UK Waylander

I agree. But, separations are so traumatic and contentious for all in involved that they are very rarely able to think or see straight. Speaking from experience you always need to show some self-interest, but, I draw the line at narcissism. I don't agree that just because a couple separates that one (normally the woman but, not always) should be able to up sticks and go back in this case to the UK with the kids leaving the other parent on their own without the ability to directly parent the children. Perhaps one view is that if you cannot agree then you should live in the last place you both agreed to live in which in this case would be Australia. Simplistic and probably not fair to someone in the equation but, it takes away the emotional trauma of moving and separation from the kids. Yes it leaves one or both of the parents unhappy but, their you go. I will add that now sometime down the track I am considering sending the kids to my ex partner now that she has a job and a house and is somewhat more stable. This would give me the flexibility to work/save in order to move back to the UK. As I recognise that despite the intense and fundamental disagreement over this I have with the ex that the children deserve a Mother, Father and stability. Sadly though the pattern of narcissistic self interest is becoming more and more common these days.

Thanks guys. I honestly think there are a lot more men and women out there who are in the same position. Not wishing to sound contentious I think some of the men get forgotten as it is not a role that is automatically associated with us. Work can be a challenge and I have experienced some of the discrimination that women have suffered in the workplace over the years due to childbirth and the adoption of more traditional roles as their children grow up. All I can say to that is know your rights and work hard and your employer should support you even if it pains some of the perfect individuals within the organisation, be clear about what you can achieve and quickly establish what you can do for them and they will soon settle down and accept you. A winning lotto ticket would go down rather nicely LOL

Just thought that add a different perspective to this interesting thread. My family and I emigrated here 3 years ago. After a year my wife left me with the children and went back to the UK. My intention was to follow once I do so in a financially responsible way realising that I must continue to support my kids during this process. Within a couple of months my ex pressed the panic button and flew back out to Oz with the kids and left them on my doorstep against my advice. She then departed back to the UK. To cut a long story short I settled the kids down in school and made adjustments to my life and career to accommodate them. Although I this was not what I wanted I welcomed them back with open arms and love. Subsequent to this the ex has then changed her mind and asked for the kids back. I refused! The kids deserve to be brought up in a stable and reliable environment and not moved backwards and forwards at the whim of my ex. The children have spent that last two years living with me now and despite the setbacks normally experienced during separation they have improved 110% during this period and they are blossoming. During this period, my ex briefly returned to Oz she said to live and make a go of it with the kids, separately of course. Despite our past I made every effort to facilitate this and once she had a job and a house we then shared custody. After only two months she then stated that she was leaving Oz with the kids. Obviously legal advice and knowledge of Hague Convention prevented her from completing what I quite frankly saw as a calculated and deceptive attempt to take the kids away. The ex has subsequently returned back to the UK, again. Due to her willing absences and some quite appalling decision making on her part she has pretty much used up all of her lives, quite literally in some cases. She has lost her visa after leaving and quite possibly has no legal recourse open to her. She now spends most of her time making up allegations of abuse and harassment in order to try and re-contextualise past events etc I suspect to try some other avenue of reclaiming the kids. Throughout all of this I have tried to be fair and remain object but, as you might suspect it is quite hard. I try to put the kids first at all times. I work full time and we have a lovely house to live in. The kids are in an awesome school and they are flourishing here. There is obviously more to this than meets the eye but, I don't think it fair on her to air all of her dirty laundry in public. Suffice to say their are other reasons why I wish to keep the kids safe. The corker is now that after 2 years on my own I am absolutely worn down and at the edge of my rope. Australia for all its flaws is the place I want to be with my kids but, working full time and looking after my boys is bloody hard, especially with no support. So here I am in Oz where my job, house, kids school and financial security etc and their she is in the UK waiting for me to crack. Part of me just wants to pack it all in and give up. Sending the kids to live with Mum. Thus beginning the long slog back to the UK. I will not go back with no money or a job and I will not stop working as I won't be able to support the kids. Perhaps you understand my dilemma. I not necessarily expecting an answer guys. I just thought that I would give the view of a single Dad.