should i stay or should i go?

ok well firstly how glad am i that I just stumbled across this page ..so timely!

well the story is (omitting a LOT of in between bits) I came to oz on a gap year (from Scotland) at 18..2 months in I met my now partner and ended up not going home at the end of the 12 months but staying and having our first child together. We are now 8 years on happily together with 2 more children in our not so little family. My parents have been out to visit as much as possible and at the start of this year we did our first trip to th uk as a family and my frist trip back since I came out to Oz. This was very trying with 3 kids under 7 years, and a big drain on us financially as a young family trying to give our kids the best start.

We sold our family home as we thought we were maybe going to stay there , in Scotland, for up to year, but at the last minute we found out that the processing times for my partners working visa had changed by a few weeks and we couldnt get his working visa in time. I didnt want to move the flights at this point as I'd waited so long for this visit!

We ended up spending 3 months with my family before my partner got sick of it and missed here too much.And the money was running out. I was willing to come back too but mainly only because he was making such a fuss about how great it was back here for the kids in comparison. It didnt help that we hit the worst winter in years!

We have been back in Oz 6 months now and we are renting a house a couple of blocks away from our old house. I feel like the trip home didnt really happenand still miss everything just as bad as before.

I am trying to decide if I should go back on my own with kids for a while..my partner cant come as he is starting up his own business. This is a big decision as it will cost so much..also I dont want to live with mum and dad if I go back as I feel I have been independent for too long to cope with that! I have one chid at school age and she went to school when we were there and loved it.

I dont really want to leave my partner as he is starting out on his own, but he agrees that maybe i need to go back on my own to figure out which is right for me.

I try to be happy and get on here but we are very isolated geographically and my partners family are how would you say it..noncommital. I have developed bad anxiety since we went away and am only just recovering from the whole trip.

any advice or similar situations would be appreciated

thanks

Sounds like you really need some professional impartial help for this, maybe a counsellor who can help, this forum is great but pretty subjective and any decision you make sounds as though it will have a big impact on your relationship/ future and your kids future. All the best.

Sorry you are feeling torn between two worlds. If you decide to stay over there does that mean that it will be the end of your relationship. If your partner is starting a business here does not sound as though he will be wanting to go to the UK.

:hug: horrid situation to find yourself in :hug:

You really have to work out what is important in your life - the people or the place. If your OH is THE one that you want to be sharing a zimmer frame with when you are 95 then hang on to him, bite the bullet and live where he lives. If there is a chance that you can get him to agree to go and live with you where you want to live then you win, if not, you put your big girl panties on and make the best of living in a place you really dont like (and where once you may well have liked it, being trapped makes even paradise seem a tad jail like). It is perfectly possible - I wont say it is nice, because it isnt, but you can maybe get some sense of compromise - like a visit home every 2 years for you and the kids (and if he has to work 2 jobs to fund your habit then so be it, he's making you stay here)

Counselling should (if they are any good) help you with some strategies for managing the thoughts and general feeling of down-ness and you can usually get a mental health plan if you go to your gp and explain the situation. Ask them for CBT or ACT strategies.

I wish you well in your decision - I made mine, the DH is more important to me than the rest of what my life could be without him and so I stay. The resentment is never far from the surface but I do generally manage to keep a hold of it and our compromise is that he funds my trips and I come and go as I want - so 2 trips this year for a month each time. I wish you better luck with your OH and that he sees your mental health as being a priority in HIS life and to give you the chance to repair that in the place that you belong in.

The other thing I would suggest - if you could - move away from his family. I think it really helps to have the two of you and your little family against the world vs him and his family and friends against you. Just my 2c worth!