A warning to all

Gosh what a nightmare you have lived through! I don't know what to say other than in glad you have survived and I hope that your health continues to improve as you have all the support you need around you! Your warning is timely though and it is devastating when people discover that they've lost their freedom due to the HC! I hope it all works out well for you!

Gosh what a nightmare you have lived through! I don't know what to say other than in glad you have survived and I hope that your health continues to improve as you have all the support you need around you! Your warning is timely though and it is devastating when people discover that they've lost their freedom due to the HC! I hope it all works out well for you!

Believe me this is the watered down version for the sake of brevity. I can't escape the nightmare because a small child is involved. I am grateful that i didn't give into pressure and return to Oz as I would have been trapped there as I would never have left my daughter. Divorce is another nightmare when one party is in England and one in Oz and when one party will not accept any responsibility.

I'm so very sorry - I can't understand how they an agree to child visitations on the other side of the world - who pays for this and the risk he could abduct is so high.

Keep your chin up and stay strong as your health comes first. Lets hope some logic comes about and someone in the authorities can see the damage this is doing (let along the financial costs).

Sending you love and strength xxx

It sounds as though you and your husband have had a terrible few years. It is good that you have been able to mediate so that your child can have some sort of relationship with his/her father in the future too.

The whole thing sounds like a total nightmare for all of you. Hope you come to some sort of resolution soon.

I would imagine there is another version of this story out there, which paints this relationship breakdown in a very different light. Your husband supported his family while you were bedridden and he was struggling with employment instability. Eventually going to Australia for work and to improve your multiple health issues. You then failed to settle and demanded to return to the UK for a short period. This short period became a long period and he felt compelled to invoke the HC to see his child, because he had already shown that finding employment in Europe wasn't happening so he couldn't return. Eventually you were legally forced to allow the child see their father, but you continued to claim that he was about to abduct him/her until he/she was returned as expected.

I'm sorry that your relationship broke down, and I hope your child manages to maintain a good relationship with their father. I also hope your multiple health issues improve

I would imagine there is another version of this story out there, which paints this relationship breakdown in a very different light. Your husband supported his family while you were bedridden and he was struggling with employment instability. Eventually going to Australia for work and to improve your multiple health issues. You then failed to settle and demanded to return to the UK for a short period. This short period became a long period and he felt compelled to invoke the HC to see his child, because he had already shown that finding employment in Europe wasn't happening so he couldn't return. Eventually you were legally forced to allow the child see their father, but you continued to claim that he was about to abduct him/her until he/she was returned as expected.

 

I'm sorry that your relationship broke down, and I hope your child manages to maintain a good relationship with their father. I also hope your multiple health issues improve

Rob from Dublin

Are you in a mixed marriage where one of you is Australian and the other British? I am and I know how this lady feels. I am trapped for the foreseeable in Australia because I gave in to my husband's homesickness and relocated my family to the other side of the world, leaving behind my very supportive family for very disfunctional in-laws. Now I can't move until my kids are through high school/uni. I have taken anti-depressants since about 3 months after moving here (8 years ago) and don't think I will ever be able to come off them while living here as, try as I might, I just don't really like it here and find it hard to fit in. My husband never had to resort to medication for depression in the 15 years that he lived in the UK.

Yes, I acknowledge that there are two sides to every story but I don't think this lady needs you acting as judge and jury on her situation.

"My grandson missed the first term in reception . He was also a late August birthday. We found the school to be excellent in offering extra support and his mum did a huge amount of work with him at home. He's doing fine despite missing that term and huge turmoil in his life as Dad is Australian and refuses to return to the Uk. Many broken promises "

I just find it strange that in September last year you were posting about a grandson(see above) and now you have a young daughter?

Yes I'm in a mixed marriage with kids.

Just pointing out that she's written everything to invoke sympathy for her and painting him in a bad light. I'm not judging her, I just reworded the facts she gave us in a different way. Father's rights are often glossed over as being somehow dispensable, when I (naturally) feel like they should not be. Financial implications bedamned, a dad should be able to see his child.

Yes I'm in a mixed marriage with kids.

 

Just pointing out that she's written everything to invoke sympathy for her and painting him in a bad light. I'm not judging her, I just reworded the facts she gave us in a different way. Father's rights are often glossed over as being somehow dispensable, when I (naturally) feel like they should not be. Financial implications bedamned, a dad should be able to see his child.

You didn't give facts. You gave your version/take of a side of the story we have not heard and therefore cannot comment on.

Lets not drag this thread off into that please.

Thanks in advance.

"My grandson missed the first term in reception . He was also a late August birthday. We found the school to be excellent in offering extra support and his mum did a huge amount of work with him at home. He's doing fine despite missing that term and huge turmoil in his life as Dad is Australian and refuses to return to the Uk. Many broken promises "

 

I just find it strange that in September last year you were posting about a grandson(see above) and now you have a young daughter?

Again, lets not get into this sort of thing in someone else's thread. Its rude and uncalled for.

Move on please. Or take it to PM.

Thanks in advance.

Believe me this is the watered down version for the sake of brevity. I can't escape the nightmare because a small child is involved. I am grateful that i didn't give into pressure and return to Oz as I would have been trapped there as I would never have left my daughter. Divorce is another nightmare when one party is in England and one in Oz and when one party will not accept any responsibility.

I became trapped, so glad that you did not. As a domestic violence survivor I have been bringing up my children 100% on my own. However, it is what it is and I have beautiful kids and have made a life here.

It worries me when I see women move here and marry an Australian with little or no idea of the consequences if the relationship breaks down, or if they are subject to violence.

Good on you.

"My grandson missed the first term in reception . He was also a late August birthday. We found the school to be excellent in offering extra support and his mum did a huge amount of work with him at home. He's doing fine despite missing that term and huge turmoil in his life as Dad is Australian and refuses to return to the Uk. Many broken promises "

 

I just find it strange that in September last year you were posting about a grandson(see above) and now you have a young daughter?

I have a very good ex[planation for this but would prefer to do it in a private message.

Exactly why I wrote it, because most people are unaware of the Hague. I also find some comfort in knowing that there are other people out there who have experienced similar. I was never subject to physical violence but mental torture and harassment on a daily basis which totally destroyed my confidnece

This is a general reply with some thoughts - nothing is directed at all at the original poster, who makes valid points in her post which are all relative to her own personal story and circumstances on which nobody can comment.

Generally, I think there is always more to consider with 'mixed marriages' especially when one of you leaves your home country to move elsewhere. I think it's up to you as an individual to weigh up all the pros and cons of moving your children, that is your responsibility. Watching programmes like Wanted Down Under does not give you a realistic view of what life is really like in Australia, and there are so many variables within emigration, like whether you do emigrate with working rights and/or whether you have the right personality to deal with whatever life throws at you and to remain positive. Also everyone's circumstances are different and there is no one size fits all emigration story.

I also think the HC is a fantastic piece of legislation, and places the child at the centre of the process which is undeniably the most important thing. I understand about the whole potential for the parent who remains abroad to abduct the child, but taking a child back to the UK from a life that has been established abroad is pretty much the same thing. Australian Law is actually quite clear on this, and if the child is established and settled within Australia, then the UK parent does not have an automatic right to simply up sticks and take the child back to the UK. Children are not chattels and for this reason, emigration needs to be carefully considered. We are all adults, and we need to all take responsibility for our decisions, that ultimately affect our children. This would be the same if we moved from London to Edinburgh, let alone to the other side of the world.

I think open and honest dialogue with your partner is also crucial in these circumstances.

Timings are also crucial - you cannot move to a new country and expect everything to be hunky dory in a few months. I know people who have gone to Australia and given themselves two years to settle, and then making a decision whether to remain at that point. Many I know have said anything less than two years is simply not enough to give a new life a chance. Starting from scratch somewhere will always be difficult and I think any emigrant partners need to be aware of these challenges and be up for them.

Any emigration is a risk but it's how you prepare yourself for those risks and attempt to take actions to mitigate the risks which ultimately will dictate how successful (or otherwise) your emigration will be.

I would add that nothing is ever as easy as it seems!!!

That's unfortunate, and complicated. Hope it works out.

B

Like to leave this now and ask for no further posts on it. It has simply awoken old hurts for me.

Rob from Dublin

 

Are you in a mixed marriage where one of you is Australian and the other British? I am and I know how this lady feels. I am trapped for the foreseeable in Australia because I gave in to my husband's homesickness and relocated my family to the other side of the world, leaving behind my very supportive family for very disfunctional in-laws. Now I can't move until my kids are through high school/uni. I have taken anti-depressants since about 3 months after moving here (8 years ago) and don't think I will ever be able to come off them while living here as, try as I might, I just don't really like it here and find it hard to fit in. My husband never had to resort to medication for depression in the 15 years that he lived in the UK.

 

Yes, I acknowledge that there are two sides to every story but I don't think this lady needs you acting as judge and jury on her situation.

so sorry to hear this loopylu. I'll be in the same boat next year and I'm pretty scared. Hope you find some happy x

 

I also think the HC is a fantastic piece of legislation, and places the child at the centre of the process which is undeniably the most important thing. I understand about the whole potential for the parent who remains abroad to abduct the child, but taking a child back to the UK from a life that has been established abroad is pretty much the same thing. Australian Law is actually quite clear on this, and if the child is established and settled within Australia, then the UK parent does not have an automatic right to simply up sticks and take the child back to the UK. Children are not chattels and for this reason, emigration needs to be carefully considered. We are all adults, and we need to all take responsibility for our decisions, that ultimately affect our children. This would be the same if we moved from London to Edinburgh, let alone to the other side of the world.

 

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I think the problem is that the way the process is viewed in UK and Australia is quite different. In Australia, if the other parent is even a total dropkick but says "no" then the court will not allow a child to leave and personally I have seen far too much power play in my time to think that the FC decision making is always a good thing. In the UK the other parent can make a case for removal and all things are weighed up and a decision made and compromises agreed - that, to me, seems a more humane option than the blanket NO you can't go. It's not as if Australia is the only place in the world that a child can have a decent upbringing. In general though, it would be good if all countries were HC signatories but, sadly, they're not.

Yes, I do speak as one half of a mixed marriage - thankfully we never had to consider the option of splitting the family but I do get where the alien one comes from, it's not always easy even when it is harmonious.

This is a general reply with some thoughts - nothing is directed at all at the original poster, who makes valid points in her post which are all relative to her own personal story and circumstances on which nobody can comment.

 

Generally, I think there is always more to consider with 'mixed marriages' especially when one of you leaves your home country to move elsewhere. I think it's up to you as an individual to weigh up all the pros and cons of moving your children, that is your responsibility. Watching programmes like Wanted Down Under does not give you a realistic view of what life is really like in Australia, and there are so many variables within emigration, like whether you do emigrate with working rights and/or whether you have the right personality to deal with whatever life throws at you and to remain positive. Also everyone's circumstances are different and there is no one size fits all emigration story.

 

I also think the HC is a fantastic piece of legislation, and places the child at the centre of the process which is undeniably the most important thing. I understand about the whole potential for the parent who remains abroad to abduct the child, but taking a child back to the UK from a life that has been established abroad is pretty much the same thing. Australian Law is actually quite clear on this, and if the child is established and settled within Australia, then the UK parent does not have an automatic right to simply up sticks and take the child back to the UK. Children are not chattels and for this reason, emigration needs to be carefully considered. We are all adults, and we need to all take responsibility for our decisions, that ultimately affect our children. This would be the same if we moved from London to Edinburgh, let alone to the other side of the world.

 

I think open and honest dialogue with your partner is also crucial in these circumstances.

 

Timings are also crucial - you cannot move to a new country and expect everything to be hunky dory in a few months. I know people who have gone to Australia and given themselves two years to settle, and then making a decision whether to remain at that point. Many I know have said anything less than two years is simply not enough to give a new life a chance. Starting from scratch somewhere will always be difficult and I think any emigrant partners need to be aware of these challenges and be up for them.

 

Any emigration is a risk but it's how you prepare yourself for those risks and attempt to take actions to mitigate the risks which ultimately will dictate how successful (or otherwise) your emigration will be.

We have seen many cases on here over the years in which the HC has shown to be a terrible thing.

I agree, Very Stormy. When I was still living at home with my parents in the UK in the 90s we had a lady move in over the road with her twin girls. She was British but had married an Australian, lived there and her girls were born there. Her husband sexually abused the girls and was violent. She moved from mainland Australia to Tasmania to hide from him but he tracked them down so in desperation she "abducted" her girls and brought them back to the UK, not to live near her parents in East Anglia but somewhere else to make it harder for him to find them. Anyway, after a couple of years he tracked them down, had his wife arrested and she was forced by the UK courts to return to Australia with the girls so that a decision could be made there about where the girls should live. Eventually, the courts in Australia came to their senses and acknowledged that the husband should not have access to the girls and let the family return to the UK. It was very disruptive for the children and probably dragged up abuse that they were trying to move on from.... In my view, it should have been dealt with in the UK but thems the rules unfortunately....

I'm sorry to hear about the OP's situation. It sounds incredibly complicated and runs far deeper then a simple AUS/UK or any other different nationality relationship, as clearly there are mental and physical health issues in addition to interpersonal relationship issues with her ex partner. Hopefully everything works out well for the child though, that is what it's important.

My wife and I are from different countries and at the moment she is living in Australia whilst I am back working in the UK, so life can be incredibly complicated and takes an enormous amount of effort and commitment, but sometimes it can go beyond what is manageable.