Chortlepuss Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 I was really excited to come to Oz and it never occurred to me that I wouldn't be able to establish a good friendship group, find a niche in the local community, obtain regular high quality work etc...this stuff was easy in the UK and even nine years on I don't know why it has eluded me but it's not from want of trying! Hubby and I are pretty independent but I don't think it helps being thrown together so intensely and not having the pleasure of likeminded company. Brisbane has a fraction of the action that my local city Brighton has and things like art classes etc are pretty pricey and of varied quality. I think Brisbane is a great place to bring up a young family, and it's possibly easier to get an 'in' with young kids. All I know is that we're headed back in March, albeit (alas) temporarily and every time someone from the UK messages me to say they're looking forward to catching up I think 'I'm going home!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 (edited) Its true that we have phases in our lives. Read an article that said we change our friends throughout out life. That has not happened to me I have just added others. Migration for me is and would be very easy because by the time I was 15 I was living in my third country and had the experience at a young age to get new friends and settle in. I think that is why children of the affluent find it easier. I went to Boarding School so being around family was not an option a lot of the time. When I left home I did not feel a wrench in fact I just moved on. My parents moved to where they wanted to be and I moved to where I wanted to be. Did not mean there was no love, just no relying on other family members. When you dig deep in the migration population you find a lot of people like me and that is why we have new families starting up all over the world and setting down roots. Migration in the true sense of the word for me is the start of something, not going back to something. Yep remember keep in touch with those you want to but its about making a new family in a new part of the world. We cannot live in the past. Fortunately I was married to someone who felt just like me and it worked very well for us and I am now a widow and I feel loss and miss my oh but its him I miss not anyone else or any other friend or family member. I also do not believe in following children. Had a conversation with my son recently he said come and live near us, I said are you staying there, um I don't know, well there is the answer how many times can you follow. Sticking with my Aus pond. Also like to add we were not affluent that was just my observation. Struggle makes us stronger Edited December 29, 2015 by Petals Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I absolutely agree Petals, we have phases in our lives. I firmly believe in the "7 year cycle". That means the next 7 years for me and my family is going to be great, because I have taken a stance, and said, not great for us, lets go home. Cater for all, but if something not working, acknowledge it, and make a change. I think that is actually the strong thing to do. Petals, as usual, I find everything you say fascinating. And I think this forum is very good for you, and I think you help others. In a smaller way, I may be similar. Oh I am sorry, I only saw now the widow part. I am very sorry for you, I did not see that earlier. I am sorry for your loss. How nice you help others. Quoll, Lostilly etc , others, I know I have come on at times and said some silly things, or acted emotionally. Prob both v true. It was never about hurting anyone, just I was feeling pretty low in a country I did not like, with a few problems, and not many people to speak too. I have really struggled here. Perhaps that is why I get so verbal. We are very close to moving home to NZ. Then later England. Hubby and I have become closer once this decision. I have been through a few natural disasters since living here, but nothing comparing to what I have struggled through with my youngest daughter. I do not like living in Australia, sure, but one of the main reasons we are going home, is because our youngest daughter, 10, has been violent towards me for the last six years. Too much? Fair enough. Going home will hopefully help her and Nana, and Grandma involved, I think will help. I don't honestly think I would survive anymore in this situation. So I am guess I am saying before I goo home, matter off days, can't wait, after nearly 8 years, home is where the heart is and the support is. And if you need help in cetain matters, look into your gut. We are all human, we care and do our best, but sometimes we need help. Go home, to wherever that is, if that is what you need. I am, and I am doing better for my family for it. All the best, kiwi, going home. xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwiathome Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I think Quoll what you said above is quite harsh. Might work for you, but I don't think for some. Maybe re read back over your post. For those feeling a bit down, or struggling, you may need to re read. I am sure in best intentions, but many do not think this way. Just trying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speakeasy Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 (edited) I think Quoll what you said above is quite harsh. Might work for you, but I don't think for some. Maybe re read back over your post. For those feeling a bit down, or struggling, you may need to re read. I am sure in best intentions,but many do not think this way. Just trying. I think you need to learn to empathise edit: comprehend others... Quoll is stating what she has experienced. If it doesn't fit in with your feelings on the matter you should not take it quite so personally. This is not just something you're living through. Edited December 30, 2015 by speakeasy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 (edited) I think it is much more complex than the glib "missing family and friends" which is often trotted out in a slightly pejorative sense - "meh! They can't leave mummy".... It's more about fitting with those around you and not have to put on an act every day that you "belong" - subtle things like sense of humour, shared interests, sense of community. I do do think things change as you get older and like most animals, many of us want to turn up our toes in the place we began once the adventure wears off. Homesickness is (again, sadly pejorative) more than missing F&F it's about loss of self and identity IMHO and is often quite irrational and resistant to logical thinking no matter how much your head tells you "this is home" if your heart doesn't agree. I hope you didn't take my post as being pejorative of people who are attached to their family!!! I can imagine an individual being nasty about it, if he/she feels their partner is ruining their "Australian dream" - but I can't recall seeing forum posts doing so. People are what they are: I may not have that close tie to family but I do recognise - and in some way envy! - people who do. I guess I latched on to the "family and friends" explanation because I can understand the rationale of missing people, even if I don't share it. Whereas I find it harder to comprehend people being willing to split up with partners etc because they feel they "don't belong", it's such an abstract concept it's hard for me to get a grip on. But that's probably because I've never felt I truly belonged anywhere, especially in my home town. Edited December 30, 2015 by Marisawright Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I think Quoll what you said above is quite harsh. Kiwi, I've said this before - PLEASE read a post CAREFULLY before you reply to it. Quoll refers to OTHER people who can be harsh - she's not being harsh herself. You upset people when you don't take the trouble to understand what they've written. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speakeasy Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I think the love affair you have with your country is one of the biggest journeys and greatest loves you'll ever live through. We all hold deep nostalgia with the places we grew up. Wrapped up in that are all the people - our youth, our parents, our language and the culture we grew up in. This should be worn like a badge of honour and not hidden because you live somewhere else. If you try to internalize it it will make you sick.. homesick. Come out and be British. Be British in Australia or be British in Britain. Find a way to resolve the deep love you have for all those places that mean so much. If there is sadness it's because somewhere there is regret. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speakeasy Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 (edited) Adventure is like love... excitement throws you in and then you are treading water trying to deal with the complexity of your own emotions. The best thing to pack if you're moving from home is a self help book and a guide on meditation and relaxation. A move from home will be very taxing on your energy, nerves and mental health. Attitude of the mind is probably key. Moving to a new country doesn't improve who you are. How you deal with the enormity of the enterprise will make you grow as a person. The person you know before may not be the person that remains. You'll either like and welcome these changes or you will repel them internally. You may need to say goodbye to parts of yourself. How attached you are to those parts will determine the transformation. I agree it sometimes takes strength of character to return where your "self" feels best nurtured. Maybe at the deepest level you will reject this transformation taking place. Edited December 30, 2015 by speakeasy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I think the love affair you have with your country is one of the biggest journeys and greatest loves you'll ever live through. We all hold deep nostalgia with the places we grew up. No we don't. It sounds like it's something you value and enjoy and good for you - but it certainly is not the case for me, and I know many other people who couldn't wait to leave their home country behind and held no affection for it at all. It's not about regret, it's about a difference in personality! This is part of the problem, some people believe their values are SO fundamental, it's obvious that everyone else in the world MUST feel the same way - and if they don't, they must be delusional or have some underlying problem. My oh can be like that, we've had some humdinger rows because of it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speakeasy Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 No. It's what I have read on the multitude of threads about homesickness on this forum. Whether you think you love your country or not - it's a separation anxiety that calls us back. Can you explain that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 No. It's what I have read on the multitude of threads about homesickness on this forum. Whether you think you love your country or not - it's a separation anxiety that calls us back. Can you explain that? I do struggle to understand it because I don't feel it myself, but I'm not saying it doesn't exist for those who feel that way. But your post implied that everyone feels that way about their home country, I'm just saying that's not true in my experience. I'm unusual in that I've returned to the UK for practical reasons, I didn't feel any pull to return here at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speakeasy Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I think you're missing my point? I understand we're all individuals. Individuals especially understand this. (Or perhaps now I am speaking for individuals and that is wrong?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speakeasy Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Fine it's good to see that not all decisions need necessarily be emotionally based. I think that if you're well grounded and just move where ever best to provide you a comfortable life - then migration might be a more successful experience. If you force yourself to love a new place and all that goes with it - you're being even more unrealistic than the locals! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speakeasy Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I get that the Scottish don't like any assumptions being made about them so please just disregard my posts while I try to speak on behalf of the rest of humanity. Arrogant I know but I though I'd give it a go or I could just complain in the first person like everyone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 (edited) Fine it's good to see that not all decisions need necessarily be emotionally based. I think that if you're well grounded and just move where ever best to provide you a comfortable life - then migration might be a more successful experience. If you force yourself to love a new place and all that goes with it - you're being even more unrealistic than the locals! Why should you have to force yourself to love a new place? Don't you think it's possible for some people to genuinely fall in love with a new place and prefer to it where they lived before? Let's face it, if people who can didn't exist, there would be no happy migrants - and we know there are thousands! Edited December 30, 2015 by Marisawright Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I've got better things to do than argue with strangers on a forum. If you've got an axe to grind then good for you. I don't have an axe to grind and I'm totally perplexed at what I've done to upset you. All I did was point out that people are different - of course there are people who love the place they were born in, as you say, but there are also people who don't. I thought you were saying everyone MUST love their homeland, no exceptions - if I misunderstood that then I apologise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lebourvellec Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 OP hasn't posted on the forum for over 3 years. **thread closed** Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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