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    Thread: Dream is over!!


    1. #11

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      Quote Originally Posted by Quoll View Post
      To be quite frank, I do think you have made your bed and probably should lie in it. You made the decision to move back
      I have to agree with the above quote @Bubbly boo.

      I am the driving force in us moving back to the Uk next year and I know the pressure is going to be on for us all to settle, especially me and I wouldn’t expect my wife to be too happy/supportive if I then said I want to move back to OZ.

      Nowhere is perfect, I have finally realised this and I cant tell you how less stressed I fell accepting that I wont ever find it and just to stop searching for it and just enjoy the life that has the most important things in it for us as a family.

      Your husband might also be worried that you will get back to Oz and then want to leave there again…you left before and I imagine things will be the same but just seem better there…because you are here….and then vice versa.
      Last edited by wattsy1982; 15-02-2017 at 11:30 PM.


    2. #12

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      Why are you angry at other people? You seem to be the one who made the decision to leave. This was your idea not theirs. You do sound like you are being very selfish. Looks like people give in to you because you are likely to have a meltdown. If you don't pull yourself together you could lose everything.
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    3. #13

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      Quote Originally Posted by Quoll View Post
      To be quite frank, I do think you have made your bed and probably should lie in it. You made the decision to move back - you're not that young any more and Australia is quite ageist so getting a job when you are pushing 50 gets harder and harder the closer you get. You probably won't have a decent amount in a superannuation pot to have a comfortable retirement - they reckon 30-40 years in the workforce, contributing to super to get something that is vaguely comfortable. Living on an age pension is not comfortable and as it is means tested, you're likely to be living on very little if you did get it.

      So even if you ignore the pull of other family members you are getting a bit long in the tooth to try it again at least until you have retired and are comfortable with superannuation (and at least you are contributing to a fund now!).

      Sometimes you just have to draw a line and be done with it. If visiting Australia is going to set you back then don't go. Or as part of a compromise with your husband, perhaps an annual visit for you might be part of the deal. It certainly sounds like he was pretty clear when you made your initial decision and it sounds like it was your decision and he went along with it. You can't go through life looking backwards, if you do, you fall over.
      The voice of reason and commonsense ,strikes again ��

    4. #14

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      Quote Originally Posted by wattsy1982 View Post
      I have to agree with the above quote @Bubbly boo.

      I am the driving force in us moving back to the Uk next year and I know the pressure is going to be on for us all to settle, especially me and I wouldn’t expect my wife to be too happy/supportive if I then said I want to move back to OZ.

      Nowhere is perfect, I have finally realised this and I cant tell you how less stressed I fell accepting that I wont ever find it and just to stop searching for it and just enjoy the life that has the most important things in it for us as a family.

      Your husband might also be worried that you will get back to Oz and then want to leave there again…you left before and I imagine things will be the same but just seem better there…because you are here….and then vice versa.
      Bloody hell wattsy ,your wife sounds like mine ��......from someone who has done it ,its not all plain sailing I can assure .
      Just prepare yourself for it .....i have had to learn total self reliance ,even more than in oz .
      There are times over the last 20 years ,without my work ethic ,and equally my wife's work ethic and wisdom ,we wouldn't have made it .
      Being back home requires a different tool kit .....you wont have the homesickness obviosly ,but I think the u.k ,in the main ,is a tougher nut to crack

    5. #15

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      Quote Originally Posted by Bubbly boo View Post
      Need to get this off my chest:

      Situation is this,

      Me and my husband lived in Oz for a couple of years with our son, a few years ago. Husband had partner visa as I am Australian. Things were great for as while, we had great jobs etc, lived near my family but not parents as they are still in UK. We left behind our 2 eldest at the time they weren't ready and backed out at the last minute, so we still went ahead. We made great friends and I was loving Aussie life again which I have missed so, so much.

      I decided to move back to UK as it wasn't the same without our eldest 2. It was a very hard decision as I wanted to be back in Oz so much and I made the decision when I was feeling down. My husband said are you absolutely sure as once we tell family in UK that's it. As you can imagine, both our parents were ecstatic.

      My husband has got a great job now and I have too. Our youngest son who is nearly 13 is in secondary school now, although he hates school here and in Oz, but that's just how he is.

      My husband has got to build up his pension now in his new job which he has only been in since our return. His previous job in UK was the only other one he had which was for 23 years BUT HE DIDN'T PAY INTO A PENSION!

      I haven't had the courage to go back to Oz even for a holiday as I was scared it would set me off again to move back again. But now I feel ready to go but I know it's going to be tough. We have booked our flights.

      I have mentioned to my husband that I would like us to move back again in the future, perhaps when our son has left school as he would prefer to get a job, he did like it in Oz but I think secretly family in UK was influencing him it wasn't the country to live in etc etc.....

      The trouble now is this: now that we are back in UK, and we live very close to his parents, my husband has said there is no way he will put his parents through us leaving again all the while they are alive. They are in there early 70's fit and healthy, although a few health problems along the way which are either sorted or being monitored. My parents on our return to UK said they would move to our area so they can spend more time with us too, so my mum, rather than my dad, would be distraught I'd we upped and moved again. There health is fine too.

      I am totally and utterly devastated, I don't know what to think or say to my husband now. We still have our lives to lead too and should be able to live where we like. We all want our parents to live for ever and without question, I hope both of our parents live for a long time yet, BUT we are putting our lives on hold and I think it will be far too late to find jobs etc in the far future in Oz, if say, we did the move for example in 10 to 15 years time. I am already 47 so I feel like our or my dream has gone forever. My husband said when his parents are really no longer around, then he said it's a possibility but he wasn't confident about building up enough pension before retirement in Oz in the future. I understand it's 10 years residency to be entitled to a pension.

      I think about moving back every day and I think this holiday we have booked has kick started my feelings again. He nearly cancelled the flights the other day as he said this will really affect me again.

      When we lived in Oz, both our parents we the only ones out of our friends over there that never really supported us in the move, so what hope would we have now in my husband changed his mind too after our holiday later in the year.

      I don't who is being the most selfish in this situation. I hate living in UK and wish I had not made the decision to come back when I was feeling low. Much husband said he would have stayed as he said we had good jobs, the reasons why we came back did not work out with certain family members and now I feel bitter and angry, we spent lots of money moving to Oz and moving back to UK too.

      But who am I more angry at, the family member or my husband now, I just dont know!

      We know it's a great life it's not Oz and that's all I want for the 3 of us and possibly our daughter, who is now nearly 26.

      I feel now like i can't mention this again to my husband but I am scared I will start to resent his decision and him.

      It's basically like waiting for a time bomb to go off but we don't know when, I am in absolute turmoil over my husbands decision.

      AM I BEING SELFISH????

      Xxx
      Read some of the wise posts below ....iam afraid " you have made your bed ,and you have to lie in it " .....trust me ,you will NOT be happy in with place.

      Let me give you a true story ....i was on a housing estate in the west miss last week ..I got talking to the householder ,he had just come back from 5 years on the gold coast .
      I made the mistake as we stood there in the cold of asking " why " ....and he said he had everything ....but he was lonely and missed his family and the nightlife and buzz in the UK .
      He's not the story though , his mate came back to the u.k at roughly the same time from the gold coast ...within 3 months ,he said he had enough of the u.k ....hated it ....and went back to the gold coast ...end of story ?.....NO ..he now cant settle on the gold coast and is coming home for good ...BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

    6. #16

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      Guess in the end people matter more than places and if your people are happy in the uk and you are happy with your people- its a no-brainer.

    7. #17

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      I think some of the posts are a little unkind. True you may have to accept UK future as the most realistic prospect and to try to enjoy the good parts of it for what it is. I still feel sympathy for you though. It's a rock and a hard place but you will only drive yourself mad dwelling on it. ( I say this as the wife of an Aussie who is and always has been desperately unhappy in the UK - we are moving later this year but in reality should've moved 10 yrs ago but events conspired against us. My husband feels like he has wasted his life ....I do try to remind him that he's not totally ancient at 36!!)
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    8. #18

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      Quote Originally Posted by Bound4Tassie View Post
      I think some of the posts are a little unkind. True you may have to accept UK future as the most realistic prospect and to try to enjoy the good parts of it for what it is. I still feel sympathy for you though. It's a rock and a hard place but you will only drive yourself mad dwelling on it. ( I say this as the wife of an Aussie who is and always has been desperately unhappy in the UK - we are moving later this year but in reality should've moved 10 yrs ago but events conspired against us. My husband feels like he has wasted his life ....I do try to remind him that he's not totally ancient at 36!!)
      36 is a mere pup! (Same age as me!)

      I also think some of the posts are a little harsh but I agree with the main points. Emotionally and financially moving north and south is costly and stressful. There needs to come a time when enough is enough or you may be paying the consequences further down the line. If I had to plan a move back in my mid forties I'd be a little concerned to be honest from a finanicial point of view.
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    9. #19

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      Quote Originally Posted by bunbury61 View Post
      Bloody hell wattsy ,your wife sounds like mine ��......from someone who has done it ,its not all plain sailing I can assure .
      Just prepare yourself for it .....i have had to learn total self reliance ,even more than in oz .
      There are times over the last 20 years ,without my work ethic ,and equally my wife's work ethic and wisdom ,we wouldn't have made it .
      Being back home requires a different tool kit .....you wont have the homesickness obviosly ,but I think the u.k ,in the main ,is a tougher nut to crack
      Why do you say that?

    10. #20

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      I decided to move back to UK as it wasn't the same without our eldest 2. It was a very hard decision as I wanted to be back in Oz so much and I made the decision when I was feeling down.

      You don't sound like you are in a great place now either. So why would this decision be the right one?

     

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