Hi everyone - I’m an Aussie expat who’s lived in the UK since graduating in 2006, and I was hoping some kind folks could indulge me while I share a bit of my story and hopefully get some anecdotal insight that might be helpful.
I first moved for a role straight out of uni, and got married very young, and the intention was to stay in the UK for a few years, start a family and move back. However things weren’t that easy, and we ended up in a blur of surgeries and IVF treatment, which has lasted 12 years (it wasn’t something we could just walk away from for various practical reasons).
Now thankfully we have a little baby girl, and I’m now wondering what our future looks like. I had always imagined going back and living our our lives in Aus, but the longer we have stayed here, the more we have made it home. We have a decent house here on the coast (Gower), a good network of friends and I have a business that pays me well (if it helps to talk numbers I’m on about £75k annually here before tax). But we now have the question of what is best for our little girl who is now 6 months.
Here we are near my wife’s family, but they have been surprisingly unhelpful. We are largely independent people but we really have started to notice the need for outside help. And beyond that we want our daughter to have a relationship with them which is so far lacking. Conversely, when my Aus family facetime my daughter lights up, and they regularly call.
So we just got back from a trip to Australia, which we treated a little like a recce mission, thinking our daughter would have better family connections if we went and overall a better upbringing. However we realised that no family is perfect and found we had issues there too (although they were much more intentional with her), and didn’t feel any tug on the heart strings.
The truth is, nowhere feels like home to me now. What doesn’t help is my family are based between Canberra and another rural nsw town, neither places I particularly love. So if we chose another place to live in Aus it feels a silly move to go all that way to still be hours from my family.
My wife is also very happy here and thinks such a move would be silly too.
So I’m trying to make sense of it all really. I’d be curious what other’s processes were like when deciding if a country was best for their children, as this needs to be my driving factor. As she’s only 6 months now is that something I need to discover in time by observing, and what are people’s thoughts about a cut off for when is too old to move a child?
And has anyone moved to aus to be not-so-close to family and have anything to share on that?
And any other input is hugely appreciated. (FYI we still have more IVF to do so the move wouldn't be for 3-4 years yet but I'd need to start getting wheels in motion sooner rather than later.)
I realise this has been a huge ramble so thanks anyone who has made it this far. I really do love Aus but am so torn and want to do what’s right for my girl; I wish to put roots down soon as I’m sick of living in limbo.