one month in brisbane and want to go home

[Sydneyhorn]

Hi tfarrell

 

Everyone is different but I think most migrants go through bad times at some stage or another.

 

What has helped me in the past is to take a step back from the big picture and find something small to focus on for a little while.

 

It might be something like a trip to somewhere new near where you live. Plan the day out and forget about the job hunting and other worries for a bit. Pretend you are on holiday (it's not so difficult now that the weather is picking up) and relax and let some of the stress go.

 

I find that doing that helps me cope with the bigger stuff. If things don't work out (and I think you owe yourself a bit of time before making that call) at least you will have some good memories of Australia to take "home" with you.

[tfarrell]

You are right.. we are gonna pack up and hit the sunshine coast 2moro.. and Sunday.. pack a picnic.. cheap days out.. remind ourselves why we done this.. thanks for the advice.. just watched some paralypmics today and felt like a right fool feeling sorry for myself.. I need to gain perspective give this place a real shot and if in a few months I still feel crappy I can see what we will do

. I am overwhelmed by all the lovely helpful comments.. really am xxx

[Sydneyhorn]

Sounds perfect! It's not difficult to feel like you are on holiday when you are on the Sunshine Coast And you are right, you can have a cheap fun day out even in Oz

 

Yeah - there is always someone worse off than us. Don't beat yourself up for being sad though - most of us can relate to how you are feeling. I think you are being very sensible in giving yourself a few months and seeing how you feel then.

 

Whatever happens, at least you have given it a go. You won't die wondering now!

[tfarrell]

I know.. the crazy thing is this was all my bloody idea.. you would think I was dragged kicking and screaming haha..

But I agree we owe it to ourselves to give it a go.. and if we go home in the end well least I tried

[sioban]

You are right.. we are gonna pack up and hit the sunshine coast 2moro.. and Sunday.. pack a picnic.. cheap days out.. remind ourselves why we done this.. thanks for the advice.. just watched some paralypmics today and felt like a right fool feeling sorry for myself.. I need to gain perspective give this place a real shot and if in a few months I still feel crappy I can see what we will do

. I am overwhelmed by all the lovely helpful comments.. really am xxx

 

Have a great weekend, enjoy the sunshine, relax and recharge the batteries - things can only get better, and if you feel low that's the only way it can go. x

[tfarrell]

Just wanted to give an update for all you guys that offered help and support. My husband is now working..

And two more job offers since starting his job.... sods law. I met a girl from Ireland today which was nice. And I'm going to my daughters school friends house today after school so trying my best now. Still feel that I'm never going to settle here. Just miss home so much. Thinking how silly of me to sell our lovely home... and taking my daughter out of a school she loved and friends she loved. Miss my family a lot too. But am giving it a real go... trying too anyway. So thanks for all the help and advice. Fingers crossed things get easier for me.

[Guest Guest16631]

..........it's good to hear that things are looking up ..............hope that life is easier now.........and that your happier.........all the best tink x

[Johndoe]

Great that things are looking up for you all. The "homesickness" is natural and hopefully it'll get easier for you.

 

kev

[Surf N Turf]

Lovely to hear that you're having better luck. Who knows what the future holds but just managing to carve out a little more happiness each day makes the 'meantime' so much easier. Good on you.

[pfeds]

I feel a long post coming on, which is fair seeing as I haven't been on this forum for 2 years!

 

I know your pain and know how hard it is. I went through hell moving to Australia. It was probably harder for me as I had no intention of coming here. I loved England, had loads of very close friends, great family, nice house, my own business. My life in England couldn't have been better now I look back. Then I split with my long term partner, work dried up, I did some backpacking and met an Australian girl. That was in 2009, and my life was torn to shreds. I moved here begrudgingly, having to make the decision between a woman and a prior life. I was in my 30s and set in my ways. It was horrible.

 

Before I elaborate further I should say where my mindset is now, 3 years on. I absolutely love living in Perth. I've made good friends, I love my job so much more than anything before, I earn more, and enjoy so much more than I used to. My life is easier and it's probably fair to say a lot healthier. I'm closer to my parents than I ever was, and I've probably seen them more since I've been in Australia than I did in England.

 

I still love England. I appreciate it far more than I used to, and it's so much nicer to visit than to live there. I don't think I could live there now, not that I'm used to the quality of life in Australia.

 

So back to the dark days...

 

I hated Australia. I found the people simple, backwards, and naive. I found Perth pompous and often said it was like that Jim Carey film where he lives in a perfect world until he finds out it's all fake and he was on a tv show (title has slipped my mind). It pissed me off that the supermarkets were tiny and I couldn't buy things like Heinz beans and sausages. I thought people were idiots for paying 10 bucks on beer and 40 bucks on a steak and then another 8 bucks on a carrot and stick of broccoli. I hated that all the pubs were like bars and were more gambling den than anything else. Honestly, I could go on all night about all the things I found lacking in Perth.

 

Every day I woke up with a visceral hatred of having to be so far from loved ones. When I wasn't with my partner I was very low and cried a lot. I remember her leaving for work one morning and I sat on the kitchen floor crying and screaming in anguish (which happened a lot, and I thought I was going mad). I became very scared of being away from my parents. They're getting old and my Dad is haggered these days, and I feared how it would feel if he died while I was in Australia. Could I live with myself? My life felt empty and I had no friends in Perth. I wanted to work but I couldn't find the drive, and even 6 months later when I started looking I couldn't find sponsorship to get me a working visa. Nothing went my way and I ended up back in the UK a number of times. At one point in 2010 when I was trying my hardest to secure a visa, all my luck ran out and I had to return to England. I found work for 8 months and spoke with my partner over Skype every day. It was horrible. After 6 months I met her in Hong Kong for a week but it was very laboured due to everything we'd been through.

 

Only a year ago did I finally get a partner visa approved after 2 years of trying, and even then I was suffering from being here. A number of things changed that. On my return to Perth I landed at 2am and had a 10am interview and a 2pm interview. I got offered both jobs on the spot, and a few more in the coming days. I took the first one as a consultant, which was scary compared to 10+ years as a software engineer geek. I started a few weeks later and really settled in. I instantly got on with the other people in the office and they're now good friends. Having a job to focus on took my mind off the hardships I'd been suffering for two years.

 

I started to meet more people through work and my partner, and it was a nice feeling to start bumping into people I knew while out shopping etc. A social network is important, but it takes time and it's strange having to start from scratch.

 

Having money helped a lot. I had a motorbike accident in England a number of years ago and gave up riding. Perth roads are quieter, and with it being so nice in the summer I decided to get a full licence and now cruise around on a Harley! That's something I would never do in the UK for love nor money, but I love having a bike here. I have a four wheel drive which is fantastic for driving over the dunes and going through the bush Kangaroo spotting. We've toured up and down the coast and seen some amazing places. We're often going camping which is superb compared to a wet English field. There is not end of lovely places to visit here.

 

I find people friendly in Perth, and it helps to realise so many people have emigrated and gone through similar hardships. You meet people from home all the time - English, Scotts, Welsh, Irish. There is so much variety in Perth which you don't realise until you start exploring. We're planning on moving near to Fremantle as we love the wackiness of it, and have found a lovely location with pubs and cafes which is near the sea and the river. It's very exciting stuff.

 

My advice to you is to stick with it. The first month is hard and don't kid yourself that it will get easier in the near future. It's a length process with a lot of ups and downs. Now your husband is working you'll have less money worries. Never think of it as permanent as you can go back to Ireland at any time. With that in your head you have no pressure to leave, so you may as well sit back, crack open a Crownie, and start enjoying the lovely weather...

 

:biggrin:

[Rupert]

I feel so helpless

Our stuff only arrived today and I spent the day crying

I just want to go home

Kids miss family and I just feel so guilty

Did everyone go through this

If I was handed a ticket home I would be gone

Husband still hasn't got job.. he's applied for anything goin

And rang up places asking for work.. still nothing

Feel really horrible

 

Not everybody goes through this, but some do. A month really isn't that long to be looking for work, something will turn up like it always does andI believe that will be the key to you starting to feel settled.

 

In the meantime, keep reminding yourself why you made the move in the first place. Write it down, carry it with you and read it every day. Read it a few times a day.

 

The savings are going down yes, but that was always going to happen because emigrating costs money, so don't see this as waste or losing money, it was part of the deal.

[sioban]

Delighted to hear that your husband has managed to get a job and things are getting a bit better.

[brumbie]

I have possibly found an answer and i am going to pm you ...it is important to read guys..thanks.

 

I have just read that your husband is now working but the contact I am giving you in the pm will definitely help for future work believe me ...have a great time now

Edited September 21, 2012 by brumbie

[mw291073]

I feel a long post coming on, which is fair seeing as I haven't been on this forum for 2 years!

 

I know your pain and know how hard it is. I went through hell moving to Australia. It was probably harder for me as I had no intention of coming here. I loved England, had loads of very close friends, great family, nice house, my own business. My life in England couldn't have been better now I look back. Then I split with my long term partner, work dried up, I did some backpacking and met an Australian girl. That was in 2009, and my life was torn to shreds. I moved here begrudgingly, having to make the decision between a woman and a prior life. I was in my 30s and set in my ways. It was horrible.

 

Before I elaborate further I should say where my mindset is now, 3 years on. I absolutely love living in Perth. I've made good friends, I love my job so much more than anything before, I earn more, and enjoy so much more than I used to. My life is easier and it's probably fair to say a lot healthier. I'm closer to my parents than I ever was, and I've probably seen them more since I've been in Australia than I did in England.

 

I still love England. I appreciate it far more than I used to, and it's so much nicer to visit than to live there. I don't think I could live there now, not that I'm used to the quality of life in Australia.

 

So back to the dark days...

 

I hated Australia. I found the people simple, backwards, and naive. I found Perth pompous and often said it was like that Jim Carey film where he lives in a perfect world until he finds out it's all fake and he was on a tv show (title has slipped my mind). It pissed me off that the supermarkets were tiny and I couldn't buy things like Heinz beans and sausages. I thought people were idiots for paying 10 bucks on beer and 40 bucks on a steak and then another 8 bucks on a carrot and stick of broccoli. I hated that all the pubs were like bars and were more gambling den than anything else. Honestly, I could go on all night about all the things I found lacking in Perth.

 

Every day I woke up with a visceral hatred of having to be so far from loved ones. When I wasn't with my partner I was very low and cried a lot. I remember her leaving for work one morning and I sat on the kitchen floor crying and screaming in anguish (which happened a lot, and I thought I was going mad). I became very scared of being away from my parents. They're getting old and my Dad is haggered these days, and I feared how it would feel if he died while I was in Australia. Could I live with myself? My life felt empty and I had no friends in Perth. I wanted to work but I couldn't find the drive, and even 6 months later when I started looking I couldn't find sponsorship to get me a working visa. Nothing went my way and I ended up back in the UK a number of times. At one point in 2010 when I was trying my hardest to secure a visa, all my luck ran out and I had to return to England. I found work for 8 months and spoke with my partner over Skype every day. It was horrible. After 6 months I met her in Hong Kong for a week but it was very laboured due to everything we'd been through.

 

Only a year ago did I finally get a partner visa approved after 2 years of trying, and even then I was suffering from being here. A number of things changed that. On my return to Perth I landed at 2am and had a 10am interview and a 2pm interview. I got offered both jobs on the spot, and a few more in the coming days. I took the first one as a consultant, which was scary compared to 10+ years as a software engineer geek. I started a few weeks later and really settled in. I instantly got on with the other people in the office and they're now good friends. Having a job to focus on took my mind off the hardships I'd been suffering for two years.

 

I started to meet more people through work and my partner, and it was a nice feeling to start bumping into people I knew while out shopping etc. A social network is important, but it takes time and it's strange having to start from scratch.

 

Having money helped a lot. I had a motorbike accident in England a number of years ago and gave up riding. Perth roads are quieter, and with it being so nice in the summer I decided to get a full licence and now cruise around on a Harley! That's something I would never do in the UK for love nor money, but I love having a bike here. I have a four wheel drive which is fantastic for driving over the dunes and going through the bush Kangaroo spotting. We've toured up and down the coast and seen some amazing places. We're often going camping which is superb compared to a wet English field. There is not end of lovely places to visit here.

 

I find people friendly in Perth, and it helps to realise so many people have emigrated and gone through similar hardships. You meet people from home all the time - English, Scotts, Welsh, Irish. There is so much variety in Perth which you don't realise until you start exploring. We're planning on moving near to Fremantle as we love the wackiness of it, and have found a lovely location with pubs and cafes which is near the sea and the river. It's very exciting stuff.

 

My advice to you is to stick with it. The first month is hard and don't kid yourself that it will get easier in the near future. It's a length process with a lot of ups and downs. Now your husband is working you'll have less money worries. Never think of it as permanent as you can go back to Ireland at any time. With that in your head you have no pressure to leave, so you may as well sit back, crack open a Crownie, and start enjoying the lovely weather...

 

:biggrin:

 

 

great post

[northshorepom]

Agreed. Great to hear you came through the bad times and are happy on the other side, pfeds

[pfeds]

Ha ha, I'm glad I got through that dark phase as otherwise I wouldn't have been surfing today and barbecuing a nice tasty steak tonight ;o)

[tfarrell]

Having another wobbly few days. Aaarrgghhhhh. When did all you folk realise that yes Oz was exactly where you wanted to be. Please dont tell me its early days. I know this. Im just interested to find out when you were sure this is where home is. I keep finding things I hate bout living here. My husband on the other hand is lovin life as he finishes work at 3 every day... which is one of the main reasons we left Ireland as he was working till 6 most eveningss and some weekend work. So I feel guilty for having such a downer on this place. Ive been getting out and about but I just feel I will never have the relationships I had at home. Ive even got my brother here so I just dont know why I aint loving it like I should.

[Johndoe]

Having another wobbly few days. Aaarrgghhhhh. When did all you folk realise that yes Oz was exactly where you wanted to be. Please dont tell me its early days. I know this. Im just interested to find out when you were sure this is where home is. I keep finding things I hate bout living here. My husband on the other hand is lovin life as he finishes work at 3 every day... which is one of the main reasons we left Ireland as he was working till 6 most eveningss and some weekend work. So I feel guilty for having such a downer on this place. Ive been getting out and about but I just feel I will never have the relationships I had at home. Ive even got my brother here so I just dont know why I aint loving it like I should.

 

Familiarity may be the problem. Some folk like everything "at hand" IYKWIM and that's not to say that they have a problem, they are just more comfortable with the familiar and sometimes they don't even know it until they are faced with the unfamiliar.

 

Try not to "keep fiding things' as you put it. Focusing on what you find negative will not allow you to enjoy the positives.

 

Good luck

 

kev

[Sol2Oz]

Having another wobbly few days. Aaarrgghhhhh. When did all you folk realise that yes Oz was exactly where you wanted to be. Please dont tell me its early days. I know this. Im just interested to find out when you were sure this is where home is. I keep finding things I hate bout living here. My husband on the other hand is lovin life as he finishes work at 3 every day... which is one of the main reasons we left Ireland as he was working till 6 most eveningss and some weekend work. So I feel guilty for having such a downer on this place. Ive been getting out and about but I just feel I will never have the relationships I had at home. Ive even got my brother here so I just dont know why I aint loving it like I should.

 

 

Well, if you are unable to go back, think about the positives. Like the fact that your husband gets to come home earlier than he did while in Ireland, it means he gets to spend more time with you.

 

But also, the situation in the EU doesn't look well at all. What's happening in Greece and Spain will eventually spread to many of the EU countries. I don't think you'd want to be there during that time.

[tfarrell]

Its not that we cant go back but if we do we are starting from scratch again and it will prob take a while before my husband gets a job back home. We would live with my Mam which will be fine for a while. I just keep thinking of the family parties for halloween for the kids then Christmas etc. Cant seem to get it out of my head yest and today. My eldest just seems so lonely. Ive made a point of meeting mums with kids so she gets to see people but it just doesnt feel the same. I was also talking to an Irish girl thats here the past 4 years and she was telling me bout her outgoings and how much her husband earns etc etc and she just about gets by. So I guess thats not helping me either. Has anyone got a crystal ball to tell me what I should do... ANYONE???

[RockDr]

When did all you folk realise that yes Oz was exactly where you wanted to be.

 

Two and a half years in (to Australia, though been away from home since 2006) I still get the wobbles some days, some days I feel like I could stay here forever (that's not the plan yet, we still want to live in Europe for a few years at some point), the rest of the time I just get on with enjoying life as it comes.

 

Of course there's going to be things you dislike about Australia, no country is perfect in every way. But do try to think about the positives as well as the negatives, whether it's just thinking of a positive everytime you catch yourself thinking of a negative (e.g. argh! those sausages were terrible, but at least you can get really good cheap steak from the butchers down the road...), or keeping a notebook of positive things, or a pinboard of happy photos, or having a playlist of happy songs to cheer you up, whatever works for you. Concentrating on the negatives is a habit, one that's very easy to slip into, but it is possible to break it... Start with a smile :biggrin:

[Paul1Perth]

Its not that we cant go back but if we do we are starting from scratch again and it will prob take a while before my husband gets a job back home. We would live with my Mam which will be fine for a while. I just keep thinking of the family parties for halloween for the kids then Christmas etc. Cant seem to get it out of my head yest and today. My eldest just seems so lonely. Ive made a point of meeting mums with kids so she gets to see people but it just doesnt feel the same. I was also talking to an Irish girl thats here the past 4 years and she was telling me bout her outgoings and how much her husband earns etc etc and she just about gets by. So I guess thats not helping me either. Has anyone got a crystal ball to tell me what I should do... ANYONE???

 

When I was in the UK and had applied for emigration I was made redundant from a job. Rather than sit at home in the English summer rain I enroled myself on a course run by the government in out local town. I met a guy on the course newly returned from Perth, arranged to meet him in the pub where he brought photos and filled me in some more.

 

He had been back about 2 months, living with his in-laws with the missus and a couple of kids, in a pretty average semi, he couldn't get a job and the weather had been crap since he got back. It was driving him mad he said.

 

Went on the course the next day and he wasn't there. He came in the following day and said after our chat in the pub and going through all the photos from Perth it brought it all home what they had given up. he had gone home and said as much to the missus and she had told him she felt the same. He had been into Manchester and booked flights back. He said he hadn't felt so happy for ages. They left to head back to Perth a couple of days later.

 

Caught up with him and the family when we emigrated. They don't live too far from us. They are still here 20 years later.

[whatsitallabout]

Having another wobbly few days. Aaarrgghhhhh. When did all you folk realise that yes Oz was exactly where you wanted to be. Please dont tell me its early days. I know this. Im just interested to find out when you were sure this is where home is. I keep finding things I hate bout living here. My husband on the other hand is lovin life as he finishes work at 3 every day... which is one of the main reasons we left Ireland as he was working till 6 most eveningss and some weekend work. So I feel guilty for having such a downer on this place. Ive been getting out and about but I just feel I will never have the relationships I had at home. Ive even got my brother here so I just dont know why I aint loving it like I should.

 

TBH I didn't for a long time! It took me ages to settle, but I stopped looking at the negatives & just started to enjoy life here 3 years later I love living here! The feeling you're having are pretty normal. We will always miss the UK & family that feeling never goes. But I started to realise that we came here for a reason & I needed to let OZ in my heart. I hope that you will find your feet soon.

[Alaska]

Hi T

 

Try and focus on the positives like others say. It's really easy to get in a negative cycle. But there really are a lot of positives.

 

About meeting people... it will take time. I wanted to cry at having to start again at the beginning. It seemed really weird going to meets when I had a great set of friends back home - it was a bit "I don't want to start again.". But you have to just go with it and soon enough you will realise that these new people are becoming friends too. After 6 months I have been lucky enough to meet people who I really would count as good friends.

 

Don't worry too much about what other people are earning. Everyone lives to their income and we manage on far less than is touted as "manageable" on some threads I have read.

We are very lucky to have so much to do that costs nothing here.

 

Take care.

[pfeds]

Stop being a wuss. Oz is great!