To go or not to go?!

[Guest laurisha]

Hi there everybody. I have a real problem, and I just need some opinions as I can't think straight.

My boyfriend and I have just started the process of moving to Oz. I've recently had second thoughts as I am very close to my family, and don't know if I can bare to leave them.

The problem is that my boyfriend will be going with or without me.

If I go, I will rarely see my family. If I stay, I loose the man I thought I'd be spending my life with.

I know this is difficult for others to give an opinion on, but maybe there's someone out there who has had a similar experience.:unsure:

[Quoll]

I can confirm it will be very lonely for you. I married an Aussie and we have ended up here. When we first arrived 29 years ago, I had a small baby and was able to get into the community through children's activities. Then I went to work and made connections through that. DH's family live 750km away so we are effectively on our own. I managed OK but, being an only child, I did miss my folks. For a while it wasnt too bad because my parents came over for 6 months a year for 15 years. Nw they cant do that any more and my homesickness and loneliness is chronic and increasing. I adore my DH and cannot imagine life without him after 35 years together but he wont leave here to go back to UK to live.

 

You have to weigh up whether you would rather be here with him or there without him - the relationship comes first for me every time and if that means that I am unhappy where I am living then I guess I have to put up with it to be with him. We have a reasonable compromise in that I go home every year now we can afford it but there were times when we couldnt really afford for me to go home especially not with the kids (did that several times on my own with two little tots!)

 

I dont envy you your choice actually - but it is one that only you can work out for yourself.

[ali]

Hi,

 

You don't say if you've ever visited Australia - if you haven't then I'd say come and see what it has to offer, that way you'll have an idea if it's for you or not (and the decision may be made for you). Missing family and Friends is a biggy and hits everyone, some can't get over it and return to the UK whilst others find a way of coping and enjoy the aussie life. Only you can decide what you want to do, whatever you chose is a life changing decision.

 

Good luck

 

Ali

[Guest EM&M]

We have been here for 4 motnhs and have adapted really well settled in no problem, no homesickness or anything. But I just find if something goes wrong when I feel a little unsettled, my first thought is I need to go home although I think this is the defence mechinism in me.

 

I dont envy your decision. someone posted a similar thread few weeks ago only it was the guy saying he was going and he hadnt been honest with his girlfriend but he was leaving regardless,

 

What you need to make sure is that its isnt just his dream and your going along with it cos that way its more likely not to work out, it has to be something you both want.

 

Good Luck

 

Em x

[phyllis71]

Hi Just wondering if you, or anyone else could help me. as i read that your parents came over to oz for 6 monthsn at a time. My husband and i are very interested in doing the same. we only have two daughters and they both live in sydney, and although we would love to retire in oz, due to the very high cost of the contributory parents visa we cant afford to. The next option would be to downsize our house here, and move to sydney for 6 months. we would need a short term lease for a furnished flat. Is there a visa we need, and is it quite easy to get flats as short term leases. Hope you can advise. thanks Phyllis

[Guest Mrs Braveheart]

Hi Laurisha

 

What a hard decision you have to make hun. I can totally relate to why you don't want to leave your family. My OH has wanted me to come to Oz for 10 years. I would not leave my dad it was a outright NONO. Sadly my dad passed away 2 years ago & we are now in OZ but only for this reason. Its a really hard choice to make only one that you can decide.

 

Good Luck

 

Janette

[Guest laurisha]

Hi and thanks a lot everyone for your replys, I really appreciate it. I have decided that my partner takes priority in my life, and that although I will certainly miss my family, I need to take a risk and be with the man I love and give it a go. As I keep hearing... you'll never never know, if you never never go!

 

Another cheesey quote I like is... If you don't take risks in your life, you'll have a wasted soul.

[Quoll]

Hi and thanks a lot everyone for your replys, I really appreciate it. I have decided that my partner takes priority in my life, and that although I will certainly miss my family, I need to take a risk and be with the man I love and give it a go. As I keep hearing... you'll never never know, if you never never go!

 

Another cheesey quote I like is... If you don't take risks in your life, you'll have a wasted soul.

 

Another cheesy quote which goes along with yours - Life is not a dress rehearsal!!!!

 

Laurisha, good for you! I do suggest that you sit down and talk to him about your concerns and plan for the fact that you may need to go home every now and again though. Be prepared to go home alone for visits (I do that all the time and it is fine!) and that somewhere in your budget there will be a need to accommodate that. When we were young there was no issue and we took every opportunity that arose, it is just now that we are older and we didnt really have a plan for retirement (well, we did, it's just that I had mine and he had his and we didnt really talk about it because we were too busy just getting on with life!!!).

 

Phyllis, I am not sure what visa you need. My parents did it all themselves but my guess is that they had this one Australia 6 Month Holiday Visa

 

Things have changed in the past few years though at your end and you will need to be sure that if you come here for half the year then you will not be penalized with respect to the NHS.

 

As for short term lets of furnished flats, I am sure that you can get them but in Sydney they may be quite expensive - it may be worth your while to go a bit further out but within easy travel of the city. My parents built a one bedroom granny flat on our block and so had their independence but were nice and close - maybe one of your daughters has a big block???.

[Guest carlleah]

how u doing i know wot your going through,me my mrs and two kids r half way through our visa now,but ive just got my dream job and love it,9 year of trying and its paid off but the visa people said i can b there this time next year.

wot should i do, im a plumber and know i can get a job anywere but its still in back of my mind i want to go so much its unreal.

 

wot do u all think

[Quoll]

how u doing i know wot your going through,me my mrs and two kids r half way through our visa now,but ive just got my dream job and love it,9 year of trying and its paid off but the visa people said i can b there this time next year.

wot should i do, im a plumber and know i can get a job anywere but its still in back of my mind i want to go so much its unreal.

 

wot do u all think

 

You have your dream job? Stay where you are!

[Guest Englander]

Hi there everybody. I have a real problem, and I just need some opinions as I can't think straight.

My boyfriend and I have just started the process of moving to Oz. I've recently had second thoughts as I am very close to my family, and don't know if I can bare to leave them.

The problem is that my boyfriend will be going with or without me.

If I go, I will rarely see my family. If I stay, I loose the man I thought I'd be spending my life with.

I know this is difficult for others to give an opinion on, but maybe there's someone out there who has had a similar experience.:unsure:

 

Go. My daughter did 4 years ago now my second daughter is joining her and so am i and my wife. After 4 visits to Oz each year it got harder and harder to leave. u have to look at the bigger picture. When my eldest told me she was going to Sydney I was so pleased for her as i'm sure your family should be. when u get to Oz get a good computer and skype.

[Guest Sharon & Mike]

Hi, sorry another quote "nothing ventured nothing gained" go for it, if you don't like it you can always come back. I have my sister in Spain and my parents here in the UK, my husband has 2 children here which is going to be hard for him to leave behind. So your not alone in your feelings, my husband has just got a job in Perth and I can't wait to go, this will be our last Christmas here and hopefully next year we will either be on the beach or round a pool, awesom as my kids would say. Oh yes, my children will have to leave their dad behind, but there are ways of keeping in touch, email, webcam, that's a good way as you can actually see who you are talking to. So good luck and may you have many happy years together in the land of Oz. :cute:

[Kabroom]

Hi,

 

I married an aussie aswell and always knew that he wanted to go back over to live but always felt that I couldn't leave my parents either and for years I always said no.

 

I suppose I was lucky in a way because he never put pressure on me and accepted my decision, well it paid off because eventually I came round to the idea and we are planning on going over next year. I still feel emotional about leaving my parents and also very guilty because they are getting older and need their family around them but we don't want regrets of never trying.

 

Good luck

Wendy

[Guest Gollywobbler]

Hi Just wondering if you, or anyone else could help me. as i read that your parents came over to oz for 6 monthsn at a time. My husband and i are very interested in doing the same. we only have two daughters and they both live in sydney, and although we would love to retire in oz, due to the very high cost of the contributory parents visa we cant afford to. The next option would be to downsize our house here, and move to sydney for 6 months. we would need a short term lease for a furnished flat. Is there a visa we need, and is it quite easy to get flats as short term leases. Hope you can advise. thanks Phyllis

 

Hi Phyllis

 

I have sent you an e-mail via Poms in Oz. The content is information you ought to be aware of, so please keep an eye on your e-mail in-box. It is an e-mail, not a PM.

 

Best wishes

 

Gill

[Guest guest12791]

Hi there everybody. I have a real problem, and I just need some opinions as I can't think straight.

My boyfriend and I have just started the process of moving to Oz. I've recently had second thoughts as I am very close to my family, and don't know if I can bare to leave them.

The problem is that my boyfriend will be going with or without me.

If I go, I will rarely see my family. If I stay, I loose the man I thought I'd be spending my life with.

I know this is difficult for others to give an opinion on, but maybe there's someone out there who has had a similar experience.:unsure:

Hi there, i realy feel for you, moving away from your family will be the hardest thing you have ever had to do in your life but remeber you will be able to fly back to britain and see everyone. if you dont go you will always wonder if you had done the right thing.

I went to brisbane last April along with my partner and two daughters. by september my dad was critically ill and has just passsed away, i returned to england to be with him and leaving my two daughters in brisbane was the hardest thing i had ever done. Now my partner and i want to fly back to brisbane to live and my two daughters dislike it there and want to return home. What a dilema!:wacko:I guess it is hard when family are involved but just follow your heart and you will be ok, good luck

[Guest dhanley]

Go for it girl, you have a life to lead, I to am in the same posistion at 35 and with four kids there is no work left in this country and its pants just think about the future not what your leaving behaind.

 

Lossa Luv and Gud Luck

 

Jo Hanley

[ali]

What made the decision for me, was my hubby said "you're half way through your working life" and I thought - "I can't do the other half in the UK"

 

Go for it.

 

Ali

[Guest Kathy L]

Hi there,

 

I am a singleton in the process of moving to Oz but one of my close friends was in a similar position as you where she moved out because her boyfriend had a new job there. She went out and thoroughly enjoyed it, made loads of friends through work and really settled into the aussie lifestyle. Unfortunately she did miss her family (as she expected to) and when she split up from her boyfriend she came back over to the UK. Although she is now settled again here, she misses Oz and the lifestyle she had there.

 

I agree that it is hard tearing yourself away from what is familiar and comfortable, but at the end of the day you have to decide what your biggest regret would be: not going over there and making a go of things with your boyfriend or staying put and sticking with what you know but possibly losing the one you envisaged spending the rest of your life with.

 

Whatever your decision, the very best of luck.

 

Kathy

[phyllis71]

thank you so much for answering my querry. Good luck with your decision. phyllis