To move back home or not.

I am not sure I count as australian any more. I moved to uk in 2003 and want to come home. But now have husband and 4yo.

Am very scared that I have heavy rose tinted glasses of my youth.

My folks and friends all still live in Melbourne.

My biggest concern is for my 4yo. Ripping him up from his school to have 6m off then start again in prep.

Has anyone had experience of this? I think he is still young enough .

Will the lifestyle i rrmember outweigh this? Or has it changed beyond recognition. Not sure I even know what I am fretting about.

Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk

I am not sure I count as australian any more. I moved to uk in 2003 and want to come home. But now have husband and 4yo.

Am very scared that I have heavy rose tinted glasses of my youth.

My folks and friends all still live in Melbourne.

My biggest concern is for my 4yo. Ripping him up from his school to have 6m off then start again in prep.

Has anyone had experience of this? I think he is still young enough .

Will the lifestyle i rrmember outweigh this? Or has it changed beyond recognition. Not sure I even know what I am fretting about.

 

 

Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk

Your family and friends in Melbourne will be able to advise you about employment etc. Yes, things have changed here since you left in 2003. Jobs are harder to find and the cost of living has risen - again, your Melbourne connections will tell you this I'm sure. Is your husband Australian?

Lifestyle is very subjective as I'm sure you've seen from reading around this site. Ultimately, friends and family are a very strong drawcard, especially for mothers of young children. Your relationships will have changed in the last 14 years, so don't expect it to be the same as when you left.

I think you'll find the 4yo will be totally fine. He is certainly young enough for it not to be a drama.

What does your husband think? What are your prospects for work and accommodation? Will your income support the lifestyle you want? Those are the big questions to ask.

I am not sure I count as australian any more. I moved to uk in 2003 and want to come home. But now have husband and 4yo.

Am very scared that I have heavy rose tinted glasses of my youth.

My folks and friends all still live in Melbourne.

My biggest concern is for my 4yo. Ripping him up from his school to have 6m off then start again in prep.

Has anyone had experience of this? I think he is still young enough .

Will the lifestyle i rrmember outweigh this? Or has it changed beyond recognition. Not sure I even know what I am fretting about.

 

 

Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk

Young kids adapt very quickly and usually easily. It's us older folk it's harder for. Personally I think the lifestyle is so much better here. Lots will disagree though. Depends what you like out of life.

why do you want to move?

I have wanted to for a while. I went home for a year in 2005 then i came back with now husband to get my UK citizenship. On a 5 year plan! He is British. We thought we would be back by 2012 but dog lived longer than anyone thought.

The last 3 years have been tough emotionally and the pull stronger and stronger.

My parents don't really know my son and I don't want to regret it 5 years from now as I am not getting any younger and neither are they.

Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk

My husband is an Aussie who was in the UK with me for 8 years. Moved over in 05. Our son was born there and we moved back to Aus in 2013 when son was 5. Never looked back. Yes some things had changed but hubby adapted, got used to them and is very happy. So am I. Our son loves it. We moved and timed it so he didn't have to miss any school.

Tbh at such a young age I doubt your son will really miss school or mind doing a few days at kindy when he arrives here. They soon make friends and at that age of the family are together and happy then things will fall into place for him I am sure.

My husband is an Aussie who was in the UK with me for 8 years. Moved over in 05. Our son was born there and we moved back to Aus in 2013 when son was 5. Never looked back. Yes some things had changed but hubby adapted, got used to them and is very happy. So am I. Our son loves it. We moved and timed it so he didn't have to miss any school.

 

Tbh at such a young age I doubt your son will really miss school or mind doing a few days at kindy when he arrives here. They soon make friends and at that age of the family are together and happy then things will fall into place for him I am sure.

Thank you

The intention was to time it regarding school. I thought if he started prep with a group it would be easier on him even with the 6m break.

Your situation is v similar.

I guess it is just the monumental size of the decision.

Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk

Sounds like an itch you've got to scratch, no doubt things have changed since 2003, and no doubt you have too, but nothing has to be forever, why not give it a go, and in the end if you find you prefer life in the UK you'll be able to move back, it's hard work, be eminently doable, and in the meantime you'll be able to reconnect with Australia and your family.

Firstly, kids are adaptable, so I wouldn't worry too much about taking your son out of school and putting him into another. Easier said than done, though - we're about to make the return journey back to the UK with 9 and 11 year olds, and they've been the most relaxed about the move, whilst I'm worried sick! Of course we've not taken that big step and won't until July-ish, so I may eat my words on that! But certainly at 4 they would have been fine.

Secondly, try not to view your move as 'permanent'. It doesn't have to be, or it could be. Either way, you'll not know until you've tried. If you eventually end up back in the UK, what does it matter? You aren't failing at something, you're just trying something for size and are perfectly free to decide it isn't for you. In the meantime you will have given your child/your Australian family the chance to get to know each other, and that can only be good.

As for lifestyle, I'm not generally of the opinion that the lifestyle is better in one country or the other. You are what makes your lifestyle, and that can be good (or bad) in either country. If you are an outdoor, sporty family in the UK then you are most likely going to be here. If you aren't then a one way plane ticket won't change that. And so on, depending on your definition of a better lifestyle. You are likely to find that things have changed in the time you've been away. Things have changed hugely here in Sydney just in the eight years we've been here, Melbourne is likely to be changed too.

Have you spoken to your husband about potentially moving? You will need to be on the same page in this, as it can be a stressful time. Even if you think you are both on the same page you should talk about what happens if things go wrong, or if one of you loves it and the other can't settle. These are all possibilities, and I think that sorting thoughts out from the start is the best way to go.

I understand where you are coming from. My OH is Australian born and bred lived there for 26 years before moving out to the UK. They do think a lot about their childhood i.e. growing up country coastal on the beach everything was fun. Yes Australia has changed a lot since their childhood. However, on all the visits we have done to Australia (12 in total) I can completely see what they mean. It totally depends on what you are looking for. I always say it is a blessing and a curse to be lucky enough to live and work in more than one country. It's amazing to see the world but do you ever really feel settled and it is very easy to look back with rose tinted glasses.

I think you need to sit down and write out exactly what you want in life. For you and your family. What is the motivation for a move? What is really important to you? What would Australia offer that the UK couldn't? It's absolutely fine to say lifestyle (although with there will be a few people who argue the toss with you on here). You definitely do you have more time outside in Australia however don't forget that temperatures over 35 sometimes make it just as horrible to go out as as -5 is.

After 16 years in the UK we are moving to Australia this year. We looked in depth at both the UK and Australia. Didn't play each country off each other as it's ridiculous to do so, we just figured out where we think would be best for us as a family for now.

I wish you all the very best in your decision. Whatever you do it will be the right thing :-)

Thank you all for your comments.

Our biggest concern is that we don't want to be worse off if we move.

We are going to go out in may for a couple of weeks. Me to see if it is still what I want rather than a nostalgic view of my past. If as we suspect it is then husband will stay on to get work.

We have decided to only nine if one of us has a job to go to. My husbands work is so specialised that even of gone for a few months his employer will give him his job back here if needed. I am not so fortunate!!

Bring on may!

Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk

Hi,  what do you do for jobs, where will you live ?  Where do you live in the UK. I'm Australian and lived in Newcastle and then many years in Sydney in the eastern suburbs including bondi beach . I then moved to the UK and lived in London for 10 years and Cardiff for 6 years . I returned last year to Australia with my welsh husband and two year old son. I returned so that our son  could get to know his grandparents and extended family.  He adores being outside and Australia is a wonderful place for a two year old.  And on balance we don't regret moving back . It has been wonderful catching up with all my old friends and family and being able to swim in the sea for so many months of the year but I doubt we will stay more than a few years.  The truth is after living in the UK I'm am bored senseless living back in Oz , but that's not the main reason we probably won't stay. The faCT is the country has changed dramatically and I don't think  for the best.  It is ridiculously expensive, there is an arrogance here - I tire of hearING Australia is the best , we are best country to live in etc etc . People are obsessed with money, house prices etc. But the real deal for me is I don't wish my son to grow up in such a male dominated sexist , aggressive culture. I have found the level of violence and aggression here deeply disturbing . And then there's the racism . In some ways it's like going back to the fifties . Have a look at the inter national education tables , we are rapidly falling way behind. The truth is apart from the son and the sea I can't see why anyone would want to move here.

Thank you for your post - your experiences sound like my fears.

My DH works in aerospace and I work in management; both have really good jobs and DH employer are throwing a lot at him to stay (25% pay rise and flexible work so far). We live in South Manchester.

The primary reason for wanting to move is my family and the nostalgia of what I grew up with beach house camping etc; I don't want to regret anything but do wonder.

We are however going out for 3 weeks in May to really review things; I know it isn't like living there but as I havn't been back for 3 years I need to get a feel for things and understand everything such as commute, housing, jobs etc.  Will look at everything with open eyes.  However the negative on the UK is that they won't even approve 3 days leave for my 4yo son to come out and visit.  Although the schooling he is having is amazing.

Certainly one gripe is not getting even an automatic reply for any of the jobs we have applied for; not even a thanks but no thanks which is quite rude.

Does your husband want to move? Is he as keen? 

The pay rise he has been offered is great but money isn't everything.

Can't speak for everything but Melbourne has to be one of the most boring places in Australia! Coffee shops and man bags comes to mind. 

4 year old son will fit in anywhere, here there or Iraq, he doesn't care as long as he is fed and laughs! Do what you both have to do! 

Think carefully about your financies, you said ''you don't want to be worse off' but i think when making a move as big as this it will set you back financially for a while, there are a hell of a lot of costs involved in not just the actual ,move , but then setting yourself up once here. I think expecting to hop off a plane and live the life you are doing now with the fiancies you have now, from day 1 may leave you disheartened. It takes time to build things back up again .

Cal x

Agree with Cal re the finances. Migrating can mean a hit to the finances and you may well not be as well off in those early months/years.

FWIW, my husband is an Aussie who spent 8 years in the UK with me and we moved back to Aus with our son (then aged 5) and we have absolutely no regrets. We didn't leave the UK because we hated it or were fed up. We left on good terms to let our son experience life in Aus with us, get to know family and people here and more. We wanted a change and got on and did it. We don't have the same experiences perhaps as georgeanophalis in terms of the racism, violence, sexism or the obsessive culture. I see snippets of it from time to time of course but not that it impacts us directly or is a big negative for us to spoil our experience here long term. We live our life and are raising our child as we believe we should and hope we'll do a good job parenting wise so those negatives won't be something that he grows up experiencing directly nor behaving in such a negative way. I've found people just as obsessed with being on the housing ladder in the UK as they are here. There is less stigma to long term renting here I think looking at how freely is it discussed here whereas it never was with people I knew in the UK. That could well be a personal experience thing of course. For the rest, positives and negatives to both countries and just comes down to what you prefer and how you can live within it in whichever country and area you choose to settle. 

Our move has had lots of positives and we certainly don't have issues directly with what was raised above although accept that in some areas and places and people it happens, same as it can anywhere you live. We don't live in an overpriced area, find it more than affordable and compared to where we moved from the in UK, its actually cheaper for us here than there in terms of house prices etc. And we earn more here. All up, after 3 plus years here we are better off all round over the UK. 

I think moving with your son at the age he is and going into kindy here for 6 months is fine. I'd not overthink that. I am in the camp of primary school starts too early for kids in the UK and like its a bit later here. Kids, boys especially, like to be playing, moving around, not sitting still trying to focus for extended periods. Going into kindy here will be fine I am sure. We had a relative move back to Aus with his wife and child and they did the same and she loved going back into kindy for a while before stating school here. Kids don't view things like we do or worry as we might and its far more simple for them at that age. If he is having fun, enjoying his life, why worry if its in kindy or reception. Go with whatever the country you live in does and embrace it  

All up, I tend to think if you want to move you'll find a way even if it means a bit of a financial step back or sideways for a while. Where you choose to settle could play a big part in how well you settle or enjoy being back. We thankfully opted for a place where we had family and friends but also a place we really liked, that we could see ourselves living in and building a life. And not bored, finding it horrible or anything close to that. I've had 2 trips back to the UK in 3.5 years here and both times I've been very glad to come home to Aus. I've no desire or interest to be living in the UK at this point in time and a visit for a couple of weeks is enough. It did however need me to have moved here to realise that fully although I knew the year or two before we moved that I was ready to leave and to have another adventure in a new country. If it hadn't worked out here we'd have looked to NZ or Canada, not interested in returning to the UK to live tbh. Would rather move elsewhere than back there. So many amazing places to experience and embrace. 

On Friday, April 21, 2017 at 3:20 PM, Fjbeadle said:

1 hour ago, snifter said:

Agree with Cal re the finances. Migrating can mean a hit to the finances and you may well not be as well off in those early years

 

Our move has had lots of positives and we certainly don't have issues directly with what was raised above although accept that in some areas and places and people it happens, same as it can anywhere you live. We don't live in an overpriced area, find it more than affordable and compared to where we moved from the in UK, its actually cheaper for us here than there in terms of house prices etc. And we earn more here. All up, after 3 plus years here we are better off all round over here

Not sure where you live but in 3.5 yrs house prices in  Sydney are up by about 40% and the pound down by 30%. Melbourne not far behind. Your money would  not even go half as far today in those 2 cities.  Equally having just gone the other way my money is going to buy me a damn site better living than it would have done 3 yrs ago.

Timing is everything 

 

7 minutes ago, ScottieGirl said:

 

We don't live in either of those places. We lived in a pretty pricey area of England and compared to there, where we are in Aus is much better price wise. Of course, depending on if you are bringing money from a house sale either way can alter finances greatly.