Need to get this off my chest:
Situation is this,
Me and my husband lived in Oz for a couple of years with our son, a few years ago. Husband had partner visa as I am Australian. Things were great for as while, we had great jobs etc, lived near my family but not parents as they are still in UK. We left behind our 2 eldest at the time they weren't ready and backed out at the last minute, so we still went ahead. We made great friends and I was loving Aussie life again which I have missed so, so much.
I decided to move back to UK as it wasn't the same without our eldest 2. It was a very hard decision as I wanted to be back in Oz so much and I made the decision when I was feeling down. My husband said are you absolutely sure as once we tell family in UK that's it. As you can imagine, both our parents were ecstatic.
My husband has got a great job now and I have too. Our youngest son who is nearly 13 is in secondary school now, although he hates school here and in Oz, but that's just how he is.
My husband has got to build up his pension now in his new job which he has only been in since our return. His previous job in UK was the only other one he had which was for 23 years BUT HE DIDN'T PAY INTO A PENSION!
I haven't had the courage to go back to Oz even for a holiday as I was scared it would set me off again to move back again. But now I feel ready to go but I know it's going to be tough. We have booked our flights.
I have mentioned to my husband that I would like us to move back again in the future, perhaps when our son has left school as he would prefer to get a job, he did like it in Oz but I think secretly family in UK was influencing him it wasn't the country to live in etc etc.....
The trouble now is this: now that we are back in UK, and we live very close to his parents, my husband has said there is no way he will put his parents through us leaving again all the while they are alive. They are in there early 70's fit and healthy, although a few health problems along the way which are either sorted or being monitored. My parents on our return to UK said they would move to our area so they can spend more time with us too, so my mum, rather than my dad, would be distraught I'd we upped and moved again. There health is fine too.
I am totally and utterly devastated, I don't know what to think or say to my husband now. We still have our lives to lead too and should be able to live where we like. We all want our parents to live for ever and without question, I hope both of our parents live for a long time yet, BUT we are putting our lives on hold and I think it will be far too late to find jobs etc in the far future in Oz, if say, we did the move for example in 10 to 15 years time. I am already 47 so I feel like our or my dream has gone forever. My husband said when his parents are really no longer around, then he said it's a possibility but he wasn't confident about building up enough pension before retirement in Oz in the future. I understand it's 10 years residency to be entitled to a pension.
I think about moving back every day and I think this holiday we have booked has kick started my feelings again. He nearly cancelled the flights the other day as he said this will really affect me again.
When we lived in Oz, both our parents we the only ones out of our friends over there that never really supported us in the move, so what hope would we have now in my husband changed his mind too after our holiday later in the year.
I don't who is being the most selfish in this situation. I hate living in UK and wish I had not made the decision to come back when I was feeling low. Much husband said he would have stayed as he said we had good jobs, the reasons why we came back did not work out with certain family members and now I feel bitter and angry, we spent lots of money moving to Oz and moving back to UK too.
But who am I more angry at, the family member or my husband now, I just dont know!
We know it's a great life it's not Oz and that's all I want for the 3 of us and possibly our daughter, who is now nearly 26.
I feel now like i can't mention this again to my husband but I am scared I will start to resent his decision and him.
It's basically like waiting for a time bomb to go off but we don't know when, I am in absolute turmoil over my husbands decision.
AM I BEING SELFISH????