mattkavanagh Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 Hi all, I hope you all had a fab Christmas? we told are family today (Boxing Day) about our amazing news of moving to Australia in July 2013. My wife and I had talked in depth about how people would react to our news, and in our mind we new that people would be upset but could never imagine the reaction we got!!! Picture the scene!!! "My wife and I had cooked all morning on Boxing Day as both are family's were coming over for a buffet and a few drinks. They arrived for 1pm and once they were all seated in the lounge and the amazing amount of food was spread throughout the dinning room table, My wife and I stood at one end of the room and announced our news, well,l after 5 minutes of crying, 8 of them left!!! We were now left with food for 12 people and only 4 to eat it" Has anyone else had this reaction, I was surprised how upset they were, I now have got to eat buffet food for a week!!! Have a fab new year to you all. Matt xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mojoanna Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 Aw I'm sorry it happened, it might of been a shock for them, give them time to digest the news Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jin77 Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 Matt I'm sorry to hear the reaction you received. We had mixed reactions, but we told my immediate family (parents and sibling) from the moment we were thinking about it. We kept them posted at land mark events in the application process. We have had tears for two years but my family have said at every step of the way to go and be happy and have no regrets. We told everyone else about a month and a half ago that we are going. Now , I must admit we cheated. I did phone calls. Some people were not happy, theres been the green eyed monster too.we are doing something that most people dream off. moving takes a lot of courage . I have kind of left the ball in their court. My parents support me and my sister and my best mates. I'm cool with that. Enjoy the next six months, because putting your affairs in order is the biggest stress. this move is definitely more stress than getting married. But we are dead excited about the move! Good luck, have a drink! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellysmax Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 Oh my god, how awful! Bless you, we didn't have that but my mum wouldn't discuss it for some time lol. She talks about it now but I dread the days leading up to going, I'm pretty sure she'll be a wreck. Like Mojoanna said, it must have been a shock, I'm sure they'll come around to the fact that opportunities like this do not come round every day. I am terrified but excited all at the same time, we're selling everything to go.....mental! Good luck with it all, it'll all work out in the end Shelly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 Oops, not great timing huh! I guess the leavers are always high with their fabulous news and it is hard for them to see the desolation they are wreaking in the lives of the stayers. Even those of us who "cheerfully" farewell their loved ones have their moments of despair as well even though they may be unfailingly supportive to your face. It never hurts to over estimate the level of grief you are going to cause. However, the genie is out of your bottle now and hindsight is a wonderful thing - might be a lesson to others though - don't destroy someone's Christmas, birthday or anniversary. Good luck and work hard to rebuild bridges before you go, you never know when you might want to walk over them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 Probably wasnt the best time to tell them. Hope things are better soon Sent from my BlackBerry 9800 using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 Hi all, I hope you all had a fab Christmas? we told are family today (Boxing Day) about our amazing news of moving to Australia in July 2013. My wife and I had talked in depth about how people would react to our news, and in our mind we new that people would be upset but could never imagine the reaction we got!!! Picture the scene!!! "My wife and I had cooked all morning on Boxing Day as both are family's were coming over for a buffet and a few drinks. They arrived for 1pm and once they were all seated in the lounge and the amazing amount of food was spread throughout the dinning room table, My wife and I stood at one end of the room and announced our news, well,l after 5 minutes of crying, 8 of them left!!! We were now left with food for 12 people and only 4 to eat it" Has anyone else had this reaction, I was surprised how upset they were, I now have got to eat buffet food for a week!!! Have a fab new year to you all. Matt xx Well it was not the most sensitive way to break this news! It might be your great news but not necessarily other people's and you did ruin their Boxing Day. As Quoll says hopefully a lesson for someone else. I would recommend telling people individually and over the phone is fine if they are people you do not see on a regular basis. I also recommend keeping people up to date throughout the visa process so it does not come as a shock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 That is crap. I don't think you did anything wrong at all. The only thing in hindsight was maybe telling everyone after dinner when they've all relaxed may have been better. But for them to storm out and refuse to eat Christmas dinner you have prepared is extremely selfish in my mind. They say you can pick your friends but not your family and this shows how true it is. After that selfish reaction, they are the ones who need to build bridges. Certainly not you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 I guess your timing was well off. I can understand and appreciate their reaction if they came over expecting a nice Boxing day, some chit chat, laughter and so on and had that announcement landed in their faces en masse before they had even had a mouthful of sausage roll or a bite of mince pies. Being told their loved ones are moving the other side of the world can be a devasting thing for people to hear out of the blue. I'd say you really caught them off guard and kicked them in the teeth with it. Especially if this is their last Christmas before you migrate. I think your moment was rather insensitive and hopefully you've not ruined their Christmas too much and they'll speak to you again soon. I'd probably have waited till after Christmas and new year and told each family separately. We told my parents one day, no dramatic announcement or any ta daaing it up. Just quietly explained we were looking into our options about moving to Aus and that we had an idea of a timeframe and so on and we just wanted to let them know what we were considering and so on. They took it really well and have been very supportive. Had I told my mother that news over a dinner at Christmas I'd probably be wearing my wine and find myself on the doorstep of her house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 Hi all, I hope you all had a fab Christmas? we told are family today (Boxing Day) about our amazing news of moving to Australia in July 2013. My wife and I had talked in depth about how people would react to our news, and in our mind we new that people would be upset but could never imagine the reaction we got!!! Picture the scene!!! "My wife and I had cooked all morning on Boxing Day as both are family's were coming over for a buffet and a few drinks. They arrived for 1pm and once they were all seated in the lounge and the amazing amount of food was spread throughout the dinning room table, My wife and I stood at one end of the room and announced our news, well,l after 5 minutes of crying, 8 of them left!!! We were now left with food for 12 people and only 4 to eat it" Has anyone else had this reaction, I was surprised how upset they were, I now have got to eat buffet food for a week!!! Have a fab new year to you all. Matt xx Its never easy to tell the family, yes they were shocked and maybe timing may have been wrong, however with their reaction I don't think so. No matter how upset I would be feeling inside I would never leave, I think that was very rude and cruel. If we love people, truly love them, we are happy on the outside with whatever they decide, even though we may be crying on the inside. Buck up, things will sort itself, but now you know the pressure you will feel before you go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunshine111 Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 Just to agree the sentiment of others, probably not the best timing & as has already been said, don't burn bridges. You just never know, after 10 yrs away in Nz & Oz we never thought we would return but we did & 18mths on ,we are still trying to rebuild relationships. When one moves/emmigrates rightly or wrongly we get so caught up on the excitment/adventure of it all, that we forget about the people we leave behind. Everyone acts differently & is all down to interpretation, those that left, perhaps it is a sign of not that they are not happy for you, but of how much they will miss you.....? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wakeboard1980 Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 Who left and who stayed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lou8670 Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 Perhaps one of the reasons you are even considering the move? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 That is crap. I don't think you did anything wrong at all.The only thing in hindsight was maybe telling everyone after dinner when they've all relaxed may have been better. But for them to storm out and refuse to eat Christmas dinner you have prepared is extremely selfish in my mind. They say you can pick your friends but not your family and this shows how true it is. After that selfish reaction, they are the ones who need to build bridges. Certainly not you. I imagine they left because they were too upset to stay and needed time to collect their thoughts. It was grossly insensitive to share the news like this, in fact the more I think about it the more shocked I am that anyone could have thought this was a good idea. The family have not been selfish, they were just shocked and caught out. Family should be told, calmly, individually and with sensitivity. And not on a special occasion! If OP cares about the family and I think they do, then they definitely need to build bridges. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 I read through the posts and we are all so different but our posts reveal a lot about us. If we have to rebuild bridges then the relationship was tenuous anyway in my view. For goodness sake we love our family, we have to support them in whatever they decide to do. Yes, we can be upset, however don't spoil their happiness. What we do have to do is make sure there are no bridges to be rebuilt. Frankly if I have to build a bridge then I don't need a bridge. When people hurt other people by their reaction, they are not thinking about the person they are thinking about "me"" and there is way too much of that these days. Family and good friends are people we can lose touch with, forget to send a card, but they know we love them and when we meet up its like we have never been away. If its not like that then the relationship has always been shaky, only my view. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicF Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 Put yourself in the shoes of the people you told. They turned up at your house expecting a relaxing day and nice meal and almost as soon as they have walked through the door, before you've even given them a drink, you announce you are moving to the other side of the world. What did you expect them to do? Jump up and down with excitment? To them you are leaving them behind and they will be thinking they may never see you again. I do think leaving was quite dramatic but the way you announced it was quite dramatic as well. Had you approached it a bit more sensitively the reactions may have been better. Or maybe they would have still been over the top but at least you would have tried. We have been in Oz since July and my mum still finds it hard to talk about it. As I'm married to an Aussie my family and friends always knew it would be a possibility that we would move over but it was still difficult news for them to take. I told them that we were thinking of going before we even applied for a visa so they had time to get used to the news. Most of my friends and other family were pretty pleased and excited for us. I hope your family come around and at least except the news even if they aren't happy that you are going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 I read through the posts and we are all so different but our posts reveal a lot about us. If we have to rebuild bridges then the relationship was tenuous anyway in my view. For goodness sake we love our family, we have to support them in whatever they decide to do. Yes, we can be upset, however don't spoil their happiness. What we do have to do is make sure there are no bridges to be rebuilt. Frankly if I have to build a bridge then I don't need a bridge. When people hurt other people by their reaction, they are not thinking about the person they are thinking about "me"" and there is way too much of that these days. Family and good friends are people we can lose touch with, forget to send a card, but they know we love them and when we meet up its like we have never been away. If its not like that then the relationship has always been shaky, only my view. And perhaps the family will support the decision. They still need more than five seconds to come to terms with it surely? Or if they do not get over it in five seconds they are not worth knowing anyway in your view. And they are not allowed to be a little angry about being told in such a crass and thoughtless manner? Well I guess that is the OP sorted then, OP just go and don't have anything more to do with these wicked people. :err: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wellers and Whitehead Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 Did they know you had even started the migration process or just a complete surprise for them? I had wanted to move to Oz since I was 6, so after School and college went to study social work, partly because I wanted to and partly to get into Oz. so my family have ALWAYS know I wanted to move to Oz! However when we started the visa process and we told parents/family/friends they were all ok, but then after months and months and we started finalising the process the cracks started to show. I am an only child, Dad has no other family etc etc, so he wanted me to be happy but also didn't want me to live in Oz forever. We did have difficult conversations that upset me, but I knew it was because they would miss me, its a grieving process. If I had not told them what we were doing and just told them out of the blue they would be modified, I suppose one that we were going to move to Oz and also hiding the fact that we had applied for the visa and not told them. Were some of the people older that you told? Maybe they won't be able to visit you in Oz, they might feel they may never see you again, and so it continues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritChickx Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 That's so rude! How could they just get up and leave, honestly! Feel sorry for you, sorry it wasn't the reaction you were hoping for. PS send the food over my way lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunshine111 Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 I read through the posts and we are all so different but our posts reveal a lot about us. If we have to rebuild bridges then the relationship was tenuous anyway in my view. For goodness sake we love our family, we have to support them in whatever they decide to do. Yes, we can be upset, however don't spoil their happiness. What we do have to do is make sure there are no bridges to be rebuilt. Frankly if I have to build a bridge then I don't need a bridge. When people hurt other people by their reaction, they are not thinking about the person they are thinking about "me"" and there is way too much of that these days. Family and good friends are people we can lose touch with, forget to send a card, but they know we love them and when we meet up its like we have never been away. If its not like that then the relationship has always been shaky, only my view. perhaps that "me" is the "how much you mean to me?" why take it negatively? Think I would prefer that, then a "oh well, see you later!" being truthful, is far better than to have simmering resentments. Least if these people can voice how they feel, open & honest conversations can be had & a sense of peace & understanding found, whilst working towards relationships being maintained. You just never know how things are going to go.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the bottler Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 Hi all, I hope you all had a fab Christmas? we told are family today (Boxing Day) about our amazing news of moving to Australia in July 2013. My wife and I had talked in depth about how people would react to our news, and in our mind we new that people would be upset but could never imagine the reaction we got!!! Picture the scene!!! "My wife and I had cooked all morning on Boxing Day as both are family's were coming over for a buffet and a few drinks. They arrived for 1pm and once they were all seated in the lounge and the amazing amount of food was spread throughout the dinning room table, My wife and I stood at one end of the room and announced our news, well,l after 5 minutes of crying, 8 of them left!!! We were now left with food for 12 people and only 4 to eat it" Has anyone else had this reaction, I was surprised how upset they were, I now have got to eat buffet food for a week!!! Have a fab new year to you all. Matt xx so , not the best time to tell them then ! ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 He wanted to tell them all together. I see nothing wrong with that. Often if you tell people individually they feel put out at not being the first to be told, or hearing by grapevine then rather than personally. There is nothing wrong with telling them together. Their reaction was totally rude and selfish to storm out refusing to eat the lovely meal prepared for them. Good Riddance to them I would say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boganbear Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 At least you now know who not to invite to your leaving party or for Christmas in Oz. It is astoninshing how many people commented that it wasn't the best timing an I don't see why. I bet if you said you were having a baby then they would have all stayed so it shows their true reactions to your news. Unfortunately it is a common reaction from selfish people. A friend of mine is back in the UK seeing family at Christmas and some of her family are moaning that they have to travel 5 miles to see her when she has flown around the world. Just carry on with your plans and if your relatives don't like it then it is their problem not yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 What is happening on this thread is a good representation of what happened at your house. Some (most) disagree with your timing and think you were insensitive, others think your behaviour was fine and that it was their (your relatives) problem, not yours. The fact that you told people en mass probably amplified the emotional reaction, so that by the end almost everyone was crying! Don't beat yourself up about it, you didn't mean to ruin their day, you thought the reaction would be entirely different. I would follow Quolls advice and make the effort to patch things up with your families. After all, its you leaving them, so you should expect to make most of the effort to keep in touch when youre in Aus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 I guess it shows that we're all different and how we do something isn't necessarily the way that everyone should do it, At the end of the day the OP and his wife did what they thought was best and obviously didn't expect a mass walk out or would have done it differently. It's not for any of us to 'tell him' how he should do it because we'd do it differently. To the OP, i'm really sorry that you got the reaction you did, hopefully you'll be able to maintain a relationship with your families, and that they'll also contribute to the mending of those relationships Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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