Making new friends in Australia

[Xerxes]

One of the main reasons we are moving to Australia is to make new friends and I just wanted to ask people who have made the move- what is the best way to meet people when you get over there?

 

I don't want to end up only knowing my work colleagues which has happened here due to my moving around a bit. Although I have friends at work, when I see them outside of work it feels like being at work!!

 

My hubby is very sporty and will join sports teams and a golf club, but it is harder for me as I haven't really got a social hobby to sign up for. I'm hoping to meet couples through his hobbies.

 

We don't have kids yet but are hoping to start a family there and hopefully I can meet people through parent and baby classes, but that won't be for at least 2 years after we get there.

[Fruitgum]

Hi

 

where do u live?

[Beddy]

There will most probably be meet up groups in the area you live / or are looking to live in Australia , so a quick search on the Internet will pull loads up . For us the local pom meet up groups have been a god send but if you search your local suburb / intentended suburb you will get a feel for what groups are out there and can learn a great deal of what is going on in the community

[Marisawright]

One of the main reasons we are moving to Australia is to make new friends.

 

If that's your main goal for moving, I would be worried. Check the forums here and you'll find lots of people complaining about how hard it is to make friends in Oz. Australians are very loyal to their friends from childhood, and often don't have room to accept outsiders into their regular circle. So while Aussies are generally friendly and sociable, it's not easy to make friends.

 

Being sporty will make a difference, especially if you're going to Melbourne or anywhere in the country - life revolves around sport. But it's likely to be more of a blokey friendship so I wouldn't bank on making "couples" friends from his sports.

[Xerxes]

Hi

 

where do u live?

 

I live in Shropshire.

[Xerxes]

There will most probably be meet up groups in the area you live / or are looking to live in Australia , so a quick search on the Internet will pull loads up . For us the local pom meet up groups have been a god send but if you search your local suburb / intentended suburb you will get a feel for what groups are out there and can learn a great deal of what is going on in the community

 

Thanks! I'm hoping other poms will also be looking to meet people as we will all be in the same boat, so fingers crossed!

[Xerxes]

If that's your main goal for moving, I would be worried. Check the forums here and you'll find lots of people complaining about how hard it is to make friends in Oz. Australians are very loyal to their friends from childhood, and often don't have room to accept outsiders into their regular circle. So while Aussies are generally friendly and sociable, it's not easy to make friends.

 

Being sporty will make a difference, especially if you're going to Melbourne or anywhere in the country - life revolves around sport. But it's likely to be more of a blokey friendship so I wouldn't bank on making "couples" friends from his sports.

 

Thanks. That's what its like here too. People have their childhood friends and don't want to make serious new friendships- argghh!!!

 

We are just going to try and make friends with our neighbours!

[MARYROSE02]

I've 'pushed' myself to be more outgoing, on my second stint in Sydney, and that means talking to people in the shops, cafes and pubs where I live. It's 'worked' in the sense that people know me, and I know them, at least by name. Yesterday, I went into one of the convenience stores by my flat and thought I recognized the lady behind the counter. She used to own the shop and now works for the new owner. She was very impressed when I remembered her son and husband's names. Last night, two barmaids from one of my local pubs rang me at home to see how I was going (recovering from an op.) Just give yourself some time to settle in and get through the homesickness, (though you may not suffer from it!)

[flag of convenience]

I've 'pushed' myself to be more outgoing, on my second stint in Sydney, and that means talking to people in the shops, cafes and pubs where I live. It's 'worked' in the sense that people know me, and I know them, at least by name. Yesterday, I went into one of the convenience stores by my flat and thought I recognized the lady behind the counter. She used to own the shop and now works for the new owner. She was very impressed when I remembered her son and husband's names. Last night, two barmaids from one of my local pubs rang me at home to see how I was going (recovering from an op.) Just give yourself some time to settle in and get through the homesickness, (though you may not suffer from it!)

 

Although I suspect something a little more meaningful was meant that a chat the the woman behind the counter in the convenience store.

[flag of convenience]

There are no easy answers to that one. Folk fall out here rather easily over minute differences I find, as well as a long pause between rounds. By that I mean various factors often work against anything like regular meet ups.

Good idea to try and meet up with others in a similar situation in being newly arrived.

[MARYROSE02]

Although I suspect something a little more meaningful was meant that a chat the the woman behind the counter in the convenience store.

 

Do I detect a hint of 'patronising' there? These are all people I've grown to know over a number of years, going into their shops, cafes and pubs, getting to know a little about them, and them me. Gradually developing a feeling of being in a community. How else do you become friends with people, unless perhaps you have the happy knack of of being able to go up to a stranger and saying 'gidday, my name's Flag, I'm a good bloke, wanna be my mate!'

[Marisawright]

Do I detect a hint of 'patronising' there? These are all people I've grown to know over a number of years, going into their shops, cafes and pubs, getting to know a little about them, and them me. Gradually developing a feeling of being in a community.

 

I don't think he's being patronising at all. There is a very big difference between feeling part of a community and actually having friends. I feel part of a community in Sydney, because like you, I know the shopkeepers and business owners and will occasionally have a coffee with people from my dance class. Yet not one of those people has ever been to my home or invited me to theirs, and if I left Sydney I doubt they would keep in touch. So they are not "friends".

[Xerxes]

I don't think he's being patronising at all. There is a very big difference between feeling part of a community and actually having friends. I feel part of a community in Sydney, because like you, I know the shopkeepers and business owners and will occasionally have a coffee with people from my dance class. Yet not one of those people has ever been to my home or invited me to theirs, and if I left Sydney I doubt they would keep in touch. So they are not "friends".

 

Have you not made any friends at all in Australia? That seems an awful shame. Did you not meet anyone through work or your neighbours?

 

I've read a lot of blogs where people say they've been invited to more BBQs and parties than they ever had in the UK and there is a huge social scene there. People who had no close friends in UK have said they've now got loads and they all go to each other's houses and stuff like that.

 

Maybe Sydney is hard because it's a big metropolitan city like London where people don't notice each other or actually deliberately ignore each other. We are going to Brisbane which from what I've read has more of a 'small town' feel.

[Marisawright]

Have you not made any friends at all in Australia? That seems an awful shame. Did you not meet anyone through work or your neighbours?

 

I've read a lot of blogs where people say they've been invited to more BBQs and parties than they ever had in the UK and there is a huge social scene there. People who had no close friends in UK have said they've now got loads and they all go to each other's houses and stuff like that.

 

Maybe Sydney is hard because it's a big metropolitan city like London where people don't notice each other or actually deliberately ignore each other. We are going to Brisbane which from what I've read has more of a 'small town' feel.

 

Yes, I do think it's the big city syndrome. I think the other problem with Sydney is that it sprawls over such a big area, and people won't travel to socialise. When I lived on the North Shore, I got to know people - but then when I bought a place on the South, they never accepted a single invitation ever again. I met lots of people at work but at the end of the day, everyone had such a long commute they were all rushing to get home - and we were all at different points of the compass.

 

I lived in the country (in Victoria) for my first year in Australia, and yes I was invited to BBQ's and met lots of people - we still exchange Xmas cards all these years later. I would agree that Brisbane has more of a small town feel, but it's still a big city. If you browse around the forums, you'll find plenty of people complaining how hard it is to make friends with Australians, so it's not exclusively a Sydney thing.

 

You may well make lots of friends for all I know, all I'm saying is - it's not enough of a reason to come twelve thousands miles around the world, because there is no guarantee.

[flag of convenience]

Do I detect a hint of 'patronising' there? These are all people I've grown to know over a number of years, going into their shops, cafes and pubs, getting to know a little about them, and them me. Gradually developing a feeling of being in a community. How else do you become friends with people, unless perhaps you have the happy knack of of being able to go up to a stranger and saying 'gidday, my name's Flag, I'm a good bloke, wanna be my mate!'

 

The discussion is on the making of friends not chatting to service staff, no matter how lovely they may be. They are hardly friends. We obviously have a difference of opinion in an acquaintance and a friend.

[flag of convenience]

Have you not made any friends at all in Australia? That seems an awful shame. Did you not meet anyone through work or your neighbours?

 

I've read a lot of blogs where people say they've been invited to more BBQs and parties than they ever had in the UK and there is a huge social scene there. People who had no close friends in UK have said they've now got loads and they all go to each other's houses and stuff like that.

 

Maybe Sydney is hard because it's a big metropolitan city like London where people don't notice each other or actually deliberately ignore each other. We are going to Brisbane which from what I've read has more of a 'small town' feel.

 

Friendship is very hard to make in Australia. Perhaps if I hadn't lived in other countries besides England I wouldn't have noticed just how hard. Perth is certainly hard. Of course we go to dinners more than bbq's, as friends with the particular host but if local tends to be very parochial sometimes exclusively so.

 

But anyway even among friends outside of phone calls and e mails, meet ups are not particularly common, often due to the busy lives but also the need to drive and distance required to be covered somehow all adds up to impact on social get to get togethers. The trend has definitely worsened over the past decade. No idea how Brisbane is but not sure it differs too much from my experience.

[MARYROSE02]

I don't think he's being patronising at all. There is a very big difference between feeling part of a community and actually having friends. I feel part of a community in Sydney, because like you, I know the shopkeepers and business owners and will occasionally have a coffee with people from my dance class. Yet not one of those people has ever been to my home or invited me to theirs, and if I left Sydney I doubt they would keep in touch. So they are not "friends".

 

Three of my friends, whom I met in one of the local pubs, came round to my place last night to see how I was, following my operation. Another came round the previous night. I also met him in another of the local pubs. Yet another whom I met through work, thirty years ago, picked me up from the hospital on Wednesday. I've only been in one of their homes, but I don't measure friendship by whether they have invited me into their home or not.

 

When I went back to England for twelve years, a number of my Aussie friends continued to stay in touch, as do some of my Pommie friends, now that I'm back in OZ.

 

I'd say that, becoming a part of the community, and then developing stronger friendships, are just part of the ongoing process, wherever we choose to live.

[MARYROSE02]

Friendship is very hard to make in Australia. Perhaps if I hadn't lived in other countries besides England I wouldn't have noticed just how hard. Perth is certainly hard. Of course we go to dinners more than bbq's, as friends with the particular host but if local tends to be very parochial sometimes exclusively so.

 

But anyway even among friends outside of phone calls and e mails, meet ups are not particularly common, often due to the busy lives but also the need to drive and distance required to be covered somehow all adds up to impact on social get to get togethers. The trend has definitely worsened over the past decade. No idea how Brisbane is but not sure it differs too much from my experience.

 

Over the course of my life, whether in Australia or the UK, I've had periods when I've had loads of friends, and periods when I feel lonely. Moving from the country where you grew up and went to school, is often harder, whether it's the UK, Australia, or anywhere else. I remember feeling envious of one of my friends when he drove me around his suburb, showing me the places he grew up, played, went to parties, but I could have done the same to him if he came to my local village. (Though I have very few links with that village - Blackfield, Hants - now.)

 

I've made my friends in much the same way, wherever I am living, through work, the pub, social activities. I was actually scared of Australians before I came here, having listened to too much 'propaganda' from people who'd been before, though not as emigrants, seaman mostly. I still remember the (pleasant) shock, when the first three Aussies I came into contact with - in my cabin on the ship from Singapore to Fremantle - all shook my hand and said 'Gidday.'

[mygirlies]

One of the main reasons we are moving to Australia is to make new friends and I just wanted to ask people who have made the move- what is the best way to meet people when you get over there?

 

I don't want to end up only knowing my work colleagues which has happened here due to my moving around a bit. Although I have friends at work, when I see them outside of work it feels like being at work!!

 

My hubby is very sporty and will join sports teams and a golf club, but it is harder for me as I haven't really got a social hobby to sign up for. I'm hoping to meet couples through his hobbies.

 

We don't have kids yet but are hoping to start a family there and hopefully I can meet people through parent and baby classes, but that won't be for at least 2 years after we get there.

 

 

Sorry to break it too you but you will struggle. Australia has many perks. Making friends isn't one of them, acquaintances maybe but true friends. I doubt it. Known as one of them most racist nations. Aussies don't actually like us poms. This goes back years. People think times have changed. They haven't. Some will argue this but they have their rose tinted glasses on or don't want to see the other side of the aussie people.

Edited July 12, 2014 by mygirlies

[Johndoe]

Sorry to break it too you but you will struggle. Australia has many perks. Making friends isn't one of them, acquaintances maybe but true friends. I doubt it. Known as one of them most racist nations. Aussies don't actually like us poms. This goes back years. People think times have changed. They haven't. Some will argue this but they have their rose tinted glasses on or don't want to see the other side of the aussie people.

 

That's a load of bollox IMHO. I have more Australian friends that I do Poms................TBH.................it's because initially I avoided poms like the plague as all they seemed to do was talk about how different it was here and I mean the "different" was often uttered in a derogatory manner as if Oz was somehow inferior. The Australian friends that I have were nearly always met by accident via a 3rd party gathering as I don't actively seek friendships, but most of them were met during fishing/camping/photography............whilst out doing one or the other, a conversation was struck, and in nearly every case, instigated by the Australian................a common interest then led to ongoing friendship. One of those friends is a multi-millionaire with a 36ft bertram as one of his toys whom I met when he pulled alongside my 16ft tinny to simply ask how the fishing was going. I class them as friends because irrespective of how frequently we see each other, I know, as recent events have proved, that if I had problems and resorted to ringing them, they would be round here like a shot, irrespective that most of them live up and down the coast. In fact, some bemoan the fact that I don't contact them more often.

 

As for Aussies not liking Poms, in almost every instance the first conversations led to questions about where I was from/how long here etc and all seemed genuinely interested with a genuine interest in "mother country" and it's citizens................I can only presume, based on some experiences stated here on PIO that either I have been extremely lucky, or there is some other factor in play that doesn't endear certain individuals to Aussies

[northernbird]

I've made a handful of good Australian friends. I have also made some fantastic English friends. My 2 best friends are one of each. In all honesty some of the English women I have met over the years are some of the most poisonous people I have ever come across. I joined a few expat groups in the early days and it was all oneupmanship and where you lived and what you had. I don't do that, didn't in any other country I have lived in and certainly wasn't changing here.

 

The hardest move I ever made with regards to friend making was when I moved to London from Lancashire at 19. Now that was a nightmare!

[MARYROSE02]

The discussion is on the making of friends not chatting to service staff, no matter how lovely they may be. They are hardly friends. We obviously have a difference of opinion in an acquaintance and a friend.

 

Sometimes, those 'service staff' become friends though. It's not a rigid process, where 'service staff' (a rather patronising term in itself) are only permitted to reach a certain level of familiarity. And surely friendship develops slowly, as you get to know each other better and better.

 

When I first started going to the Royal Exhibition hotel, I knew nothing about the 'serving staff' and the same went for the other 'regulars', as they did about me. But through a gradual process, I got to know their names, started to talk to them, and now those same 'serving staff' and 'acquaintances' bought me a cake and a shirt for my 60th birthday, and came round to my flat last night to see how I was.

 

Perhaps the problem for you is 'unbending' enough to let 'serving staff' and 'acquaintances' become 'friends?'

[MARYROSE02]

Have you not made any friends at all in Australia? That seems an awful shame. Did you not meet anyone through work or your neighbours?

 

I've read a lot of blogs where people say they've been invited to more BBQs and parties than they ever had in the UK and there is a huge social scene there. People who had no close friends in UK have said they've now got loads and they all go to each other's houses and stuff like that.

 

Maybe Sydney is hard because it's a big metropolitan city like London where people don't notice each other or actually deliberately ignore each other. We are going to Brisbane which from what I've read has more of a 'small town' feel.

 

I guess a city like Sydney with its population pushing towards five million can seem a little like, (or even a LOT like) a teeming anthill, especially if you came from a small village or town where it seems everybody knows each other. I was talking to one of the nurses at the hospital on Monday, and asked him where he came from? Austria, been here 24 years. He said he came from the sort of small town, where, if you came home at 6.30am after staying out all night, within an hour everybody in the town knew what you'd been up to, where you'd been.

 

I've never been a particularly outgoing person, although I have, as I said before, 'pushed' myself to reach out to people. I'd never have dreamt of introducing myself to bar or cafe staff, and asking what their names are, when I was younger. Now, I do it automatically, and it's a good feeling to walk into a place, and realize that you know the names of all the staff, as they do yours. Perhaps, they will never move beyond 'acquaintances', perhaps you will become deeper friends. I know one young Irish guy who has created his friendship network primarilly by joining a squash club. and yes, he has made real 'friends' not just 'acquaintances.

[Xerxes]

I suppose it does depend on the individual. If you have a similar personality to the Aussies then I imagine you would find it easier to gel with them. English people tend to be a bit sensitive so to become friends with Aussies I reckon you need to be more like them, i.e. enjoy having banter and accept their ways, not complain about them.

[kipHarris]

I have to agree with the comments posted above. No matter how friendly and upbeat you are, people who have lived here all their life are really loyal to their childhood friends. If you don't have children like us, then its is deemed almost "strange" and you end up feeling 'billy no mates'

my best advice is to set up your life as you want it, sadly starting out with few people you can socialise with and just 'do your own thing' and, over time, people will come along that you can loosely latch on to for awhile. Its really hard but meeting couple friends is not something I've mastered yet but I'm not giving up. After living in glorious sunny Brisbane for 7 years, the only set back is our poor social life. Basically, its me myself and I. My husband and I go through spits and spurts with wanting to find positive, friendly people to share a laugh with but we are not giving up. Other than the tricky social scene (harder when you hit 40) the life out here is pure magic and we wouldn't have changed it for the world. Keep positive and just don't take other people's reactions too personally. Otherwise, you will be off to the mental ward!!!!!

best of luck!