Back over 9 months

[Guest guest74886]

Yes you're probably right I'd just like to overcome this one way or another, I never felt this way when I moved out there in the early stages, Looking back I think seeds were probably planted by other poms out there and it developed from there. I started thinking of things I miss in UK and how certain things were done better in the UK. Now that I have moved back I've realised I have changed and the way some things are done here have changed too, it wasn't Aus at fault.

 

I do crave for the adventure again but I won't go into detail about the other things here, nothing too deep really.

 

Incredibly difficult to know how to handle this, I find I am in a similar dilemma, I can see that Oz has a lot to offer but just feel very dismissive of it because I feel like its not a really grown up country, it seems to have a set of values which is all about individuals getting on at all costs regardless of the effects on everybody else, but I recognise that that is how it is back in the UK also at a day to day level, but then I think that the UK does offer a more sophisticated approach to many of the problems that plague Oz and the UK.

Then I remember the levels of petty crime, violence and aggression and poverty that seemed to be rampant in the UK and try to balance that with what gets reported here and then realise that it is all too often the case here also , just that the presence of it here is denied and kept hidden, altho I will admit that the levels of aggression are much lower here or at least here in sleepy Brisbane.

 

But on a daily basis here I find that there is a lot of antipathy here towards outsiders which I find personally very discouraging along with the attitude towards understanding what happens in the rest of the world.

These are all the thoughts which at a feeling level made me and my wife think about going back to Europe after we had been here 6 years despite my wife being very successful and having a job which she would never have had in the UK, she finds there is a lot of sexism and antipathy to her as an outsider here in Bris.

Why am I telling you all this , because I am still very afraid of finding myself facing the same dichotomies faced by Cavey, because exactly as he says, in the early days for the first 3 years we were here we thought we would be here for ever but then we started to notice the things that were a bit off kilter with people and how there was always a lot of obstructions put in our way at work, and then we started to notice that service was always so slow in restaurants,not just for us but generally and then we started to realise the uniformity of everything so that there seemed to be little difference between being in Sydney or Brisbane and then we felt completely stifled by the lack of choice for where to go for a night out, it always seemed to cost $250 to go anywhere that was not a upmarket burger bar. Then we started to worry about how do you meet people who have some thoughts about what is happening in the country because you try to discuss it with people at work and find they don't know or care about whats happening in their own country.

 

But if we go back to Europe, most probably France because I feel that the downsides in the Uk are too great, will I find the same dissatisfactions there as here and the next move has to work because we simply don't have the resources for it not to work.

 

If I was Cavey I would sit down with his OH and each do a likes and dislikes list and try to give each item a weighting in terms of importance to them as a individual and see where it leaves them after applying rational thinking to determine what seems most important.This is what we did and it came out that we both had similar levels of concern about similar things

It is difficult but it does help to highlight what are your priorities and what is important to your life, it helped us to see that there were other things which were more important than having lots of money and an easy life style.

Edited November 28, 2012 by guest74886

[Guest JimDad]

It's a little unsettling in a way to read you post. We have arrived a few months ago from Potters Bar to the Gold Coast and loving it although there are niggly things that I guess I'm putting aside in my mind. I hope they go away or stay hidden, as things are going well overall, and its a bit scary thinking that they could grow in to big irritations and doubts later on. Time will tell!

[LojaChica]

It's a little unsettling in a way to read you post. We have arrived a few months ago from Potters Bar to the Gold Coast and loving it although there are niggly things that I guess I'm putting aside in my mind. I hope they go away or stay hidden, as things are going well overall, and its a bit scary thinking that they could grow in to big irritations and doubts later on. Time will tell!

 

JimDad

 

Understand your concerns but just get on with enjoying the "Adventure"................the rest will take care of itself

 

Oz to France and myself seem to be at similar stages of our lives and for us we just feel it's time for the next chapter to begin so to speak........France and Spain respectively!

 

I can now only speak for myself but I have loved it, lived it and embraced all that OZ has to offer BUT I feel it's now my time to move on for a whole host of reasons.................Am I scared..........Of course I am but I have a great saying

 

"Life Is A Journey, Not A Destination"

 

It's not for everyone but it works for me

 

You have made a wonderful decision to come here but as you said only time will tell....................in the meantime just go with the flow and embrace all it has to offer..................Only you will know when that changes

 

All the best

 

[Conniebygaslight]

There have been so many times I have got to the point of posting this thread but have always stopped short but having read Op recent threads I have decided to write my own rather than hijack theirs. Please bare with me as this will be quite a long post.

 

Our background is that we upped sticks and moved to Oz nearly 6 years ago now. Living in Oz was an adventure, we started again from scratch there and the first 2 years or so were hard work but in time we became comfortable. We made the most of getting out and seeing the place whenever we could. My wife loved every mnute, she makes the best of everything whereas I started to complain about certain trivial aspects of living there.

 

I found it tough having little support and the longer I spent there the more the isolation / homesickness got to me. We came back for a visit one year over Christmas and this cemented the thought that the UK was the place I was meant to be. I was finding it difficult to cope and thought it would be best for everyone for us to return though I had real doubts, what if I feel no different??

 

Anyhow we returned over 9 months ago now, doing the whole bit again, selling up and went through the process of setting up again. We got the kids back in school, they are 13 and 10. I worked remotely in Aus for 2 months and got a job locally in UK the day I finished my Aus job. We also sorted out a great albeit expensive rental which we are still in. Everything is falling into place nicely, my wife has got a couple of jobs and has just got another, in her preferred profession, which she starts on Monday. My daughter has passed her 11+ having only 6 months prep.

 

We have attempted to purchase 2 properties so far but that hasn't worked out yet but we are still looking.

 

The thing is I really haven't settled yet and certain aspects that I thought the move back would have fixed I feel haven't come to fruition. I feel pretty much as guilty for these feelings as I did when we moved away in the first place.

 

Personally I would like to return to Oz, we have citizenship and I feel in hindsight that it has taken the move like this to realise what I want but bearing in mind it was me that brought us back I realise it would be putting alot on the family. My wife would love to return but not while the kids are at this point in their schooling and also the kids don't want to return right now.

 

Each time we accomplish something I am both happy ( jobs, school) and sad as I see 'us' becoming more settled. It has taken me several months to even consider buying a house here as I have always retorted that it's in the wrong hemisphere!

 

 

it would be easy to say well leave it 5 years or so but it's easier said than done, renting in itself is abit unsettling but I never felt like this when I was in the first 6 months in Oz before we bought.

 

I feel the longer we leave it the more chance it won't happen or the more chance it will ultimately split our family and I don't want that.

 

I'm fully aware that there is alot of me me me in this post but it's just how I'm feeling.

 

Thanks for listening.

 

Yours Confused.....

 

 

I'm so sorry that you haven't settled back in and as such I can't offer you any advice. It looks as though your wife and family are happy to stay here so you have little choice (unless you move back without them- which I take isn't an option). Really hope that you manage to sort everything out for you and your family x

[CAvey]

Incredibly difficult to know how to handle this, I find I am in a similar dilemma, I can see that Oz has a lot to offer but just feel very dismissive of it because I feel like its not a really grown up country, it seems to have a set of values which is all about individuals getting on at all costs regardless of the effects on everybody else, but I recognise that that is how it is back in the UK also at a day to day level, but then I think that the UK does offer a more sophisticated approach to many of the problems that plague Oz and the UK.

Then I remember the levels of petty crime, violence and aggression and poverty that seemed to be rampant in the UK and try to balance that with what gets reported here and then realise that it is all too often the case here also , just that the presence of it here is denied and kept hidden, altho I will admit that the levels of aggression are much lower here or at least here in sleepy Brisbane.

 

But on a daily basis here I find that there is a lot of antipathy here towards outsiders which I find personally very discouraging along with the attitude towards understanding what happens in the rest of the world.

These are all the thoughts which at a feeling level made me and my wife think about going back to Europe after we had been here 6 years despite my wife being very successful and having a job which she would never have had in the UK, she finds there is a lot of sexism and antipathy to her as an outsider here in Bris.

Why am I telling you all this , because I am still very afraid of finding myself facing the same dichotomies faced by Cavey, because exactly as he says, in the early days for the first 3 years we were here we thought we would be here for ever but then we started to notice the things that were a bit off kilter with people and how there was always a lot of obstructions put in our way at work, and then we started to notice that service was always so slow in restaurants,not just for us but generally and then we started to realise the uniformity of everything so that there seemed to be little difference between being in Sydney or Brisbane and then we felt completely stifled by the lack of choice for where to go for a night out, it always seemed to cost $250 to go anywhere that was not a upmarket burger bar. Then we started to worry about how do you meet people who have some thoughts about what is happening in the country because you try to discuss it with people at work and find they don't know or care about whats happening in their own country.

 

But if we go back to Europe, most probably France because I feel that the downsides in the Uk are too great, will I find the same dissatisfactions there as here and the next move has to work because we simply don't have the resources for it not to work.

 

If I was Cavey I would sit down with his OH and each do a likes and dislikes list and try to give each item a weighting in terms of importance to them as a individual and see where it leaves them after applying rational thinking to determine what seems most important.This is what we did and it came out that we both had similar levels of concern about similar things

It is difficult but it does help to highlight what are your priorities and what is important to your life, it helped us to see that there were other things which were more important than having lots of money and an easy life style.

 

Thanks Oz, some good advice there and I can empathise with so much that you have mentioned. We did consider relocating to Melbourne very late in the day but at the time I thought it was too much of a risk.

 

[starlight7]

You have your lovely family - that is all you really need. A place is a place after all.