurance manager and he has a job in Sydney but we want to settle in Terrigal which is an hour north. It is right by the sea and a quiet town. Just don't know what to do for the best.

Thanks for your support.

 

An hour north by car and in good traffic, probably nearer two hours on public transport. Don't do it, is what I am saying, find somewhere closer to Sydney. We can't always live where we want, work can prevent that.

[Ali B]

Thank you so much for your positive message. My husband s an insurance manager and he has a job in Sydney but we want to settle in Terrigal which is an hour north. It is right by the sea and a quiet town. Just don't know what to do for the best.

Thanks for your support.

 

Firstly get better and cocoon yourself. Your kids need you healthy.

Then get into the mindset you're going to give it a go and focus on winding up the job, get the transcripts in case you ned to register in NSW.

I agree with Rupert, look to rent initially in Sydney. Even two hours a day sitting in traffic will be hard. If the roads get snarled up your poor husb will waste up to FOUR HOURS every day.

Oz is FULL of beautiful beaches so you are easily near any number of weekend bolt holes wherever you live. You dont need to lock onto one place. In fact don't. You need to loosen up a bit and think outside the box. Anything is possible. When we arrived here we booked ourselves into a holiday apartment for four weeks and then went hammer and tong looking for rental property in three/ four possible suburbs. We rented for a couple of years before deciding to buy and commit permanently to Oz. Take your time but keep focussed on the end goal. And def not Terrigal! Too far out.

[Parley]

I know someone who lives in North Avoca and drives to Sydney each day. You wouldn't use public transport for that commute I don't think.

It is beautiful up there.

[Tuosist]

Hi TINKERBELL13

 

I followed your posts prior to xmas. Obviously your husband found somewhere to stay and a job!

 

December and January is rarely a good time to find an optimal job in Oz. Most companies don't start hiring until later in Jan and Feb. So I don't think your husband should throw in the towel until he has been through February and March at least.

 

He is going to need your positive support and encouragement whilst separated. If you end up spending all your discussion time wondering if you are doing the right thing you will spoil your chances before you begin!

 

The insurance world is a small place. Once he is in it, he can start making contacts and networking for a better job. This just takes time. He should use any UK work connections he has within the insurance market for contacts in Oz. There seems a lot of insurance manager jobs advertised on seek.com.au

 

Is your husband in some kind of niche insurance role that is making it difficult to get a suited job?

 

Terrigal is a long commute to the CBD and you would hardly see your husband plus the fuel costs / vehicle wear and tear and tolls are to be considered.

 

The other thing to consider...would you be happy move elsewhere?

 

Newcastle has fantastic beaches, great train links to Sydney for days out and it would not be much farther for your goods to be shipped. Employers Mutual are recruiting in Newcastle...(workers comp)

 

I would follow ALIB's advice, rent somewhere affordable closer to where your husband is likely to be working, I presume most of the insurers are based in the CBD or just across the harbour bridge. Even for the first 6 months rent something small until you all have a better idea of where you want to live and living costs. Some city workers take mopeds to work, efficient and cheap.

 

Part-time teaching may be a wonderful opportunity for you to make new friends?

 

Good luck

[Cal2]

my friend tutors after school hours to fit in with her husbands work and child care, she also works Saturdays tutoring the pays decent and although it means one day less together it never does the children any harm to be looked after by dad for a day, mine prefer it, although not much else gets done!

[Janie101]

What type of visa do you have? If you have PR you will probably be entitled to family tax benefit and rent assistance, which will help!

 

Yes. If you are a permanent resident, you will be entitled to Family Assistance. I could find you the link to the estimator if you need it?

[nic1171]

Lots of UK teachers have come to live and teach in Australia.

 

Have you thought about relief teaching here? It is paid very well and would lessen the pressure on you for a while.

 

What you are feeling is perfectly natural, take it a step at a time. Your husband is in Oz and you must be missing him very much.

 

It could be worth trying it over here for a few months?

 

I am a single parent and survive on one income, it is entirely doable.

 

Good luck and take care.

 

I dont 'like' that you are a single parent but I like the fact its doable on one income as Im coming over as a single parent!

[blossom]

Yes. If you are a permanent resident, you will be entitled to Family Assistance. I could find you the link to the estimator if you need it?

She said that her hubbie was going to return at the end of January if he hasn't found a better job. It is February now so I'm guessing this could be a bit redundant, although an update would be great.

[craigyboy]

My husband left for oz in October and finally found a job the week before Xmas. Me and our 2 boys are still in the uk living with my parents as we rented out our house. The plan was for my husband to get a well paid job and for me not to have to work. I am a teacher and having 2 young children it is hard doing both. Am tired of getting up at 5am marking books getting to school for 8am boys in nursery til 5pm and once boys in bed at 7 doing school work til at least 11pm every night. It's making me ill. I have pneumonia at the moment.

But the job my husband has got wont cover all the bills etc. I have handed in my notice at school and can leave at Easter which is when we would be joining my husband. But am worried about many. My husband is applying for more jobs and I could work part time in the evenings as I don't want to do teaching anymore.

 

My mum has been trying to persuade me not to go because of money and not coping if I am poorly and they r back here.

Everyday I change my mind thinking yes we can do this. My husband has worked so hard to get where he isi don't want it to be for nothing. We have also shipped our things out and cost us a lot of money so I don't know when we would be able to get our things back if my husband returns. But then like today my 4 year old looks up at me sadly and says he misses our house and daddy. Then I feel guilty for putting them through it.

Just don't know what to do for the best. Any advice or am I just being silly with mixed feelings[/QUOT

 

 

sounds to me like you should be supporting your husband started by a swift boot in the arse. Granted you should wait until you feel well before going out, particularly your current illness. maybe your husbands fed up working all the time, but he still has to do it, thats life. I feel sorry for the guy, is it not time you thought about what he wants and your child needs, a stable unit together as a family and adjusted your criteria for your perfect life by putting it aside for a while. I'm sorry, but sounds to me your being a bit spoiled and your parent, well thats just mischeif. mum should be encouraging you to get your family together not the opposite.

[craigyboy]

We leave in 6 days and I have gone through all the emotions you have discussed. I think its all part of moving away and starting new. I worry about my 5 year old daughter but I know it will be a better life for her. My husband has a good job to go to and I want to support him , even though it means leaving my mum (not in the best health) and my sister (diagnosed 2 weeks ago with a fatal illness). They both have told me to go as they want my daughter to have a good life. We live in N Ireland and things are not easy here.

Someone wrote on here that Oz is not a prison sentence , you can always return to the UK and they are right , it is only a moon away. Having lost my dad , I know how short life can be and am now of the opinion to GO FOR IT ! Wishing you well and a speedy recovery.

 

 

Di x

know this lady is what I call a real trouper, putting her family before her own personal anguish. Best of luck kid. Your my top poms in ozzer of the week.

[tinkerbell13]

Will ignore the above messages. Hubbie has found a good job so we are going out at the end of march. I still have pneumonia but feeling much better. Hubbie is excited house hunting, finding us somewhere to rent. Can't wait til we are altogether again