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Found 29 results

  1. PityTheFool

    Insurance Policy No Cllaims Bonus

    I've always been told that theres no such thing as a stupid question, so here it goes..... Can no claims bonus' which have been accumulated on policies in the UK be used in Oz???
  2. Hi everyone, I'm looking into moving to Oz (Canberra) on a 176 ACT sponsored visa. I qualify for the GSM as a policy analyst / project manager. I've looked on line and the majority of posts require federal clearance that means citizenship. I understand that citizenship isn't required to work for the State and some consultancy companies. Is this correct? Is anyone else in / been in a similar situation and what have been their experiences in finding jobs? I hold DV clearance in the UK but unfortunetly it is none transferable. P.S. I am waiting to hear back from a potential employer about whether or not they can sponsor my visa. They are a small outfit and have said they will have to look into what will be required of them and the impact it will have on their resources. Grateful for any advice! Stuart
  3. As some know we are planning full steam our return to Australia once again, and part of this plan is that I can one day not in the too dim and distant future is to be able to work COMPLETELY from home/tent/hut/cabin. My better half is a looney tune, :goofy:, no, she really is, and needs me to run her to her groups, volunteering, shopping, and look after her at home. I can and do occasionally wander out by myself but am rarely gone for longer than two hours in case Ruth needs me this end,:wubclub: So back to the main story again. In planning to work solely from home I am trying to enroll on a couple of Open University courses that will hopefully give me the skills to work from home in OZ and still look after the good lady in OZ. Now I work from home now, writing articles and the like for fishing magazines and certain Australian mags, it doesn't pay well, and if needs must I take part time work, some would call them 'menial' :mad: to keep the pennies coming in. BUT, I am on what is called 'Carers Allowance', now this brings in the grand sum of £28.28 a week, not a lot but it does help. Part of the legislation laid down for this allowance is that I have to be caring for Ruth for a minimum of 30 hours per week, if truth were known it is a 24 hour 'job' so no problem there. But the forms for the Open University include me having to get some paperwork signed by a registered person, you know what I mean, true likeness and all that. Anyway, the fella that normally does it (a JP) is away at the moment, so the only other person I know is a lady down at the job centre (civil servant) who has a close relationship with Ruth. So of I go after making an appointment, and see said lady. After several questions she then says,' You do realise Mr W....... that this may affect your carers allowance,:goofy::shocked:. Apparently I will need to prove that I still care for Ruth even though when studying, the weekly study hours are approximately between 10 and 17 hours a week spread over 32 weeks. Now, I will be sitting in my office/conservatory studying AND still be able to look after Ruth, no problem. But the furore around this study left me gob smacked. I now have to sit and wait for certain departments to talk to certain departments to see if I will still be classed as a carer,:shocked:. Sorry for the rant peeps, but the world has gone mad. I don't know a lot about the benefit system at all, but when someone is doing all they can to better themselves and still look after a loved one and possibly be penalized for this is to my mind absolute garbage. As I said, I don't know a lot about benefits etc, but it seems as though a genuine case of trying to do what I can is once again being tarnished with the same brush as those who take the p7ss. I KNOW only too well that many need the safety net that is 'benefits', there are many people, but it has come to a sad state of affairs where my possible learning (that WILL enable me to look after Ruth better) is possibly going to be punished, just can't get my head around it folks. Sorry for letting off steam, needed to I'm afraid. Cheers Tony.:wink:
  4. It has been suggested to us that we should "establish a joint life second death term assurance policy" for the amount that we might be liable for IHT should one of us die before we could be considered to have broken domicile with UK. Does anyone know where we could get one of these from? Does anyone have any experience? All advice gratefully accepted. Julie
  5. I know a lot of you get bored sh77tless with some of my threads and posts but here goes anyway. Most of you will know my life story to a degree, I am as I have often said an open book, and really couldn't care less who knows about my past, present and future. Drugs, booze, divorces, instutionlised, homeless, etc, are all things that have happened in my life and I wouldn't change a thing, :eek:. There are those that post on PIO that very rarely let others get an insight into their lives, and good for them, they may not want every Tom, Dick and Harry to know when they have a cuppa, go to the loo , etc. There are those that let a little of their lives show, and there are those that often speak about their lives at some length. The two that really jump to mind are Pablo, and Kev (among others). Whilst Pablos stories are very often funny and amusing, and I find myself in hysterics, he always manages to put some 'human' angle into hid posts, even when things seem to others very serious, he still manages to convey his thought concisely and more often than not with a great degree of realism and thought. Kev posts in a way that is very human, though often at times with a great deal of humour, but he is not afraid to say things about his life that to some may seem shocking or strange. Kev has always said his life is an open book, and I admire that in him. I guess what I am trying to says simply this. At times I look at my threads/posts and think to myself either, that is boring, that was too much, or more often than not 'Who really cares'. Can we be too open about our lives on an internet forum, do we leave ourselves way to open, and at times maybe we are viewed as egotistical, vain, etc, I am speaking for MYSELF there. That is not meant to be aimed at Pablo or Kev, just my very personal viewpoint at how I think others view my often depressing threads. Would it be better not to lie, but to hold back a little more, or should we, some, all, be as honest as possible in our thoughts. I would welcome any criticism, as I often go into a world of my own and post as if I am speaking with Ruth or my family, I forget that many thousands of people can read my thoughts and some will look upon these thoughts as trivial, inane or just boring. Cheers Tony.:wink:
  6. MIA has sent a series of specific questions relating to migration to each of the key political parties... Here is the detail..
  7. Principles:----> The Australian Greens believe that: 1. the presence in Australia of people of many cultural backgrounds greatly enriches our society and should be celebrated. 2. Australian society, culture and the economy has benefited, and will continue to benefit, from immigration of people from around the world. 3. immigration must be non-discriminatory on the grounds of nationality, ethnic origin, religion, language, gender, disability, sexuality, age or socioeconomic background. 4. Australia has humanitarian and legal obligations to accept refugees and reunite families. 5. asylum seekers and refugees are no more of a threat to our borders or to society than anyone else and must be treated with compassion and dignity. 6. Australia must assess in good faith all asylum seekers who arrive on our mainland or any of our islands, without discrimination based on the method of arrival. Goals The Australian Greens want: 7. an immigration program that is predominantly based on family reunions and other special humanitarian criteria as defined by international human rights Conventions. 8. all migrants to be given access to a full range of culturally sensitive, appropriate health services including a comprehensive medical examination on arrival. 9. services for new migrants to include appropriate English language classes, social security, legal and interpreter services, programs to ease transition to Australia's multicultural society, and post-trauma counselling where needed. 10. the elimination of the policies of mandatory detention, and other forms of harsh, punitive or discriminatory treatment of asylum seekers and refugees. 11. asylum seekers who arrive without a valid visa to have their claims for asylum assessed while living in the community. 12. planning for climate change refugees with a particular focus on the Asia-Pacific region. Measures The Australian Greens will: 13. ensure that potential immigrants are not unfairly discriminated against on any grounds. 14. increase the share of places for off-shore refugees and humanitarian entrants. 15. ensure that funding for public and community sector agencies providing migrant-specific services is increased to a level sufficient to provide adequate, effective and timely support. 16. ensure the development of networks, materials and programs that increase community understanding of the causes and benefits of migration. 17. abolish mandatory and indefinite detention of asylum seekers. 18. abolish discriminatory separation of refugees into permanent and temporary visa categories based on whether or not they arrived with a valid visa. 19. abolish the 'seven day rule' legislation whereby asylum seekers cannot gain a permanent protection visa if they have spent seven days in a third country. 20. restore the Australian migration zone to match Australia's territory and accept responsibility for processing all asylum seekers who seek Australia's protection within the migration zone. 21. ensure asylum seekers are fully informed of their rights on arrival and given immediate access to legal assistance. 22. restore asylum seekers' legal right to challenge decisions that affect them in the courts. 23. replace the current system of humanitarian visas (granted only by the Immigration Minister after rejection as a refugee) with an open, accountable humanitarian visa process incorporating a humanitarian review tribunal. 24. house asylum seekers who arrive without a valid visa in publicly owned and managed open reception centres, where entry and exit to these centres are unrestricted except where prohibited for medical or security reasons specified in clause 28. 25. ensure that initial assessment of refugee status is completed within 90 days. 26. grant asylum seekers an asylum application visa (AAV) and assist without delay their move into the community provided medical and security checks are satisfied or after 14 days has passed, whichever occurs first. 27. ensure asylum seekers living in the community while their claim is assessed will be granted an AAV which will entitle them to travel, work, income support and access to ongoing educational and medical services anywhere within Australia while their claims for asylum are assessed. 28. deny an AAV if security checks demonstrate the person poses a serious criminal threat to the Australian community or if the person has not remained housed in the reception centre while the medical and security checks were completed. 29. ensure that refusal to grant an AAV is reviewable at the Administrative Appeals Tribunal. 30. house those people refused an AAV in separate, appropriate, publicly owned and managed facilities close to urban areas. 31. ensure that, if refugee status is refused and the person cannot be repatriated, the AAV will remain in force until he or she can be repatriated. 32. ensure that the number of AAVs given to asylum seekers who arrive without a valid visa has no impact on the prescribed number of off-shore refugee and humanitarian entrants that Australia accepts. 33. support skilled migration programs that do not drain critical skills from other countries and do not substitute for training or undermine wages and conditions in Australia. 34. ensure that Australia adequately contributes to the funding of the United Nations High Commission for Refugees (UNHCR). 35. ensure that Australia adopts a definition of environmental refugee in its assessment criteria and works in the UN system for inclusion of a definition in the United Nations Refugee Convention. 36. ensure that no family unit is forcibly separated by the Australian assessment processes. 37. grant the families of approved asylum seekers permission to migrate to Australia for family reunions within a reasonable time, in accordance with the UNHCR humanitarian program.
  8. Teams to tackle migrant debate. THREE teams of experts with strongly opposing views on a Big Australia have been called in to help map out the issues around population growth. Former NSW premier Bob Carr will head a panel which will say the population is heading towards unsustainable levels. A business team chaired by Heather Ridout, of the Australia Industry Group, sees high growth as the key to prosperity. The third panel, to be headed by demographer Graeme Hugo, has no strong opinion on numbers but wants better planning. Population Minister Tony Burke yesterday said the three would draft an issues paper on population growth. The government has been trying to ease the concerns of Australians opposed to rapid population growth and immigration as they see resources stretched, and those who want more immigration to fill skills shortages. And I bet Bob Carr will be drawing upon the “research” of anti immigration group Centre for Population & Urban Research, informed by demographer Dr. Bob Birrell..... who had been advising DIAC.......
  9. Just a 'heads up" for anyone travelling with Qantas in the near future,whilst I was away on business I heard a rumour from a Qantas contact that they are going to start being very strict about hand luggage,my contact tells me that they will be weighing EVERY piece of hand luggage and anything over 7 kg's will be charged excess baggage rates on. I urge anyone travelling with them to ensure that you keep your hand luggage under 7 kg's and ensure that it meets the size limitations as stated on the QF website. Fly - Baggage - Carry-on Baggage - General
  10. George Lombard

    Health Policy Changes

    Taking effect next week, there are some significant changes for health professionals, people with diabetes, carer visa applicants and pregnacy situations. This is the summary from the agents' gateway: Health Services Australia (HSA) has been re-branded as Medibank Health Solutions. All references to Health Services Australia throughout the PAM have been removed and replaced with Medibank Health Solutions. Whilst family members who are student visa applicants must complete health assessments to the same standard as the principal student applicant, if the principal applicant is a student of a health care profession, the dependant applicant will not have to complete the additional blood tests unless they themselves fall into a category of special significance. For more information please refer to Section 9.2,9.5 and 23.1 of the Health PAM. A nursing home is considered a hospital or health care environment, however an applicant likely to enter a private doctor's or dentist's surgery is not considered to fall into this category of special significance. As such, the additional health requirement that they undergo a chest x-ray may not be applicable. For more information please refer to Section 12.1 of the Health PAM. A list of health professionals who are not considered to be doctors, nurses, paramedics or students of these professions, for the purpose of their health assessment, has been included in the PAM. Applicants planning to work in these professions may not have to undergo the additional health requirements of HIV, Hepatitis Band C tests. For more information please refer to Section 13 of the Health PAM. Applicants under 40 years of age who suffer from diabetes will be required to submit a treating doctor's summary. The summary is to be emailed to the HOC seeking their advice as to what other health assessments are required, if any. Applicants with diabetes who are aged 40 years and over will be required to undergo a Form 26 health assessment. For more information please refer to Section 17 of the Health PAM. For a Carer (subclass 116/836) visa, the caree, that is the person who requires care, is required to have their level of impairment assessed by Medibank Health Solutions. 'On the papers' assessments for carees are no longer available. A caree must be assessed by Medibank Health Solutions in person. For more information please refer to Section 36 of the Health PAM. All pregnant offshore visa applicants, intending to give birth in Australia, will be required to undergo a Hepatitis B test performed by a panel doctor. Offshore applicants (who are not required to complete a full Form 26 medical examination) will also need to complete specific parts of Form 26 when submitting their Hep B test. For more information please refer to Section 37.7 of the Health PAM. A baby born to temporary provisional visa holders in Australia will have to complete health assessments before the permanent visa is granted. For more information please refer to Section 48.5 of the Health PAM. For health assessments of babies born in Australia, six months of age or younger, the 'Child Health Record' or 'Personal Health Record' booklet will no longer be accepted. For more information please refer to Section 48.5 of the Health PAM. Papua New Guinea has been added to the list of countries that can, in some circumstances, provide local clearance for the limited temporary caseload. Only those x-rays and medicals which are undertaken at Port Moresby Private Specialist Medical Centre, and are reported on by a radiologist from Cairns Diagnostic Imaging can be locally cleared. For more information please refer to Section 53.7 of the Health PAM. See Agents Gateway - Changes to Health PAM - 27 March 2010 . Cheers, George Lombard
  11. People problem inflated. Politicians and the public are in danger of misplaced panic over population. It is a touch depressing, but unsurprising, that we are back to the worst of the population debate. Everyone says, with a note of policy virtue, that we need to thrash out this very important issue. But so often the discussion becomes a pretty negative one. This is especially so when we are on the cusp of an election and the opposition sees a window of opportunity. One woud have more empathy of those against population or immigration growth if they considered regional development, versus their own self interest in major cities….
  12. From 4th November 2009, being as business information professional MODL (code number 2299-79), my application was lodged in Australian computer society. Right now my application status still in process. As you all know well that Australian immigration authority has completely revised its policy for SOL & MODL category by 8th February. Please let me know that how much my application will be effected from this new revised policy. Your sincere response are require for my guidance.
  13. "The money line from Chris Evans this morning in announcing changes to the skilled migration program was that this was about “taking back control of our immigration program”. From Crikey, explains well, Labor terrified of being outdone by conservatives on dog whistling issues of migration, population etc. Obvious those responsible do not understand system well, and terrified of the electorate (read over 50s white Australia) ..... This a.m. Albury Wodonga newspaper, complaining not enough cooks....... Australians may start opening their minds more when domestic TAFE and University fees increase dramatically next year with the former doubling..... due to decreasing students from Asia ...... their investment properties are empty due to less immigrants to rent ..... and as industry is already complaining, skill shortages already apparent....
  14. les-babs1315@hotmail.com

    Australia to Focus Imigration policy on Skills

    On the BBC web site today. Australia seeks skilled migrants Australia's immigration minister, Chris Evans, has announced policy changes to attract more highly skilled workers. He criticised the current trend for new arrivals to sign up for cookery or hairdressing courses to gain residency. Mr Evans said Australia would abolish the current list of 106 skills in demand and review a points test used to assess migrants. His comments were welcomed by the mining sector, which is struggling to meet China's demand for raw materials. "We had tens of thousands of students studying cookery and accounting and hairdressing because that was on the list and that got them through to permanent residency," Mr Evans told Australian radio. Catering to high-end "We want to make sure we're getting the high-end applicants," the immigration minister said. “ We need the people on the job now and the demand going forward will be even greater as these projects get off the ground ” Steve Knott Australian Mines and Metals Association He said the new immigration intake would focus on health workers, including more doctors and nurses, as well as engineering and mining. Australia's mining sector is struggling to find tens of thousands of staff to support major firms like BHP Billiton and Rio Tinto as they expand to meet China's growing demand for resources. "We need the people on the job now and the demand going forward will be even greater as these projects get off the ground," Australian Mines and Metals Association Chief Executive Steve Knott told Australian radio. "The boom in the resources sector, particularly in the north-west of Western Australia, has been quite strong so we welcome the decision that has been made," he said. Fraud reports Many overseas students from Asia seek residency in Australia after completing vocational courses at private colleges, usually in hairdressing and catering. Education experts have been calling on Australia to overhaul its foreign student sector after reports of fraud and that students were using the system purely to gain residency in Australia. Last year 170,000 people applied to live and work permanently in Australia as skilled migrants, but there were just 108,100 places available, he said. Mr Evans added that all lower-skilled applications lodged before 1 September 2007, when English language skills and work experience requirements were easier, would have their applications withdrawn and application fees worth A$14 million ($12.15 million) refunded. Australian Bureau of Statistics data shows that 4.4 million people in Australia were born overseas Les
  15. Hello, Could anyone give us any advise on endowments, weve heard that if we leave them to mature in UK we would be liable for 40% taxation when money is deposited in Australia, Is this true ?. We have our visa and were relocating to Gold Coast March 2006. :?: [/b]
  16. So DIAC has been conducting MODL review and, from their second issue paper it seems that one of the options they consider is to abandon current prioritisation policy. Does anyone know if this is one of the options that they are still considering? From what I can gather from googling etc, some of the submissions made to DIAC does seem to suggest that DIAC abandon the prioritisation.
  17. Hey all, I flew out to Australia last week from the UK on a tourist visa looking for sponsorship as a Computer Person (its on the MODL list) - I've been hearing rumors from a few recruiters out here that, despite the minimum salary level being about $62k for ICT that nominations for sponsorship are being rejected where the sponsor is offering a salary of less than $90k. Can anyone shed any light on this? I've found a company thats going to sponsor me and the nomination for the position has just been sent off... Im just worried that the position will get rejected because they only offering about $70k and it wont be classed as "highly skilled enough" p.
  18. Hey guys, Don't know if you've all been following the financial world extra keenly after September 23, but it seems that the Australian economy has not only turned the corner, but is starting to move up through the gears. For example: - Unemployment is peaking earlier and lower than expected at 6.75% in Q2, 2010 (a 8.5% peak forecast for June 2011) - The economy grew at 1% last year when most other countries struggled and is forecast to grow at 1.5% (-0.5%) next year - GDP is also set to grow faster than expected at 1.75% (0.5%) in 2009 and 3.25% (2.25%) in 2010. I realise we are not out of the woods yet. And I'd be a fool to suggest this will have an overnight effect on migration policy and lead to the Government re-evaluating September's bout of knee-jerkism. But at least Mr. Evans will soon have to look elsewhere for his first best excuse for messing us all around. Sources: 2nd UPDATE: Australian Govt Ups Economy View; Deficit To Stay - WSJ.com RBA Says Australian GDP to Grow Faster, Rates to Rise (Update4) - Bloomberg.com
  19. Hi All im in the process of getting my defacto spouse visa, the application was submitted last week and the case officer has come back requesting an Australian police check for my partner (the sponsor) for his time in Australia which was 6 days to activate the visa. I receieved the following which is being asked of all sponsors for 309 visa X The Australian Government considers the safety of children is paramount and is strengthening the policies around the sponsorship of minors for visas. In particular it wishes to ensure that children migrating to Australia are protected from high risk situations, such as when the sponsor has convictions or outstanding charges for offences of a sexual or violent nature and it is likely the child will be residing with that sponsor. Consequently the Australian Government has introduced a requirement that when an applicant under the age of 18 is included in an application for a Child or Partner category visa, the sponsor is to provide an Australian National Police Check (NPC). The information contained in the NPC will assist the Department to determine whether there is any compelling reason to believe that the grant of the visa would not be in the best interests of the visa applicant. As you are the sponsor of [insert name of child applicant/s] for a [insert visa name], I request that you forward to me an NPC. An NPC may be obtained from the Australian Federal Police (AFP). Information on obtaining the check is available from the AFP website at http://www.afp.gov.au/business/national_police_checks or by telephoning the AFP on (02) 6202 3333. When completing the NPC application form please use Code 33 at Question 1 on the form and include details of any, and all, names you have been known by. If an AFP certificate is provided based on incorrect information, the department may request another certificate. Please note fingerprints are not required for the NPC. This came in the day my application was lodged.. typical!! We booked our flights for the 1st of Jan as our agent thought we had ample time to get visa and had been preparing the visa for last few months and had everything needed, I have read on this forum that Australian police checks were taking 2 - 3 months to get back to Ireland but those threads were dated 2007 and just wondered if anyone has applied and recieved theres recently and how long this took? We have emailed our friends in Brisbane the application form and they are posting it with the australian cheque asap for us as we have been given a 28 day time frame but the afp website mentions 15 days processing time before even sending back to the UK so this is very tight already even if they can process it that quickly.. let me know how long your Australian Police Check took to process and arrive in the UK LJJ
  20. "Federal Labor backbencher Kelvin Thomson says Australia's projected population explosion will have a "catastrophic" effect on the environment and he has called for immigration levels to be cut. The latest Intergenerational Report predicts Australia's population will rise to 35 million in 40 years' time, up from about 21.5 million people at present..." In my opinion scaremongering using flawed data, many refer to data which includes temporary residents as PRs included in the population data e.g. 457s, WHVs, ETAs/Tourist Visas, International Students etc.. Many population and social experts and commentators with well known racial or cultural views are inclined to highlight environment, population growth, (Asian) student rorts etc. as a reason to stop or limit non caucasian immigration. Interesting how you never see Australians asking themselves as to whether they should compromise their massive appetite for more cars, bigger houses, suburban sprawls, conspicuous consumption, etc.?
  21. Guest

    Honesty is the best policy!

    Hi guys, I am a member of Poms inOz and currently reside in Southport QLD. I am cureently applying for a 457 Visa through my current company. The truth is that I have provided references that have been deemed as fraudulent, I was very scared of this as the companies I used to work for no longer exist. The Austrlaian High Commision sent my reference letter to my employer in the Uk for confirmation and they are going to send it back saying that I was not employed for the times that I said. The truth is that they needed 5 years employment history and I can't provide it so I thought I would try and stretch the truth. My family and I have a new life here in Australia and I can't sleep at night. Could anyone she and light on what might happen? I am currently on my spouses Visa and would like some advice on what to do next. The truth is I am really sorry and hope it wont effect my Visa, I have been working for my current company part time for 8 months. Any advice wouldbe greatly appreciated Thank you for your aattention Rocco
  22. Guest

    More info on policy changes

    These are being aired tonight in Australia, on ABC TV Lateline Business, about 11pm or so. Will also be on the ABC website soon after. Discussion includes alternatives for those affected by these changes.
  23. Hi All Alan Collett of Go Matilda runs a very helpful News Section on the Go Matilda website. In the last week the Government has produced some changes to the Policy about assessing 457 visas and the changes look signficant and important to me. Alan has written an article about it all, which is here: Go Matilda - Your Gateway to Australia - News A more detailed description is here: Agents Gateway Anybody who is interested in a temporary employer-sponsored 457 visa for any reason should please read the two documents above. Best wishes Gill
  24. To: All North Pole Staff Date: December 12 Subject: New "Twelve Days of Christmas" Company Policy The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole. Streamlining is due to the North Pole's loss of dominance in the season's gift distribution business. Home Shopping TV channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share. He and the Board could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture. The reindeer downsizing was made possible through purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated. Reduction in the reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has received unfavorable press (gas and solid waste). We're pleased to inform you that Rudolph's role will not be disturbed. Tradition still counts for something at the North Pole! Management denies, in the strongest possible language, the earlier leak that Rudolph's nose get red, not from the cold, but from substance abuse. Calling Rudolph "a lush who was into the sauce and never did pull his share of the load" was an unfortunate comment, made by one of Santa's helpers and taken out of context at a time of the year when they are known to be under 'executive stress'. As for further restructuring, today's global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" music subsidiary: 1) The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance; 2) Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated; 3) The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French; 4) The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked; 5) The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks, appear to be in order; 6) The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that, from now on, every goose it gets will be a good one; 7) The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes, thereby enhancing their outplacement; 8) As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching; 9) Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps; 10) Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant as we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year; 11) Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right to the bottom line; Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and related expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved. Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), a decision is pending. Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remain competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number. Happy Holidays all!! :emoticon-signxmas: Sorry posted twice (woopsy) must be the drink lol x
  25. To: All North Pole Staff Date: December 12 Subject: New "Twelve Days of Christmas" Company Policy The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole. Streamlining is due to the North Pole's loss of dominance in the season's gift distribution business. Home Shopping TV channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share. He and the Board could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture. The reindeer downsizing was made possible through purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated. Reduction in the reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has received unfavorable press (gas and solid waste). We're pleased to inform you that Rudolph's role will not be disturbed. Tradition still counts for something at the North Pole! Management denies, in the strongest possible language, the earlier leak that Rudolph's nose get red, not from the cold, but from substance abuse. Calling Rudolph "a lush who was into the sauce and never did pull his share of the load" was an unfortunate comment, made by one of Santa's helpers and taken out of context at a time of the year when they are known to be under 'executive stress'. As for further restructuring, today's global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" music subsidiary: 1) The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance; 2) Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated; 3) The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French; 4) The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked; 5) The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks, appear to be in order; 6) The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that, from now on, every goose it gets will be a good one; 7) The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes, thereby enhancing their outplacement; 8) As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching; 9) Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps; 10) Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant as we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year; 11) Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right to the bottom line; Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and related expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved. Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), a decision is pending. Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remain competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number. Happy Holidays all!! :emoticon-signxmas:
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