Guest emmiepowell Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 I moved to Mornington, Victoria in May with my fiance after 3yrs of planning, booking flights etc... After 5 weeks travelling around Asia, it was nice to be in a country with westernised food, good hygeine and English speaking people. I'm currently 6 months pregnant, expecting our first child, we found out 3 weeks before we were due to leave the UK and we decided to come anyway - which I now feel was a huge mistake. I've lived here for 3 months and I can say that I absolutely hate it, I miss my friends and family terribly & want nothing more than to jump on the next flight back to London (I know most people will say that homesickness is inevitable and that my pregnancy hormones probaby aren't helping, but I know when I'm unhappy and unsettled). However my partner has been dreaming of coming to live here since before we got together, but after sitting down and discussing my feelings of unhappiness with him last week, he told me that he isn't loving it either (a ray of hope, it thought, yes, he feels the same way), but he wants to give it a summer out here & see if we feel any different. I can categorically say now that I want to go home asap. I don't want my baby out here (a, because I'm petrified and want my family nearby & b, because I think it's going to be a hassle trying to get into the UK with a new baby after originally leaving without one) I haven't told my partner exactly how unhappy I am, only that I don't like it here. I don't want him to resent me for going home and not at least giving it a chance, but everyday I'm out here I'm become more and more miserable & I don't care about the supposed upcoming warmer weather in the slightest (I enjoyed our annual holidays to the carribean as a means to getting a nice tan & a good dose of Vit D). Plus I've noticed that living out here has it's downsides already. My partner works far longer hours for less money out here than in London (currency equivalent anyway), whereas I have found it nearly impossible to get any work (notably this is without informing anyone that I'm actually pregnant, I still haven't received any interviews - I'm a recent psychology graduate). The cost of living out here is disgustingly high, everything is astronomically priced including basic unbranded food. I've met a few ladies through a social group on facebook, we have met on several occassions but I don't feel I've bonded with any of them and they certainly don't even compare to my friends back home. I've found most of the Australians I've met to be rude, arrogant, ignorant and prejudice towards outsiders, which hasn't made me feel welcome at all. All in all I just want to return home where I know I'm wanted & loved. But I feel stuck, I feel unable to return home as I don't want to upset/let down my partner but I don't want to stay as I'm totally unhappy here... Any suggestions? :em4600: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Oh dear, what can I say? If you really want to go back then you probably should. When you have your baby though, if it is in Australia, you mght find you feel a lot better.The clinic sisters put you in touch with weekly mothers' groups and I know from the experiences of my daughters that deep and lasting friendships are often formed. To be honest I think Mornington, although very pretty, is not the ideal place for a new migrant. Too far from things , a holiday area and not that much in the way of casual employment unless you are in the hospitality area. Any chance of moving? Otherwise ,tThere are a lot of pomsinoz people around your area- perhaps organise to meet a few? Hope it all works out for you and if you do stay don't worry too much about the maternity care etc here- it is very, very good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Shell15 Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 I was going to suggest perhaps moving to a different area as well? 3 months is such a short space of time tbh, it must be hard being pregnant and not feeling happy where you are, but like starlight said, once the baby is born it may be very different! For one your little one would then have Australian citizenship, giving a dual nationality as your both British! Something to bear in mind, you never know it may come in handy one day.. I was in the UK when I fell pregnant, away from home (Australia) and it was a scary prospect. I just wanted my family close to me, however I stayed and everything was ok. I joined mother and toddler groups and made some very good friends through it. I hope it all works out for you whether you stay or return home. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest72037 Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 :hug: Moving halfway across the world can be a stressful experience but even moreso when you're pregnant. As for feeling guilty about your partner, your happiness is probably far more important to him than staying in Australia. I know it is easier said than done but you really need to tell your partner exactly how you feel and then go from there. He might feel similarly and want to go home too. Have you been to any antenatal classes? You might meet some people in a similar situation to you. If moving really isn't an option, could a family member come over for the birth and the first couple of weeks? Maybe you could look into your options to take the baby back to England once it is born so that could remove the stress about that. Good luck, I hope everything works out for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Best of luck in what ever you decide to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest GeorgeD Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 You're in a really difficult situation, and I probably can't give you any advice on what choices to make. What I would suggest though, is that you really need to speak to your partner about it. The two of you are in Oz together, and even just opening up a bit could lift a bit of the load off you. Maybe he doesn't realise the way you feel. I think you need to start there...make sure the two of you are on the same page then worry about the other things beyond your control (like the cost of living - it never fails to amaze me the cost of some things in Oz...I will never stop going on about it, but over time you learn to handle the shock a bit better!) It isn't easy moving to another country. Even after being here almost 2 years, I really don't have many friends, and I dread to think what it would've been like if I hadn't found a job quickly. I was lucky. I had been in Oz for 10 weeks previously on a tourist visa and I was going round the bend while my wife was out working and I had literally nothing to do and nobody to talk to. I feel for you. Talk to your partner, that way you can work out what is best for you both. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lemongirl Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 I feel for you, you do sound pretty miserable. Bear in mind that the pregnancy hormones will be playing a huge factor here though, and are probably really impacting your perspective on everything. Being pregnant for the first time is scary for anyone, especially so when you are far from home. I know how it is - I've had two babies in the UK, but I'm Canadian and it's been tough doing it with my family so far away. If it was me, I would stick it out a bit longer. 3 months is such a short time. Will you regret it in the future if you do go back home now? I imagine you'll always wonder how it would have been if you really gave it a good chance. Get in to some antenatal classes when you are further along in your pregnancy, the bond of being pregnant together can be a great one for women, I'll still really close to some of the mum's I met when pregnant with my now 4 year old. And as for bringing a new baby in to the UK - I think you'll be ok there Australia has passports and birth certificates and such for little ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissEmma Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Like you, I knew very early on that Melbourne wasn't for me (a matter of months). Unfortunately though, the longer you stay, the more ties you create (jobs, house, etc.), and thus the more difficult it becomes to leave. I've now been here for the best part of ten years and am finally in a position to go back early next year...and I cannot wait! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 I guess if you were my daughter and feeling that way I would say come home and have the baby then work out what you want to do from there (I'd probably even be silly enough to offer you the fare!). At the moment your hormones are raging and TBH if you arent 100% then you absolutely do NOT want to commit yourself to a place by having a baby there (you may never get permission to leave - see the sticky thread about what happens when you want to leave Australia with a child and one parent says no). Sure, your bf is going to be ticked off but hopefully he could get leave to be back there for the birth of the baby and you would have some thinking space for what to do with the rest of your life. If you arent permanent residents then it isnt going to matter whether your child is born there or not as it still wont be Australian and if you are a permanent resident then you have some time to return without hassle and your child will have to get a visa anyway. It takes a lot of personal strength to raise a child in a foreign country (been there and got the t shirt) without support and you have to be 110% sure that it is what you want otherwise you will go under. You have to make the decision quickly though otherwise they wont let you fly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 I recall you went over on a WHV with a view to then seeking to stay longer right? I'll keep it short this time and simply say I think you should get on the next plane home and tell your partner you'll see him back in the UK. Pregnancy is hard enough on our hormones and bodies and if you feel scared about the thought of giving birth in Aus and want your family around you, go with your gut. If your partner wants to be there for the birth of your child, he can fly back before your due date or with you when you leave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skani Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 You have to make the decision quickly though otherwise they wont let you fly. Quoll makes a very good point. The cut off point for flying internationally used to be 28 weeks. I'm not sure if it is still the same but it would be adviseable to ask the airlines about this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sydney Raider Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Best of luck in whatever you decide to do. Life is too short to be unhappy and you have to do whats best for yourself and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RockDr Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 I recall you went over on a WHV with a view to then seeking to stay longer right? If you're on a WHV, you will invalidate it by giving birth in Australia, so if that's the case, there's no decision to make, you HAVE to leave... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest emmiepowell Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 If you're on a WHV, you will invalidate it by giving birth in Australia, so if that's the case, there's no decision to make, you HAVE to leave... my partner has recently been offered a 4 yr sponsorship visa, so we could stay, if I wanted to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest emmiepowell Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Quoll makes a very good point. The cut off point for flying internationally used to be 28 weeks. I'm not sure if it is still the same but it would be adviseable to ask the airlines about this. I checked this and can fly up to 32 weeks without a dr's note, or up to 36 with a dr's note Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 This should be one of the happiest times of your life. Don't spoil it for yourself by being somewhere you don't want to be. Go home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 I checked this and can fly up to 32 weeks without a dr's note, or up to 36 with a dr's note Speaking for myself thinking back to when I was 32 and 36 weeks pregnant, no way would I have sat 24 hours on a plane with the baby bump the size it was. It would have been awful. I spent my sitting time perched on the edge of chairs then or on the gym ball to keep comfy. Sitting in an airplane seat the wrong angle for baby position at 32 weeks would have been agony for me. Plus the increased risk of DVT would concern me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sadiesmum Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 You really are in a difficult situation, and I should imagine every fiber in your being is shouting "I want to go home"! Being pregnant is tough, and there are so many changes in your life ahead you would not believe (tropical holidays might be unpractical for the first couple of years, not to mention suddenly very expensive!). A baby tests not only your own resolve but your relationship too, you can become very resentful of your partner if he is working long hours as certainly for the first 6 months it is a thankless task. Perhaps consider how your family in the UK feels knowing you are so far away, Im sure if you decided to give it another 12 months they would be out on rotation to offer you the support and help you will need, perhaps asking them to book their flights would help so you can start planning your time. The reason I say this is as someone currently looking to move to Oz to give my 3 year old a better quality of life (the main reason a family wants to move out there). From what I have read on there the support pre and post natal in Oz is great, this isnt always guaranteed in the UK (depending on what your local NHS offers). The bigger picture offers your new family the chance to build a life in a country that offers more opportunity for family time, a great approach to schooling and endless opportunity for your little one. Theres nothing worse than having a toddler in the UK constantly wondering what will be in store for them in later life, will they be able to go to University, will they find a job they want? I can completely see both sides of the argument, and thinking back to be being 6 months pregnant I was a completely different person, very teary emotional and not very logical in my thinking. They do say you have to give it at least 18 months when moving to any country, I guess you are just unlucky that this coincides with having a baby (I which you knew was going to happen anyway so isnt a surprise) Hope this helps. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 You have only been here a couple of months and its not been the best place to be living this winter. I live ten minutes away and I am sick of the winter this year and sick of not being able to get out. Where is your oh working? If its the CBD then the traveling would be long each day making a very long day. A lot do it but then they may be established in the area with families etc. For work psychology graduate, don't want to be harsh but unless you go for the full phd here then there is not a lot of jobs in that area. Unfortunately there are a lot of psychology graduates my daughter is one also. She did post grad teaching and does not teach she works in another field altogether. At least if you have your baby in Aus it will be Australian and although this may seem the worst scenario for you it may not be for your child down the line if he/she decides they want to live in Aus in the future. If you are unhappy your oh will be too as we influence the people we live with. I would give it a bit more time, can a family member come out and visit you. If you do return and your partner still wants to come back to Aus as a ping pong what then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 At least if you have your baby in Aus it will be Australian and although this may seem the worst scenario for you it may not be for your child down the line if he/she decides they want to live in Aus in the future. They are on WHV, or at best temporary employer sponsored. So baby will not be Australian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 OMG, expect a family to go out to Australia on rotation to support someone, that really is a bit OTT. Most families dont have that capacity - not only fares but time off work, their own family responsibilities etc. The better life for the kids thing is a furphy TBH - there is very little to choose between two first world countries and from what I have seen here in UK there are loads more toddler and child activities than there were back in Canberra which prides itself on its child opportunities. I see loads of happy mums with happy bubs here - just walking around our local shopping centre yesterday there were young mums everywhere with happy kids doing lots of things. The world will have changed a lot by the time kids grow up and there is no guarantee that one first world country is going to be any better than any other first world country when the time comes for them to move on. Having a loving support network around them is a far better gift for any kid than the risk of sunburn and melanoma! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnAli Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 I would have your baby there so that he/she has dual citizenship, you will have no problems in the UK getting your baby citizenship. You are not going to make friends or have the same bonds in a short time, friendship develops and you probably have had many years with friends back home to make memories and build bonds, as we get older it becomes harder just to bond with people. Looking in from the outside I think you are in an amazing and exciting position, there must be lots of women in a similar position , have you asked your doctor about any groups that are available in your area?. Can your family come over to visit you as you get closer to your due date. I remember when I first moved away from home I had no job no friends and my OH was working all day , we went out with his friends it was expected that because they were his friends I would become friends with their wives - I never liked them. It took awhile but I did build my own group of friends, I was always envious of people who had children as they always had so much to do and in common with each other. If you can't find paid work could you do some voluntary work . You are putting way too much pressure on yourself to expect eveything to be perfect in such a short time. Good luck , the decision can only be yours you can consider and take onboard the comments of strangers but don't let them influence your decision it has to be yours and your partners just dont make a knee jerk decision x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 OMG, expect a family to go out to Australia on rotation to support someone, that really is a bit OTT. Most families dont have that capacity - not only fares but time off work, their own family responsibilities etc. The better life for the kids thing is a furphy TBH - there is very little to choose between two first world countries and from what I have seen here in UK there are loads more toddler and child activities than there were back in Canberra which prides itself on its child opportunities. I see loads of happy mums with happy bubs here - just walking around our local shopping centre yesterday there were young mums everywhere with happy kids doing lots of things. The world will have changed a lot by the time kids grow up and there is no guarantee that one first world country is going to be any better than any other first world country when the time comes for them to move on. Having a loving support network around them is a far better gift for any kid than the risk of sunburn and melanoma! A lot of families have people that pop over to Aus or back to the UK Quoll. You did it yourself for a long long time so if you were in the same position it would be no hardship. Referring to the lass post her partner wanted this for a long long time, he may be upset now, but that may be because of seeing her so upset, that does not mean that he would be unhappy her if she was not. There are two people in a relationship and each is equal in my view and it has to be sorted out for both parties. Living in Mornington as two young people would be very isolating not knowing anyone, also a lot of the Brits who live there that they would meet would tend to be older and therefore I agree with other posters that they should try to move closer to the action before throwing in the towell. Just because the UK suits you and you hate all things Aus, why I do not know, its been good to you, but some of us like it here and we like it there and we do not need to be reminded all the time of the differences, difference is good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Shell15 Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 They are on WHV, or at best temporary employer sponsored. So baby will not be Australian. A child born in australia woud automatically have australian birth rights, correct me if im wrong but im pretty sure that is the case Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Rodster Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Speak to your partner and get it out in the open. As I see it you dont only not like Australia but anyone living here, you do not have a good word for anything or anyone. You appear to have made a mess of this episode in your life. Im not being hurtful just honest. Go home and be happy lifes too short to carry this burden. All the best for the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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