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Fergie

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Everything posted by Fergie

  1. Fergie

    Thinking of moving back to Uk

    Hi I’ve been reading this site for years and never posted anything, but here goes We moved to Qld nearly 15 years ago, the first year I had to pinch myself, I felt so lucky and blessed to be here, thought the beaches were beautiful etc, but after a year or so the shine started to fade, it felt like I’d been on a long holiday and now I wanted to go home. I don’t like the constant heat and humidity ( live on the Gold Coast) miss the seasons, the pubs, the walks, being close to everything, even the weather. I know it’s beautiful in many ways here, but for whatever reason it’s lost on me. We have 3 sons, who have swallowed the Ozzie pill and love it here, never want to go back to the Uk to live, so one by one they have grown up and we couldn’t move back because they were in year 11-12 at school, had girlfriends etc, now my youngest is 19 and I can see light at the end of the tunnel. I love my boys to bits and I have great relationships with them all, 2 are married, one with 2 children, whom I have every Thursday. And then my 19 year old, who isn’t quite sure what career path he wants yet, but when he’s sorted and settled , we plan to move back, I’m guessing in the next 2 -5 years. Im 54 and very aware the years are ticking on. I’ve been very unhappy here and unsettled for 13+ years, also I’ve tortured myself about leaving my kids and grandchildren behind, as it’s not what I ever envisaged for my family, yet I’m not happy here. it’s caused me terrible anxiety to the point of palpitations, panic attacks and insomnia as it’s always plaguing me. Has anyone gone back under these circumstances? Have you settled? Any advise? Also we are fortunate enough to be able to come back and visit every year or so.
  2. Fergie

    Thinking of moving back to Uk

    Hi Jennyrose Yes there do seem to be quite a few of us feeling this way. I think the only way to put it to bed and be able to move forward is to give it a go. And when you have kids it always makes things hard, that’s when you have to be realistic and brutally honest. Like you say with the grandkids( mine are only 3 and 1, and very excited to see me every week) they turn into teenagers very quickly and nanny is way down their priority list, which is the way it’s is, I was the same with my nan’s 🥴 So you are going to go back soon? I know a few on this site are waiting till covid settles down, but I’m not sure when that’s going to be, a few years yet I’m thinking. where about in uk are you going back to? how are your kids over here with the news?
  3. Fergie

    Thinking of moving back to Uk

    Hi pendragon i know what you mean, it’s more the country for me to, if it was the people I’d stay here, as I’ll be leaving my sons behind. It’s heart wrenching. But the feelings can be overwhelming to return i wish you well, it’s not easy.
  4. Fergie

    Thinking of moving back to Uk

    Maryrose02 sorry I didn’t reply to your earlier post about tamborine mountain. It’s the closest thing to England I’ve found here, you mentioned doing lots of walking, I love walking to and from a young age always fancied myself as a rambler as I got older. I walk round the mountain most days I don’t work, it’s beautiful, it’s 5 degrees cooler than the gold coast, so more bearable, you can walk to the shops, especially if you live in north tamborine, there are lots of coffee shops, a pub, restaurants , IGA etc all there , I live in Eagle heights and I have a few shops near me, but north tamborine better for that. You do need a car though for driving down the mountain ( if you want to) we are very well serviced up here with Dr’s, dentist, etc I found it fills some of the things I miss about Uk. If you come up for a visit , come up on a week day , go to north tamborine and have a little walk round. Keep away from gallery walk( the glitter strip) where all the tourists go. And I’m sure you’ll see that’s it’s quite a unique little place and quite beautiful.
  5. Fergie

    Thinking of moving back to Uk

    I agree marisawright but sometimes you don’t realise what you had till it’s gone. My uncle moved to florida, it was his dream to live in the states for years, he would always be bagging the Uk, this is rubbish, that’s rubbish, I can’t wait to go. Off he went, set up a business, lots of red tape etc, but he did it. He was very concerned about his health at one point and it was cheaper to fly back to the Uk, see an NHS Dr (bless’em ) than get medical insurance or pay for a Dr there!! Fast forward 7 years, he was back home, singing the praises of the Uk, now it’s the best country in the world and he’d never leave. The grass looks greener till you get there, then you realise sometimes it’s not. I also think coming from the Uk, you don’t always understand what the heat is like day in day out for months, till you live it, the cockroaches, spiders, doing your garden and being super cautious Incase there’s a snake in the bushes, ticks that can seriously damage your health and kill your dog and so it goes on ( think I’m on a roll, sorry) it’s very different here and a different feel with many day to day things.
  6. Fergie

    Thinking of moving back to Uk

    Hi Graham Where did you move back to and what was so awful there that made you want to come back?
  7. Fergie

    Thinking of moving back to Uk

    Hi Pendragon you're right, it does seem to be mostly females that struggle. Could that be because we are more emotional and blokes more practical. I have met a few blokes that have struggled here and keen to go back.
  8. Fergie

    Thinking of moving back to Uk

    I think it’s hard when one wants to stay and one wants to go, I never really wanted to come to Australia, was not overly interested in even coming here for a holiday, but hubby wanted to. When the shine faded and I started getting homesick I think hubby thought it’d pass and think he umm’d and arr’d at the right times, but fast forward 13 yrs and I’m still desperate to go back. He’s happy to go back now to, he’s seen me so low, and also we’ve been living in limbo, that’s no life. Even things like buying a new car, home improvements, is it worth getting finance because we may not be here that long, my mind set is awful to in that I won’t buy even little things for the home as I’m uninterested and I think I’ll wait till I get back to Uk, so it’s like everything is on hold. To be honest if my hubby wasn’t prepared to compromise and give Uk a go, I think it would cause issues in our marriage, especially as I’ve given Australia 15 years of my life and 13+ of those have been trying to say the least. I really don’t want to be one of those old ladies with regret as I get older for not giving it ago.
  9. Fergie

    Thinking of moving back to Uk

    I feel for you chortlepuss, it’s awful when your choices seem taken away, in many ways it makes it feel far worse. Since my kids are older and I can see light at the end of the tunnel and I feel less anxious. But you never know what’s waiting in the future, I was talking to a lovely older English lady end of last year, we got chatting about England as you do( I do anyway lol) and she was moving to Scotland to be closer to her grandkids (they live in America!! Yes America) she was homesick for the Uk and had been for many years, but it was never the right time before, she was in her middle 70’s! She worked in a little chocolate shop near where I live, so I popped in to ask the new owner if she’d heard from her and she’s happy and loves it. Lots of people move back later in life to.
  10. Fergie

    Thinking of moving back to Uk

    Hi Gary H dont know how you manage in Cairns, it’s hot enough down here on the Gold Coast. if you are thinking of relocating to south qld, and Uk not an option, look at mount tamborine on the Gold Coast hinterland, it’s beautiful, 5-7 degrees cooler than Brisbane always, has a sort of winter (certainly for qld standards) , great coffee shops, community etc, might be an option if Uk unattainable at the moment. Think there are quite a few people biding their time till they can get back because of covid. Good luck in whatever you decide to do
  11. Fergie

    Thinking of moving back to Uk

    Hi proud preston i agree you do need to look after yourself, but when children are in the mix it’s excruciatingly painful and difficult. It would of been a no brainer if I didn’t have kids. I’d of gone back years ago. Have you been back on holiday? Does your hubby know the extent of your feeling? I was thinking yesterday, we all deserve to live our best life. At my lowest point I used to envy people who were happy and people who were settled and optimistic about doing jobs on their homes, just happy, as I felt so sad inside. So I know exactly what you mean about being envious of people who have stayed in the same village all their lives, I’ve thought the same myself. As the kids get older maybe your options will broaden to, we all deserve to live the life we want and be happy
  12. Fergie

    Thinking of moving back to Uk

    Hi ramot that’s very true, financially we’d take a hit if we ping ponged back and the Uk didn’t work out. I’ll be surprised if that would be the case, but you don’t know till you try, but at least then you can hopefully put it behind you and move on. I talk to a lot of people( I work in medical) and I’m amazed at how many Brits are unsettled to some degree here, if we chat about Uk, and the question comes up “would you consider going back” not many say never! It’s money, kids, to old etc and that’s quite sad really I think.
  13. Fergie

    Thinking of moving back to Uk

    I agree quoll, the stories I’ve heard over the years of parents either moving to be near adult kids or staying to be near and fast forward a few years they’ve moved away because of work etc. we will go back, just a question of when. My kids are ok with it, it’s just me feeling guilty, I have to get a grip lol
  14. Fergie

    Moving To Cheshire

    Hi LincolnH I did wonder if you went back given present circumstances, pretty awful for everyone over there at the mo. I’ve been here 15 years this April, but knew after 12-18 months it wasn’t for me. So I’ve struggled for a long time( hubby’s job, then 3 kids in school, in turn them all coming up to year 11-12) but my youngest is 19 now and there’s light at the end of the tunnel. chester is a lovely little city, it’s actually the most Roman city in the Uk now apparently! The villages I mentioned above are about 20 mins into the city at most. There are lots of lovely pubs all around the area, walks and people are nice and friendly. I’m on a few of the community pages , so I see what goes on and get an insight to what it’s like and it’s very encouraging, people helpful, community stuff going on, quite lovely really. If you need any more information on the area, let me know, as I know it quite well
  15. Fergie

    Thinking of moving back to Uk

    Hi scousers I know you are right and that would be my advice to, it’s just so hard when it’s your kids. We will go back over the coming years, I know it will be hard initially, but I’m hoping things will settle down in my head and I can lose the guilt for leaving. I think sometimes it’s the agony of making the decision and not being able to do anything for years because of circumstances that sends you mad , round in circles and second guessing yourself
  16. Fergie

    Thinking of moving back to Uk

    Hi chortlepuss it is truly awful to feel this way, and I 100% get what you mean about feeling normal back in the Uk. I have been to counseling about 3 times over the years, the first 2 did nothing except enabled me to get it all off my chest and I cried the whole time. The 3rd bloke was better, he was more about CBT and it helped abit , I’m no expert but you sound like you have situational anxiety, which I believe I have to. How old are your kids? Have you talked it over with your hubby?
  17. Fergie

    Thinking of moving back to Uk

    Oops sorry! I’m new to this, apologies
  18. Fergie

    Thinking of moving back to Uk

    Hi marisawright don’t think I’ve implied anyone else feels anything, I’ve only expressed how I feel. There are many reasons people move to different countries. I would suggest you re-read my posts.
  19. Fergie

    Thinking of moving back to Uk

    Hi Maryrose02 ive thought of all those scenarios, but I’m thinking unless I give it a go I’ll never know. Have you no preference to Uk or Australia? Being back in Uk what are the things you loved or hated that you’d forgotten about while living in Oz? I actually live about an hours drive from my oldest 2, (they live closer to Brisbane) I live on mount tamborine ( you will know the mountain if you live in surfers) as it’s cooler, I hate the humidity and intense heat down there, lol. So it’s not just a pop down the road, it’s always a pre arranged visit either way. Doesn’t stop us seeing each other a couple of times a month. It’s beautiful up here, but with the Uk it’s a longing I just can’t get away from, it’s scary because it’s been going on so long, about 13 years actually, I’m concerned in my head the Uk is the answer to everything and Australia the reason for everything, if that makes sense. When you’ve struggled with something for so long, in the end you go round in circles, should we, shouldn’t we, what if’s, will we love it/ hate it. The kids, the NHS when we get old, what happens when we are to old to travel, what if we don’t go back and I regret it as I get older and leave it to late. It’s all swirling round in my head everyday for over a decade. Hence the anxiety etc .
  20. Fergie

    Moving To Cheshire

    Hi LincolnH i only just joined the site and read your post, did you move to Cheshire and where did you settle? Have you settled? that’s my home area and we are looking at moving back in the next few years. There are some beautiful villages around Chester, bunbury, tattenhall, tarporley, just to mention a few( depending on budget obviously. I’d love to hear from you
  21. Fergie

    Thinking of moving back to Uk

    Hi Quoll I've read your posts in the past with interest and hope. I knew exactly what you meant when you said things like being me again. How are you managing being back in Oz? I guess it may feel new again for a short while, but I’m interested to hear how you feel now being back for 10 months or so. Are you feeling bad again ? Is it totally out of the question you going back permanently? Being back for 10 years is a long time, it sounds like you loved it, must of been a wrench coming back
  22. Fergie

    Thinking of moving back to Uk

    Thank you, reading on this forum has helped over the years just knowing I’m not the only one feeling like this
  23. Fergie

    Thinking of moving back to Uk

    Hi toots my boys are very supportive, they have seen me struggling over the years, and they think I should go back and give it a go, they really are lovely about it. Although they think I’ll be back! ( I don’t think so) they don’t really understand the deep unhappiness, I’ve always tried to put on a brave face in front of them and hidden lots but they’ve seen some. I console myself with missing them less over time and getting used to not seeing them on a weekly or fortnightly basis. But I know I can’t have both unfortunately.
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