Guest tonyrange Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 I am feeling very frustrated about my current situation. We have been in Perth for just over a year and I don't want to be here any longer. However my wife who sister and three kids live here doesn't want to return. We are on my 457 visa and I am 50 so I am getting a bit old to move around. The problem is I have 2 children and family and great friends back in the uk, who I miss badly. I know the job position in the uk is not good but I feel I just don't want to be in Oz any longer. I have realised that Oz really isn't my dream, the big problem is my wife loves it here and feels that moving back would be the wrong thing. We are always at each others throats about this position. At my age I feel I need to get back to the uk before I am to old to start again. Really don't know what to do all I do know is I can't stay in Oz. Any suggestions?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob1 Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 yep, go back on holiday and see how you feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 Do you have a plan for getting a PR visa? If not and it does get a lot harder post age 50, then you will be going back sooner or later anyway. In which case, I agree that sooner is probably better than later in view of age. I am in my 40s now and certainly don't want to be moving around once I am in my 50s if I cn help it anyway. Does your wife understand this? It is a horrible situation where one wants to be on one side of the world and the other on the other. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 Sorry to hear this, I think you really need to chat with your wife, maybe write her a letter that way she has to read it without interrupting and biting your head off. Do you have any children/family in Oz with you? I presume your wife is on your visa so is heavily reliant on you that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest trasi Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 Hi Tony Sorry to hear of your dilemma. Agree with rupert, unless you plan to go for PR, your coming home anyway on a 457 (unless your company extend etc, and even then you can decline). Does your wife realize this ? i'm guessing she does, but without your consent she cant stay (unless sister sponsors you, but thats far to technical for me understand). your bound to miss your kids, any parent would...... as suggested above, maybe you could go back for a holiday ? good luck with all that happens xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 Do you have a plan for getting a PR visa? If not and it does get a lot harder post age 50, then you will be going back sooner or later anyway. In which case, I agree that sooner is probably better than later in view of age. I am in my 40s now and certainly don't want to be moving around once I am in my 50s if I cn help it anyway. Does your wife understand this? It is a horrible situation where one wants to be on one side of the world and the other on the other. Good luck. Well apart from the the PR bit for Oz, which is relevant, why are you so against moving when you are 50 etc!!!? We moved to Asia for work when we were 50'sh and stayed for 9 years, then retired to Oz at 60 with no family here, just for the experience and adventure. Been here for 9 years and love it, but who knows if we will up sticks again even at our great age!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Somgirl Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I am feeling very frustrated about my current situation. We have been in Perth for just over a year and I don't want to be here any longer. However my wife who sister and three kids live here doesn't want to return. We are on my 457 visa and I am 50 so I am getting a bit old to move around. The problem is I have 2 children and family and great friends back in the uk, who I miss badly. I know the job position in the uk is not good but I feel I just don't want to be in Oz any longer. I have realised that Oz really isn't my dream, the big problem is my wife loves it here and feels that moving back would be the wrong thing. We are always at each others throats about this position. At my age I feel I need to get back to the uk before I am to old to start again. Really don't know what to do all I do know is I can't stay in Oz. Any suggestions?? It's always a difficult one when one partner wants to remain in Oz and one wants to return. Unusually from posts I've read on here, it's usually the other way round, husband happy and partner wanting to return. We're here on a 457 for a two year secondment, and my husband will be 57 when we return! If you don't mind me asking, what was your original plan, to return to the UK at some stage or apply for PR? as Bob1 says above why not return to the UK for a holiday, before making a final decision? It may help you get things into perspective. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 Agree with others of going back initially for a holiday to see how you feel - for some it confirms their decision and as for a friend of mine, it changed her mind and decided to stay in Perth. The other question I guess is "is your marriage going to survive going back" - whilst on a 457 your wife won't have any choice but to return with you - you need to discuss this with her (although I'm sure she knows), and both look at the impact this will have on you. If your wife really wants to stay and it is the end of your relationship - would you consider getting PR - that way she could remain whilst you returned to the UK - you would also have the option of returning to Aus under this visa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I am feeling very frustrated about my current situation. We have been in Perth for just over a year and I don't want to be here any longer. However my wife who sister and three kids live here doesn't want to return. We are on my 457 visa and I am 50 so I am getting a bit old to move around. The problem is I have 2 children and family and great friends back in the uk, who I miss badly. I know the job position in the uk is not good but I feel I just don't want to be in Oz any longer. I have realised that Oz really isn't my dream, the big problem is my wife loves it here and feels that moving back would be the wrong thing. We are always at each others throats about this position. At my age I feel I need to get back to the uk before I am to old to start again. Really don't know what to do all I do know is I can't stay in Oz. Any suggestions?? Hi there, is it your wife's sister who has kids in Oz? Its going to be difficult whatever you decide, but it sounds like you know what you have to do and that is to go home. Blood is thicker than water. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fizzybangs Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 Wow, this is one of the hardest posts I've ever tried to respond to because I can totally understand why your wife is so happy here being with her sister and family yet can really understand your point of view too! If you go back you will miss your kids here too though won't you? I'm wondering if she's truly hearing how you feel though or is she thinking 'He'd leave me and the kids here for his kids there!' Could she perhaps feel a bit angry? Also, is it possible that she is happy to get away from your x partner & kids - ie have they ever caused any difficulties for her? when I first came here I felt like a weight had been lifted off me getting away from my husbands family although I missed mine desperately. Is there anything in your combined histories that may lead to similar feelings for her? I so agree about writing the letter but you must include the fact that having children in two different countries is tearing you apart - appeal to her mothering instinct. Never say you miss your kids back there so much that you want to go back even if it means leaving your kids here! Does she feel you are trying to make her go back against her will and if so how can you change your approach? Make sure in the letter you include the fact that you cannot imagine life without her (and your children here) but cannot help your feelings of despair which is making you feel worried, tired and ill. Don't mention the word 'depression; or she'll have you down the doctors for tablets! If the letter fails go to the doctor and book in for free counselling sessions in the hope that you may get some clarification Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 Well apart from the the PR bit for Oz, which is relevant, why are you so against moving when you are 50 etc!!!? We moved to Asia for work when we were 50'sh and stayed for 9 years, then retired to Oz at 60 with no family here, just for the experience and adventure. Been here for 9 years and love it, but who knows if we will up sticks again even at our great age!!!! Good on you, I think tat is great, really. I am not "so against it" (moving around at 50), however it is not my choice, not what I want to be doing and thus I emphasise with OP who expressed similar view. Hope that ok with you. :confused: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sussex boy Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 Ouch, its often really hard to persuade women to make the move. It maybe that she sees this a fresh start, away from negative influences, ex husband and wifes etc. To persuade her again to return to the `old life` and give up the new life you have made together could be a deal breaker. Best of luck . I would advise a holiday as other posters have. Grass is not allways greener etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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