Parents... how did they react?

motherof2 · 02-09-2006, 05:41 PM

Hubby and I will be setting the visa ball in motion this month (hopefully). All of our friends and family we've told have reacted very positivley to our news, and most wish they could have the dangly male gentials to do it to! My trauma is how the parents will react. My only sister is in Melbourne and I totally blame her for this situation, having gone out there this year for a holiday. The big problem is that my Mum hates flying. I'm already going through the guilt trip of taking her only grand children away from them. How did you cope breaking the news?

Nathan & Mandie · 02-09-2006, 07:31 PM

Hi Sue

Know exactly how you feel. There is only me and my hubby and two grandchildren here in the UK for my parents, my brother already deserted to Germany years ago. Trying to get them to come over on an aged parents visa after we have gone. They sound keen but they have just both turned 70 are feeling too old to go!! They have been to Australia themselves and fully understand our reasons and support us. I know they will definitely visit but just want them with us permanently.

Mandie

bshootz · 02-09-2006, 08:26 PM

Hi ,have told my dad that we,hubby and two boys,8 and 5,are planning to migrate to Aus hopefully begining of next year and his reaction was of great jelousy, he said that if he had his time again and tha b***s he would do it,saying that he could get cheap holidays, no mention of 'taking his grandchildren away'and wishing us all the best and go for it girl, what have you got to lose, my mum .on the other hand is adifferent kettle of fish all together,havent got the guts to tell her yet about our plans coz she wont speak to me again, and will lay the guilt trip on me about not seeing her grandsons again and how could you, etc, etc.
I know i will have to tell her but not until my skills assessment has come through, dont want to go thruogh all that grief if i fail at the first hurdle.
Hubbys parents, on the other hand have been brilliant, no problems there. :) Becky x

ali · 02-09-2006, 08:28 PM

I worried about my dad as our going will leave him totally on his own and he dotes on our two children. Whilst obviously sad, he's been brilliant telling us it's the right thing to do. He's already started an Australia fund for his ticket, but it will be very emotional when we say goodbye. We don't have as much contact with hubbies parents, so not as difficult to leave them behind.

Ali

IanL · 02-09-2006, 11:13 PM

I originally came on a WH so when I told my Mum I was going abroad to work, she thought I meant a month in France grape picking or something. Told her it was Oz, she promptly dropped her cup of tea and said (holding back the tears)

'what about your washing?' :D

My Dad (who already knew) replied with

'perhaps he can send it over' :lol: :lol:

ahhh living it home at 22yrs old, was life any better? 8)

BTW I learnt how to do my own washing once I was here (and shopping, ironing, budgeting as well

)

fatpom · 03-09-2006, 02:22 AM

You might be surprised at the responses? We didn't tell anyone until we got the visa's - it could take up to three years at that time even if you were sucessful (the quotas were much smaller).
So we had lots of time to speculate on the various responses. We got it totally wrong.
Whatever the reaction (& we had some pretty dramatic ones) it's your decision not theirs, my advice is don't present as an open forum for the decision process. Why? because the detractors will use all the ammo they've got to bring about a change of mind. They won't be operating on the rational level (understanably) & they may pull some pretty nasty tricks until acceptance rolls in. In short go into conflict management mode.

stephanielouise981 · 03-09-2006, 10:28 PM

Hi,

We had a generally good response from everyone - not one person questioned our motives as they coud see why we were doing it. However as it got closer to the leaving date there was a lot of emotiona; blackmail from parents. We too were taking away their only grandchild - which I still feel guilty for.

There is just no getting away from the fact that it's going to be one of the worst (and best) days of your life, the day you leave the UK to come to Australia. Just grit your teeth and you'll be over here soon enough.

Steph xxx

Wannabeanaussie · 22-09-2006, 06:24 PM

My mum is a widow and we have the only grandchild on both sides. The in laws seemed OK but a bit emotional but my mum hit the roof and has alternatly been positive and also extremely negatiive about it all.

She is coming round slowly and now realises that we are going whatever - we have bad days but she is generally looking forward to coming to visit us when we get there.

Any negative reactions are just a sign of how much they care for you. Whatever they will come round and get used to the idea.

Keep positive.

:D

choobs · 22-09-2006, 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by motherof2

Hubby and I will be setting the visa ball in motion this month (hopefully). All of our friends and family we've told have reacted very positivley to our news, and most wish they could have the dangly male gentials to do it to! My trauma is how the parents will react. My only sister is in Melbourne and I totally blame her for this situation, having gone out there this year for a holiday. The big problem is that my Mum hates flying. I'm already going through the guilt trip of taking her only grand children away from them. How did you cope breaking the news?

Evening :) I'm not sure if you've seen the drama unfolding about my folks, but it's a bit of a rollercoaster. One thing that's come out of the plan to move is that I've spoken to my family more in the past few weeks than I have in the previous ten years - we're all getting along much better (although I'm sure a bit of that is the possibility of a cheap holiday destination ;-)).

My Dad was initially quite a tough nut to crack and kept making comments about never seeing us again (he has a bad back and has decided he can't fly). Still, we've all been working on him and he's now at the stage where he's willing to consider a visit :*)

So - it may be a bit rough, but they'll hopefully come round once they realise you're determined and you're doing it for good reasons.

Good luck!

Choobs

austibeach · 22-09-2006, 07:37 PM

Well we are looking at it from a slightly different angle, as we are the parents. Our daughter is living in Australia and is due to give birth to our first grandchild next February. We encouraged her for years to go, as she had been returning there for many years and obviously loved the place.
We have been there a few times and have stayed there for two six month spells. Therefore, as we approach retirement we are hoping to join her.
All the guilt trip is understandable, as is any pleading by parents for you not to go, but in the end you all have to live your own life to the best you can. If that ultimately means being parted from friends and family, then it is quite simply the price to be paid. I know the cost of flying to Oz can be quite difficult for some people to get together, but that aside it's just a case of being only a day away........you can be here today and there in 24 hrs. , so no need to feel quite so detached.
In my opinion the decision needs to be made for the good of the adults in question and their children........not those being left in the U.K.

Eric.